Urban Poly Princess

When I was a mentor occassionally we would have group activities at bowling. I used to get my nails done every two weeks so the idea of ruining or breaking one just to bowl was NOT attractive to me AND then there's the UGLY shoes that a million people have worn. NOT thrilled with that either. I only worked part time then so spending 23 dollars every two weeks to get my nails done was NOT something I was willing to mess up. YES I AM ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING GIRLS WHO DIDN'T DO CERTAIN THINGS IF IT MEANT BREAKING A NAIL AND NOOO I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT THAT!!!
Despite my bowling hatred I've been bowling 5x since I've lived in Logan AND I've only lived here a little over a year. 2 times were work time parties where I got to drink my free fill of caffeine via diet coke, eat my fill of pizza, AND take home an extra untouched box-I'm kind like that!!!
The other 3 times were ward bowling moments that at least fed me ...pizza AGAIN and pitchers of soda. So NOOO caffeine but alright anyway. Since short nails R what I do now AND I'm TRYING to have a good attitude-when I learned yesterday I'd be bowling for fhe I told my RS president I was going when she texted me about it. Sooo I FINALLY finished my stuff for accreditation at work late and then went straight to this activity. When I get there I find out we have to pay to bowl ourselves. Sooo NOOOT happening!!! When hell freezes over I will pay to bowl-plus I'm tired and hungry so I go home and am happy at least I don't have to fake it at the bowling activity.
I felt bad when I got a text from my RS president asking where I was. I told her I didn't know we had to pay and that I left. She told me I should've stayed and that the reason why she wanted to know if I was going in the first place was because she didn't want to have to pay for bowling either but she decided to go since I texted her I was-but I was tired and hungry so I'm glad I left. Everything in Logan is less than 5 minutes away so it's not like I wasted much gas to go there.
My old YSA Tongan ward is having a dinner/dance Friday since the bishop is getting released. Good Poly food AND great music. If only I had gas money.

I looove Sundays. Today there were absolutely no parking spaces where I usually park. I ended up parking on a completely different side of the church. I entered right before the sacrament song which was perfect since I got to take the sacrament. Everything was alright. I feel better spiritually when I'm trying to perfect myself like I am now.

It really is the key to everything. When you are striving your best nothing else bothers you. I feel great. I need to wash some dishes and make some spaghetti for lunch throughout the week. There are things I need to do but I am calm about everything. Life is good.

I saw someone fine that I don't know in sacrament meeting. He looks very young but David looks young too so I'm hoping he's actually in the ward and not just a visitor. My nephews call me a cougar because I'm always dating younger guys but I'm not attracted to guys my age or even some a lot younger. STILL I want them to have a life and I end up in this catch 22 because younger men usually aren't finished with school and the ones I end up talking to have NOOO life. I wish I'd have a story like all the prophets who saw their wives and just knew immediately they should marry them. There are a lot of things I thought were extremely important to me that just aren't.

Kindness is huge. I know no one's perfect but that is essential. Intelligence has always been extremely important to me because I am intelligent and I want to be able to be myself with whoever I end up with for eternity. Intelligences is the term used in so much doctrine to describe our essence that existed even before we were completely created. This intelligence is eternal. I looove that scripture in D & C 88:40 about intelligence cleaving unto intelligence because it always made me feel better about looking for this quality but now I know without a doubt that kindness is superior to this.

Intentionally hurting someone else is just unnecessary and is completely the reason why I didn't want to have anything with my friend Tiffany when she showed this side to me. She was very nice initially, went to the temple every Tuesday, was kind to most people BUT when she got jealous she showed an ugly side that was abhorrent to me. That's the first time I completely eliminated someone I was once close to from my life. I just don't get it and I refuse to be around it at all. It hurt me sooo much that she could treat me like that. I prayed so hard when I realized what type of person she really was. A lot of crying and praying but eventually it doesn't matter and life always has more options. There are always more people I haven't met yet and more opportunities for me to grow and improve myself.

I'm grateful for the plan of eternal progression and although sometimes I feel like I'm standing still, I know as long as I keep working at it I am progressing.

My phone battery was dead today at church so it was VERY annoying not to be able to access anything.

Zumba started off my day right-BUT then later I went to Lee's meat sale which was fine BUT they had Aggie ice-cream there for over $6 so I just HAD to go to Macey's where I knew I could get some for a dollar less and they were sampling their cream pies and had them on sale for 3.99 sooo I just HAAAD to buy a banana cream pie since it is my absolute favorite pie next to Rodizio Grill's Key Lime!!!-Of course I HAAAD to buy some diet Dr. Pepper after all of that.

West Wing is alright but maybe I wouldn't be watching it so intently if I had my cable turned on now. I am almost done with school and I looove that!!! In a couple months I can stick MBA next to my name along with MLS. A lot of my friends stick their credentials in their email signature. I wasn't going to do that but maybe I should. My corporate boss does with her MBA and one of my friends who is a library director out near Nevada somewhere has her MLS and MPA listed. It might be better professionally. I'm still not sure. I like management, leadership, and writing. I also love music, fashion, make-up-it's hard to determine where I want to spend my time.

Options R what I love and I know finishing my MBA gives me even more. I'm so grateful for sooo many blessings I enjoy!!!

Yesterday was awful... SOOO I decided to make today great!!! AND it was!!!

I first did a session at the Logan temple today since it's Friday and to put me in a better mood right away. It was nice and empty!!!-EXACTLY how I like to attend sessions although I probably shouldn't be happy more people weren't there. It's just nice to reflect when people Rn't everywhere. I hate crowds.

I did a lot of thinking which I need to do-I read a conference talk before I went there and I read scriptures in the chapel and celestial room. NICE!!!

In this nice spiritual high mood I went to work and talked to my Director about losing my file BUT that I'd still have it done for her tomorrow. I also completed 2 papers and submitted them. I AM DONE with my homework EARLY again!!!

I am going to continue my West Wing marathon now since I know I have plenty of time to complete this Library thing for accreditation. Although I thought I would die yesterday when I lost my file, I actually made it better and how I plan to complete this is stronger. Maybe I lost it for a reason. All I know is accreditation is going to get my absolute best effort. I want to dazzle this guy and be the best he's visited-not just compliant but better-than-that-Next week is just the guy corporate hired to give us pointers on how we can improve for the real deal in June or July. STILL I want it to go well.

It was hard for me to do this tonight. I'm so tired. Work was BUSY and it's going to be busy tomorrow too but it's Thursday OR my Friday!!!

I FINALLY baked my cinnamon rolls last night for my sweet neighbor. It was so nice for her to do that for me on Valentine's Day. I'm glad they took my debit card payment so I didn't have to drive to SLC. I feel like James Joyce or Virginia Wolf writing in stream-of-consciousness. Jumping all over the place but that's what my mind does sooo-whatever!!!

Sooo many blessings, opportunities, and challenges. I just got paid yesterday but after paying ALL my bills I have less than a hundred dollars that'll last me another couple of weeks before it just happens all over again. I received ANOTHER thick letter from my mother complete with a conference talk on debt and its evils-AND MORE warnings about keeping the law of chastity-U actually need to be Cing someone before you can break any laws there. I wish I could say how grateful I am for her mail BUT I REALLY don't appreciate it!!! She has NEVER liked ANYONE I dated. I think she'd be fine if I just waited for the next life. MayB part of why I live in Logan is to get away from my mother.

That was a lovely mini-vacation and I hate having to work again, although I love my job.

I STILL need to bake Becca's cinnamon rolls. NO EXCUSES!!! After this I'm walking downstairs and getting my baking on!!!

My VT Jenn visited 2nite. It's sort of weird being taught a lesson U just shared but I should be used to it by now. Everyone approaches it just a little differently. Accreditation is sending someone next week for a preliminary observation. Tomorrow is going to be BUSY!!! I need to get a searching powerpoint solidified for the new students asap. Mr. Nelson also wants me to visit his class. I need to write this plan based on the Ogden librarian's plan. It actually doesn't seem like it'll be tough at all-just time-consuming. I also need to start compiling my school librarian list for our awesome meeting featuring our state librarian Donna Morris Jones!!!

Tomorrow is going to B time-consuming AND busy. New books need to be ordered tomorrow too. It's a good thing I froze enough food to make it convenient to eat my meals at work tomorrow.

I did a lot of laundry today and finished watching the last season of Greek. I wasted a lot of time but I also accomplished a lot. I about finished cleaning my kitchen AND I have enough meals frozen for the entire week. I made teriyaki chicken and I had everything but the ginger. Sooo I went to the store and bought some ginger for next time I start cooking. I froze 3 portions of my teriyaki chicken. I didn't make my cinnamon rolls or deliver them to Becca. I feel bad about that. I have everything to make them. I just need to do it already.

I went to our combined fhe. I don't really like those all that much, and ironically I had more fun at the country dancing combined activity than any other combined fhe. Walmart makes generic Mio drink mixes I'm into now. It's liquid so it mixes a lot better than the powder stuff. I bought a couple from Walmart after fhe.

I saw my friend David tonight but as always he was flanked by his many female fans. I wish that didn't bother me but it still does-I'm hoping it doesn't soon. I'm still not sure how to fix that. I'm just glad I found a way to eliminate the animosity there.

I've enjoyed my mini-vacation today.

I got the second thick letter from my mother with copied ensign conference talks she underlines and adds more stuff to try to help me improve myself. I love her very much but it gets the hell on my nerves. I told her she didn't need to send me any of that stuff when I spoke to her last. She just said she was done. The first letter was ALL on how important keeping the law of chastity is and the second was on managing my money and how to distinguish between wants and needs. She sent me a Strength for Youth pamphlet with her first letter. The chastity stuff was underlined and book-marked.

I missed the opening song and prayer but got there in time to hear most of the first talk if how long he spoke is any indication. It was the snow's fault-I had to unbury my car. I also got to wear my ugly snow boots. Sometimes Bing cute has to suffer-I'm glad this doesn't happen too often!!!

President Pffizer's talk about Logan and how he had to change his attitude really struck a note with me. This is something I commit to quit now!!!

I think it was Pres. Hobbs who first asked us who we could fellowship NOW. I immediately thought of my sweet neighbor Becca. She left all these treats and cards at my door for Valentine's day. It was very nice. My mother sent me a pink scarf she crocheted, my visiting teachers gave me chocolate covered pretzel sticks and Becca gave me an assortment of stuff. I plan to bake her some cinnamon rolls. I need to do that today. I'm glad I had that reminder. Sooo it would've been better with a boyfriend with money who could've bought me some diamond earrings and took me to dinner. Getting flowers would've been good too. I DID get candy from all the AFTER-Valentine sales and chocolate cupcakes also the day after that I bought MYSELF!!! Valentine Schmalentine-bitter? MayB a little bit!!!

Conference was good. Reminders about the spirit and how powerful it is-U can deny the Savior and be alright but denying the holy ghost is not acceptable. I love how someone said sometimes U Rn't sure if it's the spirit but to do it anyway just in case. I always know it's the spirit when I get a prompting completely out of my comfort zone. I think it purposely sometimes is confusing. We are supposed to use our brain and come up with things ourself too. Other times the spirit is so clear and powerful and I can't do anything else or rest until I do what it says. I ALWAYS want to do what it says or what I might think it's telling me. I'm fine with however people perceive me-it may hurt but I'd rather hurt and feel stupid than not do what it says.-This is probably the single most important reason for being physically fit. Our ability to sense the spirit is directly connected to our health. Sometimes it is so subtle. We can't pick up on this unless we've perfected ourselves physically.

I looove that tomorrow is a holiday!!! I have sooo much laundry-I'm going to do that, make myself some lunch then work on making those cinnamon rolls for Becca. I'm so grateful for my testimony and for so much guidance that I don't have to work for to receive. I know the stuff I work for is the REAL stuff BUT there's already so much I can do and gain from now.

It was awesome today!!! I'm not sure if it was just because I did a session today but the spirit was all over that conference session. I saw my friend David with this girl in my book club that I really like. I like her a lot more than the fhe person he always flirts with. She was deliberately mean to me with David that one night. I like my friend a lot more. She's an English major which is a major plus AND she's just real. I thought my session was late enough to miss David at the temple but now I'm not sure because she was in my session. I was REALLY glad he wasn't my veil worker although it would've been nice too. I deliberately tried to avoid him and still meet my goal just because my goal doesn't have anything to do with him. He reminded me of how I need to improve my temple attendance but I plan to attend Friday sessions NOT Saturday and then ONLY when I don't get there Friday for some reason. Although he helped me remember, this is all about ME improving MY spiritual state.

Speakers went over how we need to remember our incredible potential. The talks were completely invigorating. I REALLY have to remember how amazing I feel right now. I don't feel like I have any limits. It's just a matter of working. I know the plan. I know how to feel the spirit and how to court it. I have a lot of spiritual energy right now. This is how I always need to feel. I look forward to our morning session. I need to cook some stuff right now. I am sooo happy it's a holiday Monday. Life is amazing. Opportunities abound and I intend to take full advantage of all of these asap!!!

Cleaned a lot although I still have 3 more free days to complete all that!!! I checked out 5 seasons of the West Wing-the democratic PR machine show that actually is pretty good. My political allegiance made it tough to watch that before but I needed some mindless television shows to pass my time with my holiday Monday since my cable will remain off until I buy a flatscreen now. I can still do zumba with my mother's tv/dvd combo I haven't returned to her yet.

I did a session today since I messed up yesterday and never got there. I hate how crowded Saturdays are but it's the last day to meet my weekly goal. I bought the current conference Ensign too. I feel A LOT better spiritually. I'm glad I had my friend David's example because it reminded me of where I'm supposed to be. Now I just need to make my scripture study and prayers more meaningful then I'll actually feel like I'm progressing!

Everything is spiritual. It's time to be fitness-freak again. We can only be happy if we live to our potential or at least chase after that fiercely. When we are at our physical peak we can feel the spirit easier. I have more energy and can accomplish so much more. Finishing my homework by Thursday allows me to finish so much more.

I went to Helene's party last night. It was fun although for a minute I started talking to Gena who is from Southern California and more recently Vegas. We indulged in a woe-is-me-because-I-live-in-Logan moment that was ultimately NOT productive because YES we both live here now and we need to change what we don't like about it instead of murmuring-it makes me feel like Laman and Lemuel when I overdo it and I AM NEPHI NOT Laman or Lemuel!!!

I woke up late which is beautiful for a Friday. It's sooo nice to have ALL my homework DONE!!! I'm going to keep doing this. My house is a mess which I'm actually going to begin an attack on as soon as I get off this thing. I need to find out the temple schedule. I don't want to ruin what I just started again. Friday temple days R a great thing. Everyone goes on Saturdays and they are sooo crowded. I like space and time to not feel rushed and just ponder the session, life, and where I am.

I feel so blessed. I am so grateful too for all the help I've been given despite making many unwise choices. I finally feel like I'm overcoming my financial hell. My spending is finally curbed. I want to see how long I can go without eating out. Weeks have been amazing for me. I just need to increase that to a month. I wish I had a clear idea of what type of jobs I qualify for with my MBA. I STILL have no idea what I want to write a giant paper about or even spend my time researching in a couple months. Whatever I decide I need to do it quick.

My social life SUCKS. I know I need to make an effort. I'm just not excited about that. Helene is having a party at her house tonight with... wait for it... GAMES!!! It doesn't cost money-something good-I just REALLY miss getting dressed-up and going dancing somewhere with music that doesn't suck with someone who actually enjoys dressing up a little himself AND then eating somewhere followed by watching a DVD at someone's house until 3 or 4 in the morning. I never had to drink or do drugs or make out with anyone to do all of this before BUT NOW I spend my time playing games, eating, playing more games, and wondering what the hell has my life become. Right, I'm the person who never got married so this is what I get to do until I finally meet someone who actually wants to do something different. OR I can paste on my best smile and fake it until I make it and fool myself until the fun I'm having becomes real. I have a feeling that's my only option now.

However, I'm exhausted.-Went to Ogden for work.

After over 5 1/2 years of pretty good service it is now time to part with Verizon. When I last upgraded my phone they told me about a program to return my old phone and get a $100 gift card. This never happened despite over 4 months of assurances AND TALKING WITH 8 DIFFERENT AGENTS THAT SAID this was happening. FINALLY I told them they needed to credit me the $100 or I was leaving. The agent was willing to comp me $50 BUT THE HOURS I'VE SPENT ON THIS AND THE DAMN PHONE I SENT THEM MONTHS AGO WARRANT A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT MOOORE!!! THIS IS DIFFICULT BECAUSE I STILL THINK VERIZON HAS THE BEST SERVICE-HOWEVER, THEIR CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS BIG TIME AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!

So I'm sure now I'll get charged for breach of contract. I went to look at phones at Best Buy and the Sprint store. The Sprint store has a phone I love. The service with taxes each month will cost me about $70-that's less than I'm paying now BUT if Virgin mobile really has those prices it'll B sooo worth it. Their plan requires buying one of their approved phones but then I could pay $35 a month and that is VERY attractive to me. MayB I'll get a crappy phone first and then something nicer later after I've paid off some of these bills. I already have all the church programs downloaded to my Thunderbolt. That's available even when my service goes off.

I ate out yesterday and spent a total of $7. I hate it. Wow! I'm getting VERY CHEAP NOW!!! I went home and made a couple of ham sandwiches for lunch. I bought strawberries the other day so I made my splenda white chocolate chip pudding and put it over everything then I sprinkled chocolate chips over the whole thing which tastes delicious!!! I wish I'd had some salted peanuts because that would've been perfect on top of this. OR some Hershey's chocolate syrup.

I actually like going home for lunch and I avoid wasting money. My E-book won't open up so I can read and start formulating my discussion question for tonight. I just found out my last class is in March rather than April like I thought. I got an A- for Accounting since I turned my paper in late. I don't think when I'm applying for some job LATER that anyone will ask me what grade I received in Accounting sooo I'm all good!!!

I stayed up ALL night to complete my Accounting paper that I turned in LATE this morning. I bought a 44 ounce Diet Dr. Pepper from Maverick that did the trick. Right now I'm extremely tired AND sleepy. I get to be smiley at our stake blood drive from 3-8pm after which I plan to SLEEP 11 hours until the next day which thankfully won't require much from me.

My dean and I are meeting at the Ogden Stevens-Henager College Campus Thursday morning at 10am. We're supposed to go over their library components in all their classes with them. I can use a change of scenery. NICE!!!

It's time for me to get another Diet Dr. Pepper-I NEED it for medicinal purposes!!! Plus Maverick has these tasty sugar valentine cookies too!

Sooo I over reacted about my friend David hiding his addy from me because he thought I might stalk him. He really does live by Mindie-I don't know why my app told me differently the first time. I guess I was just oversensitive. HOWEVER I don't doubt he was mean that night or deliberately rude.

He looked good tonight. I like that shirt. It's pretty sad that clothes make a difference to me BUT they do although it DOESN'T REALLY MATTER. I like dressing up. I looove shopping and I looove clothes, shoes, makeup-ALL that STUFF. BUT I don't want people judging me or assuming I'm shallow just because I love that stuff. I guess this is why I don't want to judge people by what they wear, I don't want them to judge me either. I try to develop ALL areas of my life and NOT just the surface, although it matters to me too-I am going to become fitness OCD soon and I look forward to Bing there again.

MAJOR CULTURE CLASH tonight playing some sort of game-YES, another game!!! It was a game similar to pyramid. U describe a word or phrase without saying the word or phrase. I had Fergie which I thought would be a breeze-I said hot girl from the Black Eyed Peas-NO ONE KNEW HER NAME in the group of at least 10 people there. I should've said the Duchess of Windsor-It reminded me of when I went through David's CDs and the only ones I recognized were classical, the Mormon Tabernacle choir and a few musical soundtracks.

It is annoying as hell to watch my friend flirting BUT it's something I need to get over. I don't know what he has against my friend Ryan. This is the second time he started talking about him negatively when really there was no need to go there at all. He also said how some girls texted him when he didn't give them his number-yeah I did that sooo I REALLY didn't enjoy hearing that because it just confirmed to me that he discussed what I did to try to develop our relationship with his friends. I'm not sure what he gains by discussing that stuff with other people. His social skills are hardly top notch and pointing out what he perceives as other people's faults is just evidence of his inadequacy. It just makes him look bad. He kept repeating how some girl wanted him to bring back a pineapple from Hawaii. I'm pretty sure it was Renee. I was really scared he would tell everyone it was her at Michelle's potluck. I'm REALLY glad he stopped.

There's a Tongan saying, "mole poini"-that means losing points-my friend when she was dating her husband used to tell me all the mole poini stuff about him. He had a diamond stud earring on one of his ears, he wasn't as tall as she wanted him to be although he was taller than her. David is awesome but he has some mole poini stuff too. The Ryan stuff needs to quit as does telling the world how girls try to get to know him better AND I don't feel that way just because I tried to get to know him better myself.

Jonni and I did our visiting teaching. She's a great partner. We always get it done fairly early in the month. Church was alright too.

I'm at home now and I wanted something sweet and quick so I mixed marshmallows, butter, karo syrup and kap crunch berry cereal. I'm pretty sure that was a BAAAD idea!!! Jonni gave me Dr. Pepper for Valentine's day!!! She has no idea how much I liked that. I tried to eat spaghetti to "balance" that but it didn't work.

I still haven't finished my last paper. I feel bad for not feeling better about my visit from my sweet friend who only shared goodness and I didn't appreciate it. I'm avoiding writing my paper. Not sure about why I'm doing that either.

I love 2 Nephi 4 sooo much I was trying to explain why I liked it so much then I started crying. STUPID!!! We should be the happiest people on the earth because we have sooo much to be grateful for and so much to rejoice over. I like Nephi's psalm because he laments how easy it is for him to feel bad sometimes despite the knowledge he has of the truth. That's exactly how I feel-bad because I feel bad. BUT then a lot of the class members shared their testimonies of how it was alright to feel pain and sorrow sometimes and that we didn't have to be Pollyanna all the time.

I'm missing a bishop's fireside so I can "work" on my paper but I haven't done that either. I think I might wait until midnight, go get some caffeine and then work on my paper-then I can be sleep-deprived and oh so cherry at work tomorrow and then at fhe later tomorrow. Whatever happens it's definitely time to finish this paper.

I just finished listening to my recorded virtual class lecture for any hints before I write this last paper. He shortened the page length which is FABULOUS. I thought a lot about my visit with my friend last night. I wouldn't have been home to sit there for over 3 hours discussing nothing but the gospel if it wasn't for my homework. I'd rather be out of the house. Helene invited me to cosmic bowling last night but I wanted to do homework first. With my friend's visit that didn't happen. I love discussing the gospel BUT a looong session like that isn't happening again.
There are other parts of my life I'd like to consider, yes it can relate to the gospel BUT I don't C myself sitting at home discussing it for hours on a regular basis. I'd rather be interacting with people-actually living life. I think maybe she needs that because she's a convert and her family wasn't LDS. Maybe just normal conversation about gospel principles is what she's missing. It kind of reminded me of my mother who used to talk to my brother and I when we were watching TV and she'd give her fake "you know I used to think...(insert ANY behavior contrary to the gospel here) was fine...BUT later through the gospel/church/years I have learned...(insert something here that she wants to emphasize!!!) . It's like those annoying moral lessons Arco from He-man would share-VERY OBVIOUS-yes, the public service announcements. REALLY???!!! I wonder if anyone's done a study on how effective those were. I guess I should be grateful my mother tried to teach me although those moments were like shinning a huge spotlight and ringing a buzzer. TEACHING MOMENT!!! PAY ATTENTION NOW!!! LEARN SOMETHING NEW YOU HAVEN'T FROM THE LAST FIVE TIMES I POINTED THIS EXACT THING OUT TO YOU!!!
It's nice to hear testimony of how the Book of Mormon has helped someone grow. BUT it was a little tiring last night. I feel bad for feeling that way because my friend has good intentions. I was just a little sick of hearing about it last night. I'm trying to figure out why I felt that way. It was just too much when I wanted to finish my brainless time-waster DVD and then finish my homework.

I'm grateful to have good friends who have strong testimonies. My sweet friend Elenoa stopped by and ALL she did was talk about the gospel and how it's changed her life. She just got back from visiting teaching. This was around 7pm and she didn't quit until after midnight and only after I retrieved a call from my mother. I need to learn to be firm. My last paper is due tomorrow AND I can't afford a night like this again. Although she was spiritually uplifting, I'm almost done with this and I need to finish this program already and that's not going to happen if I keep getting visitors. Hardly anyone knows where I live on purpose. STILL I deal with this-I'm not sure how to handle this.

We talked about so many different things. She comes from a strong methodist family and she is still learning a lot about the church. I love her example-STILL this can't keep happening.

Credit counseling money went through my bank account and I actually have some left.

I REALLY hope this isn't to prepare me for my future. I may be finishing my MBA AND have my MLS BUT I'm not working when I have children. I am grateful my mother stayed home with my brother and I. My brother and his wife have 9 kids and they have always found a way to have more than enough and even an abundance. My sister-in-law has never worked outside the home. She has started teaching Zumba but I think she spends more on her Zumba official clothes, shoes, and maintaining her certifications. It will REALLY suck if I have a husband who can't support me well because if he thinks he can rely on me to help provide financially he is in for a rude awakening-I guess it shouldn't matter what his job is BUT it does. If he says "Would U like fries with that?" there on a regular basis I probably won't go there either.

I don't know how I'm ever going to work on Fridays again. I love that I can sleep in tonight.

I'm REALLY glad I talked to and emailed my friend David because I finally feel like the animosity is gone because I hate that feeling. I was offended and I still believe he was intentionally cruel but I think there were underlying reasons for why he thought he had to act that way. I think when he acts like that it's one of his coping mechanisms. I wonder if just no one's ever called him on it. I hate that I had to be the person to do that.

I love his qualities so much-enough that I want to try still BUT agency is sacred AND a war in heaven was fought over that principle. I love his intelligence and his spiritual commitment. I always thought that would be more than enough but it wasn't.

I was thinking about my 21-year-old friend that I got close to first when I moved here. We got along so well but had absolutely nothing in common. I still love him very much but ultimately I'm grateful to him for not going there. I took him to see a play in SLC for his birthday. On the looong drive back to Brigham City he asked me to drive with him to Willard so he could buy spice from his dealer friend. Of course I told him no but I kept thinking what is my life that I have a friend that does drugs.Actually he did everything-drank, smoke, drugs, sex with a variety of girls. I never was able to convince him that through the atonement he could overcome that or his other worldly habits. When he was 16 his boss was having marital problems so she decided to sleep with him. His parents were and continue not to be active in the church. His dad thought it was actually pretty cool that his boss did that. I was never able to help him gain the testimony I know can bring him the joy he is too intelligent not to know he can receive. The atonement is all-encompassing. If someone holds what he's done against him if he does repent, they in effect are saying they don't believe the atonement really works for everything. It's the difference between believing in Christ and actually believing him. Many people find it easy to believe in his divinity BUT the REALLY important part is believing that what he said is true, that through him ANYONE can find forgiveness and gain exaltation.

That's what I don't know about David. I don't know how he treats people who haven't had the nice little lds family. I've seen how he treats me and it is pretty scary for me to think of how he might treat people who don't believe the same way he does.

I never thought I'd ever develop feelings for white men. If I ever marry someone white I will never hear the end of it from my family. I made too much noise about wanting to find someone Tongan. I wish I could get to know my friend David better. I like him a lot but I don't love him. I know I could if I spent more time with him. I want him to be happy. I care about him but not like I could because that only develops through shared experiences.

I feel REALLY good. I just told my friend I wish him the best AND I meant it. He is amazing and I'm grateful for his example. I know if I am just diligent in the things I need to be diligent in I won't have any problems with chastity or anything really. That has never been a problem and it's not going to be one now. Temple attendance, scripture reading, and prayer are the Sunday school answers but they really do make all the difference in the world!!!

I have a tough time letting things go-I was trying to make things ok with my friend last night which is a good thing-BUT I didn't realize I still had some lingering animosity but yes it reared its ugly head. I need to get rid of the attitude before I spend ANY time with him.

Weird, I've had so many friends who have been sexually active AND I've spent so much time trying to get them to see how the atonement truly covers that-And they can go forward and they can be worthy wherever they R now. I don't judge them. I spend all this time trying to make people feel better about themselves despite the choices they've made. I always try to treat people well even and despite their shortcomings.

Then I meet someone who actually lives his standards the way I do and I focus on how he was rude to me when I know he doesn't even think he was rude in the first place. That should make it better but it actually makes it worse. I don't know why it's so easy for me to judge him.

And there I go again. My psycho mother freaked me out when she told me she had a dream I broke the law of chastity. Uh, NOOO-that would've been done a looong time ago if I wanted. Her freak-out actually freaked me out though and convinced me I needed to make sure my friendship with the one guy I know maintains high moral standards was all good. I told him I was still his friend-soon after he treated me like crap, but I really meant on the surface. I wasn't completely sincere. His lack of social grace is actually a very small thing comparatively. I need to remember that.

Ward temple night was awesome!!! I love the spirit and I love that place. I think I'm going to start going every Friday like I did at first. I want my own temple worship that has nothing to do with anyone else. I'm glad we have a ward night but I like it best when I go there by myself-then it's just me and my relationship with my Father in Heaven.

It's only 5:30pm and I am sleepy... I got up at 6am and worked out. Usually that give me energy throughout the day. Perhaps it was the chocolate cupcakes I had for breakfast. Whatever it was I have a 2-liter Diet Dr. Pepper at home that needs to get me alert so I can feel the spirit at the temple tonight.
I love the temple. I love how I feel when I go there.
9 more minutes of work. Time to post this!!!

It's cold. I need to return these DVDs to the Logan library. I'm just cold. My heater's on maybe I need to turn it up. I need to come back and actually make my lunch for tomorrow. I'm trying so hard not to eat out like I used to. I have $12 in cash I'm going to try to make last until I get paid again. Credit counseling should take about 215 and that'll leave me with about 270 that I still need to pay my phone bill with. I paid everything else. I should be done with one of these loans pretty quick here. that'll free up about 120 a month. I didn't realize how much I used to eat out before. It's enlightening but unfortunately not in a real good way. I can't wait until all of this is done. I need to put that $120 into paying off my car title loan. There's about $800.00 on that. I can't believe all this mess I got myself in. I guess at least it's getting dealt with. It just sucks!!! I want some new brown shoes. Maybe I can just find a shoe repair store around here somewhere. The strap is about broken on my brown patent leather church shoes. One of the decorative straps on my gold and brown shoes broke too. It shouldn't be difficult to fix. My brown suede boots need heel protector things. Why did all the brown dressy shoes get messed up???!!! Annoying!!! More annoying I can't just buy some new shoes. I just thought of my sandals I wore to church. All I need to do is get some nylons. I think that's what I'll do. I guess being a clothes horse helps when U don't have any money to spend. I really need to figure out if Logan has some shoe repair place. I paid enough for my damn shoes. I really don't want to have to replace ALL of the brown dressy stuff. Alright time to step out in the cold again-return the DVDs and buy some nylons, cooking oil,

I didn't die 2nite!!! Amazing!!! My Taiwanese friend didn't even show up so I could've just missed it BUT it REALLY wasn't that bad. I think because they didn't really play any ugly country music and they spent more time on the instruction. Yes, I actually had fun. I feel good about attending fhe!!! Homework will not consume my life anymore. That is VERY nice and makes it time for me to magnify ALL areas of my life, a VERY good thing.

I'm sooo glad this is almost done!!! I start International Business Management-next week-just one class!!! March I work on my Thesis w/NOOO class!!! Then April is the LAST CLASS!!! Human Resource Management. I'm going to try to finish it then but even if I don't I still get 2 more months to finish my Thesis.

Life is good!!! It almost makes the thought of listening to country music tonight bearable...almost but not quite.

Stupid Accounting. I FINALLY finished my last assessment of the Boston Celtics financial statements from 1996-1998. I'm glad I'm done with this!!! Just 1 big paper next week and I am DONE with looking at these financial statements. My paper's on Estee Lauder. I'm not apprehensive AT ALL about it because I researched the company for another class-SOOO I have all the stuff I need-I just have to do a SWOT analysis or Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats. Yes I will have to look at the company's financial statements but the bulk of my paper at least doesn't have to be spent trying to figure out where one figure came from or why one figure is lower or higher than expected.
I've been fellowshipping this Taiwanese girl Krista and I asked if she was attending FHE tomorrow without really thinking about exactly what it is now-I think I'm going to die tomorrow by having to listen to country music. YES it is country dancing day-Hew Haw! Kill me, kill me now!!! How the L am I supposed to fellowship people when I have a bad attitude? It's just like hiking. HATE IT!!! MayB Heavenly Father is trying to teach me something.
My friend came to visit her friend's Sunday School class today. It is the marriage preparation class which was the LAST place I wanted to be especially since someone I specifically AVOID was in the class. BUT I survived although there was no way in hell I was going to talk to him when he came outside and talked to my friend and the teacher-I immediately began talking to my Taiwanese friend. She said she tried for 20 minutes to find fhe last week but was unsuccessful.
My friend David gave a nice testimony today. He had the spirit which was nice. I wish I could fix our friendship but really I just see the cycle repeating itself. Sad because I enjoy his company.

I've decided I REALLY don't like accounting. That probably means I should study it more BUT uh NOOO!!! I'm so glad I just have to write 1 paper next week and then I don't need to look at any more financial statements!!! I need to write a paper on accounting associations that is pretty easy but I'm prolonging still. The next is a paper I have to write based on a Celtics made-up case. I SOOO DON'T care about it. I guess I should watch the lecture so I don't write something completely wrong. I lost points on that annoying assignment but everything else still allowed me to sit at 98 percent for the class sooo I just need to do it again!!! It's fast Sunday so I can't distract myself with snacks again and I've done several aimless facebook stints sooo nothing but time to pound that stuff out!!!
I've also decided when I'm done with school I'm going to get all obsessive about working out again. My sister-in-law is so thin I'd think she wasn't healthy but I know she still eats a lot-she just works out a lot too now. I'd like to be a zumba instructor like her. It is a way to earn some extra cash AND get more energy at the same time. Life is really filled with opportunities!!!

Usually Fridays R days I can sleep in-today I did but then I remembered a CVLA planning meeting for our official meeting in March-so I rolled out of bed and rushed over to the meeting. It went well and I'm excited. Robert Shupe talked to the Utah State Librarian to attend our first event which is exciting.
I have a lot of homework like I will every weekend until probably the end of April.
I looove life and all the blessings I continue to receive!!!

I love February!!! I'm grateful for sooo much. I'm grateful for my testimony, for a job I love, and for opportunites that always abound even if I do live in Logan, Utah. I can't wait to increase my temple attendance, scripture study, and return to zumba. I can't wait to finish my MBA-2 more classes and my thesis paper then I'll have that done and NOT have to think about completing homework!
I'm glad I got to know my friend better and see the type of person he actually has turned out to be. I kind of feel like I'm back in high school with the way he and his friends act. I like knowing people's true natures. I know that people are multifaceted and not always jackasses or Bs but how an individual chooses to respond to a situation says a lot about who they are. I'm sure David's friends were merciless but I'm actually glad they were because I like to see what people do under pressure and to gain insight so quickly is rare. I had a glimpse of this briefly before, but I hoped it was an aberration. I should have stuck with my original thought-but at least now I know how it really is and what I REALLY don't want or need in my life.