Urban Poly Princess

I went to FHE tonight and it was fun although my friend was distant and flirting completely with this other girl that likes him. He looked happy and I want him to be happy. What I learned from him is that good men do still exist and that I shouldn't ever consider lowering my standards for that at all. When I got home my friend Elenoa was just pulling up. She brought me some cupcakes.
I texted my friend so see if he was with anyone so I could talk to him. He asked me what I meant. I'm really NOT interested in whether he's dating someone else or likes someone else. I suspect enough and that's none of my business. What I AM interested in is if he'll spend time with me. I don't have money to take him anywhere so I can't ask him out and I don't want him spending his money again either. I wanted to study with him and he made all these excuses. I guess I should give him a break because I hate telling people I'm not interested in them-BUT I wanted him to keep it real with me so after pressing him he FINALLY actually told me he didn't want to date me-that's exactly what I wanted him to do. Then he quickly got off the telephone. He probably feels bad but I actually really don't. I had to leave Elenoa and Helene downstairs just to talk to him. I never talk to Helene about him because I think she has a thing for him and I'm not putting her in that situation.
I'm really calm right now and it wasn't hard to hear that. He is spiritually everything I'm looking for and he taught me a lot. I really wish it was different but it's not. I'm not sure why this doesn't bother me more. Probably because I had to do EVERYTHING and he always acted like he couldn't get away from me fast enough. I'm REALLY not used to that role and I don't know what to do but I tried my best.
Helene called and came over too. I love how spiritual they both are. All Elenoa and Helene did was talk about how great the spirit and the gospel are and of how much they love their scriptures. Helene was feeling overwhelmed because she knows she's supposed to be here in Logan and it's why she is remaining here. I was thinking about how blessed I am and of how much I have to be grateful for. The best thing about my friend is that he is a veil worker in the temple. Spiritually he really impresses me and is the first guy to EVER make me wish I was more diligent in everything I know I need to be more consistent with. I've NEVER met anyone more valiant than me in person-male or female. It made me realize how much I need to return to the things I know matter most.
He knows he's here in Logan to get married. I don't know why I'm here and if it's to marry anyone in my ward, I'm alright without that. I'm not attracted to anyone in my ward-spiritually, mentally, or physically. Just my friend BUT yeah that's not happening BUT at least I'm not wasting anymore time feeling guilty because I'm not giving him the attention I think I should.