Urban Poly Princess

I have to try because the alternative is unacceptable. Unless I do everything I can I won't know whatever occurs is how it should be. Byu has a position at their law library I will apply for tomorrow. I hate Utah valley even if my brother lives in walking distance to the law school. Orem public library also has a paraproffessional position that pays well too. I am going to apply for it as well tomorrow. Sirsidynix hasn't emailed me yet and I saw the position posted again. This has been the longest process ever.

I couldn't help myself, I had to comment on Darcys privilege post. She has no idea what it means. I hope she reads more and gets what the hell people mean when they say to check your privilege. There are 2 links to help people identify if they have privilege and she was offended by them when they aren't offensive and just prove what she is trying to say exists. She feels that way because she is oblivious to it. I'm not because I am often reminded that I don't have white privilege.

Interview 109: at least it feels that way. I am sick of Trying. Today the supervisor told me he doesn't think I'll stay if he hires me. I told him libraries are open until 9 pm and it shouldn't be a problem. There is a law librarian position at but and I remember when once I couldn't bring myself to apply there. Now I want to and now I will. I am such a crybaby. I need money now. I just don't get it. What do I have to do? Today this white girl complaining about people telling her to check her privilege. I didn't want to get in and argument with her because she spouted off about how her family had to struggle and overcome things. That isn't what privilege is at all. It is recognizing the  advantages you enjoy through no effort of your own. It is the barrier I face when anyone comes across my resume just because my name isn't Mary Smith and I definitely don't look like one.

My mother said she doesn't blame them if they don't hired me.

Damn auto correct.

I am going to remember and go see a movie tonight at the Gateway since it's close. I have that gift card burning a hole in my pocket. I went to my interview with Zaniac. I met with Tom - he is very nice and I like the atmosphere of the school. I decided beforehand if I was going to work at this job I'd only do it if it paid 45,000 minimum. It starts between 30 and 40,000. There is no way in hell I'm going to work full-time somewhere if it doesn't pay enough. This is a job that would take all of my time to do.

It starts at noon. Actually I should have stayed with it BUUUT it is such a huge commitment and I don't really want to get into it if I just leave. I like that they value creativity. That is nice. I think I should have let them consider me now that I think about it. At least I would've enjoyed it until the job I really want comes along.

That wasn't very wise although it does take up a lot of evenings and I need those free. Elwood staffing called me to interview tomorrow with some company that follows up on sub-contractors completing building maintenance work, billing this correctly and then following up on the work too. I could do it. It pays $13 an hour but the hours are ideal or 6am - 2:30pm -A job just for money makes this perfect and it is in Sandy so A LOT closer than Lehi. Make more money AND keep more money since I don't have to pay as much on gas.

Teancum is amazing. He bore his testimony with so much power and authority. The spirit was so strong. He was and is incredible. Sooo NOT my type BUT way better than anyone else in my ward. While he attends activities I haven't seen him in the temple.

If I could stand the physical even a little bit it would be over. He hasn't gone to graduate school but that doesn't matter because he is very very great. He is Filipino Okinawan and just looks like a large Filipino man. I have no doubt he will be an incredible father and husband. What an incredible man. I hope and pray he finds someone worthy of him. I wish I could see a life with him but I can't. I would go for Uai before him and it is purely physical. I can see that clearly but it still isn't enough for me to go there.

Why is it such a force? Why do I even care how someone looks,?

I wrote yesterday I was interviewing today. No actually that is tomorrow or Monday. I am going to make fried noodles for my appetizer today.

Today is fast Sunday and again I didn't prepare like I wanted to do. I am grateful for all my interviews but it is more than time for me to be hired. I hate church only because I have to fend off the sweet ladies who are going to ask me how I'm doing and if I found a job yet. Love it and hate it at the same time. I am doing everything I can so now I have to exercise faith. I have to work as if everything depends on me then pray and have faith as though all depends on my father in heaven because it does. It always does and with him I have hope. I don't know why I lost it so badly last week. I was such a B. I don't feel like I am in the depths of despair like I did. There is no difference. My account is still negative and now I have 25 in cash left. I really hope I don't have to close my account but whatever happens I will deal with it. There are other banks out there even if I really like this one. I am so fortunate I can live at home with my mother. I am grateful for that. I feel like time is running out for me to get to know other people but I also know I am gorgeous and that goes a long way in this world whether it should or not.

I know my strengths and weaknesses and that allows me to work on or exploit these. I am so grateful for repentance so I can become better.

Last night I went to the Fiefia's graduation party along with their cousin Chase who graduated from Stanford. It was nicely done. Kaho was complaining because he graduated 3 years ago but it celebrated his older brother Sii who just completed a master degree in education and his younger brother Doug who I used to mentor. They are all amazing and it was a very nice Tongan party. The pictures are so cool they had taken of each of them wearing their academic robes together. They had a slide show and their family members shared a synopsis of their academic career.

They completely feel like my family and there is no way in hell I could have anything with any of them. Funny I really like their mother. That was unexpected but it is true. I got to know her better when her husband was in my Tongan YSA ward bishopric. I love them and I wish them all the best. I saw 2 of my very good friends - Lome and Kina - I mentored Kina's son Ila. She told me all my mentees are now married - namely Ila and Doug - I can't believe I've known them since they were 9 years old. Salome was my best friend when I moved to Utah years ago.

This morning at the temple I was working the new name issue booth when they suddenly had more sisters than they expected. They needed someone to work the 10am session about minutes before 10 so I agreed to do it. They only had 2 followers but I was the third they needed. I saw a bunch of Logan girls from my old ward in the session - Nikki, Jessica, Jonni, the Fridal twins Bonnie and Becky and Liz White. Jonni told me they stayed over last night somewhere. It was nice to see them although I was dead. I finished at 1:30 when I am usually done by 10:30 -11am.

There is a part time customer service position I am interviewing for tomorrow. I like it because it is part time and I don't mind stupid jobs just for money if they allow me to still interview for positions I really want. I don't like that it's in Lehi but we'll see. It pays $11 an hour and is 25 hours a week. My Zaniac interview is Tuesday in Sugarhouse. I am grateful for all of these interviews but I also remain frustrated.