My morning is still in hell.

Bishop drove through Centerville last night because he hoped Target there was still open so he could return something. We didn't get back until almost midnight. I wake up with my phone on the bed and I must've turned off the alarm although I can't remember it. I got ready in 10 minutes with a plan in my head to go to Carl's Jr. for breakfast. That plan is derailed because I'm on autopilot when I drive here. WHATEVER-my mood is NOT GOOD RIGHT NOW. I wish I could snap at someone, anyone. No Zumba this morning, my nerves are frazzled and I ate the rest of the carton of cookies and cream I left here in the freezer because it's something. I have potato chips at home and I feel like kicking myself because I'm probably going to go to the damn vending machine and spend .75 on some sort of mini-chips-because I don't go to lunch until after 2pm BECAUSE the library is NEVER open!!! I am sooo glad I DON'T work tomorrow. I signed up to work at the cannery in Ogden from 3-8pm. I can't do service-cleaning anymore AND I don't work on Fridays so I HAD to sign up. I don't know how long my cleaning up after other people aversion is going to last. Melanie is also working there and called me to see if I wanted to ride with her. I like Melanie BUT Camila ALSO signed up to work there-she's not riding with us because she's going home to Ogden sometime today-Hallelujah!!!-If I can just sic her on Melanie or the other girl who's riding with us when we get to the cannery and begin working-life will be veeery good.

PREDICTION: she will drag David's name several times into conversation with me and despite wanting to stuff whatever we're canning in her mouth I'm going to get to smile while I want to kill myself. Kill me, kill me now!!!

From what everyone tells me I think David has to consciously work at being social. The first engineer I really knew was Matt who was my fhe partner. He is extremely social, hilarious, and spiritual too. I was so happy when he was made a high councilman. Only recently do I keep getting told how anti-social engineers are. My brother isn't an engineer but he is a complete techno-nerd AND his social skills are AMAZING. Everyone loves him. He is nice to everyone. I'm usually nice just to who I want to be unless I'm forced into it. I have actually been forced into this mentality A LOT. When I was RS president at BYU-Hawaii I felt it was my responsibility to get to know EVERYONE. It's not hard for me to do-I just wouldn't do it if I have a choice. Polynesian Club president at the U made me do this too. I was also the Young Single Adult rep. then for my regular Tongan family ward before they had Tongan singles wards-BUT-then I got burned out-I like making decisions, I like leadership, I like being responsible-BUT sometimes I enjoy just attending an event, not being in charge of it. I haven't had to do that in a long time and it's been nice. It is tiring to feel like you have to be up ALL the time, to ALWAYS look at the good side of everything. I haven't done that with fhe. I've been a whiny complainer. Actually I should get to know people just because it is what I think my father in heaven would have me do-I'm so blessed. I don't have difficulty talking to people. It's not THAT annoying. OK-Camila is VERY annoying BUT I'm not going to be rude to her or tell anyone how irritating she is-I'll just vent about it here. She probably has a lot of people avoiding her and/or talking about her and/or making snide comments. I know people like her need our love the most. I'm NOT going to be her best friend. There is a reason why I don't have a roommate. My next and last roommate is going to be my husband. Sister Johnson kind of got on my nerves last night because she was being negative about Russ. I told her he would be fine and that he'd find some nice girl in Georgia. She said no there's a lot of nice girls here and he hasn't found someone here so he'll go to Georgia and just pick from the very few there. I told her no Russ just got out of a serious relationship with someone who wasn't a member and that he'll be just fine-she left it alone after that.

It's probably a good thing that girl called shotgun last night. Russ is NOT meant for me and I know that-I just like the way he looks and I enjoy his company AND he's leaving-ALL very attractive qualities to me-have fun with him with NOOO strings attatched!!! Actually now I am wanting strings attatched and I want to work on an eternal relationship. SOOO it's time for me to STOP wasting time. I'm not really sure how to do that BUT I'm not even doing what I do know how to do.

Wow! How did my thinking end up here? Heavenly Father has let me know a number of things. He needs to help me figure out what to do about that. At the very least I need to do what I can.