Urban Poly Princess

I worked on power statements for most of last night. I'm trying to find a positive spin on this and I can't find one no matter how I try. I looked at this closer and I was charged with shoplifting. How is damaging foundation, breaking the seal and using the product shoplifting? How is it a crime? I didn't do it but should I have lied and said I did to avoid all of this? I was too mad to think straight. I was so happy when the judge sided with me and found me not guilty BUUUT this is still on my record and any state or county jobs, which is what the hell I want to do, are going to use this against me. This happened in June of 2006. I was in Customer Service at Overstock.com. They'd have no reason to check my background since they probably did earlier when nothing was wrong with it.

My next job was with the County as a substitute Librarian. My former reference teacher Cheryl Mansen was the manager at the Sandy Library. Substitutes are not merit positions. They would not have had to run a background check. I interviewed at MANY places throughout the state. I even applied for a Bookmobile librarian in Summit County. I NEVER would've taken the job at Stevens-Henager College in Logan if I hadn't been rejected for a merit position with the County, AGAIN!!!

I can't believe Heavenly Father allowed me to go this long without figuring this out. I was George's sister so they probably didn't even bother to run a background check plus Sharla was desperate for a librarian. It was my first position so I didn't ask for what someone with experience would have. I know Heavenly Father knows the end from the beginning, I know he has his reasons but I just sit here instead thinking this sucks. I drove to Harmons so I can drink my huge drink, feel sorry for myself and cry without anyone I know coming over and trying to talk to me.

It is going to take $167 to clear this from my record. I was arrested for shoplifting. It doesn't matter what really happened or even that the judge found me not guilty. There is no way to change that because it happened. I wouldn't have done anything different but why did I still have to go through this? It doesn't help that I'm Polynesian. People are still going to assume the worst. I remember when I told Steve I served near where he grew up in California. He had to clarify and he couldn't believe I served a mission.

I feel like I just keep trying but it doesn't matter and I'm like a damn rat running on one of those wheels. I don't feel like trying although I have to do that. I love this gospel and I am so grateful I woke up at 3am Wednesday morning thinking I need to check this. BUUUT why the hell NOW??? Everything I've read online tells me I could've had this expunged from my record 30 days after it happened IN 2006!!! Sooo I could've had that taken care of a long time ago and I'd be working making lots of money somewhere as a librarian manager. Why did this happen? I just wrote my bishop a looong message relating what occurred.