Urban Poly Princess

I DIDN'T pass my safety check-there's an assortment of things wrong with my car. It will cost between 450-550 to get it passed. I feel sick. I wouldn't be able to do this without my 401k loan I took or my money returned from the last credit counseling payment. I stopped at work to see if my check was there. It was so I went to deposit it in the bank. I was pulled over for speeding or going 38 in a 25 zone. I had my sunglasses on and I finally snapped. I just started crying and I couldn't stop. The police officer felt sorry for psycho girl who left her new temporary registration at home BUT at least my insurance was with me. I didn't have my license with me either and the bank would close in an hour. I couldn't believe that happened to me. I was a complete basket case. He decided just to give me a ticket for driving without my license that he said I just had to go and show them my license for and I would be o.k.-Maybe I needed to cry like that. I felt better after. I get to leave my car there Monday morning. I'll go and see who can help me at work Monday morning. I feel both blessed and cursed. I DON'T like drama but it seems to find me no matter what I do or don't.

Sooo I was able to do what I needed without anyone's help BUT it made me think of what I really want AND I think I've done everything I'm supposed to do-I know what I want and I know what I'm worth AND these little cultural things that keep jolting me ARE REALLY important to me. It would NOT have taken my friend very much to help me AND he still didn't. I'm done and I don't care if I never sleep again right now. If this is supposed to happen it's going to take a miracle and I'm sooo done waiting for it to MAYBE manifest itself. My blessings are my blessings and I'm sure there are other men out there that have lived their lives the way they should-MAYBE it'll just be in the next life. I'm not making this ugly because I don't hate him-actually I love him but I don't want to and I can get over this which is what's happening now.

I was annoyed by my friend's excuse-Sooo I decided to do as much as I could myself B4 asking someone else for help. I WALKED to the bus stop which really wasn't bad. It's a beautiful day AND not that sweltering hot I haaate. I started calling the bus people since the number was displayed to find out how long I had to wait. As I was talking on the phone the bus was there that took me a block from the insurance company I found online and spoke to some lady about. Insurance was 54 a month and I'll save even more if I go back within 30 days and pay for 6 months. It's less than 300 for that-I'll definitely do it if my safety check goes through. I was paying 167 EVERY MONTH. MAJOR savings I would not have known about if I didn't get nabbed by the police. Instead of catching the bus I walk the 3 blocks to the Cache County building where I get my impound release after showing them proof of insurance and paying $142. The insurance lady told me about the impound lot costing around $400. I am NOT happy since I had the garnishment on my check of about $300. I also had a negative hit from going to SLC and paying those stupid parking fees. I knew I'd owe about 150 plus 20 for overdraft. Of course I hadn't counted on the 300 garnishment. Sooo I am thinking I'll JUST have enough to get my car out but with a little over a hundred left AND nothing for rent OR tithing. Credit counseling owes me 300 AND my 401k loan will put a little over a thousand in my bank. Immediately after getting my car and paying only 267!!! I go to Stevens-Henager to see if my $300 check is there so I can at least pay my tithing. NOOO it isn't so I look at my account to see how much is left and how I'm going to swing my tithing at least AND there is a deposit for over a thousand made today. My mother received my 401k check and called my brother to deposit it in my account!!! LIFE IS VERY GOOD!!! And I can pay my rent AND my tithing. I hope I don't have major repairs for my safety check either. I'm going to make cashier's checks for my rent AND tithing to get the money out of there. I think I'll also drop by that repair shop to get my safety check done. I'm sooo happy I can just do homework, clean, AND figure out my next move with bankruptcy court. This attorney called me because I filled something out online. He wants to charge me $900. Hell to the NOOO-I was just trying to get information online. U can file it yourself if you make sure all the Ts are crossed and Is R dotted. Time to go to the public library and figure out how to do that. Homework can be done now without that annoying irritation going on at the back of my mind. It was surprisingly easy getting my car out of the impound and catching the bus. If I hadn't gone to FHE that one time I wouldn't know where to catch it or figure out which one went to the impound lot. I caught the bus twice today and the first time I waited less than 5 mins. The second bus took about 8 minutes. Weird but nice. If I was in SLC I would've been on the phone calling people to pick me up. It was very nice to get everything done myself!!!

I knew it was too good to be true. I met with Lynn Lemon which went very well. I know I impressed him but I also know he was very concerned with what Marsha Herron thought which probably isn't good for me since I don't think she likes me for the job. I hope he talks to the Logan library director Robert Shupe. I'm pretty sure I impressed him enough that he'll give me a good recommendation. I'm leaving it in the hands of my Father in Heaven although that doesn't mean I can't encourage Robert Shupe to talk to him and give him a good recommendation for me. On my way back to work I was pulled over. Since my registration AND insurance R bad, my car was impounded. I called my old insurance agent and he didn't call me back at all so I'm getting a new one here in Logan. That's the first thing I need to do then I need to get a temporary registration card before I go to the office to get a release letter I then get to take to the impound lot where I get to pay them more money before my car is released. When I survive that I get to see a bankruptcy attorney and get filed already. My work is already taking the garnishment from my check. Although my money doesn't hit my account before tomorrow at 9am, I can already see the amount and it is 300 less then it should be. The credit counseling payment was taken already. I should be receiving two credit counseling payments by now. That check along with my loan check should be here already!!! One thing's for sure, I NEED IT NOW!!! So I REALLY feel like crap-I am an emotional wreck BUT I know this is because I'm almost done my MBA, I almost have my damn finances in order FINALLY AND I may B starting a new part time job soon. There are lots of blessings in store for me but there are also lots of stumbling blocks. This is just business as usual so I don't know why I can't handle it better. I want some diet Dr. Pepper BUT I'm not walking to the damn store to get it and I don't want it bad enough to walk and get it. I would DRIVE and get it however if I could. I asked my friend to help me tomorrow if he can. I'm REALLY going to try to be alright with it if he can't. I know I need to be reasonable. I'm just not feeling reasonable at all right now.

I spent the ENTIRE DAY yesterday perfecting a sign about ProQuest our corporate visitor felt we needed in EVERY classroom and public area. That doesn't sound difficult BUT-AFTER finding art/an ad APPROVED by ProQuest there is a space available to customize that DOESN'T follow standard margins so I had to space the text just exactly right. My director wanted the ProQuest logo in a space on the sign sooo after finding one online I got to size it just right. The logo had to be closer to the text but no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't move closer sooo I printed each sheet of paper 3x - first with the "ad-ready" copy I found online, then with the logo, AND FINALLY with the customized text. That still doesn't sound very difficult BUT after first printing the ad copy the paper edge curled MEANING I had to place the printed copies under a heavy textbook to try to flatten the paper. The curled edges meant I wasted A LOT of paper AND the printer kept getting stuck because of it. I FINALLY tried alternating blank paper with my flattened ads. This worked although I ended up wasting a lot of blank paper first. BUUUT the signs look perfect now AND are hung in EVERY classroom. I told my boss about the Cache Valley Library Director position and she seemed alright with me applying-ALTHOUGH I did mention what an asset it would be to Stevens-Henager College to have me there AND that it was a perfect WIN/WIN situation. I went to see the current Director Marsha Herron who actually attended our last Cache Valley Library Association Meeting at the Logan library. She didn't seem too thrilled with the idea of me applying to be the new Director but I mentioned to her that I was completing my MBA in a couple months. Sooo this will REALLY B a good thing. Marsha told me if I wanted to apply I should see Lynn Lemon. I looked him up and he is the Cache County executive. I looove public positions because I can find out exactly how much they earn and he earns 132,000 a year. Marsha's position isn't posted. Shawn Bliss the bookmobile librarian is who told me about the opportunity. The state library in SLC offers MANY training opportunities especially for Directors. I would looove to join in that AND it's FREE!!! Plus Sara AND Cheryl Mansen my old reference teacher at Emporia work there. Cheryl gave me an A and is THE REASON why I got a substitute librarian job when I was STILL in library school. I called Lynn Lemon's secretary and set up a meeting with him for 3:30pm. I REALLY want this to work!!! The American Library Association Conference is in Anaheim this year and is next month. If I can get Cache County to pay for that it would be perfect too. I'd also get them to pay for my MPLA and PLA-the Mountain Plains Library Association AND the Public Library Association. The training I receive will be especially valuable for me as a begin as a new director. Of course I need to get the job first. I wonder if this county executive is any relation to Sharla. I'm going to find out. Then, I get to construct a budget of how I would like to spend money for the library for the next 5 years. Loving life right now ALTHOUGH there is still sooo much to do-I have an exciting weekend planned DOING homework!!!

It's nice to feel awake and not awful. I wish I could report that I woke up at 6am, did Zumba then followed that with a healthy breakfast I cooked myself before jumping in the shower and getting ready for work. NOOO that didn't happen. I DID wake up at 6am, laid there for 25 minutes before walking like a zombie into the shower after which I went to Maverick and bought a fountain Diet Dr. Pepper, went through the Carl's JR drivethrough for a couple of bacon, egg and cheese biscuits. AND now here I am at work waiting for the corporate lady to check my library out. This is the 2nd person corporate has sent to C if we're ready. I think it's several years of penalties if we don't pass which is why they R so worried about it. I'm ready. Bring it on!!! I'm going to also set up my laptop so I can finish and turn in the stuff I need to turn in. I am focused on finishing my program. MBA just land in my lap now!!! A LOT of writing but I looove that stuff!!!-I just wish it was done. I need to figure out the steps I need to take to declare bankruptcy-that sucks but I need to do it. FINALLY I'm going to call the current Director of the Cache Valley County Library in Providence, ask her about her hours and when exactly she plans on leaving. I am more than ready to make over 55,000 a year and adding that would let me do that AND I wouldn't have to take a crappy job I don't enjoy that'll pay probably just a little over 10 an hour to supplement my income. It'll mean staying in Cache Valley another 2 years but extra money will cushion that blow. Socially I don't have a clue what the hell I'm supposed to do-B4 I knew my friend AT ALL I nabbed him checking me out which is why I even bothered to get a closer look. I liked what I saw EXCEPT when he mentioned school I thought he was an undergraduate. I DID NOT like that. I DO know what I need to know now AND although I definitely know he's far from perfect-I can write volumes on that-BUT he could probably do the same sooo I won't-he is what I want AND he has more than his fair share of divine approval-that is good but it sucks too Bcause I can't argue or rationalize that away. I am completely gone now AND I would like to ignore this, argue it AND rationalize it away Bcause I HAAATE not Bing in control of this!!!

David has commented on my sarcasm several times. That is something I've always tried to work on but apparently I have a long way to go. I don't like sarcasm. It runs counter to sincerity and I want to be sincere. He didn't point it out the many times he has to be snarky or mean. It was just acknowledged. I'm not sure how to stop this. I guess being aware is the first step.