Urban Poly Princess

It's sooo hot and all I want to do is sit here in my hotel room with the AC on blast.

I really had some witchy moments last night. David dealt with me well. The band was playing that song with the line play that funky music white boy and I was singing along. He asked if they were really singing white boy and I said yes white boy. He ignored me nicely. I couldn't resist saying oh it's David and the Relief Society again when I first saw him last night. One of the twins said she could tell we're in the same fhe group by the way we argue. I didn't even think we were arguing.

This is not good. I don't like being a B and I know I had those moments repeatedly. I don't like the way he socializes. Jonni kept inviting me to go to SLC the night of Jen's party. I didn't go because I knew I'd be here for the most part of this week. I wonder if David went and if he was the only guy.

What the twins said really hit me hard because I was arguing so much that they noticed and I was completely oblivious. I can't go to this ugly place again just because someone does something I don't like.

I have a lot to work on. I wish I always deserved my blessings. I'm frustrated and I wish I knew what I was supposed to do all the time. I want to figure this out. I do care about David a lot BUT it shouldn't be this hard. I want to get to know him better but then I don't like what I find out. I don't want to go to fhe anymore and look at all those girls who are interested in David. I don't want to socialize with any of them at all. I REALLY don't want to be anywhere near David when he's on a date and I think Julie is great. I have tried hard to be respectful to David BUT I don't think he's very respectful to me. I'm sitting here feeling like crap and I don't think heavenly father wants me to feel like this.

I really think I've done my part and followed the spirit. There isn't anything else I can do. I can't keep this up-this nothing and not a damn thing up.