Urban Poly Princess

I don't know how I'm ever going to work on Fridays again. I love that I can sleep in tonight.

I'm REALLY glad I talked to and emailed my friend David because I finally feel like the animosity is gone because I hate that feeling. I was offended and I still believe he was intentionally cruel but I think there were underlying reasons for why he thought he had to act that way. I think when he acts like that it's one of his coping mechanisms. I wonder if just no one's ever called him on it. I hate that I had to be the person to do that.

I love his qualities so much-enough that I want to try still BUT agency is sacred AND a war in heaven was fought over that principle. I love his intelligence and his spiritual commitment. I always thought that would be more than enough but it wasn't.

I was thinking about my 21-year-old friend that I got close to first when I moved here. We got along so well but had absolutely nothing in common. I still love him very much but ultimately I'm grateful to him for not going there. I took him to see a play in SLC for his birthday. On the looong drive back to Brigham City he asked me to drive with him to Willard so he could buy spice from his dealer friend. Of course I told him no but I kept thinking what is my life that I have a friend that does drugs.Actually he did everything-drank, smoke, drugs, sex with a variety of girls. I never was able to convince him that through the atonement he could overcome that or his other worldly habits. When he was 16 his boss was having marital problems so she decided to sleep with him. His parents were and continue not to be active in the church. His dad thought it was actually pretty cool that his boss did that. I was never able to help him gain the testimony I know can bring him the joy he is too intelligent not to know he can receive. The atonement is all-encompassing. If someone holds what he's done against him if he does repent, they in effect are saying they don't believe the atonement really works for everything. It's the difference between believing in Christ and actually believing him. Many people find it easy to believe in his divinity BUT the REALLY important part is believing that what he said is true, that through him ANYONE can find forgiveness and gain exaltation.

That's what I don't know about David. I don't know how he treats people who haven't had the nice little lds family. I've seen how he treats me and it is pretty scary for me to think of how he might treat people who don't believe the same way he does.

I never thought I'd ever develop feelings for white men. If I ever marry someone white I will never hear the end of it from my family. I made too much noise about wanting to find someone Tongan. I wish I could get to know my friend David better. I like him a lot but I don't love him. I know I could if I spent more time with him. I want him to be happy. I care about him but not like I could because that only develops through shared experiences.