Urban Poly Princess

I am fine physically BUT I am not feeling good emotionally. I am consistent about attending Zumba but I'm eating crap so while I'm getting fit I'm not losing the weight I want to lose. It is extremely annoying. Maybe if I was working I wouldn't feel like this. I should be happy I was FINALLY contacted by the church to take a writing test and then now I actually have an interview and teaching demo set-up for Tuesday at 3pm. I logged in to my LDS profile and they have that I applied for some clerk job and an editor position with the Joseph Smith project which was one of the first jobs I applied for BUUUT the last editor job I applied for was with the priesthood department. There is no record of that and then the writing test was specifically with the church magazines.

All these other stupid jobs I keep applying for NO ONE CALLS ME!!! The Better Business Bureau was alright but I don't envision myself sitting on the phone. After working as a librarian I can't go back, even as a substitute. That is depressing but everything else is depressing too. I know heavenly father specifically helped me with real estate but without a part time job I'm not even going to start that. I hate that me starting that keeps getting moved.

I want to find someone to date and have a family with. I know in my head how important that is...STILL why the hell do I still feel like I have to force myself to meet people? It is easy for me to talk to anyone and I usually enjoy the people once I get a chance to meet them and talk to them a little but there is still no one I know well enough to get excited about seeing. I love that so many men in my ward and that I'm meeting now have their own homes and good jobs. I love that I've met several doctors, attorneys and engineers.  I don't know what is wrong with me. Men are that they might have joy. This is all supposed to bring me joy, IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T. I am so blessed to have my testimony but it doesn't change how I feel right now. Why the damn pity party? I don't know. There is a Mid Singles formal dance tonight I should be at with Mike if Steve ultimately doesn't do it for me. I never see Mike in the temple however. No one does it for me. Why not???!!! I don't want to be this bitter jaded biatch but I am feeling that way. I feel like I am doing everything I am supposed to do, I am trying so hard BUUUT I'm not getting a job, I'm not meeting anyone I even want to date, I'm not even getting called to interview for stupid jobs they usually give to anyone with a pulse.

I want to just snap out of this feeling but if I knew that I wouldn't be sitting here watching the Beverly Hills wives reality show on a Friday night. I would've figured out someone to go to that dance with and I'd be having fun... only I don't think I really would be having fun, I think I'd be forcing myself to enjoy someone's company and trying to spend my time in pursuit of my goal to get married and have a family. I have fun when I initially have to force myself BUUUT there's always something missing.

They are looking for an instructor for next semester. I would looove to do this AND it is VEEERY nice the church responded to me at all. I feel like I keep applying for these positions but then people just ignore me. I still can't believe I wasn't interviewed for 2 librarian positions in Park City, and at least one position - the Adult Services Coordinator for the City library. The County didn't interview me for the computer instructor position I applied for or the health educator. While I was interviewed by the State Library for 2 different manager positions, I haven't heard anything from them about the assistant director job or the training coordinator.

Maybe I'm rushing things. I am just feeling very grateful to the church for letting me sit their writing test and then today emailing me about teaching English. I thought that ship had sailed. I could walk there to LDS Business college. It is at the end of the ramp. They are supposed to have a librarian position opening too. I know I didn't want to work in a school again but it is sooo close and if I do this and do it well I can probably do it part time and get paid well enough to make it worthwhile.

FINALLY!!! It is good to be considered even if it isn't in my field.

11 And he hath power given unto him from the Father to redeem them from their sins because of repentance; therefore he hath senthis angels to declare the tidings of the conditions of repentance, which bringeth unto the power of the Redeemer, unto the salvation of their souls.
 36 And it came to pass that he turned him about, and behold, he saw through the cloud of darkness the faces of Nephi and Lehi; and behold, they did shine exceedingly, even as the faces of angels. And he beheld that they did lift their eyes to heaven; and they were in the attitude as if talking or lifting their voices to some being whom they beheld.
44 And Nephi and Lehi were in the midst of them; yea, they were encircled about; yea, they were as if in the midst of a flaming fire, yet it did harm them not, neither did it take hold upon the walls of the prison; and they were filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.

I hope my writing test is received well and that it results in an interview. I wish I'd hear from anyone else about the position I applied for at the city library and then also the one I applied to with the state library. 

It took FOREVER to figure out how to make a very short paragraph into a story about a 10-year-old girl WITHOUT adding anything false or made-up BUUUT I FINALLY did it!!!

This is the last thing I was told to write something like what the Ensign prints in LDS voices:

12 And it was because of the pride of their hearts, because of their exceeding riches, yea, it was because of their oppression to thepoor, withholding their food from the hungry, withholding their clothing from the naked, and smiting their humble brethren upon the cheek, making a mock of that which was sacred, denying the spirit of prophecy and of revelation, murdering, plundering, lying, stealing, committing adultery, rising up in great contentions, and deserting away into the land of Nephi, among the Lamanites—

One of the million jobs I applied for was an editor with the church magazines. They sent me a writing test consisting of editing and writing. It is alright. I have to scan and then email it to the man who sent it to me. Shem Flitton. I think he has another name because I just tried to google him without success. Looking again at his email he is an Editorial and Writing team supervisor for the Church Magazines. I'm grateful he sent me the test. I plan to slay it.

Time to finish that thing up now.

7 And there being but little timber upon the face of the land, nevertheless the people who went forth became exceedingly expertin the working of cement; therefore they did build houses of cement, in the which they did dwell.
15 But behold, there are many books and many records of every kind, and they have been kept chiefly by the Nephites.
27 Thus we may see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name.
35 Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.

I am going to take a writing test today to work for the church priesthood committee I think. It was just one of those jobs I apply for and don't really want although I would enjoy working here. I'm supposed to print it then fill it out, scan the entire thing then email it back to the guy making the decision. I intend to spend the day completing this application.

We are paired with people at random and I was paired with Steve. What are the chances? It felt wrong. Is it ALWAYS going to feel wrong. What the hell is wrong with me? I was very specifically told NOT to do or go anywhere relationship-wise with Rich. I think because Heavenly Father knew I'd like him and get along with him as well as I did. Steve doesn't feel right but I don't feel like my Father in Heaven really cares if I go out with him or not. Probably because he knows it won't go anywhere.

SERIOUSLY what the hell is my problem and what is it going to take.