Urban Poly Princess

Today I had my interview at the East Millcreek Library. I love Suzanne. Steve the Manager of the Holladay library was there too. I can never read him. Anytime I'd work there I couldn't tell if he was happy with or displeased with the job I did. I'm on a consideration list with the County. After being fired from the crappy credit analyst job I feel so defeated and numb. I'm not working out, eating well, reading my scriptures or having the prayers I should be having now. I haven't applied for anything new and it's just because I'm on the County list that I'm being considered for anything. I don't want to try anymore. I am grateful I was paid anything just so I could have some sort of reprieve from searching for a job. I hate it so much. I only go to the temple because I work there and church because I know i need to take the sacrament. If I didn't have those things interviews, the temple and church I wouldn't go anywhere. I went to fhe because no one would sign up to bring tortilla chips and then they didn't even put out what I brought.

It feels like nothing I do matters. I know that's not true but I have no evidence to the contrary. It takes me 6 minutes to get to the East Millcreek Library. It would be fabulous to work there. I feel forsaken and forgotten although at the same time I know that isn't true either. I don't have hope for anything. Fhe was west coast swing. I love dancing and it is something I could really get into. I like zumba better however. I feel like I'm a shell, like nothing meaningful is going on. My future is bleak and all hope is gone. I don't know why I always fall into despondency at 2 to 3 in the morning. I watch all these dvds to pass time, so I can focus on something else besides the sucky reality that is mine. I saw Spencer there although he didn't attend the dance portion. I asked him about that and he told me he doesn't like dancing. I asked him what he liked and he said Netflix. I told him that could be tedious. He didn't even look at me when I said that.
I  just thought shy software engineer the challenge part of me wants to do something about that but really why. Do I want someone who wants to watch Netflix for fun? Nooo even with his comedic skills and his spiritual rock trait that sets him apart. It isn't enough and I'm not going out of my way for anyone like that. He is hilarious in front of groups. His one-on-one skills however, at least with me suck.

I'm almost done season 3 of games of thrones. I watched season 1 and 2. I also have season 4 checked out and ready to watch. I thought I was tired but I ended up doing this. I know if I exercised I'd release endorphins that would make me feel better. Reading the scriptures and praying draws me closer to my Savior but I don't want to do these things I know work. I just don't want to do anything.