Urban Poly Princess

Mom insisted on cooking Thanksgiving stuff for us and declined invitations from my brother, her friend, and my first cousin. Sooo it was a very quiet Thanksgiving. I am sooo blessed and sooo grateful.

Church was nice. In Sunday school we discussed community work and how important it is to become involved. I feel like I've been on vacation. I haven't bothered with politics since library school really and I miss it. I know I'm living below my potential but I enjoy NOT Bing in charge and responsible for EVERYTHING which is what I used to feel like.

The lesson really helped me. I miss Bing super-involved and super-busy all the time at some level. At another I didn't want it BUT I think it's what the Lord not only wants but EXPECTS of me-to live to my potential and quit avoiding the world. I don't like that I've become so closed, uncaring, and indifferent to the world.

Now is the time for the planning and EXECUTION of my life!

I love the weekend! I'm excited for the holidays. I miss my nieces and nephews so much. They are beautiful. I can't wait to be a mother. LOOOVE the gospel! I ordered my Adam Lambert CD yesterday. I want it now!!! I like ALL of his music. I like his character as much as I appreciate his talent.

I paid all my bills and now I'm watching the few pennies I have left to pay for gas for the next couple weeks. I need another job asap. My next few paydays will be unusually small as substitute hours have been limited for Taylorsville library's remodeling and the East Millcreek demolition.

I received an email 2day from my manager about a new YS librarian position. I REALLY want it! Of course I applied asap.

The Salt Lake Temple was nice 2day. Usually I attend the 7pm session but I finished work at 2 in Holladay so there was no reason to wait. Instead I went to the 3pm session which was really nice and had a lot more people than I expected. I think there was a wedding but I can't B sure. One of the workers was exceptional. I think he's done some acting. It was nice. It made it fresh.

I like how attending the temple reminds me of what is really important, of what I should B concerned about now.

When I got my $3500 car bill in June I thought life would B good at the end of the summer BUT all the bills I found creative ways to avoid need to B paid-oh yeah, I still need to pay gas, food, phone bills, direct tv, and of course the internet. Sooo I am NOT at the end of counting every damn penny, watching where I go because I still need gas to go to work. Every payday I've been doing this weird balancing act that leaves me in this constant precarious edge-of-the-cliff state.

I try not to let this consume my thoughts but it is difficult. I'm just trying to strengthen ALL areas of my life and not let this take it over. I need to B more anxiously engaged and quit thinking only of myself. I need help. I know where to get it I know what to ask. I'm really good at avoiding things I should deal with. My financial difficulties provide me with a convenient excuse to avoid situations and people.

It's time for me to focus on leaving my comfort zone and jump into the deep end. Apathy is merely avoidance.

Funny how sometimes things are really not what they seem to be-saaad actually that I let assumptions have free reign over me. I'm so grateful for prayer that gives me discernment and assurance of truth. I still need direction though. I know what I need to do and it isn't easy but really it's not that major either. I have to do my best. I can't control anything else.

Line upon line, precept on precept, here a little, there a little. I used to think I'd have a straight-forward clear-as-mud answer but lately even when I get direction my understanding grows gradually. My big epiphany aha moment comes surely but slowly. I'm grateful I know what's going on-I hope it makes a difference but I am prepared if it doesn't.

Today started out beautifully by attending JR's homecoming program. He looks the same and sounds the same. His Spanish-speaking skills are amazing. I'm so glad Shishir's in Mexico so they can talk to each other. He REALLY misses his mother. I feel fortunate to still have my mother and I miss my dad a lot but I'm grateful I had as much time with him that I did.

They changed JR's party to next Sunday so I was able to make sacrament meeting. The missionary theme continued there with a child from each of the stake presidents in our 3 Tongan stakes speaking as recently returned missionaries. They did well with varying degrees of impact.

I ate dinner and waited for my missionary fireside at Lani's house. It was incredible. The spirit was sooo strong. You could "warm your hands from the fire of their testimonies."

I love weight training. It's fun to multitask during commercials while watching TV. I've never liked cardio though...it just feels tedious and the whole getting ready, getting in the car then driving to the gym sucks because any gym I go to is at least 20 minutes away. So I'm grateful I was all set to go to the gym and I couldn't find the address since my internet was down and I was DETERMINED to get cardio in that day. I decided to jump around/dance in my room to my Adam Lambert tunes nicely stored on my phone. Now leaping out of bed to do cardio M-S is awesome. I feel fabulous! Which is why this is my month-old habit. I care much more about what I look like than what I feel like but the feeling-good bonus is sweet! It hasn't snowed yet but adding the cold and cleaning snow off my car to the exercise equation sucks-BUT now I'll just leap out of bed, workout and then take a shower IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!! Yet ANOTHER reason why this cardio method works for me. I canceled my gym membership too! I can always use the extra $30 a month.

I'm glad I have my own set of dumbells. I also bought an exercise ball to do all these weight-training exercises Jorge Cruz advocates for maximum intensity in minimal time. I only weight-train twice a week but I try to intensify these as well as my cardio Bcause I'm all about maximum results in minimum time. By mid-December if I have to I'll change it up but the cardio every morning but Sunday I'm sooo keeping!!!

Momentary stupidity... Moving on! Yes I'm improving daily BUT I'm NOT perfect far far far from it BUT again that is the wonderful thing about the atonement!!! We are ALL growing and all we can do is keep trying.

If I just work at it I can get better at ALL of my weaknesses-like it says in Ether this is to humble us and make us rely on the Lord more. Then there's the promise to turn these into strengths something I REALLY need!

What I love about Kris Allen's new video... besides him being all beautiful and his song sounding amazing... is the message. I'm not dying but all of us will die sooner or later so in a way we're ALL dying. Important things would be given the attention they demand.

I need to progress in ALL areas of my life and quit neglecting the most essential.

I love these lyrics so here they are:

Kris Allen - Live Like We’re Dying Lyrics

Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s to late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There’ll no one on the line

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live - like we’re dying

We never know a good thing till it’s gone
You never see a crash until it’s head on
All those people right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start livin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Live like we’re dying
[Fade out]

The song reminds me of the Latin phrase Carpe Diem or Seize the Day immortalized for me in the film Dead Poets Society. It's still one of my all-time favorites!

No I'm not going to elaborate. That is all.

Countless YW and RS lessons focus on building confidence. Sometimes I wonder why I have so much. There R things that make me feel bad-I'm not happy with my weight-BUT-despite this I still think I'm gorgeous. It's not just that-I know, actually there's no doubt in my mind, I'm-intelligent, talented, spiritual, and fun.

I love this life. I am so blessed. I'm so grateful for the atonement of my Savior. Maybe that's the key to everything. I feel really good about the person I am. There are many things I need to improve but I really am taking part in eternal progression. I'm grateful my bishop challenged us to improve daily because there is actually so much I can do to improve each day. Each time I workout or eat well I improve my body. Each prayer I say and each scripture I read improves me spiritually and takes me closer to my Father in Heaven. Without making this paradigm shift I can become so self-centered and have a woe-is-me attitude that fails to notice the abundance I enjoy.

I don't trust people and I feel better keeping them at a distance. While I am fraught with imperfections my tolerance for this is practically nil with certain people. I expect so much so of course I ultimately am disappointed when people fall short of this yet I hope others will B patient and understanding with me.

I'm excited to B living in such a time as this and I know what opportunities and experiences await me. Looove the gospel of Jesus Christ, looove life, and love people. I need to work on my love for people. It needs to be more about them and less about me.

NOT in high school!!!-that's for sure-I've always been about the R & B, hip hop, slow jams, and rap-I still love that stuff but now I like all this "white music." I went to my last ward dance and got excited the most to hear Miley Cyrus-What??? Yes it's true I wanted to "put my hands up..."-alright I STILL loved the Jerk song when it played but not as much as the Miley tune.

My 7-year-old nephew Toa lost his temper and resorted to violence when his sister Tatiana accused him of liking the Disney TV show Hannah Montana. A sensitive subject I completely relate to now. It IS embarrassing

I am sooo excited to buy Kris Allen's new self-titled album. I usually don't like this type of music but WOW! major convert here! I liked some of the stuff he did on AI but I haven't heard anything I DON'T looove from his new album. EVERYTHING is very, very good. I didn't expect to like or buy his CD.

Adam Lambert is the NEXT BIG THING and the two singles he's released have not disappointed in the least. I expected to love his stuff and I do! His voice is AMAAAZING and from his album snippets I already know I like Music Again and Soaked. His talent is incredible.

I can't wait to get my hands on both of these albums. AI has never done this well B4!

I still looove David Archuleta and his voice is great but I was not impressed with his album and I had no desire to buy it. David Cook I could care less. I think I will however buy Archie's Christmas CD.

I love writing and I should've had a blog a long time ago. I overanalyze EVERTHING and writing helps me sort my thoughts which tend to B stream-of-consciousness stuff like Viginia Wolf and James Joyce where I switch ideas in the same sentence. I don't know what I'm doing tech-wise and I'm doing this for myself so I don't really care how reader-friendly it is at first.