Urban Poly Princess

I called the temp agency and the job I wanted there was filled and they don't have anything else I'm interested in doing. I also called the City library to check the status of my application and she told me they haven't even begun reviewing applications. I told her I was interested in being considered for several positions which she said is just fine but I need to apply for each. REALLY???!!! Fun, fun, fun.

I could really use a job. It is so tough to remain positive and happy and I feel like a broken record. I need to have faith. I am praying about it, I've fasted about it and I even got my bishop to give me a blessing. I know I have to continue to maintain everything else, scripture reading, I am also going to be more consistent with reading an extra conference talk. I was reading 2 Nephi 5:27 that says And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness. When I looked for a conference talk I chose Boyd K. Packer's Something happiness talk. OF COURSE it was on marriage and families is the source of all happiness.

I know that. It is impossible to be single and LDS in this world and not know that. Today is the last day in June I don't try to get to know anyone else better. Tomorrow all bets are off. I am eliminating annoying - that just means I am going to force myself to get to know other men better. That is fun and exciting to me but so is annoying. I am not going to avoid him but I'm not avoiding the huge Mid singles scene in SLC either.

I have limited myself to my ward but I don't want to do that anymore. I just need a job to get to all the many activities all over the valley. If only my gas, insurance and phone were free. Life is amazing and I am so grateful for mine. I have so much even with no job and no boyfriend.

Today we had 4 couples who used to be in the ward who are now married share their stories with us. It was great to hear their experiences. They all shared how they strove to be at their spiritual peak before and during their engagements. One woman shared how it was fine that her engagement was so quick because she was older so she already had her identity.

I heard them talk about doubts they had and then realizations too. Friendship is essential but then I've always believed that. I am grateful for whatever my brief interaction with annoying did. I have no doubt he is who I should be with but I still have no indication of that happening whatsoever. That certainly doesn't mean my or his happiness is dependent on that because that would frustrate the entire plan of salvation and free agency which is so very sacred. I know I can find happiness with someone else and I will actively try to do that soon. Not that I care about annoying any less, I care about him very much BUUUT as strong as those feelings are, reality is nothing is happening there and there is nothing I can think of doing that will change that now. Maybe something will change but then maybe not too. One thing I did like hearing is what one of the girls said which was basically Heavenly Father can orchestrate events any way he wants at the proper time which may not be what we want.

I am grateful I met Steve because there are so many things I like about him that I didn't see at first. I know there are many more LDS men out there who with I could build a happy life together. There are other men with solid testimonies and other attractive characteristics. The divine stamp of approval however is hard to beat. I will always go with that over anything else no matter how painful it might be.

It is fun and I am excited to check out some of these other wards and activities. One woman talked about how she moved here when she didn't want to do that. My mother FINALLY accepts that I received an answer to my prayer about where I should be. I told her Heavenly Father told me specifically it didn't matter where I went and that I could build his kingdom wherever I wanted to do that. She said I said initially that Heavenly Father told me it was up to me. YES that's what I said!!! She got off on her dream saying she saw grandma Hotaia who told her I would find my husband if I went somewhere else. She has changed her tune now. She keeps forgetting these instances and then she wonders why I don't hang on her every word when she tells me she had a warning for me.

Another thing bishop said in my blessing that was very significant to me is he told me God will specifically interrupt my life to bring to pass his will and that I will know when he is doing that. Getting fired over nothing substantial was an extremely dramatic interruption and I know exactly why that happened. I'm sure there is more. I don't doubt that. I wonder if that's why I was told I could date Steve but I couldn't marry him. I was going to marry him anyway, I know that. He had to be the one to walk away. I wonder if he was told the same thing. He is so naive about so many things. His faults however are not important. They are minor things that would cause friction but nothing we couldn't work out. I may have had to convince myself to go there in the first place but I was alright with that. He has a solid testimony, faith and actively lives the gospel. It is the most important thing to him and that's obvious.

Bishop White didn't give me any specific advice although he did bless me with help to know what to do and say for me to find a job that uses my talents. It is what I wanted however in many ways. I am doing what I should to get a job. I feel good about my interview skills too. I would hire me. I know that sounds very cocky but it is true and I don't have an inflated ego. It is what I believe. He gave me a hug at the end. Very unexpected but very kind and very sweet. I expected him to go off about something but he didn't.

I was extremely tired Saturday and I was sister 1 for the 6am session. It was so difficult to keep my eyes open although somehow I managed to get through it. I didn't eat anything either and I was fine until my initiatory post at 9am. It was around 5 minutes to my last post and I began to feel lightheaded. Since I have these ordinances down cold a single word can set me off on whatever comes next. I had to do an ordinance over again because I started to mix up part of it with a prayer. NOT GOOD but good that I caught myself. I'm fine if I actually think about what I'm doing. I was on autopilot and since then I had to concentrate.

There are always so many Polynesians I see each Saturday. I'm happy about that. I rode in the elevator with a Tongan father of the bride and he told me he remembered me from my mission to Salt Lake City. He told me I was a sister Lauti then. Uh... no... I told him my father's name and that I served my mission in Sacramento and that there's someone who must look like me. He said it was about 10 years ago. I didn't feel like telling him it was actually over 20 years ago now. My dad would've been 72 now if he was still alive. This man looked like he was in his 50s.

Bishop attended ward temple night. The same women attend each time. No one but Steve was consistent with the guys. We did sealings. I looked up this guy because I didn't know his name and he was my partner for some of the sealings. It is Kent Pitcher. I remember him from a Sunday school class I attended because he said something and the spirit was definitely there. He is short although not as short as Steve and he isn't unattractive even with his receding hairline. At our veeery hooot BBQ Friday however he killed any thought of getting to know him better at all. He went out of his way to be very friendly to me and to sit by me.

My friend Sam sat near me too. He is divorced and has several daughters. Kent began complaining about his ex-wife and how she reported him for bringing religion to his children all the time. Hell to the nooo!!! He also made sure to talk about how old he was in front of me. He is 43. Hahaha - I love how he and Steve assumed I'd have a problem with their ages. NOOO it is actually the divorced with several children I have a huge problem with.

I've eliminated a lot of people in my head because of that. I just think ANY 2 people can make a marriage work if they both work on it. Of course the church allows them to attend the ward so I shouldn't hold that against anyone. The 4th of July is fast approaching. I am grateful the temple is closed for most of July anyway. I neeed this break. My interview with Trish is on Monday the 6th at 2pm. If I get that Youth services librarian position I'm going to have to change my temple shift. Returning to Wednesday nights is perfect for me.

I haven't heard from annoying at all so I think I'm going to have to eliminate him soon. Two more days are left in June. I hope he is doing well and I wish him the best. At least we got rid of the hostility. I am happy about that ALTHOUGH I wish there were more. Despite his temper I never have seen him violent I know a relationship with him would require a lot of work but I feel like I've done a lot of that already. I remember spending the 4th with him and other ward members that one year. I ALSO spent the 24th with him that year for Pioneer Day that I decided to stay in Logan for. What a huuuge mistake that was. He was on a date with Julie who I thought was sooo great at the time. I still think she's great just not the way I first supposed when I actually spent time with her and got to know her better. Her feelings about her mission really disappointed me. She's not as bright as she first seems either. I hope she is happy with her new husband right now.

I had to tell annoying I didn't EVER want to hang out with him and his date. I cannot believe I had to tell him that. I know his experience was limited but I seriously wanted to kill him. My friend Jonni was also there. Sooo NOOOT cool. He is an idiot if he didn't know Jonni liked him a whole hell of a lot. She is very cool and sweet. It is extremely bad form to be on a date AND be on that date with 2 other women who like you. I went out of my way to tell him that because I wanted to avoid a repeat.

It was certainly bad enough to be in his FHE group with a bunch of women who attended just because he was there. A couple FHEs had him as the sole man with a bunch of women. After helping him and Mindy with that one FHE I was sooo done. If I hadn't agreed to do the next one, I would not have helped. I was working on my thesis for the last one but really I was never going to Mindy's house again. I really tried to help our group but after working veeery hard to pull off something well-attended and done well and having him pretend not to have read my email at our singles conference I was ticked and it just got worse when he didn't lift a finger to help me. Mindy did.

So why the hell do I still want something with annoying???!!! Revisiting these incidents in my mind makes me upset. BUUUT he is solid spiritually, brilliant, fun, is finishing school even if he's not done. He actually spent time working full time so he knows how to do that. He doesn't have an ex-wife, divorce or children. Even if he began having make-out sessions with every girl he's dated in the past 3-4 years I've known him, it is still better than the average LDS man who believes anything but sex is just fine before marriage.

In 2 days June will be done. That is my time-limit I've given myself for annoying. I should probably contact him but I don't want to email him or Facebook him and I got rid of his number the last time I did that. I wish he would contact me somehow but although I never doubted he wants that, unless he shows some effort it doesn't ultimately make a difference.

Yesterday since I didn't get those 2 county jobs I decided to expand my search. I have an interview today at 1pm with Elwood Staffing. It is another temp agency but this time it is a job I'd enjoy. It's a loan verifier and it's for 4 months. In the meantime I am still going to apply for a job I really want. It is the Draper office where my interview is scheduled. Temp agencies typically pay once a week which I could REALLY use since my money is running out.

Trish from the Magna library called me. I'm trying to think of why I didn't get that Children's/Youth Librarian position with Riverton and West Jordan and I know my weakness is I don't have Children's librarian experience but I need to emphasize my mentor experience and the Christmas Box House experience as well as teaching primary and seminary. I am thinking I could have got those jobs if I had done that. I have everything else. It is weird to be interviewing with Trish especially since she is one of my references I use. BUT I'll enjoy seeing the library which I haven't seen since it was relocated. It is one of the newer libraries which of course will be nice.

I want to be groomed to be a county manager and I like Trish's management style. Karl also works there and he is fun. One of the rare younger good-looking guys who actually became a librarian. His wife is a clerk at the Herriman library. I am the atypical librarian too. It would be great to be the best-looking librarians in the county. Laurina is a pretty children's librarian too. I would be working with her a lot if I get this position. I would enjoy that very much. I have to emphasize my experience with children at my interview on July 6th. It is a 30 hour position that would leave me time for Real Estate too AND blogging. I need to develop a librarian blog as soon as I get my librarian job or even if I don't.

Today is my friend Jodie's wedding in Logan. I am so mad I can't make it there but work and not enough money make it so I can't afford to drive there and celebrate with her.

I didn't get the West Jordan OR Riverton Youth Services Librarian position. I think Magna may interview me next and I submitted for the assistant manager position at the Bingham Library. I would looove to work there. I know all the librarians who used to work there anyway. Kevin used to be the assistant manager. I wonder where he went.

I don't think annoying is violent or I wouldn't be led there. His temper is no joke however. It's not like men I've dated in the past haven't been angry at times, they just haven't made me ever feel scared. I wonder what it was about Sonny that was wrong. I remember having a dream I was married to him and living in Vegas. I just remember I was unhappy. Maybe because it's such an ingrained Poly value. I'm sure I'm very naive when I think that but I do think that. My friend Laite just gave birth. I just saw her in the temple for her sister's wedding and I didn't even know she was pregnant.

I am really praying for assistance in my job-hunt. I'm trying not to let it consume me and attend ward activities as well. I need to expand my job choice now. I don't want to be pigeon-holed as an academic librarian however. I know without a doubt Trish likes me and could hire me for the Children's Librarian position. Despite that I would like the assistant manager job at Bingham more. I didn't even get an interview when I applied for the West Jordan one and it may be the same again but it would be fabulous if it wasn't.

I am worried about my mother. I think when she slapped me my nose would have started bleeding sooner or later. I think that shocked her that she hit me hard enough I started bleeding. Interesting. My parents always told me to work on everything when I get married EXCEPT physical abuse. That is when I should leave. I don't have a bruise and my face doesn't hurt anywhere. I was seriously wondering if I should leave my mother's house and move to Happy Valley with my brother and his family but I'm worried about her right now.

She was so hurt. She kept telling me it is her spiritual gift. I told her that's fine but she is taking it too far when people call her to ask for interpretation or counsel with that. She was so offended by that but I maintained God doesn't work that way and she doesn't have the authority to do that. I know it raised her blood pressure. She's been better this morning. I hope she finds something to keep her content. She went to the Family History Library this morning.

I tried to call George after it happened and then I left George a message to call me on Facebook. Alisa left a message that he'd get back on Sunday. He texted me from Italy to call him so I did again. He told me I called him at 2am the first time. I should've checked and called him at an appropriate time. I told him what happened and how I was worried about mom. He told me it is probably a hormonal thing. I just want my mother to be alright.

I don't know why she doesn't get that she shouldn't be counseling anyone. I kept telling her that's not how God works. It just gets her more and more upset.