Urban Poly Princess

Judy has her grandson's graduation tonight for Skyview high school in Smithfield. Sooo while it is always nice to get here late it isn't so great to leave late. The Marmalade library should be finished next summer EXACTLY when I want to leave and start a new job there. I looked at the Marmalade District zipcode and I was able to find SEVERAL suitable apartments just under or over $1000. That was VERY nice. Of course it would be ideal to rock my real estate thing and have the money to buy a condo there BUUUT even if I need to rent there were SEVERAL choices I could live with which I looove!!!

I'd love to be the manager there but assistant manager would be fine with me too. Actually I need to apply for the manager position and prepare myself now to do that job. The only thing that concerns me a little is the numbers as far as budget is concerned. I am confident enough in hiring, firing, all that stuff. I work at a college and I can take classes for free. I just need to do it. Excited? YES!!! Actually being the manager of ANY city or county library Salt Lake system would be just fine with me.

Possibilities are exciting to me.

38 And it came to pass that many died in the wilderness of their wounds, and were devoured by those beasts and also the vultures of the air; and their bones have been found, and have been heaped up on the earth.
The Book of Mormon is so bloody. It is filled with so many stories of war and bloodshed. 12,532 Amalicites are slain while 6,562 Nephites are killed. 19,124 total are killed. What a complete waste of lives. They didn't have guns then, for the most part they had to be in the blood and gore. Usually I find places in the scriptures that make me envy the lives they led. This doesn't do that at all. Life is precious. One death is such a huge event. War seems to ignore this. I'm glad I live when I do, I'm happy to have the conventions I do as well. In some parts of the world people live in these conditions. How did I get so lucky? How will someone raised in violence and nurtured in wickedness be judged. How would they turn out any other way?
When I worked in the Christmas Box House children's shelter in Salt Lake I was confronted with the harsh reality that many children are mistreated and hurt when they are innocent. Sexual and physical abuse is all over the place. Where you would never expect it to be. These kids later end up in the boys group home. Unfortunately prison is the last step these kids often take. Many of them move from one age-appropriate facility to the next. 
The gospel is such a beacon in an ugly world. Even within the church ugliness exists. At least the ideal is defined specifically. I remember when some kids from Glendale told me I could adopt them if I wanted to do that. All children deserve a mother AND a father. While I know I could be an excellent parent I would never do that unless I was married. 
I still want to get married and have the type of family I know I am capable of having. Whether I am given that opportunity in this or the next life remains to be seen but despite that I am responsible to maximize my potential now. It is joyous and that is our object and design. That's why I want a family. I know my capacity for joy only exists as I marry someone I can love and respect and have a family with them. I can't wait to be a mother but if I have to do that in the next life so be it. Eternal increase is supposed to bring us joy. I am fine with however that manifests itself in my life.

It's only 10:30am, it feels like it should be later, AT LEAST lunchtime. I made a pork roast in my crock pot by adding 2 cans of cream of broccoli soup. It doesn't taste flavorful enough. I feel like it needs some salt. I should've just cooked it with garlic then I could use any flavoring with it. I found these ice-cream bars at Macey's with just 11 carbs per bar in them. I ate some of my port this morning, strawberries, an avocado and some trail mix from Smith's with a 16 carb content.

The pork is very heavy. I feel weighed down. I can't believe it's not even 11 yet.

Alma 1
20 Yea, they did persecute them, and afflict them with all manner of words, and this because of their humility; because they were not proud in their own eyes, and because they did impart the word of God, one with another, without money and without price.
25 Now this was a great trial to those that did stand fast in the faith; nevertheless, they were steadfast and immovable in keeping the commandments of God, and they bore with patience the persecution which was heaped upon them.

The Choice Generation - Randall L. Ridd
That’s the key—what does your heart desire? What do you gravitate toward? Where will your desires lead?

I was thinking about my life and how I feel like I keep struggling to get right financially so I can work my real estate license, pay off all my bills and be prepared to serve anyone. The new alternator did not cost me as much as it could've BUUUT I definitely don't want any guy who is financially crappy like I am now. I am not making the effort I can.

Physically I'm not where I need to be either. I am going to focus on myself instead of trying to find my eternal companion. I want to feel good about my health. Without losing weight any pregnancy I had, that is if I can still get pregnant when and or if that ever happens - is dangerous because of this diabetes.  I feel like I keep trying to get out of this damn financial hole and there is always something else I need to pay. I always pay my tithing and read my scriptures I can't even imagine the hell I'd be in if I didn't. I still love myself but I feel like I've been working on these things forever without really stepping it up and changing.

I want choices. I don't want only to have the ugly old men in my ward to choose from. I want to be able to find someone who isn't a damn special spirit. I am the special spirit. I need to perfect myself physically and financially. I want to be working in real estate. I need to identify ALL the steps I can and need to take to meet my goals. Time is money and I feel like I'm wasting it.

Financial and physical excellence are my goals right now. I don't want someone ugly or fat so I need to lose weight myself. I don't want someone broke either. I got my nails done. If I'm going to spend an hour on that I need to spend the appropriate time on everything else to perfect myself physically. I was looking at the picture George took of me that I'm using on Facebook. My eyes really disappear when I smile.

I have to lose weight and I have to be financially stable.

I FINALLY got ahold of my brother and he and his family visited dad's grave Sunday but I told him me and mom wanted to go there Monday for Memorial Day. I made my mother turn on her AC Sunday night because I was dying. She likes it warmer so she froze during the night and I actually got up during the night to turn the temp down because it was too hot. I like the AC so you can touch the walls and feel it's cool.

My mother has a vinyl? black loveseat and matching chair in her living-room I told her that should be cool to the touch too. She felt horrible and the cold didn't make her feel better either. On my way to work this morning the exclamation point lit up in the canyon so I pulled over in Wellsville. One of my tires was noticeably flat but I filled it with air to see if it would take me to Les Schwab near my work. It did and I was alright. The best part of the whole experience was the bill FREE!!! BUUUT they told me I need to change my front left tire asap. Will it hold out until I get paid in a week? YES IF I don't take any long trips.

My mother was not feeling well on Memorial Day so I went to Provo myself with the ti-leaf lei she made for dad's grave. She also made a ti-leaf star for dad's sister who is buried nearby. I got there almost at noon. Alisa was taking the 4 youngest to the rec center to go swimming. The rec center has an indoor and outdoor pool. They are both perfect for kids to cool off in. I had so much fun watching them. I wanted to get in the water myself however. There was this one guy with a bodybuilder chest and abs. He was with an Asian-looking girl who reminded me of the women from Hawaii. Super-long straight hair, pretty face, nice boobs but not a great body and too short. She wasn't fat but she wasn't toned or defined the way he was. My nieces and nephews are so cute and I love hanging out with them.

Their mother took them to 7-11 after for slurpees and nachos. The youngest Sammy got a hotdog instead. He also had to get a swimming diaper he wore under his swimming trunks. It's funny how other children might get on my nerves but my own nieces and nephews don't. I told Alisa they need to come to Logan one day to swim and BBQ at my pool. It should be fun!!! I will love hosting them especially since I move next summer.

Helaman 16
2 But as many as there were who did not believe in the words of Samuel were angry with him; and they cast stones at him upon the wall, and also many shot arrows at him as he stood upon the wall; but the Spirit of the Lord was with him, insomuch that they could not hit him with their stones neither with their arrows.
22 And many more things did the people imagine up in their hearts, which were foolish and vain; and they were much disturbed, for Satan did stir them up to do iniquity continually; yea, he did go about spreading rumors and contentions upon all the face of the land, that he might harden the hearts of the people against that which was good and against that which should come.

Weird I kept feeling the spirit strongly that I needed to drive to Salt Lake City. I went to church to just drop off my tithing and the other ward had just began sacrament so I sat down to take it before finally figuring out where the priesthood was meeting so I could pay my tithing. They meet in the high council room. I am here now wondering what the hell is up. I'm glad I can spend time with my mother but it is so freaking hooot!!! I wish I had made it to the Mateaki BBQ yesterday. The food looks so good and the pictures look like everyone had so much fun.

I prayed about what I should do here. That is just so weird. I felt like I should go to temple square. I drove around the block but it's the Tongan social hour there on Sundays which is why I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car. Instead I came here to the Riverside library parking lot so I can use their internet. I keep calling my brother and he doesn't call me back. I think it would be nice to visit my dad's grave for memorial day.

From the pictures it looks like my aunt and uncle who are here for my uncle's brother's funeral are here from Tonga. They are serving a mission there and still had their tags on. I wish I had gone yesterday. I was just too exhausted from Krista's wedding and I needed to do some laundry and food shopping last night. Serina was also there yesterday. She has red hair now.

I'd like to go to my dad's grave tomorrow but George needs to call me back. He is getting on my nerves right now. I don't know why it was so important for me to drive here today but I feel like alright I'm here now what do I do now and what am I supposed to be aware of because I sure don't know.

I FINALLY got my hair cut. My nail guy is busy with back-to-back appointments so he can't fit me in today. I have laundry to do and I ran out of dryer sheets. I don't have any food in the house and I need to go food shopping. I don't feel like driving tonight. I'd rather not be here though. I wish someone could come and clean my house and then drive me to Salt Lake City.

ANNOYING WILL HAVE TO SEE ME IF HE GOES TO CHURCH BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE THIS WEEKEND.

Smith's sent me a coupon for free dryer sheets which arrived just in time. I need to clean my kitchen, do laundry and clean my bathrooms and spare bedroom. ALSO I need to clean my car.

Krista's sealing was beautiful followed by her luncheon hosted by Anthony's dad and stepmom and then her reception from 6-8pm in the evening. Anthony's home in Millville is gorgeous. You have to drive on a dirt road to get there but it is beautiful. Anthony's sisters and mother decorated everything so beautifully for his reception. They served spring rolls, smoked salmon on cream cheese, chives on ritz crackers, pinwheel sandwiches, cut-up fruit and there was also a pink candy buffet. Krista had teddybears from Taiwan as party favors and pink and purple paper laterns. Everything was decorated perfectly. Each set of Anthony's parents attended his sealing. That was so strange to me.

Rich attended with his kids who are all beautiful. None of them was very outgoing or talkative however. Pandi wasn't there. I hope they are doing alright. Each time I've seen either of them they've been alone. The group leader of the Chinese group served his mission to Taiwan. His name is Eric. He was telling me Brad started ICON with his dad and a couple other men. Brad's ex-wife didn't think it would make any money which is why he quit there. He told me he grew up with one of Brad's sons.

ICON is now this hugely successful business. Brad must feel horrible that he listened to his ex-wife Eric is very friendly. I met his pretty wife yesterday too. They live next door to our registrar Lori and it was nice to interact with them. She and Candy are stay-at-home moms. Funny that's what I wanted to do too. Instead I am all about my professional life BUUUT that is ALWAYS secondary to my family. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom raising my children full time now. Now I need to get married at least.

Working at the Christmas Box House trained me well to take care of children. I also love my nieces and nephews so much. I have a lot I need to do. Time to get ready to drive away again.

Helaman 13
39 O ye people of the land, that ye would hear my words! And I pray that the anger of the Lord be turned away from you, and that ye would repent and be saved.

2 Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One—yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity.

I picked up Deborah Caldwell-Stone on Tuesday right on time to take her to lunch at the Lion House and then to her hotel right near Jordan Landing. She wanted to take some time to work on her presentation. Wednesday I picked her up after hearing from Tom Panuzio. His resume is so impressive. He is a media consultant for ABC News and appears regularly on multiple news channels. He just happens to live in Salt Lake City. He worked for FEMA and the NSA for many years. How government is able to track individuals and gather information so easily in our data-rich and data-obsessed society is what he talked about.

Balancing this and providing National Security can be tricky. Deborah Caldwell-Stone had some interesting things to say too. I missed the ACLU guy entirely since I was driving Deborah then to the airport.

As I was rolling on 1-15 I missed my exit so I took the next one which is 700 N in Rosepark. On the freeway it felt like my car shifted. Instead when I slowed to a stop my car died. My AC I noticed first stopped. Later I figured out the radio wouldn't work and I couldn't roll my windows up or down. I started to redirect traffic when some nice man came to see if I needed help. It is a good thing to be a woman in a dress when this happens!

The first nice man who stopped to help asked if we needed any. I told him Deborah needed to catch a flight to Chicago. He agreed to drop her off. This older grandpa-type man stopped to help me push my car off the road. I couldn't get it into neutral so he asked for my keys. Two other nice men got out to help push it off to the side of the road. My bank was up the main road the car had initially stalled on so I walked there to find telephone numbers and a tow car number. I went back to my car to call the tow truck. It started right up and so I proceeded to drive to Firestone. Instead of making it there I stalled again at the turn to North temple on Redwood Road. 3 different guys helped me pull it over to a nearby parking lot for the state Natural Land Resources. KFC was on the other side of the parking lot so I went there to FINALLY call a tow truck.

I tell the guy at Firestone what happened and he tells me my clutch for my compressor which is what makes the air conditioner work is cracked. Alright, he tells me it'll cost $850.00. Firestone is within walking distance to my mother's house. My brother is attending a meeting at Stevens-Henager College in Murray since he teaches there too.

After I tell him my story he wants to go see the mechanic who again explains the quote and what's wrong with my car.George asks if the car can be removed from the Bay. O'Reilley's auto parts is next door. He charges my battery after which someone at O'Reilley's tests the battery which he learns is just fine. We go to the bank for less than 10 minutes. There is a car with Mexican boys looking over my car. They leave as soon as they see us.

George tells me it's my alternator. I have no clue. He tells me he's changed one before and to go to O'Reilley's to see how much it costs. It is 195.00. George has changed it before on a couple other cars. He finds a Youtube video that helps him learn how to change it and what size of tools he needs. We spend $58 on tools.

He needs to refer to the video a couple times throughout the process which takes maybe 40 minutes and he is able to change it. It runs PERFECTLY!!! Heavenly father loves me and I am blessed beyond what I first anticipated. I'm happy I was wearing a dress when this happened, that I missed the exit and took the Rose Park exit instead, that I met very kind people who helped get Deborah to the airport and me get to safety. I am extremely grateful my brother was able to change my alternator.

Double wow!!! Life is so very good sometimes.

If Ye Lack Wisdom - Marcos A. Aitukaikus
Joseph Smith’s actions when he was seeking for wisdom are a perfect example of what it means to have an honest heart. He said he wanted to know which of the sects was true so “that [he] might know which to join.”¹⁵ Even before he prayed, he was ready to act upon the answer he would receive.

If we fail to act on the wisdom we receive it is useless.

Actually, love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the sinner He saved.
Brothers and sisters, some of our greatest opportunities to demonstrate our love will be within the walls of our own homes. Love should be the very heart of family life, and yet sometimes it is not. There can be too much impatience, too much arguing, too many fights, too many tears. Lamented President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Why is it that the [ones] we love [most] become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that [we] sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick?”⁹ The answers to these questions may be different for each of us, and yet the bottom line is that the reasons do not matter. If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with kindness and respect.

Since I am picking up the American Library Association Deputy Director for Intellectual Freedom Deborah Caldwell-Stone I thought of how I should take her on a tour of temple square. FINALLY, an opportunity to share the gospel in some way! I'm not sure how this will go but I am grateful for the chance to hang out with someone from Chicago, especially an attorney who works not just for ALA but its Intellectual Freedom Committee.

I think I'm going to go home, pack then drive to Salt Lake City since her flight comes in at 10:55. I don't want to drive and then drive more to take her somewhere else right after that.

Helaman 8

I just met our new director "Jimmy" downstairs. He looks very young. He reminds me of my brother. He will bring new energy to our campus. He is younger than Bryan and I would say Mrs. Grove too. He is probably the same age as Mike but younger than Julie. This should be interesting. I have lunch with he and a few other staff members Thursday.

The lady I'm picking up gets here tomorrow around 11am. I need to leave in the morning after filling up. I have a couple bills to pay. I need to see if there are offices in Salt Lake City. I am just going to pay my one bill on Thursday. I called and it won't make a difference in how much I owe if I pay it then. I was able to get a substitute for Saturday. ANNOYING CAN ATTEND CHURCH SUNDAY AND THE TEMPLE WITHOUT ANY FEAR OF RUNNING INTO ME BECAUSE I WON'T BE IN LOGAN!!!

I'll either come back Thursday morning or Wednesday night. Krista's wedding is Friday or I'd just take off the rest of the entire week until Memorial Day next week. Tomorrow and Wednesday I'll be in Salt Lake. Actually I'm scheduled to have lunch with the new director Jimmy Thursday so that's not happening anyway. Following Krista's wedding is our Mateaki BBQ Saturday in Lehi. Sunday I'm missing church then I'm hanging in Salt Lake for memorial day too. I will return on mom's birthday or Tuesday the 27th leaving early to reach Logan in time for work.

Susie takes her endowments out on the 31st so I need to attend the 2pm session with her. I'm so happy for her. I need to go to lunch. I've been wasting time.

I just ate some Asian macaroni and it was surprisingly good. I never have been a fan of cho fun but this tasted like it because of the noodles. Usually I use either angel hair pasta for regular pan-fried noodles because it is versatile and I can usually eat it with spaghetti too. I have lots of macaroni and cheese and I didn't want to eat that AGAIN so I just seasoned it Asian style since I always have garlic, onions, soy sauce. This time I used oyster sauce and chili sauce. I've never used chili sauce with my noodles before and they are very good.

It was a great Sunday because I felt the spirit all over the place. I think I was just in the right frame of mind. I really want to be the best version of myself spiritually, physically and professionally. The spirit was buzzing during relief society as we talked about searching for truth in the scriptures. My scripture reading is similar to how I feel about prayer. When I was younger and I always heard about how we need to read our scriptures it had a mystical almost magical type of blessing in my head. I didn't really connect it or think about what reading actually does.

OF COURSE it will bring a spirit into our lives that is palpable. You intentionally focus on reading about the Savior and his dealings with people in a book written by prophets inspired to be used to bring the world to Christ. HOW CAN YOU NOT BE INFLUENCED???!!! Even without the divine, WHATEVER you read has eternal consequences. That is why it is so important to screen our media and decide if we want to fill it with trash or with quality. Like our physical body needs clean nutrient dense food, our spirit also needs frequent doses of the divine through the scriptures and the words of living prophets. How vital our choices are and how easy to see this. DUH...

Conference talks are prayed about and given mostly by men and women who work to advance the Church of Christ full time. Apostles are called to be special witnesses of Christ to the world. TO THE WORLD. How can anyone take what they say lightly? Why would you want to do that.

Holly sat with me in sacrament meeting and I asked her where that cutie Curtis was because he wasn't in church AGAIN. She didn't know so after Linger Longer which I stayed for because I wanted to fill up on nachos before going home and having to cook something to eat with my limited supply at home right now I asked Keri who is who he dragged to the parking lot to check me out.

She told me he took ice-cream over to her house and she told him she liked him but he told her he didn't want to date her. Keri is gorgeous, THE ONLY gorgeous girl in EITHER Midsingles ward. She is pretty AND dresses well. She is fit too. Not one ounce of fat ANYWHERE. She is divorced however and went through some serious addiction issues. I'm gorgeous too and so is my Asian friend Krista who is leaving the ward this week to get married! There are a few pretty girls too BUT gorgeous NOOO. OF COURSE the gorgeous girl would like the ONLY gorgeous guy. I was asking for myself AND because he brought her to the parking lot to check me out the last time I saw him. OF COURSE she's not going to tell me anything if she's interested. I wouldn't. I like Keri. I think the only thing that would've scared Curtis away is that she's divorced and her past addiction problems. We should never hold anyone's past against them BUUUT because I taught seminary before I know you can't teach seminary and be divorced. There are quite a few divorced people in my ward. Does that mean I am wrong to hold that against them? That is a huge problem for me. I'm alright with that. I also am not interested in considering anyone with children.

Kevin is another new guy in our ward. He looks good enough for me to talk to after a fireside but talking with him once was enough for me to determine he isn't what I want because he used to be in school or plans to return but has no idea what he wants to do. If you are at least 31 and haven't figured that out you can surely get to stepping away from me.

I like that Curtis took over ice-cream to Keri's house without wanting to date her. I like hanging out with someone first and getting to know them and see them in a variety of situations. I think it's my Poly dating history. How do you know you want to date them if you don't spend time with them first? Keri told me she thought that was leading. I think he was trying to get to know her FIRST.

I am very excited I'm moving to Salt Lake City next year. The sheer number of people in those singles wards has to be a good thing. The ward I'd be in meets at a church near the U. I want to get to know Curtis because he's LDS AND because he's beautiful. I already don't like many things about him especially that he seems to want to stay in Cache Valley forever and while I like that he designs  homes very much he also doesn't seem to have any inclination whatsoever to attend school. Of course I know absolutely nothing about him except that he's gorgeous and anything I figured out through his Facebook page which actually tells me nothing about the type of person he is.

I haven't had ANY sign of annoying whatsoever AND I haven't seen his vet friend either which makes me happy because seeing either of them gets on my nerves. They are probably together planning their wedding now. I shouldn't give a damn but I still do BUT I am very happy time is going by quickly and soon I'll AT LEAST get off the damn farm when I live and work in Salt Lake City.

I heard a story about how someone was miraculously saved from death. I had that type of major miracle experience when I didn't die in a car accident in 1999. I thought to myself then well, why the hell am I still here if in order to progress spiritually I need to get married and I haven't found anyone to marry yet. That was 15 years ago and I still wonder. If I'm not going to get married in this life what am I supposed to do? I have my physical body now so what more am I supposed to do in this life. I know I can have a family in the next life and if that's what is my life why did I have to go through the miraculous life-saving thing. I could've been working in the eternities possibly now.

I know that's a morbid thought and life is fun and filled with opportunities I enjoy. I do want a family however. I am grateful to have come to Cache Valley to get an MBA, a real estate license and work in the temple although there are temples everywhere I can work at. If my relationship with annoying was never going anywhere I would've rather not met him at all.I hope I never see him again. My patriarchal blessing tells me I'm going to marry an apostle. Am I destined to marry some old apostle like Dallin Oaks who married his old single wife after losing his first? I don't want to be a second wife. Is that wrong? I'd rather go younger. When I was in high school I liked college men. Now I'm attracted to younger men.

All the "special" spirits in Midsingles wards. I am right there with all of them. I hope I enjoy my Salt Lake City ward when I move there. Thank goodness I am leaving this place in a little over a year. The first week in July 2015 is when I'm excited to leave. I loved church yesterday. I was feeling so filled with the spirit. What the hell is wrong with me today. I seem to have just spiraled down in this negative Nancy way.

This was EXCELLENT!!! I'm so glad as many people who said they'd be there attended. 4 that said they'd be there didn't make it. The vase Stacey choose was beautiful and appropriate. The book was awesome and so was the sign. I asked them to divide Sharla's meal between who attended. It turned out to be an extra .79 for everyone which was sweet!!! I'm so happy it went well. I counted 21 people last night.

I should've got sizzling fajitas. Anytime I order anything else I'm not happy. I ordered shrimp enchiladas and they were extremely chinchy with the shrimp. That pretty much killed my meal for me. $12 on something NOOOT worth it!!! We had tables outside and it was perfect. I hung her sign but I didn't bother with balloons because if I did I would've run late.

It was hard for her to hold her tears in which made me happy. I know she was touched and enjoyed her gifts. It was perfect for her. It is difficult sometimes with my Poly background and throwing events in general. I kept wanting to do something like a program during dinner BUUUT my mostly white coworkers would not get it or appreciate it.

The temple was as amazing as it always is. I want to buy a pizza but instead I'm going to wait to see how my gas holds up. I didn't like the result of the biscuits I made. They were not fluffy. I've made these before and I remember how good they were.

Helaman 7
I read this in the temple like I usually do on Saturdays when I have a break. Everytime I read about Book of Mormon prophets it just sounds like so much fun. Nephi is on his tower lamenting the wickedness of his people and a crowd gathers as he does this. I would've loved this Nephite moment.

I love the temple. I was sister one during the 6:30 session followed by a veil and initiatories for an hour. My last post was right outside the dressing room. I don't like that one because it is a smiling/greeting/standing around post. I like to actually do things.

17 For behold, the Lord had blessed them so long with the riches of the world that they had not been stirred up to anger, to wars, nor to bloodshed; therefore they began to set their hearts upon their riches; yea, they began to seek to get gain that they might be lifted up one above another; therefore they began to commit secret murders, and to rob and to plunder, that they might get gain.

In addition to eating a biscuit and tatter tots in the morning yesterday, last night when I went to the store to buy margarine and cow's milk - I know I should be using almond milk and butter BUUUT I'm running out of money and time. I also bought crackers at the dollar store and although the box was small I ate the whole thing AND my crocodile donut thing filled with whipped cream. I used to buy real whipping cream, whip it myself with splenda and eat that with fresh strawberries, nuts and chocolate sugarfree pudding. That took care of my whipped cream constant craving. I just need to do that with Stevia now. I need to replenish my case lot food storage stuff. I have lots of mayo, laundry detergent, too many macaroni and cheese boxes. I need to buy cases of tuna, chicken, spaghetti sauce and soup. I also have lots of broccoli cream soup since my mother bought a case but can't consume the sodium.

I woke up about 3am with my stomach in pain and had to go to the bathroom twice within 20 minutes, YES at 3 something. This morning I had some of my berry juice and a protein shake. I haven't decided exactly what else to eat. I bought margarine and milk to eat some of my many boxes of macaroni and cheese last night although I know that's horrible for diabetic me. I just need some variety and other than soup I need something at least A LITTLE substantial to tide me over.

I got my favorite graphic arts instructor upset with me yesterday. He's the one I originally asked to put together the memory book for Sharla. He led me to ask Natalie for help. I forgot to include his picture and I didn't have it among my many because he's not here all the time. That made me feel horrible and I decided I'm going to tape his picture in. I am glad Eli at least signed the book. I had a brilliant idea and I'm going to print a picture of batman to tape near his note to Sharla. He had several batman action figures in his office and even a painting.

I'm going to tape pictures of Lindsey, Mr. Ramsey and Mr. Murdock on the blank sides of our book.

I am hungry right now and I have no idea what to eat since I didn't bring anything. The admissions consultants have candy in their offices. I just may raid those.

Surely the angels of heaven wept as they recorded this cost of discipleship in a world that is often hostile to the commandments of God. 
So if love is to be our watchword, as it must be, then by the word of Him who is love personified, we must forsake transgression and any hint of advocacy for it in others. Jesus clearly understood what many in our modern culture seem to forget: that there is a crucial difference between the commandment to forgive sin (which He had an infinite capacity to do) and the warning against condoning it (which He never ever did even once).
Be strong. Live the gospel faithfully even if others around you don’t live it at all. Defend your beliefs with courtesy and with compassion, but defend them. A long history of inspired voices, including those you will hear in this conference and the voice you just heard in the person of President Thomas S. Monson, point you toward the path of Christian discipleship. It is a strait path, and it is a narrow path without a great deal of latitude at some points, but it can be thrillingly and successfully traveled, “with … steadfastness in Christ, … a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.”¹⁹ In courageously pursuing such a course, you will forge unshakable faith, you will find safety against ill winds that blow, even shafts in the whirlwind, and you will feel the rock-like strength of our Redeemer, upon whom if you build your unflagging discipleship, youcannot fall.²⁰ In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.
I think the second paragraph addresses how we should treat our loved ones who engage in homosexuality. We need to walk that fine line that lets them know how much we love them BUUUT that we still deplore their behavior. How can we do this in a way that still lets people feel our love? My nephew is gay now or rather we know now. What do I do? This isn't really a problem because our conversations rarely delve beneath surfacey things.
A perfect brightness of hope... although I've read/heard that line MANY times before it struck me are particularly poignant today. Does pressing forward with a steadfastness in Christ bring about this perfect brightness of hope or is it the other way around. Will we have a love for God and all men or is it through that we will be steadfast in Christ and develop the perfect brightness of hope? I think they all work together to bring and maintain those exquisite states. 

My new director will be here all next week. He is having lunch meetings with all of us who are assigned to different days according to our department. This makes me happy we scheduled Sharla's party Friday. Next week she will be busy with our new director and then the end of May begins with a short holiday weekend. Short for me since I'll only be working T-Th which is sooo nice!!!

Right now I don't care if anyone has a problem with ANYTHING I've done for Sharla's party. I made sure NOT to include my one coworker in any of our memory book photos. I printed it here on cardstock I make my pathfinder bookmarks on. I bound the book this morning at Watkins along with a plastic cover. The whole thing cost me $1.87. Balloons will be $3 sooo my entire contribution financially is less than $5.

I REALLY like that and I was determined to keep costs low because of how annoyed my one co-worker made me about what it would cost to do what I wanted to do. After explaining to him that the things I wanted to do would be minimal AND offering him the chance to choose the picture included, he did not contact me or take back his initial statement so he is not included in the book ANYWHERE.

He is such a drama queen. Right now I will buy the 3 balloons, hang the sign AND give her the memory book AND if anyone has a problem with that right now... I DON'T CARE!!! I got input from EVERYONE and made decisions based on that. AGAIN if someone has a problem with ANYTHING I don't care because they could've done it and/or organized it themselves BUT no one else stepped up.

I know I have a little perfectionist problem with events but that's alright with me. I need to learn InDesign as well as I know PowerPoint. I've taken several PowerPoint classes but until I actually had to use it in this job I didn't really use it. I have always had an instinctual design sensibility. I feel like I have always known what looks amazing. I had friends who would always ask for my opinion BUT I never asked for theirs or felt the need to ask for anyone's opinion because I trust my own. I also trust my brother's because he has no hidden agenda with me and I don't trust it with everything. It is sad that I rarely trust people at all but it is a fact.

What to get myself for lunch now and then what I'll want to eat later. I have 1 last portion of the cream of broccoli soup I made by chopping carrots, onions ground beef and spinach in. It is very good but I'll be hungry again throughout the day. I think I'll pick up 2 McDoubles for a little over $2. OR I could pick up a pizza I could eat all day and tonight for dinner. It is ward temple night and I'm attending. Bishop asked us to be there early to help him with sealings. I'm not really in the sealing mood. While I wore a dress today and thought about attending tonight I'm not really feeling that either. Hmmm... I don't feel a push either way when I ask about it.

Our sign Gabriela one of our Graphic Design students made is perfect, so is the memory-book. Natalie used InDesign to create what she did. I am sooo learning that program. What she did wasn't difficult at all and I could've done a better job just because I know a lot more people and I would've used better and a more variety of pictures. I am grateful for what she did however and she finished it in the perfect amount of time. I'm sure my design sensibility gets on everyone's nerves. I just need to do it myself. I tried to get ALL of the present and past workers in there but I could tell I was wearing on her patience. I should've used Mr. Murdock instead of her. Although he would've complained he would've gotten it done. I didn't even think of learning it online but I want to take as many design classes as I can to learn all this stuff. I'd get an associate's in it if I didn't have to give more of my life to the school to do that. I need to look at the catalog.

All I need to do now is buy her 3 balloons and I'll do that at the dollar store Friday right before I go to Cafe Sabor about 1/2 an hour beforehand to see where I can hang her sign. I love that this has just come together perfectly. There are quite a few people going out of town which is unusual since memorial day is the following weekend. That's actually the weekend I need to get a substitute for the temple. I have to hit up Salt Lake twice next week.

I need to figure out what Mickey D's 3.49 lunch is today. Actually I think it'll be better if I just get 2 McDoubles through the drivethrough. I need to figure out what to eat because I have some eggs and cake mixes, lots of macaroni and cheese but not much else. I got a breakfast platter this morning from Carl's JR. Alyssa is signing Sharla's book now but I'm going to get it to everyone asap.