Urban Poly Princess

I read that chapter just to read it. Nothing stood out to me and that's probably my fault. For the past few days that's how I've been reading my scriptures. I've been here before and I know it is when I just power through because I know how important it is to read my scriptures. I'm definitely not feasting right now.

EMZ was difficult this morning probably because I ate veggies, fruit and nuts the day before. I'm sticking with Furhman's diet but I think I sweat more than normal this morning because of that. I can't wait to eat regular food again although I intend to eat like this for the most part.

I think my body is going through shock because this is how I always feel when I change the way I eat the second day. I'd like to buy some eggplant to eat. It is delicious with cumin. I also want some steel-cut oats since they're actually approved AND some chocolate protein powder. I could go to Walmart and get that done.

I am trying to attend activities. I still believe in supporting your own ward first however. Steve really is a good person. I should feel lucky to have met him BUT it is freaking me out right now or actually I thought about it last night. I haven't prayed about him or anything nor do I want to right now BUUUT I know he has the spirit and he strives consistently to do what is right. I really like that he has great leadership skills. There is nothing about him that should keep me from getting to know him better but I feel like I'm going to marry him because I think he's a good person and there's no reason not to marry him but I still don't want to do that.

I know annoying graduates some time this year and I was trying to find something about him online BUUUT I know that's grasping at straws. What is my problem. Have I just done this my entire life. Would I even want annoying if he wasn't ignoring me so completely. Do I just like a challenge and have I done that my entire life to avoid real life?

I have never felt the spirit guide me to someone so pointedly before and I REALLY tried there. He is so immature and annoying. I know I'd have more fun with him however. Steve and mature and outgoing. He knows how to interact appropriately with a variety of people. He has a fan club too but he pays me enough attention even when I don't so I don't care about them.

I never doubted in the least annoying's interest in me. I may not be able to have kids. That is huge for ANYONE I marry. I don't think it's wrong to use that as a deal-breaker although I don't want anyone to use that on me.

I am trying to do what is right and what will make me progress in life. I'm sure there are many men I could marry that Heavenly Father would be fine with. Am I choosing to be selfish and unhappy. I'm not unhappy although I know marriage is the only way I can enjoy complete joy. I believe what we've been told. I hope and pray my Father in Heaven helps me to make the choices I need to make. I want the courage I need to do this and not just be subject to cold feet.