Urban Poly Princess

That time of the month is ever present and while I'm glad I didn't have to deal with it in the temple Saturday it still sucks and provided me with the perfect opportunity and excuse NOOOT to attend the Mid-singles trifecta thing. I don't know what the hell my problem is. I finally have a free day to do some mingling and I'm looking for any excuse not to do that. It is actually fun to get to know other people. I really am an ambivert. I enjoy people and being outgoing BUUUT sometimes I just want my space and I want to be left alone.

I went to Costco and it is closed for the holiday. That ticked me off so I went to Trader Joe's because I always hear about it and how expensive it is. I was surprised to learn it isn't!!! That was a nice surprise. I bought a giant chocolate bar there, wasabi peas, a giant candy bar or belgium chocolate for just 5.99, avocados, cherry tomatoes and a huge eggplant. I went to sprouts after that because they have cherries on sale for 1.99 a pound, a couple of blackberry boxes that were just .99 a box, some macadamia nut white chocolate chip cookies and my favorite boulder coconut oil fried chips.

I thought I'd want to sleep after Zumba today but I didn't want to do that.

I bought generic moisturizing lotion instead of fake cetaphil for my face once and decided to just use it a month and see what happened. My skin looked fantastic so now I'm never going back. I haven't broken out since and it is gentler on my skin.

I don't feel good about any aspect of my life right now although Heavenly Father continues to bless me beyond belief. I am grateful for the gospel and for the chance to always improve myself, to repent and to get better. Sometimes I think it's not worth it but before I can finish that thought I know it is so worth it and I know how much I've been blessed and continue to be blessed. It may not seem like it but I really am trying to meet someone. I sure as hell aren't doing anything visible although that is where my goal is and where I need to focus my efforts. It is so easy to just do nothing. At the very least and I feel like my effort is the very least unfortunately, I have the desire to want to have that in my life. I don't know why I treat it so lightly. I know it is the most important thing in this world or even out of this world.

I have to continue to strive for what I want. We learned about how some prophet learned he would have a child and how he was old and his wife was old and he didn't have the faith required for this to come about. I have so much faith. I don't know why it is so difficult for me to just find someone I can stand enough to want to spend eternity with them. The one thing I like about annoying is I never had any doubt he is who Heavenly Father wanted me with. I want to feel that again because I don't trust myself or my judgment. Wouldn't I be married already if I knew how to choose that well?

I need to pray to do what I know I need to do to meet people and then I need to pray that I recognize people I can be happy with. It is a righteous desire. I want to feel something strongly for someone. I did like Steve but I can't help but feel like I tried to force that until I actually believed that. I think I would've been happy with him. Can't any two righteous people find happiness together if they have the same goals?

I saw Shem when I went to Sprouts. He is sweet. Ever since he posted on his Facebook page that he attends mass and considers himself 40% Catholic I was immediately turned off. NO I don't think I could ever be happy with someone who feels that way although he is kind, brilliant and fun. YES AND he's half Chinese. He was raised in Ogden however. Living in Logan means I don't want anyone in the North. And there I go again. I know exactly what I don't want.