Urban Poly Princess

Looong day at work. I REALLY needed a break. It probably wasn't the best idea to go to fhe tonight when I knew we were helping someone move. I've moved sooo many times and I hate it every time I do it. I looove when everything is where I want it to be however. I considered not going to fhe tonight but I'm glad I attend regularly AND my annoying thinking would wonder all night if Heavenly Father was withholding blessings from me because I didn't go and help. Sooo I did. I am constantly appalled by how people live. Mindie's house would drive me crazy. Jennifer's would too. I like to get rid of stuff I'm not using and I like things clean all the time. It is one of the reasons I can't have a roommate. She is an awesome family history person. When I move I box things up myself. I get help with moving the boxes. I clean by myself too. Maybe I am a little compulsive but I'm alright with that. David was practically laying down when he gave the lesson. MayB it's a cultural thing but I wanted him to sit up. Discussing the gospel deserves our respect and attention. He was treating it too casual. That REALLY annoyed me BUT no one else seemed to mind and he certainly didn't. I did not like that. In the beginning I really thought I'd snap at him. I'm not sure why he is sooo good at getting on my nerves. I'm glad he didn't make it worse because I like not fighting with him and I don't think I'm supposed to anyway. I'm glad we helped Jennifer. I hope she travels safely to Canada. The Cache Valley County Librarian only makes 18,000 a year. There is no way I would agree to do that exclusively. I looked at the hours of operation and perhaps that's why it pays so little. I'd do it if they work with my schedule AND I want the same number of hours for 20,000 a year. That would give me the money I need to eliminate all my bills. The garnishment on my wages wants to take over 300 out of each check. I can't do that and pay for anything else that needs to be paid. I just took a loan out on my 401k. It is for a little over a thousand and will seem like nothing to pay it off. $8 will be taken from each paycheck for 5 years. Talk about sweet terms!!! The more I think about Cache County, the more I want them to hire me part time. I think I can do it since I don't work the weekends. The Librarian will be retiring just when my MBA is completed. My loan money will be used for paying my back taxes, insurance AND car safety check and registration. I talked to my credit counselor about the garnishment. He recommended I declare bankruptcy when I told him I have multiple loans I'm trying to pay off. I REALLY didn't want to do that but I'm feeling like I don't have a choice at all. I wish that stupid company would've just accepted what I could pay and what I arranged with the credit counselor. Now they aren't going to get a penny if I do the bankruptcy route. The stupid route but how the hell am I supposed to survive? My mother's not going to help me and I've seen how the bishop thought he could help me too. I know my Heavenly Father helped me realize I need to take a loan out on my 401k. It will provide the money I need to survive if the garnishment happens with my next check. The more I consider it the more bankruptcy seems like the only solution for me. The irony is not lost on me. I need to do this quickly. I'm going to explore everything I possibly can. It's pretty rich when people talk about budgeting when I have a bunch of loans most of which were taken just to pay other loans AND rent AND electricity. I know it was my own stupidity, I know the church doesn't like this choice but I REALLY tried and I don't have another option. I hate this but somehow I need to find the strength to do this AND finish my MBA. I feel like my world is crumbling but somehow I need to keep it together and finish my MBA. I'm not sure why I always find myself on the edge like this. It reminds me of when I spent almost every penny on a ticket to Portland to take my class so I could work on my MLS. I remember watching my pennies AND flying to Oregon AND staying at the Days Inn hotel which is a complete trailer trash hotel BUT it was 140 a night AND the cheapest rate I could find. I've been there before and I did it. I know how tenacious I can be when I have to do that. Apparently the time is here again.

Looove Sundays!!! I need to write 3 small papers asap and then 1 8-10 page paper to complete this last class. After that I have 2 months to complete my Thesis AND my MBA. I'm excited, I just need to start getting real. Helene invited me to go with her to Idaho to visit her parents and have dinner next Sunday. It's an hour and a half away which is just like driving to SLC and coming back the same night before work. It sounds like fun but REALLY I need to finish this degree so I can start the countdown with Stevens-Henager College. I owe them 2 years since I decided to get the MBA. That can be spent at any Stevens-Henager however or College America in Colorado, Idaho, or California. The Cache Valley County Library Director retires in 2 months. My friends keep telling me to apply for it but if I do that I'll have to pay Stevens-Henager College 27,000 for the MBA. I REALLY don't want to spend any more time here than I have to spend BUT it would B a fantastic career move. I think the director makes at least 50,000 but since it's a public position the salary should be public-I'm definitely looking into it. Being director for a couple of years will certainly qualify me for a manager job over one of the libraries in Salt Lake County Library System with a salary that starts at 64,000. Of course regular librarian jobs in California start at over 60,000. If my future holds what I think it does it might be wise for me to stay here BUT then again, although nothing's negative, NOTHING'S happening either. I don't like twiddling my thumbs which is what the hell it feels like. I'm not stupid and I don't want that sleep deprivation thing happening again BUT REALLY how long is this supposed to take? Polynesian relationships are too serious too fast and I didn't want that, and I've been avoiding that for a long time, but NOW those are looking better and better. David sang beautifully today during sacrament meeting. I'd love to hear a solo but I don't think that's happening anytime soon. I decided NOT to attend the basic skills Sunday school class because I don't like what I think are the shady motives behind asking me to attend in the first place AND I talk too much in that class. I'd like to go to gospel doctrine classes when I want and not HAVE to attend to make anyone feel better. THEY can go somewhere else if they don't like it. I'm probably seeing things that aren't there but whatever I don't care AND I'm going to do what I want unless an angel appears before me and tells me otherwise. There's an ugly throat thing STILL and my nose keeps running AND I'm not going to sleep at an appropriate time. Sooo that's not getting better. What do I do? YES I know how to figure that out. I just wish someone would tell me sometimes. I love figuring things out myself BUT sometimes I just don't want to think. I just want life to happen to me.

Interrupting my homework to post here. ULA was AWESOME!!! I felt so blessed. I know sooo many librarians, managers, directors throughout Utah. I was very fortunate to have worked as a substitute librarian for Salt Lake County. The connections I made there and what I learned there was invaluable. Combined with the Cache Valley connections I made through starting CVLA, there weren't ANY workshops there where I didn't know or work with someone before. Starting school with cohort 3 and then finishing with cohort 4 was also a blessing in disguise because I know all of them too. I didn't need a conference to tell me of the central role mobile phones and applications are taking. Children's books on the Ipad R also AMAZING. That's the next thing I WANT NOW!!! Mother's day AND my mom, sister-in-law, AND niece's birthdays R in May. My cousin Noelani also wants to hold a Mateaki/Toutai BBQ during memorial day weekend. More driving back and forth. I wanted to see George and his family this weekend but my mother said not to since we'll have to visit them next month to celebrate something. My payday loan through mountain loan center did NOT accept the payment arrangement through my credit counselor. Now they've submitted paperwork to garnish my wages. I can't afford that PLUS my credit counseling payments. I'm going to have to figure this out now. I thought I was DONE with this. It was a $300 loan which somehow with fees and interest they've calculated to $2577. Remaining focused on school isn't easy with this. It's difficult for me to know what to pay first and/or who to even try to negotiate with. Despite all of this I still need to finish this last class and then fine-tune my thesis and write the thing already. If nothing else I'll have my MBA. Time for me to start looking for a part time weekend job. Schools about done. I need it done completely so I can make money and pay these stupid bills off asap.

So Y did people show up AFTER my fhe lesson? Were they warned to stay away until I'd probably be done? Sarah's always there on time and Katie usually rushes so she doesn't miss a second glued to David. Y did Sarah REALLY ask me to attend the Life Skills class? Was my presence in Gospel Doctrine a problem to someone? To Whom? Mindie saw me looking strangely at the pudding before she dropped MORE than enough on the wax paper in front of me. Gee I'm sorry I'm not thrilled to stick a hand in pudding. I am TRYING. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now. This is how I get past my frustration. I'm really glad David and I Rn't fighting over everything. He seriously is not capable of going 5 minutes without flirting with someone. He is not smooth and he's definitely not a player. Actually I don't get it-I don't know what he gains from it. My friends and I used to have flirting competitions to see what we could get guys to do for us-usually to buy us stuff. I'm sooo NOT like that anymore. It was just a game. The guys always thought they'd get something from me but they never did. I just played sweet and stupid. All David is getting are more girls that think he's really interested in them. I just don't think he really is interested in them. BUT then it would make sense if he actually was infatuated with that number of women.

So I went early to fhe and NO ONE was there sooo I gave David and Mindie my lesson when Sam showed up and then Sarah and then Katie. We made pudding finger paintings. I just wasn't too thrilled to intentionally stick my hand in chocolate pudding. NOT my kind of fun.

I realized something tonight about my RS president. Annoying-BUT-Whatever!!! It makes a bunch of stuff suspect now. This is good for me to know and it is important for me to gain this perspective. Line upon line-things R making sense and actually I wish they wouldn't because it completely changes how I see her now. I wondered why she always texts me to find out if I'm attending fhe, it makes perfect sense now. REALLY???!!! The lengths people go to is amazing. I don't know why people can't just be real. What I don't understand is why anyone would want to limit someone's choices. If I'm considered a threat, doesn't that mean anything? When you really love someone you want them to be happy, even if what they want hurts you.

I don't get how people can act that way when they have the gospel in their lives. Heavenly Father is loving and merciful. He wants what's best for us always. He sees everything. His vision is not limited. We are the ones with the blinders.

David's singing Sunday. I hope I get to hear him BUT it depends on my brother's schedule. I miss he and his family so much. I hope it works out that I get to do both.

David's flirty ways were in full effect tonight. I wish I knew a better way to deal with that. I just leave.

Basic Skills class and we had a lesson on formal education and education in general and how important it is-this girl made the comment that there is so much to learn in this life and that she's glad because she doesn't necessarily want to learn nuclear physics and that it is alright because in the next life other people can teach her that. Sometimes I wish I could REALLY shut up I HAD to say I thought that actually we had to learn everything eventually. Janelle said how we only use a small percentage of our brain now and that it'll be easier in the next life to then learn everything with resurrected bodies AND yeah perfect minds-sooo... could I shut up then? NOOO I had to add that we're told it's easier and that we'll have a huge advantage in the next life if we learn now-YEAH I could FINALLY shut up then. I REALLY wasn't trying to be contentious, I just felt like there was a lot of false doctrine being thrown around. I felt like I needed to say something but then I didn't feel good arguing with Janelle and it seemed to turn that way. I'm not really sure how to make it better. I thought about saying something after but then that would've just made it seem bigger than it was-I wish I always had clear cut answers about how to remain true to myself BUT how to do that WITHOUT making anyone feel bad.
David was at a temple worker devotional so he missed church. I missed Cing him there AND I did something he doesn't like BUT I didn't know that UNTIL I did it.
My visiting teachers are coming tomorrow B4 fhe. I'm giving the lesson so I need to make sure I'm there on time. I saw Josh in the RS room right after Sunday School so I made arrangements for he and his partner Jeff to visit AND change my lightbulbs earlier today. He was able to change all 3 which surprised me since when I had Jared change them he said a couple of the outlet things didn't work. Maybe Josh just knows the right way to screw the lightbulbs in because his own apartment is the same. Whatever, i'm glad I have light in my bedroom again.
I keep procrastinating this paper which is pretty easy-it is only 3 pages and I'm not sure why I keep putting it off. I baked my ham last night then I took the pieces of ham off the spiral bone and tossed it in the garbage. I froze sections of it and I stuck a bunch in the oven and poured the homemade apricot jam I have over it after I stirred it with Dijon mustard. It was scrumptious. I also made funeral potatoes because I've been on this roll of trying out new recipes. For some reason I thought these were great, NOOO-they're just alright. There is a lot of flavor but truthfully it is NOOOT good. The ingredients should've clued me in. Online these received rave reviews BUT NOOO!!! I still froze portions I will eat with my ham because I'm not throwing away what I spent money AND time on HOWEVER I will NOT be making this again or eating it when I am given the option.
I can't believe I was nervous about cooking a spiral ham. These are already cooked B4 these are frozen and placed in the store. The glazing which is what makes the difference can be done with just a portion. You just stick the ham in the oven and it is heated and browned nicely. It doesn't take much skill at all to pull it off. Any type of fruit juice can be poured over it as it bakes.

Feeling a lot better but I'm still very far from 100 % fully recovered. I need to complete my homework for the week. I went to the USU luau last night but really I should've stayed home and moved closer to the fully recovered state. In a way I'm glad I went because I met Vai's dad. He stopped to smoke outside the Hummer. He is DEFINITELY NOT LDS. I'm not sure how to influence either Vai or her sister in a positive way. I always suspected she was spoiled. I have no doubt of that now. Her parents R not religious or strict. Something that's VERY weird to me. Traditional Tongan girls come from extremely religious and strict homes regardless of what religion they are raised with. Vai's parents got married when they were still in high school in Tonga. Vai hasn't had any restrictions at all. That doesn't mean she's made bad choices. Meeting her dad made me understand her a lot more.
It's tough for me NOT to be supercritical when I watch Polynesian dancing. I have to keep reminding myself that I danced PROFESSIONALLY-even if it was where I got most of my experience and that I can't hold everyone to the same standards. I guess I was just used to PCC boys with nice muscular bodies dancing without their shirts. I didn't like seeing all the mashmallow bodies everywhere. I gained so much weight and it is hypocritical of me BUT there is no way in hell I would dance again WITHOUT losing weight. Fat girls dancing? Yes I saw that too along with other transgressions-Again-NO, NO, NO!!!
I saw Douggie last night. He gained weight too. He isn't fat but he has chubby cheeks now.
There's a lot for me to do today. I am REALLY looking forward to spending most of next week in SLC and then in Provo visiting my brother and his family. I'm leaving Tuesday after work and I'll return Sunday or Monday morning.

I'm taking my contacts out then sleeping.

Tomorrow is our first program advisory committee meeting for the business department. I was a little worried because we have sooo many business books and the Dean wanted me to compile a list of all our business resources. It took me ALL day and I STILL wasn't done at the end of the day BUT I decided to go to fhe. I get there and everyone's starting to eat. Surprise, surprise-it started at 6:30 and I missed the lesson but it worked out anyway. i ate then I went back to work to finish compiling that list, finished around 9:30pm and I emailed it to the Dean!!! Definitely FEELING GOOD!!!
I still have a lot of stuff to do-I need to compile and send the minutes for CVLA, gather attendance for the presentations Andy did and send these to USU for him, Compile my medical, computer science, and graphic arts lists. These shouldn't take as long because I don't really buy medical or computer books for the general public to read. Almost ALL my nonfiction section I keep in the Learning Resource Center are business books. I do have a couple on cloud computing but only because it's a business concern now.
Business Skills are relevant regardless of the field someone enters. This is one reason why I wanted an MBA.
I saw my friend at fhe. I was too distracted to notice anything really although it was nice I didn't have to watch him flirt with the world.
This girl who was sitting at my table asked me if I wore a new dress Sunday or new shoes. Seriously???!!! i never thought this ward would have MORE people like that. I had to think about what I wore. Actually I wore my green suit because it was clean and long enough so I wouldn't feel strange without nylons. I bought the shoes last summer BUT that's really none of her damn business. When I told her it wasn't new she said she's never seen me wear it before-STUPID-REALLY if it was new I'd have no problem telling her it was AND AGAIN NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS. I was very annoyed so I just told her the truth which is I could go a year and she'd never see me wear the same thing twice if I wanted. A girl sitting by her asked me if I really have that much stuff and I told her yes I did.
She reminded me of Tiffany when she wanted to be evil she'd ask the same thing along with where I bought something from and how much I paid for it. If she had something to say REALLY just say it and let me deal with U. My clothes don't define me-I love clothes BUT I don't care what she wears so why the hell is she worried about me?

Today was a looong day. My Basic Skills Sunday School class is alright although I was sitting there in class thinking-Margaret Oak is a therapist so perhaps Sarah asked me to join it because she thinks I'm slow? Everyone else in class seems a little out of it. I can learn something however. Today we talked about tithing. I have ALWAYS paid my tithing. That has NEVER been an issue for me EVER. I did however like Margaret Oaks quote she shared that she got from her former priesthood leader "tithing gets U by BUT fast offering gets U ahead."
I feel like people perceive me as shallow and stupid. It's irritating and annoying. It is why I think Sarah asked me to be in that class. It doesn't matter how many degrees I get or articles I publish-I'm always going to be the stupid Polynesian girl who cares too much about the way she looks. Of course I must be an idiot because I'm pretty.-Oh I almost forgot! I certainly can't be spiritual, or understand the gospel BECAUSE yes I have a shoe fetish and the two don't go together!
Actually the better you look the better you are treated by most of the world. When you do look good strangers will bend over backwards to accommodate you. I don't think this is necessarily right but I have no problem exploiting that and I do as much as possible in different situations. That doesn't mean anyone thinks about what an intelligent person I am when I meet them initially.
That is one of the things I REALLY like about my friend. He is really intelligent and unless you are you will never know how smart I am. He is aware of my multiple strengths. Unfortunately I have also shown him my weaknesses, a lot more than I wanted. I have no doubt he is destined for greatness. He already is great but his potential is off the charts. His biggest strength is his desire to develop his spirituality to the best of his ability. He can be mean, contentious and rude BUT for all of that I've never doubted his desire to be a good person.
He is dedicated and keeps the commandments. What he lacks is what I can sometimes. On my mission it was easy for me to keep the rules and to do my best to cultivate the spirit. The letter of the law in or out of the mish has always been easy for me. What hasn't been easy all the time is loving all people. I can usually love the downtrodden or people who have committed heinous sins. I have a hard time having patience with people I think should know better.
So I'm doing a load of laundry. BUT my towels are drying now so I can go to sleep!

I was on Facebook today when my 10-year-old niece from Australia began chatting with me. It was neat to think I was chatting with my little niece I've never met in a country far away. Her dad Saia is my first cousin. He used to live with us in Hawaii while he attended BYU. He is a bishop now in Australia. I'm so proud of him. I knew way back then he was destined to lead in the church. He used to fast once a week just for his own personal strength. I remember when he told me that I asked him if he was serious. We both left on our missions at around the same time. I left maybe 4 months before he did. He served in Riverside, California and I actually met one of his investigators while I was serving in Sacramento. He was in a part member family and he was glad he and his family could already say my last name because they met Saia.
The music was actually pretty good last night. I had fun dancing although there was no one I would even consider dating there. My Tongan friends are very traditional so they are not the party-type although they don't have testimonies at all. I think that is a little ironic. They enjoy hanging with me because they know I'm not going to run off and start making out with some guy I meet and leave them stranded but they know I love dancing, dressing up, and meeting new people. They like those things too. They aren't going to be scandalous just because they were raised that way. I'm not really sure how to go about sharing the gospel with them. They are sweet and traditional. Vai's younger sister will go and buy movie tickets and wait in line to get stuff. Her little brother is here for the summer. Of course by little I mean 18. He'll do anything Vai says. As the oldest traditionally they have to listen to her and they do. I have nieces and nephews that'll do that for me. Some of my male cousins are like that too. I still remember when my one cousin just got paid and we were at the grocery store. He asked me if I needed anything he could get me. I think I bought measuring spoons. I looove those parts of the Tongan culture although I wasn't raised that way. My one Tongan friend had her entire wedding paid for by her brother. I know my brother loves me but he would never do that for me and he certainly doesn't think he needs to do that. I don't think he does either but I'm all for anyone paying for me. Vai treats me all the time and I have to force her to let me treat her when I can.
There are some things however that my brother keeps. He can't stand if any guy I'm dating even holds my hand in front of him. That's considered extremely disrespectful. I was dating this Maori guy once when I was in high school. We went to a church dance George was at and he put his arm around my shoulders. George told me he couldn't stand that so I never put him in that position again.
George has changed MANY flat tires for me. Even when he lived in Provo and I was in Salt Lake City it was still only good when he could come and help me. I can call my home teachers to do that too but I can't call my brother to drive 3 hours to do that. Something else-yes, JUST not that. I'm fortunate my sister-in-law is Polynesian because she doesn't have a problem with it either.
There weren't as many people cleaning the chapel this morning. I wonder if Jonni and Nicki were in charge of it last Sunday. I'm glad I went today but I'm not going to do anything but clean the glass doors of the East entryway. I can clean again next week but the following I'll be in SLC.
Next week we have program advisory committee meetings with members of the community on our committees. These are potential employers to our students. They give valuable advice about how to best prepare our students for the job market. This is happening next week Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Schmoozing is just fine with me. Actually, I'm really good at it. I just need to prepare lists of specific resources available to each discipline. This is easy just time consuming and CVLA has been consuming my time. The following week is the Utah Library Association Conference in Salt Lake City. I'm also going to see my brother and his family. I miss them so much.
I wonder what my friend's doing now. He probably has a lot of homework. I know he went to the temple this morning. If how I felt at the BBQ when he was Mr. Flirty with other girls is any indication, I am completely gone right now. I guess that's good given what I know BUT it's very bad given what he's told me. I like being in control of these things BUT he has ALL the control. Sooo it REALLY sucks to be me right now. I can't do anything AND I don't know what I'd do AND I know I definitely can't cop an attitude. This is going to be hard for me but I certainly didn't like being compelled by the spirit. That was NOT cool. I just get to be nice, friendly and cordial. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY-So I tried the mantra-U can take effect now!!!

I thought we had 34 but I counted a couple people twice so the actual count is 32. That still is wonderful!!! I am excited this is finally taking off. We have the next 4 meetings planned and I accepted the opportunity to do one on August 9th. I'm sooo happy we decided to do it on Thursday evenings at 4pm. My Fridays are free again!!!
I haven't thought about school yet which i need to do. Tonight I'm going with my Tongan friends to the Logan Tongan dance. I'm not exactly thrilled with island reggae music but I feel like I need to support it.

I didn't rush anywhere since I wore a dress to work I just came home briefly, broke my fast and took a spoonful of spumoni before heading to the temple. There weren't as many ward members as usual AND there were a few faces I've never seen at ward temple night. Usually I ALWAYS see Sarah, Erin, Diantha, Renee, and a few other people. The same guys were there except Aaron Poe and Russ was there too and I've never seen him there before. A couple of David's fans were there-one who I've never seen at ward temple nights and another one. I'm glad he wasn't there because I just would've been annoyed when they stuck to him like glue and left angry or done something stupid like flirt with Russ.
I love the calm I felt there. Margaret Grey was there. I like her a lot more than I thought I would. Her testimony has always been impressive. I was just really upset when she speculated about Gadianton robbers and how an American Indian tribe had died off and that she and her dad discussed how it could possibly be a remnant of the Gadianton robbers. I think that is a really asinine thing to say and is reminiscent of Bruce R. McConkie's statements in Mormon Doctrine about why blacks were denied the priesthood. It had something to do with being a fence-sitter. It also reminds me of my idiot MTC teacher who told the class the "true doctrine" and asked me what tribe I was descended from. When I told him Ephraim he couldn't support his stupid theory with me. He told me MOST Polynesians i.e. BROWN PEOPLE are from Manesseh because uh... Ephraim is the leadership tribe. According to my MTC teacher we were all separated into kingdoms and that the degree of righteousness and how valiant we were is directly related to our skin color. Sooo the whiter U R the more valiant and obedient you were in the pre-existence. Alvin Dyer, another church leader expanded on this false and idiotic view that anyone white will think-yes that has to be true and oh the poor colored people of the world. That narrow-minded thinking leads to excusing poor treatment because-they were less valiant-UH Y R people so stupid. We've had Hitler trying to create the super race and exterminating people born with deformities, handicaps, and just any other race. Get a freakin CLUE!!!
What I love about the late and still great Bruce R. McConkie is that when he was asked about his statements, he simply said he was wrong. It used to be printed in his book his statement that blacks would NEVER receive the priesthood. At the end of my mission I was able to travel with GA and now also Idaho temple Pres. John H. Groberg. He answered a million of my questions with amazing patience. He visited the different zones and I was able to go because I extended my mission a month so I could get him to speak at a special missionary fireside for the Tongan community in Sacramento. At one of the zone conferences an Elder asked him why blacks were denied the priesthood. He said he didn't know and we didn't know why but that it was the way the leadership at the time interpreted the doctrine. Bruce R. McConkie gave the BEST talk EVER and I have yet to see ANYONE speak in such a way that I know immediately that he knows the Savior because he lives his life striving to be as he is-Alright if I remember this I can get over the fact that I really like Margaret Grey.
The chapel in the temple has a player organ and it was playing hymns. She told me how thin the veil was since the spirit was playing the organ. She made me laugh in the temple. We were appropriate everywhere else AND we weren't THAT inappropriate. I think I was supposed to see that side of her so I can hurry up and get over how I feel about her and quit basing my entire opinion on a single statement.
O. K. major tangent there. It never occurred to me to get Elder Ruff kicked out of teaching at the MTC BUT the idea that he was teaching missionaries false doctrine is offensive, despicable AND reprehensible to me. I REALLY look forward to the time when I get to speak at the MTC because my husband gives the main address. I am going to blast the false doctrine to where it belongs. I REALLY hope the spirit lets me do that!!!
All in all I looove the temple because of how I feel when I'm there!!! I have a very good idea of why I had to be sleep-deprived too. I was reading Mosaiah 2:9 I have not commanded you to come up hither to trifle with the words which I shall speak, but that you should hearken unto me, and open your ears that ye may hear, and your hearts that ye may understand, and your minds that the mysteries of God may be unfolded to your view. I know what I do and I need to get over myself and quit "trifling" with that. I'm acting like someone who hasn't been allowed a peek into her future. It is inevitable BUT I need to recount this experience one day so I need to make it one that is beautiful and uplifting. I can't afford even a sliver of pride.

I didn't work out this morning because I'm fasting and I REALLY didn't want to suffer dehydration. My library meeting RSVP count is only at 19 which REALLY SUCKS. Yesterday I fell asleep at around 9pm but at 4am I was wide awake. I guess I'm good at 7 hours sleep. I just stayed in bed until I had to get up and get ready for work.
I need to go to the temple today. I knew this week would be crazy busy. I feel like Ms. Crankypants. I'm irritable about everything and nothing for no reason. I finished the brown paper bag ads featuring Andy Wesolek tomorrow. I just finished them last night and I didn't get out of this place until it was almost 7pm. Sooo not much notice for his presentations tomorrow. I need to take him to lunch tomorrow 2. I like having lunch on work's dime!
I'm excited about our meeting Friday. Of course I'd rather be sleeping BUT it's not until 10am so it should be fine.

I FINALLY got 1 freakin hour of sleep AFTER I texted my friend. I sure as hell didn't want to do that but my commitments to fast and pray about it although they made me feel better did not allow me to go to sleep! Sooo AFTER all of that he's not even going to be at our ward temple night which is good because I don't have to be a bigger idiot but bad because what the hell? Did I really have to humiliate myself when he's not even going to be there? What was the purpose? When my alarm went off at 6am I was already awake so I did zumba then collapsed on my bed for the 1/2 hour before rushing to get ready in 20 minutes.
There have to be better ways to give me direction. I haven't had this annoying can't go to sleep until I do something thing in any other situation and really I've had enough. I'm going to go out of my way to B nice and friendly ALL THE TIME!!! That should improve my friendship BUT it better improve my sleep!!! Sooo today I'm running on fumes and I'm glad there's nothing I need to do tonight.
Obviously I don't get to ignore this BUT really sleep deprivation??? Isn't that a form of torture??? I'd love to speculate that it's the adversary but I can't even do that because I know it isn't. I guess I should be grateful I'm getting such dramatic attention but I'm not feeling that yet.

I fell asleep a little then got up to take out my contacts. NOW I feel like crap. REALLY???!!! Why do I have to be up still. Heavenly Father seems to like to do this to me. I feel horrible about tonight BUT I didn't want to make it better because that would require me to leave my comfort zone and it feels like I did that a whole lot in the beginning AND it went nowhere. I HATE this!!! I'm sorry and it won't happen again. Can I please go to sleep now???!!!
I commit to fast AND pray about this tomorrow evening. I can end it right before my ward temple night. I also commit to leave my comfort zone then. Wow! I feel better already. Sleep now!!!

I was impressed!!! It had everything a BBQ should have. David did an amazing job. I REALLY need to learn how to grill right. That was EXACTLY how to throw a BBQ. That's the only thing that was missing-killer meat that makes you want to just eat that. BUT the meat was just as good as Helene's parents made. I wonder if I've been spoiled. I HAVE to learn how to BBQ Hawaiian style. Next week is a combined waffle night. That sounds delicious. I'm not sure what I'll take.
Today is the first day of the new module. That meant everyone turned in old books and checked out new books. This day was draining. I actually worked out this morning. STILL I had to walk the building to stay awake around 2:30pm-I drank 4 diet Dr. Pepper cans but it didn't make a difference. It is REALLY nice NOT to fight with David all the time-I need to B friendlier. Sometimes after working all day the last thing I want to do is be nice-I know I need to try.
The Biggest lesson I had to learn AGAIN is NOT to jump to conclusions or assume anything. This priesthood thing REALLY dragged out longer than it should have and left me annoyed and confused several times today. I know my assumptions aren't true all the time-BUT-I also know I tend to think I'm right all the time and for the most part I do think I'm right-stifling predicament I fall into. It was good for me to realize how silly it is to be offended over nothing and assume things that just aren't true.
David really does live around the block from Mindy. I'm not sure why I assumed he was taking extreme measures to avoid me awhile ago-BUT he did avoid me although not as badly as I thought-and he did treat me like a dog.
I REALLY need to let that go. I've never seen anyone flirt as much as David. I don't think he can go one night without flirting with several women. I truly can't stand being around people who want more from me than I want to give them. David just blows people off when he isn't interested and then pretends like he never did anything when he needs attention from someone he blew off before.
I know I need to make an effort and I know when I consider the big picture I want to be his friend. I know how great he is but the reason why I know that can't be shared on an online blog. Sometimes I want him in my life more than other days. This was NOT one of those days.

For something I didn't really think about, I feel like I've explored this to death now. Ordination does occur with work for the dead at the temple but NOT in general for boys who need the Melchizedek priesthood BEFORE temple attendance. The Melchizedek priesthood is given in a bishop's office usually. Like baptism the work can be performed as other family history and temple work.

The Melchizidek priesthood IS NOT conferred in the temple. How the hell did no one catch that yesterday especially when I had the guy repeat what he just said!!! I was wondering why I never knew that BUT I know now!!!

It's weird not being home with my family on a holiday. Helene invited me to her house since her parents and brother came up to visit. Her dad makes yummy half-moon pies. I'm used to pies with pineapple and custard. These didn't have custard but they were still good. His crust is perfect. Helene's parents' chicken was tender and yummy, I'm just used to more seasoning. I wonder if my family overdo the seasoning. I miss my family BBQs although it was nice not to have to cook. I have a ham in the freezer and I bought yeast and flour to make rolls. I really did have good intentions BUT the chance NOT to have to cook was too great. I was going to take pineapple and Li Hing Mui but I decided to take a case of diet coke instead. I'm going to take pineapple to my fhe BBQ tomorrow. Again with the culture clash-they are providing buns and condiments. My Tongan singles ward had BBQ chicken all the time and it was boneless, skinless but tender and scrumptious! I wish I learned how to grill right. The women never touched the grills-Something I'm fine with but now I wish I knew how they did it. My cousin knows how-when I get a chance I am forcing him to teach me. We frequently had these loaded leaders who fed us and took us out all the time AND paid for everything. We always went to some buffet after a ward temple night or morning. I know that's not how the rest of the world operates. It was just nice.
The bishop before the last one was related to me and raised in Tonga. He had this huge beautiful house in South Jordan he loved to have us over at. He liked to roast us pigs. Although I can't eat anything when I can look at its face, being around enough Tongan functions made it so it didn't really faze me. He did BBQ corn on the cob though and that was amazing. Tomorrow I'm going to buy hamburger and make my own patties. I was thinking of marinading some chicken and pork but I don't have money to buy enough for everyone AND I'm not going to eat that with everyone else grilling hot dogs and hamburgers.
I went to a Cantata at the tabernacle. It was beautiful although I felt sleepy after eating all those desserts at Helene's house. The director was extremely talented. He along with a few other people composed ALL the music. He performed a piano solo that was off the hook. I wonder if David can play like that. I need to ask him if he can play Toccata and Fuge in D minor. I looove that piece. I looove Bach.
Tomorrow is the first day of my very LAST class for this MBA program. I can't wait!!! I am rethinking my thesis a little. Since I've already done all this work on the Cache Valley Library Association, I should do something related to that. I wonder how hard it would be to get those ribbons printed that everyone uses at the Utah Library Association. The American Library Association has one as does Emporia State University. It would feel legit if I could get CVLA ribbons with adhesive printed. I'm going to look into that tomorrow.
My definite goal is to sleep early tonight. For me that means B4 midnight. Life is great!!!
Today during sacrament meeting I thought a lot about how we often ignore what a great gift the resurrection part of the atonement is and focus instead on overcoming spiritual death. I can see why this happens BUT I also was thinking how they kept talking about how incredible our physical bodies really are during conference. I think we can't take overcoming physical death lightly. Just because we all receive it, I think we fail to recognize how amazing this part of the atonement can be.
During my new Life Skills Sunday School class we were discussing the ordinances of the temple. I thought we listed them all when Alex said the ordinance of receiving the Melchizedek priesthood. I had to ask him to repeat that. As many times as I've been to the temple I've never known about this!!! That was a major realization for me. I suppose that makes sense that Elders would need that before serving missions. Women who work in the temple undoubtedly are using priesthood power. Does that mean they "hold" the priesthood just for that moment? So it only makes sense that the higher priesthood offices would be conferred in the temple too. High priest, Elder, Prophet, seer, and revelator. All of the 12 are given ALL the keys of the Holy Priesthood although ALL are only active with the prophet and president of the church. Members of the first presidency are also given these. U have to see Christ to have your calling and election made sure. The apostles would have to have their calling and election made sure. Other people have this done so it only makes sense that they would. Is this what being a special witness of Christ really means. Who ordains apostles? I can speculate a bunch but that's all it is really. I can tell myself and discover myself what doctrine may mean, imply or result in BUT it's for my own illumination. I don't speak for anyone. Thank goodness!!

I'm definitely sleeping 2day and catching up, cleaning my house AND being prepared for Easter Sunday 2morrow. I did my chapel cleaning. I cleaned the glass doors at one of the main doorways. There were a lot of people which is good. Following this I went to my precinct and get-to-know-you breakfast at Willow Park. Now I'm home and I haven't done ANY cleaning except for loading and running the dishwasher.
I told Jonni I wouldn't join them for lunch at Elements which I'm sure was great BUT yeah I have a lot of food at home and I need to clean my house and then start my thesis. I'm also going to look for some recipes and plan my menu for my own Easter meal. I'm going to work on baking rolls later today and maybe I'll make a few desserts tonight too. Yeah I'm just doing this for myself. Maybe I should buy some chocolate and boil some eggs for tomorrow. I should go get some dye too. I looove holidays and even if I'm not spending my Easter with my family I still want to celebrate in my own way. It's always nice to come home to a meal when I'm done with church. I think I should actually do that for myself each Sunday. I want to buy a crockpot and figure out some recipes to work while I'm at church then I can just come home to a finished dinner-eat, cleanup-do productive stuff!!!

So I wasted time last night and got to sleep this morning around 4am. Got up at 9am anyway and lazed around in bed watching every DeAndre video I could find on YouTube-then I got up paid my bills, filled my gas tank, then went to the bank. I did the 7pm sesh. A quiet setting is NOT conducive to active pondering if U R dead tired BUT I wanted to meet my goal of going to the temple on Fridays. Again, I saw first-hand how limited the spirit is when you don't take care of your physical body. After this, still tired I went to Smith's to buy some nori and they also had a case sale. I bought the 48 can tuna case and the 12-count spam case. Who buys spam if they didn't grow up in Hawaii? Also needed cumin, milk, jello, pudding for some desserts I feel like making. Saw pineapples for just 2.00!!! Had to get 2 especially since I still have Li Hing Mui powder left. I should've bought an avacado-I ate the one I had and now I FINALLY have the nori to make sushi since I used the rest last time on musubi. So I was putting my groceries in the car and had set my keys on the seat when the driver for the car next to mine came to leave so I hurried and put things in the car then closed the doors when I realized I LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR. NOOO I DON'T HAVE A SPARE KEY. So a quick call to a locksmith resulted in a $40 charge I CAN'T AFFORD!!!-I know this happened because I was tired sooo lots of examples for me of how important it is to take care of yourself and GET ENOUGH SLEEP!!!
I can't believe how late it is already. I'm supposed to go and help clean the chapel tomorrow. I have done sooo many church service projects so I was taking a break from that UNTIL jonni started giving me a major guilt trip in RS and I finally told her to just write down my name and to quit talking about it. She said we'd do lunch at Elements. I looove Elements. I could eat there everyday. BUUUT after paying $40 for my stupid locksmith to take under a minute to unlock my car I REALLY don't feel like shelling anything more out. I guess I can come home and sleep AFTER cleaning. Something to think about.

My RS president just asked me to attend a new Sunday School class. They must need people to go there. I told her sure.
I love Thursdays! I trimmed my hair, found incredible earrings at TJ Maxx, and went shopping for a ham along with some other stuff. I wanted to do my apricot mustard glaze but it comes with its own glaze. I guess I don't have to use it. Tomorrow I'm going to pay bills, make my apartment spotless, do a sesh then begin thesis writing. I CAN'T wait to be done with it. Working in Logan is completely worth it to finish my MBA without the effort I thought it would require. It's just been time-consuming.

It's been sooo nice NOT having ANY homework the past 4 weeks. My very last class begins Monday AND I need to start working on my Thesis already. I think I'll make this my Easter Thesis/Cooking weekend. I'm writing EXACTLY what's required or 30 pages. I'm confident in my writing-enough that I'll be able to cover my topic completely in the exact amount of pages required. If I need more that isn't a problem either. I just need to begin BUT, I've enjoyed NOT doing anything school-related for the last 4 weeks.
I can't wait until this is completely done, I finish my MBA and then I will just focus on excelling at work and sharpening my skills. Since I get to work for Stevens-Henager College for another 2 years, I really need to determine what I want to do if it isn't in libraries. The MBA will qualify me for management but the management and administrative positions that'll pay more than librarians make are limited and I don't have education administration experience.
What I'd like to do is a position that doesn't exist. I'd like to be the corporate librarian AND also do corporate textbook purchasing that I know will ultimately save the company money. I guess I can work to see that happen but it'll take a lot of creativity to convince corporate of the need for this.
It would be fun to visit libraries throughout the company and learn what each do. Training for the librarians could also be great. I need to write for a librarian journal too. If I can focus and publish a few articles that will make my bargaining power better.

FINALLY!!! OK so I'm watching it 2 days late but except for a crappy video player on the site I keep having to reload it is very nice!!! My Walmart ad today had a recipe for glaze for ham using apricot preserves and mustard. I am going to try that this weekend. I can't believe I found that recipe after thinking about it today weird but good!!!
i'm glad there's so much content for me to watch WITHOUT having to get cable. There are some REALLY good singers. Jordis is great but she has some serious competition.

I am enjoying the calm before the storm. Next week I arranged for one of our CVLA members and USU digital librarian Andy Wesolek to give presentations to both our day and evening classes. He arranged with me to present at our CVLA meeting so I figured he could do a couple at Stevens-Henager College the day before.
Our big CVLA meeting is next week and the state librarian cancelled!!! I am a little ticked at her for doing that especially since my invitations emphasized her presence. The Logan library director said she was very sorry BUT yeah I'm still annoyed with her!!!-SOOO next week 2 presentations-meaning a 12-hour day at Stevens-Henager I need to worry about and the CVLA meeting on a Friday when I'd usually B asleep.
PAC meetings are from the 17th through the 19th. Then the following week from the 24th-27th is ULA conference in SLC when I'll hang out with my mother. I think I'll stay there the whole weekend altough Milestone for Stevens-Henager is on the 27th. I haven't seen my brother forever and I think it'll be a good time for me to vist Provo too. Since I'm doing that then I'm NOT going to go to SLC for Easter sooo I'm going to try to cook myself a nice Easter meal. MayB I'll invite people. MayB not. I cooked a ham once before and it was o.k. but I'd like to make it seasoned well and tasty. Someone seasoned it once with apricot jam that was amazing. I've never learned how to make good ham. I'd like to figure that out this weekend since I'll be spending it in the Dairyland. I also want rolls. My cousin Liane made these crescent rolls for Christmas dinner that I couldn't stop eating. I need her recipe.
I helped Becca do last minute cleaning at her apartment with other RS sisters last night. I was just starting to get to know her better. I'm sad to lose a good neighbor. It was nice to walk somewhere for a change. Another nice surprise is I saw my home teacher Josh. He is Devin's neighbor and he visited Becca since she wanted a priesthood blessing before she left. I had fun teasing Josh about how great it was to see him and he assured me he would visit me with his new partner who was replacing Becca's blinds when I went over there. I don't remember his name but I think at least I won't have to make sure I read the message anymore.

I guess the questions do work because when I think about my spiritual state and what I need to improve it all has to do with following the guidance of the spirit and the faith that requires. My real question I've been tossing around my head is after receiving insight like I have, what next? It's not really a question so much as how to continue to make correct choices. My patriarchal blessing has already given me a lot of clarity BUT that's been illuminated even more now. Scary but nice too-I thought the questions would decrease with all the clarity I'm getting BUT actually it just creates more.

After dividing my conference notes I discovered a common thread and will work on this!

MISSIONARY WORK
I looove that Pres. Monson began conference with the Standard of Truth.
(The Standard of Truth has been Erected) No Unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble and calumny may defame but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent until it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country and sounded in every ear. Until the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say, "The work is done."
David F. Evans-Our missionary experiences have to be current. Sooo worth it-make missionary work a natural part of life, act on promptings, ask who and how to share "naturally and normally" Act without delay, never delay a prompting.
Miracles will occur and lives will change.

PHYSICAL BODIES
Russell Nelson-Bodies are amazing and evidence of God. We don't need perfect bodies to be exalted.
Ronald Rashband-Bodies are priceless. Also reiterated we don't need a perfect body for salvation.
Richard G. Scott-Our health is directly related to how sensitive we are to the spirit. We should eat well, exercise, get healthy!

FAMILY
M. Russell Ballard-Prosperity and education coincide with strong families, good values and good marriages.
Larry Y. Wilson-compulsion is ineffective, constant criticism is bad, teach children to pray AND to feel and identify the spirit.
Cheryl A. Esplin-Praying with children may be more important than anything else. Teach children to pray and to feel and recognize the spirit.

CULTIVATING THE SPIRIT AND THE SUBSEQUENT FAITH REQUIRED
I decided this is my theme and I can see it in my different areas I finally went with. Missionary work for me is easy. The only thing that isn't easy about it is knowing exactly who I should share the gospel with. This knowledge requires me to always be worthy of and receptive to missionary promptings.
I have thought about how our health affects our ability to sense the spirit for a long time. I worked for over a month in Logan and drove to and from Salt Lake. I had to do cardio in the morning each day just to physically handle the long daily drives. Richard G. Scott's comprehensive treatment of the spirit was EXACTLY what I needed. It confirmed to me what I needed to have confirmed and emphasized how many ways I can make direction easier by making myself more receptive to that. I love the family counsel but I feel like I can't really do anything about these yet. Continuing to hone my relationship with the spirit by doing all that I can to feel, recognize and act on promptings as appropriate will certainly help me teach my children this one day. Making my prayers the way they should be will help me teach this too.
Pres. Eyring-spoke about allowing the proper "curing" time when we exercise our faith. I don't like feeling like I'm exercising my faith for nothing. I don't feel that as completely as I once did BUT I guess that's what the faith part is all about. It's hard to have faith in something when you can't see anything to support that. I do see things now that give me that support but I still can't help thinking I'm an idiot BUT I get to continue being one only until and if I get different direction.
I don't like being stupid so I'm going to work at fine tuning my ability to feel and recognize the spirit so my doubt is decreased.

I'm going to organize my notes. It'll be easier to follow the advice if I group stuff I need together. I'm not sure why I've never done this before. I'm excited about doing this already!!!

My categories:

Missionary work now
While I don't need a perfect body for salvation, why I should work on this anyway.
Prioritize and then act according to these
Faith-maintaing this even and especially when it makes me feel stupid and pathetic
The spirit-how it works, how to feel it and identify it easier, things that detract from this
Best practices for teaching children and strengthening families
The atonement-how to make it as fundamental and central as it should be

L. Tom Perry-Most of Lot's problems can be traced to having the door of his tent facing Sodom and Gomorrah-contrast King Benjamin had his people pitch their tents with their doors facing the temple.
M. Russell Ballard-Everyone loses their way ALL need the spirit and ALL need the atonement to continue on the correct road to progression. Prosperity and education coincide with strong families, good values and good marriages.
Inequities resolved by living correct principles
D. Vincent Haeleck
Fasted and prayed once a week for their children. "Where there is no vision the people perish."
Pres. Uctdorf-envy, hatred, contention is destructive-STOP IT
Forgive others as we often make mistakes and want to be forgiven.
Don't judge me because I sin differently than you
Love of God is key
Russell Nelson-a doctor waxed poetic about how incredible the body is-The importance of the atonement-USE DAILY nourish our spirit with eternal truth
A perfect body isn't required to gain salvation
Could an explosion in a print shop produce a dictionary?
Ronald Rashband
He continued Elder Nelson's vein about how amazing our physical body is-he called the gift of a physical body priceless, He also mentioned how a perfect body wasn't required for salvation-Interesting-shouldn't we aim to take care of our body and make the best use of it since it is such a precious gift? I think the fact that it is such a blessing is an indication we should take care of it well. If U came across a drowning man would you ask him if he needed help?
Julie Beck
Women of the church one day will be seen as distinct in happy ways-I think this is already true outside of Utah.
Women will one day be an even more potent force for good.
D. Todd Christofferson
continuing revelation, When I look at Elder Christofferson I feel like I'm looking at an Apostle. There is no question. It is in his physical presence. Prophets, seers, revealators-prieshood keys, power
Larry Y. Wilson
Compulsion to righteousness isn't effective, neither is constant criticism-teach children to pray, their link and ability to feel the spirit is essential. Let children feel our confidence, all r loved, all r welcome
I don't know who said this but-
Moses, Alma, and Joseph Smith were all changed with encounters with the divine
Let the Holy Spirit guide you, feel the still small voice-natural, subtle daily reflection & record spiritual experiences
David F. Evans
Talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ...Nephi 25:26?
Our missionary experiences have to be current
Sooo worth it-make missionary work a natural part of life, act on missionary promptings-ask who and how to share "naturally & normally" act without delay NEVER delay a prompting
Neil L. Anderson
What thinks Christ of me?
Customized direction through spirit, discipleship NOT a competition-Wherever U R now-B on the right road!!!
Paul P. Pieper
I don't know who this is BUT his talk was incredible!!!
Remember that which cometh from above is sacred-worthy of veneration, respect, deference. Sends light and knowledge. Priority NOT exclusivity-When doubt enters mind remember-"did I not speak peace to your mind? what greater witness can you have then from God? Do not be morally adrift on a secular sky-remember past spiritual assurances as needed God is light and EVERY bit of light we work for qualifies us for greater insight and strength. Miracles R not always immediate. B of good cheer.
Thomas S. Monson
Settle disputations. Invoked blessings on entire congregation to be better than we were before the conference.

I didn't listen for specific answers to questions because I don't really have any and although I wrote them I'm not really searching for those answers. I wrote them just to write them and it didn't really work. I like to record anything I recognize as something true with me. I listen to talks and write down anything that impresses me.
Here's what impressed me:
Pres. Monson-Looove the Standard of Truth and that he quoted almost the whole thing. To me it is THE most powerful missionary work statement that inspired me more than anything else on a mission and continues to inspire me.
Cheryl A. Esplin-Her biggest contribution was how she shared how important it was to teach children to feel and recognize the spirit. Although my parents were very active my entire life it was my brother AFTER his mission and mission prep at the Hawaii temple visitor's center that taught me how important the spirit is and its role. If I hadn't prepared to serve a mission and then actually gone on one I never would've known how incredible and vital it is in my life. The spirit and how crucial listening for answers really is cannot be overemphasized. The burning in the bosom is spoken of constantly when you are raised in the church but for some reason how huge the spirit actually is in directing my life and answering my prayers was something I didn't fully understand until a lot later. It's exactly the same with Jesus Christ and the atonement. I know it's the least understood doctrine which is sad to me because it is really the whole point of the gospel. There are many self-help books and even Oprah that'll gave great advice about living fulfilling lives and the church provides good advice about living a happy life too-what makes the difference is Jesus Christ and his atonement which we cannot partake of fully unless we are baptized and renew our covenants frequently by partaking of the sacrament administered with priesthood power.
Paul Koelliker-Spoke about kindness. This is so simple but I think it's often ignored although it is extremely important.
Dallin Oaks-NO sacrifice is too great to participate in temple ordinances, atonement is the central message, transcendent, infinite and eternal. A sacrifice of ALL things is required to produce the faith we need
Eyring quoted one of my favorite scriptures in D & C 122...Know my son that all these things shall be for thy experience. judge the "curing time" correctly-U receive no witness until AFTER your faith-this made me reconsider just how long might be required to exercise faith before I see any type of light or truth, suffering = polishing
Holland-let it go!!! get rid of envy, BE KIND!!! stop clinging tenaciously to old grievances
there is NOTHING that cannot be undone, Awake, arise, and be men. Come join the ranks.
Richard G. Scott-I wrote almost EVERYTHING that came out of his mouth. Why ask? BECAUSE THAT IS HOW REVELATION IS GIVEN-IN RESPONSE TO THIS-He then told of a pattern he uses to receive specific guidance fasting, reading scripture, pondering, prayer, repeat-it reminded me of a shampoo bottle for some reason-lather, rinse, repeat-Following the cyclical pattern for gaining insight will allow us to receive revelation the pattern is simple and we all know what it is already-fasting, reading the scriptures, pondering these, prayer and repeating these steps frequently. He also touched on how we need to eliminate anger and hurt to feel the spirit, we need to have appropriate humor, avoid exaggeration and adopt careful, quiet speech-good health practices are also important to feel and recognize the spirit-something I've actually thought about a lot. I know exactly where the space between sleep and waking is-when I had my recent epiphany it was this EXACTLY-Any difficulty and doubt is strengthened as we live the commandments. By sanctifying ourselves we will be endowed with power from on high. humility is necessary fertile soil, we motivate and inspire others when we help them to qualify for divine power-Oliver Cowldery was told as often as thou hast inquired of me thou hast been enlightened by the spirit of truth. As we more closely follow divine guidance we will be happier-this DOES NOT however limit our agency-we can still choose.
U will be prompted to know what to do-Communication with our Father in Heaven is NOT trivial
Great conference EVEN if my question plan didn't really work.