Urban Poly Princess

Looong day at work. I REALLY needed a break. It probably wasn't the best idea to go to fhe tonight when I knew we were helping someone move. I've moved sooo many times and I hate it every time I do it. I looove when everything is where I want it to be however. I considered not going to fhe tonight but I'm glad I attend regularly AND my annoying thinking would wonder all night if Heavenly Father was withholding blessings from me because I didn't go and help. Sooo I did. I am constantly appalled by how people live. Mindie's house would drive me crazy. Jennifer's would too. I like to get rid of stuff I'm not using and I like things clean all the time. It is one of the reasons I can't have a roommate. She is an awesome family history person. When I move I box things up myself. I get help with moving the boxes. I clean by myself too. Maybe I am a little compulsive but I'm alright with that. David was practically laying down when he gave the lesson. MayB it's a cultural thing but I wanted him to sit up. Discussing the gospel deserves our respect and attention. He was treating it too casual. That REALLY annoyed me BUT no one else seemed to mind and he certainly didn't. I did not like that. In the beginning I really thought I'd snap at him. I'm not sure why he is sooo good at getting on my nerves. I'm glad he didn't make it worse because I like not fighting with him and I don't think I'm supposed to anyway. I'm glad we helped Jennifer. I hope she travels safely to Canada. The Cache Valley County Librarian only makes 18,000 a year. There is no way I would agree to do that exclusively. I looked at the hours of operation and perhaps that's why it pays so little. I'd do it if they work with my schedule AND I want the same number of hours for 20,000 a year. That would give me the money I need to eliminate all my bills. The garnishment on my wages wants to take over 300 out of each check. I can't do that and pay for anything else that needs to be paid. I just took a loan out on my 401k. It is for a little over a thousand and will seem like nothing to pay it off. $8 will be taken from each paycheck for 5 years. Talk about sweet terms!!! The more I think about Cache County, the more I want them to hire me part time. I think I can do it since I don't work the weekends. The Librarian will be retiring just when my MBA is completed. My loan money will be used for paying my back taxes, insurance AND car safety check and registration. I talked to my credit counselor about the garnishment. He recommended I declare bankruptcy when I told him I have multiple loans I'm trying to pay off. I REALLY didn't want to do that but I'm feeling like I don't have a choice at all. I wish that stupid company would've just accepted what I could pay and what I arranged with the credit counselor. Now they aren't going to get a penny if I do the bankruptcy route. The stupid route but how the hell am I supposed to survive? My mother's not going to help me and I've seen how the bishop thought he could help me too. I know my Heavenly Father helped me realize I need to take a loan out on my 401k. It will provide the money I need to survive if the garnishment happens with my next check. The more I consider it the more bankruptcy seems like the only solution for me. The irony is not lost on me. I need to do this quickly. I'm going to explore everything I possibly can. It's pretty rich when people talk about budgeting when I have a bunch of loans most of which were taken just to pay other loans AND rent AND electricity. I know it was my own stupidity, I know the church doesn't like this choice but I REALLY tried and I don't have another option. I hate this but somehow I need to find the strength to do this AND finish my MBA. I feel like my world is crumbling but somehow I need to keep it together and finish my MBA. I'm not sure why I always find myself on the edge like this. It reminds me of when I spent almost every penny on a ticket to Portland to take my class so I could work on my MLS. I remember watching my pennies AND flying to Oregon AND staying at the Days Inn hotel which is a complete trailer trash hotel BUT it was 140 a night AND the cheapest rate I could find. I've been there before and I did it. I know how tenacious I can be when I have to do that. Apparently the time is here again.

Looove Sundays!!! I need to write 3 small papers asap and then 1 8-10 page paper to complete this last class. After that I have 2 months to complete my Thesis AND my MBA. I'm excited, I just need to start getting real. Helene invited me to go with her to Idaho to visit her parents and have dinner next Sunday. It's an hour and a half away which is just like driving to SLC and coming back the same night before work. It sounds like fun but REALLY I need to finish this degree so I can start the countdown with Stevens-Henager College. I owe them 2 years since I decided to get the MBA. That can be spent at any Stevens-Henager however or College America in Colorado, Idaho, or California. The Cache Valley County Library Director retires in 2 months. My friends keep telling me to apply for it but if I do that I'll have to pay Stevens-Henager College 27,000 for the MBA. I REALLY don't want to spend any more time here than I have to spend BUT it would B a fantastic career move. I think the director makes at least 50,000 but since it's a public position the salary should be public-I'm definitely looking into it. Being director for a couple of years will certainly qualify me for a manager job over one of the libraries in Salt Lake County Library System with a salary that starts at 64,000. Of course regular librarian jobs in California start at over 60,000. If my future holds what I think it does it might be wise for me to stay here BUT then again, although nothing's negative, NOTHING'S happening either. I don't like twiddling my thumbs which is what the hell it feels like. I'm not stupid and I don't want that sleep deprivation thing happening again BUT REALLY how long is this supposed to take? Polynesian relationships are too serious too fast and I didn't want that, and I've been avoiding that for a long time, but NOW those are looking better and better. David sang beautifully today during sacrament meeting. I'd love to hear a solo but I don't think that's happening anytime soon. I decided NOT to attend the basic skills Sunday school class because I don't like what I think are the shady motives behind asking me to attend in the first place AND I talk too much in that class. I'd like to go to gospel doctrine classes when I want and not HAVE to attend to make anyone feel better. THEY can go somewhere else if they don't like it. I'm probably seeing things that aren't there but whatever I don't care AND I'm going to do what I want unless an angel appears before me and tells me otherwise. There's an ugly throat thing STILL and my nose keeps running AND I'm not going to sleep at an appropriate time. Sooo that's not getting better. What do I do? YES I know how to figure that out. I just wish someone would tell me sometimes. I love figuring things out myself BUT sometimes I just don't want to think. I just want life to happen to me.

Interrupting my homework to post here. ULA was AWESOME!!! I felt so blessed. I know sooo many librarians, managers, directors throughout Utah. I was very fortunate to have worked as a substitute librarian for Salt Lake County. The connections I made there and what I learned there was invaluable. Combined with the Cache Valley connections I made through starting CVLA, there weren't ANY workshops there where I didn't know or work with someone before. Starting school with cohort 3 and then finishing with cohort 4 was also a blessing in disguise because I know all of them too. I didn't need a conference to tell me of the central role mobile phones and applications are taking. Children's books on the Ipad R also AMAZING. That's the next thing I WANT NOW!!! Mother's day AND my mom, sister-in-law, AND niece's birthdays R in May. My cousin Noelani also wants to hold a Mateaki/Toutai BBQ during memorial day weekend. More driving back and forth. I wanted to see George and his family this weekend but my mother said not to since we'll have to visit them next month to celebrate something. My payday loan through mountain loan center did NOT accept the payment arrangement through my credit counselor. Now they've submitted paperwork to garnish my wages. I can't afford that PLUS my credit counseling payments. I'm going to have to figure this out now. I thought I was DONE with this. It was a $300 loan which somehow with fees and interest they've calculated to $2577. Remaining focused on school isn't easy with this. It's difficult for me to know what to pay first and/or who to even try to negotiate with. Despite all of this I still need to finish this last class and then fine-tune my thesis and write the thing already. If nothing else I'll have my MBA. Time for me to start looking for a part time weekend job. Schools about done. I need it done completely so I can make money and pay these stupid bills off asap.

So Y did people show up AFTER my fhe lesson? Were they warned to stay away until I'd probably be done? Sarah's always there on time and Katie usually rushes so she doesn't miss a second glued to David. Y did Sarah REALLY ask me to attend the Life Skills class? Was my presence in Gospel Doctrine a problem to someone? To Whom? Mindie saw me looking strangely at the pudding before she dropped MORE than enough on the wax paper in front of me. Gee I'm sorry I'm not thrilled to stick a hand in pudding. I am TRYING. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now. This is how I get past my frustration. I'm really glad David and I Rn't fighting over everything. He seriously is not capable of going 5 minutes without flirting with someone. He is not smooth and he's definitely not a player. Actually I don't get it-I don't know what he gains from it. My friends and I used to have flirting competitions to see what we could get guys to do for us-usually to buy us stuff. I'm sooo NOT like that anymore. It was just a game. The guys always thought they'd get something from me but they never did. I just played sweet and stupid. All David is getting are more girls that think he's really interested in them. I just don't think he really is interested in them. BUT then it would make sense if he actually was infatuated with that number of women.

So I went early to fhe and NO ONE was there sooo I gave David and Mindie my lesson when Sam showed up and then Sarah and then Katie. We made pudding finger paintings. I just wasn't too thrilled to intentionally stick my hand in chocolate pudding. NOT my kind of fun.

I realized something tonight about my RS president. Annoying-BUT-Whatever!!! It makes a bunch of stuff suspect now. This is good for me to know and it is important for me to gain this perspective. Line upon line-things R making sense and actually I wish they wouldn't because it completely changes how I see her now. I wondered why she always texts me to find out if I'm attending fhe, it makes perfect sense now. REALLY???!!! The lengths people go to is amazing. I don't know why people can't just be real. What I don't understand is why anyone would want to limit someone's choices. If I'm considered a threat, doesn't that mean anything? When you really love someone you want them to be happy, even if what they want hurts you.

I don't get how people can act that way when they have the gospel in their lives. Heavenly Father is loving and merciful. He wants what's best for us always. He sees everything. His vision is not limited. We are the ones with the blinders.

David's singing Sunday. I hope I get to hear him BUT it depends on my brother's schedule. I miss he and his family so much. I hope it works out that I get to do both.

David's flirty ways were in full effect tonight. I wish I knew a better way to deal with that. I just leave.

Basic Skills class and we had a lesson on formal education and education in general and how important it is-this girl made the comment that there is so much to learn in this life and that she's glad because she doesn't necessarily want to learn nuclear physics and that it is alright because in the next life other people can teach her that. Sometimes I wish I could REALLY shut up I HAD to say I thought that actually we had to learn everything eventually. Janelle said how we only use a small percentage of our brain now and that it'll be easier in the next life to then learn everything with resurrected bodies AND yeah perfect minds-sooo... could I shut up then? NOOO I had to add that we're told it's easier and that we'll have a huge advantage in the next life if we learn now-YEAH I could FINALLY shut up then. I REALLY wasn't trying to be contentious, I just felt like there was a lot of false doctrine being thrown around. I felt like I needed to say something but then I didn't feel good arguing with Janelle and it seemed to turn that way. I'm not really sure how to make it better. I thought about saying something after but then that would've just made it seem bigger than it was-I wish I always had clear cut answers about how to remain true to myself BUT how to do that WITHOUT making anyone feel bad.
David was at a temple worker devotional so he missed church. I missed Cing him there AND I did something he doesn't like BUT I didn't know that UNTIL I did it.
My visiting teachers are coming tomorrow B4 fhe. I'm giving the lesson so I need to make sure I'm there on time. I saw Josh in the RS room right after Sunday School so I made arrangements for he and his partner Jeff to visit AND change my lightbulbs earlier today. He was able to change all 3 which surprised me since when I had Jared change them he said a couple of the outlet things didn't work. Maybe Josh just knows the right way to screw the lightbulbs in because his own apartment is the same. Whatever, i'm glad I have light in my bedroom again.
I keep procrastinating this paper which is pretty easy-it is only 3 pages and I'm not sure why I keep putting it off. I baked my ham last night then I took the pieces of ham off the spiral bone and tossed it in the garbage. I froze sections of it and I stuck a bunch in the oven and poured the homemade apricot jam I have over it after I stirred it with Dijon mustard. It was scrumptious. I also made funeral potatoes because I've been on this roll of trying out new recipes. For some reason I thought these were great, NOOO-they're just alright. There is a lot of flavor but truthfully it is NOOOT good. The ingredients should've clued me in. Online these received rave reviews BUT NOOO!!! I still froze portions I will eat with my ham because I'm not throwing away what I spent money AND time on HOWEVER I will NOT be making this again or eating it when I am given the option.
I can't believe I was nervous about cooking a spiral ham. These are already cooked B4 these are frozen and placed in the store. The glazing which is what makes the difference can be done with just a portion. You just stick the ham in the oven and it is heated and browned nicely. It doesn't take much skill at all to pull it off. Any type of fruit juice can be poured over it as it bakes.

Feeling a lot better but I'm still very far from 100 % fully recovered. I need to complete my homework for the week. I went to the USU luau last night but really I should've stayed home and moved closer to the fully recovered state. In a way I'm glad I went because I met Vai's dad. He stopped to smoke outside the Hummer. He is DEFINITELY NOT LDS. I'm not sure how to influence either Vai or her sister in a positive way. I always suspected she was spoiled. I have no doubt of that now. Her parents R not religious or strict. Something that's VERY weird to me. Traditional Tongan girls come from extremely religious and strict homes regardless of what religion they are raised with. Vai's parents got married when they were still in high school in Tonga. Vai hasn't had any restrictions at all. That doesn't mean she's made bad choices. Meeting her dad made me understand her a lot more.
It's tough for me NOT to be supercritical when I watch Polynesian dancing. I have to keep reminding myself that I danced PROFESSIONALLY-even if it was where I got most of my experience and that I can't hold everyone to the same standards. I guess I was just used to PCC boys with nice muscular bodies dancing without their shirts. I didn't like seeing all the mashmallow bodies everywhere. I gained so much weight and it is hypocritical of me BUT there is no way in hell I would dance again WITHOUT losing weight. Fat girls dancing? Yes I saw that too along with other transgressions-Again-NO, NO, NO!!!
I saw Douggie last night. He gained weight too. He isn't fat but he has chubby cheeks now.
There's a lot for me to do today. I am REALLY looking forward to spending most of next week in SLC and then in Provo visiting my brother and his family. I'm leaving Tuesday after work and I'll return Sunday or Monday morning.