Urban Poly Princess

Lesson at Mindie's. When she brought out the Ensign I was a little afraid she'd start reading it. While she did that she also paused periodically and had conversation with us. She improved 100 percent from her first lesson I experienced. There were OTHER men there-Hallelujah!!!-We had a nice NORMAL fhe FINALLY.

I'm still REALLY grateful to David for helping me Sunday with my tire. He was playing the guitar and singing which was nice. I just wish he would've sung louder and played softer. The more he performs, the better he's going to get. I love performing. There is NOTHING like it. I wish I could sing as well as my mother or brother. I guess I should even try. There's just other things I'd like to develop more like Zumba and returning to my Poly dance love. I'd like to learn how to sing well enough to be in the ward choir BUT I'm NOT starting that in my ward. AFTER I'm married.

I am very good with my relationship with David. I REALLY like that he didn't say anything to torment me yesterday and he certainly could have done that. He said once that he likes raspberries. I have this recipe for a pretzel crust cream cheese raspberry plus raspberry jello dessert that is scrumptious. The BEST thing about David helping me is that he doesn't expect anything. I don't have to force myself to be friendly to him now because he is already my friend. He's not going to get all annoying just because I asked him for help.

I don't imagine that happening with anyone else.

I left home a little before 10am and reached Wellsville around 11:30ish-I went to put air in my tires and I kept checking my tire pressure which first went up to 30. I wanted it at 35 so I kept trying to put more air and then it started to decrease. It was down to 10 when I decided to pull into a space on the side. After doing this the tire was visibly flat.

Kaho graduated from USU in May and I don't know where Douggie is now. My uncle lives in Smithfield. David was the only person I felt comfortable calling and I really didn't want to call him either. We had a conversation once about how easy it was to actually change a tire and how I should learn how to do it. He even told me it could take him over an hour to help me if I was ever in that position. I told him I was Polynesian and that there were always guys to change a tire for me and that I'd get dirty if I did that.

I REALLY wish I knew how to change it today. He could've given me a lot of grief for needing help and he didn't. I think if the positions were reversed, I would've enjoyed that a little too much. I'm REALLY grateful for his help and I made it a point to watch, ask questions and learn. At the very least I'm going to try to do it the next time myself. NOT that I won't let some guy do it if he's there or that I won't still call my nephews AND brother to come and do it for me when they're in the area. When I'm by myself in the middle of nowhere like I was today, I'm going to at least give it a shot and lay down on the ground no matter what I'm wearing to figure out where the notch to fit my jack is.

So today I am just humble AND grateful.

I just wrote a bunch of depressing crap. That benefits no one. Highlight and delete!!! If only life were that easy. I'm enjoying my time with my mother even as she simultaneously gets on my nerves. I'm at the library to work on my Intellectual Freedom Committee Power Points I promised my group but DID NOT FINISH. It shouldn't take too long. Time to do it.

I have so many blessings I am so grateful for. Despite this I am still a basket case. It's difficult to understand how I can repeatedly be blessed but still NOT want to follow the spirit because of what it seems to require. I hate that and I know I need to just keep walking by faith even as I just don't want to deal with everything that demands from me. I know intellectually it'll be worth it BUT I don't feel that yet. Right now it feels like a big waste of time.

I hate where I live. I love my job. I am grateful for guidance and the spirit. I trust it or I wouldn't do it BUT that doesn't make it easy.

Sitting here thinking why the hell am I such a moody B. I really do feel everything I wrote but emotions are intensified now. So once a month I'm given free license to act like a B. I don't think so. I'm going to get out of here and put some gas in my car. I'm going to keep being David's friend AND keep doing what's right.

People say you can never have too many friends. I however feel like I do.

It's sooo hot and all I want to do is sit here in my hotel room with the AC on blast.

I really had some witchy moments last night. David dealt with me well. The band was playing that song with the line play that funky music white boy and I was singing along. He asked if they were really singing white boy and I said yes white boy. He ignored me nicely. I couldn't resist saying oh it's David and the Relief Society again when I first saw him last night. One of the twins said she could tell we're in the same fhe group by the way we argue. I didn't even think we were arguing.

This is not good. I don't like being a B and I know I had those moments repeatedly. I don't like the way he socializes. Jonni kept inviting me to go to SLC the night of Jen's party. I didn't go because I knew I'd be here for the most part of this week. I wonder if David went and if he was the only guy.

What the twins said really hit me hard because I was arguing so much that they noticed and I was completely oblivious. I can't go to this ugly place again just because someone does something I don't like.

I have a lot to work on. I wish I always deserved my blessings. I'm frustrated and I wish I knew what I was supposed to do all the time. I want to figure this out. I do care about David a lot BUT it shouldn't be this hard. I want to get to know him better but then I don't like what I find out. I don't want to go to fhe anymore and look at all those girls who are interested in David. I don't want to socialize with any of them at all. I REALLY don't want to be anywhere near David when he's on a date and I think Julie is great. I have tried hard to be respectful to David BUT I don't think he's very respectful to me. I'm sitting here feeling like crap and I don't think heavenly father wants me to feel like this.

I really think I've done my part and followed the spirit. There isn't anything else I can do. I can't keep this up-this nothing and not a damn thing up.

I didn't think I was tired but I spent the bulk of the day sleeping. I went to Willow Park during the day to watch a halau that SUCKED. A middle-aged Asian-looking "Hawaiian" lady from Maui holds classes for kids in Nibley. Costumes sucked, dancing sucked-veeery unprofessional. The costumes were also ugly. Two women danced a hula-they didn't look good or dance well. I left halfway through the Halau's program. This was AFTER waiting for them to FINALLY begin. It was also extremely hooot!!! They were supposed to start at 1pm but they didn't begin until 1:45.

PCC had a float in the Days of '47 parade. Alumni walked in the parade and Facebook is all abuzz with the experience. If they do it next year I'm making sure I participate. I didn't recognize some of my x-coworkers. Time has not been kind to many of my friends.

I wanted to experience Pioneer day here and I'm glad I did. Fireworks were at Willow Park and my friend Krista wanted to attend with me. My other friend Jonny also wanted to attend with me. I planned for both but I would've done it by myself too. Krista and I met up with Jonny and her group of people. Her group was David with another group of women. I told him he was there with the relief society again. As the night progressed it was clear he was there on a date with Julie but somehow it included us? Julie is awesome. She is normal. It was nice they shared their blankets with us. If I was on a date however it would NOT include anyone else-male or female. Double dates or even group dates are fine. The harem model however is NOT.

It was nice to see David even if he was on a date AND even if it felt like a repeat of last night. At least he had the good taste to ask Julie out. The big difference was I don't think every girl there wants David except for maybe Jonny. I like Julie and he seemed to be on a date with her tonight but I don't really get the sense she's interested in him either. I don't want him to lead Jonny on though so I'm glad he was on a date with Julie if he had to be on a date with someone. The twins are sweet and Marci is my visiting teacher.

I was good for the most part although I know I made a few intentionally mean comments. Sooo NOT effective or what I really want. I just kept thinking REALLY AGAIN???!!! I wonder how many times he takes someone out but ends up the only guy with several women at some event. Dating actually does have a point and it's NOT to prepare yourself for if they bring back polygamy in your lifetime.

Whatever the circumstances I'm glad I saw the fireworks again with David.

David's house is beautiful. His roommate Darryl owns it but I'm glad he lives there. He lives right by Stacey Brown who was in my fhe group. I don't remember exactly where it is but it could be the same street for all I know. We had our sushi party there.

I'm so happy Krista agreed to take something to Amanda for me. I bought a Tommy Hillfiger bag that I've never used. I decided to give it to Amanda. I made a stop at TJMaxx to get her some perfume and I still had that new bottle of Tommy for her husband. I just bought her Sung-it's the only one I recognized there and at least I know what it smells like. There was a Daisy gift box there I REALLY like. I might buy it for myself. REALLY I should buy a small bottle that'll set me back about $30 instead of the gift set at $60. I hope she likes what I'm sending her. I miss Amanda and I hope everything is well in her life.

David gave a really good lesson based on a conference talk by some GA who used to be over Russia and speaks Russian well. The spirit was nice. He asked us what were some things that come in the way of following the spirit. He talked about worldly things. It made me think of busyness and other good things.

The spirit has been very clear with me BUT it's been easy for me to find other good things that demand my attention although REALLY it doesn't require much from me and I know I'm filling my time that is prolonging what I need to be doing. I should be making an effort to get to know David better. I should've stayed at his house or gone back in after giving Krista my stuff for Amanda. I just detest being one of many. It felt like a harem. It's not like I want him to be rude.

I know this is a pride thing. I feel like I ALWAYS have to give it up with David. Situations constantly arise where I have to do things I wouldn't normally do-He is fun. I do enjoy his company but why do I always feel like I have to grit my teeth and ENDURE something associated with him. When we first met and started to get to know each other it was fun. I don't know how or why that had to change.

Russ gave a nice talk today. He is a good speaker. Some RM girl in the ward I don't know gave a talk that was o.k. but she started to read it which got on my nerves. The last speaker Levi was hilarious but he wasn't as focused as Russ. He mentioned how he researched his Pioneer stuff by reading the Work and the Glory-a popular fictional LDS series by now GA Gerald Lund.

My Taiwanese friend Krista asked me where I was sitting during Linger Longer. I told her I could sit by her. She sat by Nick who was sitting by Nathan and Levi the guy who gave the talk. I sat across from Krista and near Levi. I'm sure he has no idea I sat by him because I told Krista I'd sit with her. I asked him if I could sit there and asked Nathan what his name was as well as Levi. They were all nice.

Jonny's grandfather just died and has his viewing tonight. Our schedules are jam-packed next week and we couldn't find time both of us could do sooo I told her I would do it. I asked Sarah after RS if she'd go with me for Jonny. We had a nice visit with Laura and I committed to finish my Thesis by the end of August if she'd complete her dissertation by December. My thesis is going to take 30 pages compared to her 100+ pages BUT she's also getting a PhD.

It's just been nice NOT having homework with several weekly deadlines. I don't want to work for Stevens-Henager College forever though so I definitely need to finish this thing!!!

Tomorrow is my ONLY day of work!!! Wednesday AND Thursday I'll be training at the University of Utah-I don't work Friday AND Saturday I'll just stay there and play B4 returning to the farm Sunday morning in time for church.

Krista is going to Taiwan for 3 weeks. I hope she can take a wedding gift to my friend Amanda with her. I hope they are near each other. Amanda was my roomate. She was a lot of fun and I had a great time with her. I miss her. Her English is 10x better than Krista's. My other friend and roommate from
Taiwan is at BYU now getting her Phd. Her name is Sophia. She had a testimony like a rock. Amanda was a member but I think her testimony did not hold up. However, it would be very difficult without family support or a ward large enough to give her member support either. She left Utah to work on an MBA in England. She works in Taiwan now and married a nice Taiwanese man. I don't think she's active at all. Out of all my roommates at the time I was the closest to her and I did things with her that I didn't with my other roommates.

Tonight after visiting teaching I went with Sarah to an over-31 fireside. Most of the people there looked my mother's age with the exception of our ward members. NOT going there again. A woman spoke about developing characteristics to match marrying an 8-cow wife. The Johnny Lingo reference is there and 8 "cows" or characteristics we should all develop and look for in a spouse were identified. What I remember right off-Cash Cow-Financially sound principles are followed, Holy Cow-Spiritually on Point, Clever Cow-Sense of Humor, Fire Cow-Passionate about life, Cuddle Cow-Romance, Kind Cow-Compassionate, caring. The speaker although interesting seemed like she was doing this long-infomercial for her book. The man who gave the closing prayer also prefaced this by recommending we all go and buy her book.

Sometimes it's just too easy. The speaker is from Cache Valley and writes a book with OVER-DONE cow references. She has a ring Conscious over will or COW-There's also a website. I couldn't have made up a scenario better for feeding my Cache Valley mocking.

Fhe tomorrow is at David's house. It will nice not to have to come home just to change for fhe, AC is ALWAYS nice, NOT being directly in sunlight is also going to be nice. I hope that doesn't keep people away. Sarah told me she'd look out for any good cows for me. I told her I already know what I need to farm.

I woke up with a tummy ache and thought I should get some water so half asleep I started down the stairs then fell down several of them. That sure woke me up. I got my water then played online before going upstairs followed by sleeping more then surfing. It was the day to get a nice massage from the sister I visit teach. It was a new technique she has to try to get certified. It was veeery nice. Her massages are $50 an hour. Maybe I can afford once a month like a pedicure. Once I begin weight training again massage is so nice.

Mikako and I rehearsed our hula several more times. Our performance went well although it was filled with mistakes it was fine for Jennifer's birthday. We did an audience participation Hukilau song since it was the next one on Mikako's CD. One of the Tongan ladies in Logan had a son just return from his mission. Today he had his welcome-back dinner. I took Mikako with me. She enjoyed the food because she went to school at BYU-Hawaii so she was familiar with many of the dishes. The 'ota or raw fish was scrumptious. I still have my dessert plate in the fridge I'll get to eventually.

It was a very good day. Jonny texted me to see if I wanted to hit SLC with them but since I'll be doing that for the most part of next week I decided not to do that tonight and anyway I had that missionary's welcome home dinner AND Jen's party. I like doing things with my ward peeps because I feel like I need to do that more.

I had fun rehearsing with Mikako and I feel like I know her a little more now. We are going to Zumba next Wednesday and Sarah is joining us depending on her schedule. I had fun at Jen's party . It was just a good day today!!!

I saw a picture of Sonny today. He just looks huge and not in a good way. I was hoping David would come to Jen's party but he didn't. Despite this, I'm glad there was a pretty good turn out. Mikako wants to continue our Poly dance thing which I'm fine with. She wants to learn Tahitian next. I'm fine with that. We're doing Pate Pate by Te Vaka! I've always wanted to do a number to that song. Revisiting my Poly dance craze is awesome and is something I should've done long ago. It's also great incentive to keep fit.

Mostly because I don't work Fridays!!! I looove my job!!! If I only made 70,000 more I'd stay here forever-OK nooo-NOT going to stay in Logan forever!!!-If my job was in another CITY although that implies the farm is a city AND it's NOOOT My attempts to make it better have worked. I know exactly why I'm here now and now I can be like those people who always get up in sacrament meeting and make that statement.

At first I was excited to spend Pioneer Day in SLC BUT-I did that last year. The year before that I spent moving into my apartment here in Logan AND getting sick because the AC wasn't working. ALSO I found out the Pioneer festivities take place at Willow Park that is right next to me. They have food/craft booths, entertainment and sporting tournaments ALL DAY finishing with fireworks and I can WALK home. FORGET the 30 minute wait or 30 minute drive!!! There is also a halau performing which I'm interested to see-especially with my newly-inspired Poly dance-love. I've ALWAYS loved dancing, I just didn't want to do it since I've gained weight BUT since we are doing our own costumes this shouldn't be an issue anyway.

I FINALLY heard from my girl Helene. If Jen hadn't gone through so much trouble to provide us with a list of people she invited I would've asked her to dance with us too. We can definitely dance for some future ward event. I'm excited to get our costumes finalized tomorrow. Now I'm glad Mikako suggested this because I'm having fun with it.

It would be great if David performed something. I'd love to hear him sing by himself but he probably wouldn't do that. I just want to hear his voice clearly-he could sing with someone else. I just want to hear him by himself. They could sing their own verses or something.

There are a lot of events I need to get cracking on. I have to invite people to CVLA's next meeting which I'm hosting. I was thinking deli sandwiches but we could also do an inexpensive Mexican themed thing. This would provide something substantial without incurring much cost.

Missing sleep has NOT been good for me this week. My zumba schedule's been inconsistent and I'm sick of feeling tired all the time.

Yesterday Mikako came over and we had fun rehearsing our hula number. I like the song and the chereography from the Youtube video I found. Next we'll have to practice more and refine our costumes for Saturday. I'm sooo glad I don't work tomorrow. I am making her lunch tomorrow and we'll practice more.

My uncle Laie came over yesterday before his song practice. I feel bad because I didn't have anything to feed him yesterday and I think good Tongan nieces ALWAYS have food to feed their uncles. He was in town to attend a song practice for a missionary homecoming this Sunday. Sooo I'm debating in my head do I go out of my way to cook something every night just in case he comes over? If I cook something every night I can eat leftovers for lunch. Funny, when I was growing up I HATED leftovers, now they're just fiine AND they save me a lot of money.

Yesterday I bought a sandwich from Firehouse Pizza. It was REALLY good-I hope I'm not becoming cheap because it was good but I kept thinking about how I just spent $10 on a sandwich. Maybe it's good to be frugal. If I cook all the time I won't spend money on food which will save me a bunch AND it's one of my weaknesses AND I won't be stuck thinking I don't have anything made to feed whoever happens to show up at my doorstep.

I have some cooked rice in the fridge and now I'm thinking I could've made some fried rice for him last night. I could've chopped up spam and I have some brocolli and cilantro in the fridge if I just added some eggs it would've been fine. It was difficult to just cook because I had Mikako over. I think I'll make that for myself for lunch. It'll avoid spending money again AND my house is close enough for me to cook and eat ALTHOUGH today is coordination meeting at 2:15 so that may not give me enough time depending on when Chris comes to give me my lunch hour.

I'm hungry now. Do I buy junk at the vending machine or do I wait a little longer?

When I have a family I'll have to cook for them every night. I definitely won't be able to eat out as much as I do now. I think I'll make that a goal for next week. I'll plan a menu for next week and follow-through with it.

Mikako just called me to see if I could visit Sunshine Terrace because a blind piano player from Hawaii is visiting them today to play for them.

First my VTs visited me. Next our RS sat on the grass and listened to sisters in our ward with pioneer ancestors share some stories with us. This was followed by a "s'mores buffet"-I had 2 smores-they are good but the mess doesn't really make it worth it and there are other things I like more.  STILL it doesn't feel like summer until you've had at least 1. I think I've had enough for the summer. Grilled meat however is a completely different story.

I found out David also plays the saxophone. SWEET!!! He said he hasn't tried any Kenny G. My friend used to play all the sax solos at BYU-Hawaii. He is very talented. My friend is Byron Harris. I don't really remember but I think he said Kenny G isn't that great. He's my Facebook friend. I added him and wrote him a nice message BUT he completely ignored it. I wonder if he doesn't want to answer because he's married now. Whatever-I certainly don't want to cause problems. David is as talented as my crazy family. The only difference is I don't think he is as comfortable performing but
I could be wrong. He did perform in church. Another friend plays the sax in his New Zealand reggae band Katchafire. I don't know what the Poly fascination with reggae is but I don't share it. I used to dance with Jaime Ferguson at the Polynesian Cultural Center. He is bald now. I hope he is strong in the church but when I saw him-USU actually paid to bring his band to Logan. My friend Kaho Fiefia served in student government and in my opinion is the ONLY reason why Katchafire performed at USU. Kaho also has a band that was able to open for Katchafire AND Sean Kingston.

Falling asleep.

I stayed up late reviewing YouTube videos of He Mele No Lilo and making chicken katzu. There's a Slater performance I really like and is easy enough  to learn for Saturday. I'm trying to figure costumes next in my head. I'm not sure if Krista's dancing with us or not. We have the same coloring so it should be easy to find some color combination that works well for all of us.

David wore light blue last night. He REALLY looks good in that color. He has pewter-colored hair that goes well with that blue. Random yes-I like what he was wearing last night.

I'm tired from my lack of sleep and zumba. Time to look for boxes for my books I didn't sell and need to discard.

Unfortunately a couple of David's fans showed up tonight although the number of people there allowed me to ignore Camila and I always avoid and ignore Katie. They were veeery unorganized. When we got to the chapel nothing was set up so tables and everyone stood around in the cultural hall-I DIDN'T complain because I didn't want Nick to feel bad and he seemed to be in charge. Also David I'm sure helped plan the activity and he's had more than enough negativity from me. The games were NOT organized at all but anyway I figured out how to teach a group to play marbles. The game was too difficult for people who have NEVER played marbles. I remember playing marbles for keeps in Tonga. I was a lot better than I am now although I was never as good as my brother. He could nick other marbles if he shot them. We modified the game because if we didn't we wouldn't have gotten anywhere. The group was nice to play with me but I didn't want to play again although it was fun to revisit marbles. I'm going to buy some and get my brother to play with me. I'd like to see what skills he has if any.

We visited Sarah Biggs today and I didn't get ahold of Laura Vernon to visit her. She was in RS but AGAIN I didn't chat with her or reschedule. Sarah has her own massage therapy business. I offered to "help" her when she needs to try new techniques and she actually needs to practice one on 3 people now. How did I get so lucky? The medical students at Stevens-Henager always want to poke me with needles or take my vitals. I NEVER let them do that. It would never stop if I did. At church all I could think about was leaving-it was unbearably hot. Lakeesha texted me during sacrament meeting saying she and Taylor wanted to visit so I left quickly. I got home and fell asleep. I woke up for maybe 10 minutes around 7pm and Lakeesha and Taylor were there. They aren't LDS and were students at Stevens-Henager College. I took them to a missionary fireside once before. They are Navajo and grew up on a reservation. I got to know Lakeesha because she is extremely outgoing and loved to visit me in the library. Her boyfriend Taylor is not but he is very nice too. I made them musubi and now I think he's addicted. He wants me to teach Lakeesha how to make it. Lakeesha is 3 months pregnant now.

Tonight I gave them drinks, my generic but much larger otter pops from Walmart and cookies. Lakeesha still has morning sickness so she can't really eat a whole lot of things. I also played the new Johnny Lingo for them. I love that movie and it's a great cultural/religious movie ALTHOUGH the prominence of Noni was not lost on me. Noni funded the remake of the old classic church film. We're going to get together and BBQ next. I think it's the perfect opportunity for me to invite my Mexican friends along with some of my ward peeps. I want them to join the church but even if they don't it's fun to be their friend. If I can get Travis to DJ and bring his sound system that would be fantastic too.

Our RS lesson was on missionary work so it was nice to be able to do some tonight. Tomorrow is a Pioneer Day fhe at the church. David keeps talking about Sam's peach cobbler. I'm excited to try it. I messaged David on Facebook asking why we are celebrating Pioneer Day for fhe on the 16th rather than the 23rd. He never responded. I guess he can tell me why in person tomorrow.

I really feel like I dodged a bullet by going home and leaving Provo when I did. I went home when I was 18 but I turned 19 later that year. It was when I was home that I was reminded of how much I wanted to go on a mission myself and began attending mission prep. My brother was still on his mission and every time he'd write or send home a tape he would end it by telling me to serve a mission because it would improve my life a hundred percent.

Today I did dinner with Jonny at Costa Vida. She has Celiac so she eats a gluten-free diet and Mexican restaurants have corn tortillas which she can eat.
It was nice then we went to the sidewalk sale and got rained out BUT she wanted to get some dresses and she didn't know what to get AND since I'm a total clothes horse I got excited to help her with that. We went to TJMaxx where we found 2 Calvin Klein dresses that look incredible on her. Together both were less than $100. She wants to get shoes too so we are shoe-shopping tomorrow!!! This is something I looove-I could be a stylist in my sleep. I know what looks good on people. I always have. Initially my dream was to be a buyer for Macy's or some other store in New York City. My first major at the Y was fashion merchandising. I REALLY wanted to go to FIDM or the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in New York City after I graduated from high school. I worked at the Sears women's department in Kaneohe the first summer after my freshman year at the Y. Once I learned how hard Buyers worked and that the work was more than just buying merchandise to sell-I was dissuaded. I could be a stylist BUT there's no work for that here in Cache Valley. So until then-I'll just have fun with Jonny.

Since I thought about Sonny today I did a Google search to see what he's up to now. His second marriage ended in a nasty divorce and vicious custody battle. He has one daughter with his second wife. She accused him of sexual abuse against their daughter. Sonny maintained his innocence throughout. He met and married his second wife in Las Vegas. She is an attorney. Sonny never finished graduate school at UNLV. The bitter court arguments led Sonny to leave to Tonga. He passed any lie detector test he was given. After a detailed article was published about what happened in 2008 he called the paper to answer the allegations. He insists he is innocent. As I looked at different articles I read a blog post by a friend of his ex-wife. One of the comments talks about how creepy everyone thought he was since he liked talking to 17-18-year-olds.

I was 17 when I met Sonny. He was 26. He was nothing but a perfect gentleman-HOWEVER-3 different times Sonny invited me and my other 18-year-old freshmen Poly friends to spend the night at his house. Twice were so we could go clubbing Saturday night and then attend conference the next day. I forget what the other time was for. I knew this wasn't good because I sure as hell didn't tell my parents about this. Sonny actually had other relatives spend the night from California. We had his room while his nephews and he took the couch in the living room. He was an RM-he never should've suggested this in the first place. YES, I was stupid. He never suggested the Saturday conference session to us. Unfortunately I really didn't care then. He and his other RM Poly friends picked me up one weekend in Provo where I was the only girl in the group and took me to see one of the only rated R movies I've ever seen-Child's Play featuring a demonic talking doll Chucky. I was too busy thinking about how great these "spiritual giants" were to question the movie choice. He also took me to watch he and his friends sing at a doctor's convention at some hotel in Park City. He has an incredible voice. He sang lead and dedicated a beautiful song to me before he and his boys sang it. It was sooo cool. He drove his friends back to Cedar City after this and I went along by myself. My friends had gone home to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. I didn't. I  remember feeling extremely uncomfortable when we got to his friend's apartment in Cedar City where I was the only girl. Sonny was extremely tired so he slept on the couch. I slept by myself in his friend's room. No one disturbed me but I kept thinking how I didn't like this-BUT-I still did it anyway.

He took me to Dennys in Provo on the way back and then dropped me off at my apartment. He always treated me like a Queen and he never pressured me with anything. He would buy me AND my friends meals. He left his car for us to use when he flew somewhere. During our freshman year none of us had cars-the next year we all did. We rode together though so 2 cars usually sat at home. We went on a road trip to Ricks College before it became BYU-Idaho. I had a blast. I did horribly my first year in school. My parents wanted me to go home. I didn't. There's a single line in my patriarchal blessing that tells me to listen to the counsel of my parents. I was having the time of my life BUT I went home because of that line.

My friends and Sonny and his friends continued to have fun with additional road trips to the Bay, Southern Utah, and Southern California-Meanwhile I was in Hawaii where I got a job with the Census Bureau and tried to get used to life with BYU-Hawaii students who didn't have money or cars to take me anywhere. I was sooo angry that I was missing out on all the fun. I wasn't dating Sonny but he still took me out, paid for everything AND had his own car. In Hawaii I was the one with the car since I lived with my parents. I went out with friends BUT AGAIN if we went anywhere either I or my cousin drove Bcause we had cars. Sonny and his friends spoiled me because I never paid for a thing when they were around and they still managed to take me out. I went to my first Greek restaurant with him and then he took my friends and his friends to this restaurant with good live music and dancing. Sonny also had some good-looking nephews who would visit. One of my friends started dating one.

I put Sonny on such a pedestal. If I stayed in Provo I would've gone on all those road trips and spiritually I wasn't strong enough to use that dream to avoid falling for him. I wanted to fall for him because I thought the world of him. It's only later when I developed my own testimony more that I can now look back and realize he wasn't as great as I thought. He still treated me like a queen and I'll always be grateful to him for showing me how I should be treated early on. I was too dumb to know he should've encouraged me and my friends to watch conference on Saturday, he NEVER should've invited me and my friends to sleep over at his house in Salt Lake City-I NEVER should've done that AND if he knew he had to drive his friends back to SUU he also NEVER should've invited me along. Yes I was stupid BUT I also trusted him completely.

When David told me it was good for him to have a roommate because it's better not to be alone with some girl if he's on a date I thought "Seriously, Are you for real?" I really thought that was ridiculous BUT now I REALLY like the contrast to what happened with Sonny. Sooo let's see-Sonny ALWAYS  treated me like a queen-David is alright usually BUT has certainly treated me like crap. HOWEVER Sunny fails spiritually and even today while David is on point spiritually.

I could've very easily married Sonny if I didn't return to Hawaii when I did. Would I have been divorced now? Reading the articles is scary. Sonny NEVER gave me any reason to think his marriage would be anything but amazing. I think you can make it with anyone. There are definitely some people that increase the odds of a satisfying marriage but I really think two good people who really want something to work can make it happen. That certainly doesn't mean I'm just going to marry anyone. What it does mean is that I will do everything to make my marriage succeed. I'm not getting married to get divorced.

Sunny is married again in Tonga and has a little boy with his 3rd wife. I hope he is happy and has an incredible life. I still think he's great, my vision is just sharper now that the rose-color has been washed away.

Alright not really. First my Tongan friend Elenoa came over with dinner from Mo Bettah Steaks-Yummy AND I didn't have to pay for it!!! The ONLY thing better is if she was a fine guy!!!
My uncle who lives in Smithfield also came over. I quickly made a plate for him from my food BECAUSE that's what U do when U R Tongan!!! It was nice to have him visit me. Tongan is Noa's first language so they spoke Tongan. I have to concentrate but I can understand what they say. I spoke English while they spoke Tongan. I have the vocabulary down. I just can't do the connecting words and sometimes I miss some words. I have to actively listen and pay attention.

It's funny how I can fall into my culture mode so quickly. We were watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Angelina Jolie has a scene where she poses as a hooker before killing someone. I QUICKLY shut that thing off. Brothers and sisters don't even watch movies together because even watching a kissing scene is disrespectful. When I was at the Y I made a road trip with my friends to the now BYU-Idaho. I met a relative of mine for the first time. He grew up with my friend Lata who went with us. We were walking in their football stadium as my other friends who played football at the U tried to relive their glory days.
There were some guys there in their own group. One of them starting swearing. He wasn't swearing at us. Swearing in front of your sisters or relatives is extremely disrespectful. My relative was about to beat this guy up. Instead the other boys talked to my relative and this guy who was swearing. People calmed down and nothing bad happened. We went to the Galleria where one of my U friends Sonny Kaufusi used to DJ. The club was fun and the owner was very sweet-at the end of the night when everyone was gone he bought us pizza and let us have the place to ourselves for a few hours. He loved Sonny and was happy to do it. Sonny told us how he let them use the club with all proceeds raised for several Poly missionaries. Each missionary had their own fundraising day at the Galleria. This was veeery nice.

Sonny was in his prime then. He was such a sweetheart. He's not ugly but physically he didn't do it for me. Everything else though was AMAZING-He worked at a home for troubled youth, he was majoring in Psychology-actually this was annoying because every time I talked to him I felt like he was analyzing anything I said. He was an RM and that was incredible for a naive 17-year-old. He invited my friends and I often to hear him speak AND he was a dynamic speaker. Utah has a football obsession and just because Sonny played football EVERYONE wanted to talk to him ALL the time. He usually spoke at youth firesides. He knew how to work a room for sure.

Now he's been divorced twice and has a daughter from someone other than either of his ex-wives. If someone told me this was his future I NEVER would've believed them. He invited me to San Francisco with him for Christmas. YEAH RIGHT!!! we were just friends and I had to tell him REALLY???!!! I'm Tongan REMEMBER. He had white girls he took home with him before BUT yeah NOOO-My father would skin me alive and my relatives would skin him.

He was sooo spiritual to me in my inexperienced little world and I actually prayed about him although I didn't love him-I thought with divine assistance I could get over my lack of attraction because he just seemed so perfect. I had a dream that we were married and living in Las Vegas-I don't know how I knew we were in Las Vegas-I just did. I was very unhappy although nothing told me why that would be. Sooo thanks to that dream I remained friends with Sonny but I never did anything beyond that.

Sonny lives in Tonga now. I've seen pictures of him. He looks good at least. He did end up going to school in Las Vegas. My friend told me he was sleeping with a variety of women, drinking and just NOT in good shape spiritually. Her husband told her he thought Sonny would become the first Tongan GA. I told her he husband was right and that when I knew Sonny he loved the gospel and frequently gave talks at youth firesides. My friend Kefu had a hard time believing that which is an indication of how hard he fell. I saw him on Facebook and added him but he ignored my friend request. I probably remind him of how much he's changed.

So much for my trip down memory lane. Later right before my mission AND right after I fell hard for my friend-ironically ANOTHER David-Spritually awesome, physically gorgeous, and intelligent enough although NOT as intelligent as Sonny. He teaches at BYU-Hawaii now where we met as students. This is the first man I ever loved BUT I learned a valuable lesson I am extremely grateful for-Love isn't enough. It doesn't solve everything. It's wonderful BUT you can get over it and you can move on. Often it's better if you do.

The 2nd man I fell for was stupid on sooo many levels. One day soon I'll write about that. I'm not ready for the depths of stupidity it would require me to review.

Instead I'll write about my lack of a social life right now. That -L word keeps appearing in my head for someone I care about too much for the limited time I've spent with him. Spiritually he is the best I've ever known which is reason enough for me to want this, intellectually he is the best too-BUT his ability to get on my nerves is also the best-he is very feisty but I like that. I haven't known him very long but the drama has been there almost immediately. The spirit likes him VERY much for me however and I need to trust that-I just know this is NOT going to be a piece of cake-he's already treated me badly-and not just once. It's never intentional. I know that-it makes me feel a little better but just a little and it still hurts and it still sucks. He used to be a lot more introverted and it explains his lack of sensitivity to stuff I think should be common sense. I really think we're in a good place now but part of me expects something to upset that. He has helped me review my own weaknesses however and I know I also need to exercise more humility and tamp down the attitude.

First Russ sends a text to everyone who's signed up to help at the cannery that it's canceled!!! Looove this!!! NO having to C Camila!!! She also mentioned spending the weekend in Ogden to attend one of her relative's stake conference with a visiting GA or Apostle. NICE!!! Now if she'll only miss fhe on Monday I'll enjoy a Camila-free weekend!!!

I asked David if he was introverted since he's an engineer. Stupid question when I think about it for a minute although he answered it nicely. He said he's put in a lot of effort to be more social. That makes a lot of sense. He is so strong spiritually that he always leaves me shocked when he does things that don't align with that foundation. How he feels or doesn't isn't the issue at all-it's how he responds. It's kind of weird. Anyone that committed spiritually lives it in every part of their lives and while he does for the most part, he hasn't learned to appropriately interact with people-at least with me-I've bourne the brunt of that shortcoming repeatedly. Perhaps he has learned now. We've been getting along for about a month or so since I decided to even try to salvage our friendship and associate with him again at all. I'm glad I did.

Jonny called to see if I wanted to grab dinner with her tonight-her treat-because "someone" bought her lunch today. She wanted to go to Costa Vida. I wonder if David took her there. I hope she doesn't plan on telling me about their friendship because I REALLY don't want to know. BUT she is my friend so I'll deal with whatever.

My Tongan friend however called me right before I saw her message asking me if I had plans tonight. When I told her no she said she'd bring me dinner tonight so Costa Vida tonight won't work although I told Jonny tomorrow was fine so we're going tomorrow.

Bishop drove through Centerville last night because he hoped Target there was still open so he could return something. We didn't get back until almost midnight. I wake up with my phone on the bed and I must've turned off the alarm although I can't remember it. I got ready in 10 minutes with a plan in my head to go to Carl's Jr. for breakfast. That plan is derailed because I'm on autopilot when I drive here. WHATEVER-my mood is NOT GOOD RIGHT NOW. I wish I could snap at someone, anyone. No Zumba this morning, my nerves are frazzled and I ate the rest of the carton of cookies and cream I left here in the freezer because it's something. I have potato chips at home and I feel like kicking myself because I'm probably going to go to the damn vending machine and spend .75 on some sort of mini-chips-because I don't go to lunch until after 2pm BECAUSE the library is NEVER open!!! I am sooo glad I DON'T work tomorrow. I signed up to work at the cannery in Ogden from 3-8pm. I can't do service-cleaning anymore AND I don't work on Fridays so I HAD to sign up. I don't know how long my cleaning up after other people aversion is going to last. Melanie is also working there and called me to see if I wanted to ride with her. I like Melanie BUT Camila ALSO signed up to work there-she's not riding with us because she's going home to Ogden sometime today-Hallelujah!!!-If I can just sic her on Melanie or the other girl who's riding with us when we get to the cannery and begin working-life will be veeery good.

PREDICTION: she will drag David's name several times into conversation with me and despite wanting to stuff whatever we're canning in her mouth I'm going to get to smile while I want to kill myself. Kill me, kill me now!!!

From what everyone tells me I think David has to consciously work at being social. The first engineer I really knew was Matt who was my fhe partner. He is extremely social, hilarious, and spiritual too. I was so happy when he was made a high councilman. Only recently do I keep getting told how anti-social engineers are. My brother isn't an engineer but he is a complete techno-nerd AND his social skills are AMAZING. Everyone loves him. He is nice to everyone. I'm usually nice just to who I want to be unless I'm forced into it. I have actually been forced into this mentality A LOT. When I was RS president at BYU-Hawaii I felt it was my responsibility to get to know EVERYONE. It's not hard for me to do-I just wouldn't do it if I have a choice. Polynesian Club president at the U made me do this too. I was also the Young Single Adult rep. then for my regular Tongan family ward before they had Tongan singles wards-BUT-then I got burned out-I like making decisions, I like leadership, I like being responsible-BUT sometimes I enjoy just attending an event, not being in charge of it. I haven't had to do that in a long time and it's been nice. It is tiring to feel like you have to be up ALL the time, to ALWAYS look at the good side of everything. I haven't done that with fhe. I've been a whiny complainer. Actually I should get to know people just because it is what I think my father in heaven would have me do-I'm so blessed. I don't have difficulty talking to people. It's not THAT annoying. OK-Camila is VERY annoying BUT I'm not going to be rude to her or tell anyone how irritating she is-I'll just vent about it here. She probably has a lot of people avoiding her and/or talking about her and/or making snide comments. I know people like her need our love the most. I'm NOT going to be her best friend. There is a reason why I don't have a roommate. My next and last roommate is going to be my husband. Sister Johnson kind of got on my nerves last night because she was being negative about Russ. I told her he would be fine and that he'd find some nice girl in Georgia. She said no there's a lot of nice girls here and he hasn't found someone here so he'll go to Georgia and just pick from the very few there. I told her no Russ just got out of a serious relationship with someone who wasn't a member and that he'll be just fine-she left it alone after that.

It's probably a good thing that girl called shotgun last night. Russ is NOT meant for me and I know that-I just like the way he looks and I enjoy his company AND he's leaving-ALL very attractive qualities to me-have fun with him with NOOO strings attatched!!! Actually now I am wanting strings attatched and I want to work on an eternal relationship. SOOO it's time for me to STOP wasting time. I'm not really sure how to do that BUT I'm not even doing what I do know how to do.

Wow! How did my thinking end up here? Heavenly Father has let me know a number of things. He needs to help me figure out what to do about that. At the very least I need to do what I can.

David FINALLY told me his conversion story. The way he acts makes more sense to me now. I still can't believe I missed that he served his mission when he was 24.
I know what he will become. His commitment is awesome.

So this girl was talking to Russ while we waited to figure out who was driving. Russ says hi to me and I ask him if he's driving-he says he can if need be-I tell him he's driving and I'm about to get in his car when the girl he was talking to calls shotgun. There is no way I'm sitting in the back of his compact so I   ask bishop if he's driving and go sit with his wife.
This is fine until Camila gets in and sits next to me. I can ignore her only so much before it would be rude for me to do it any more. I just KNOW she's going to bring up David-it's inevitable-SERIOUSLY-what am I supposed to learn from this? She sits next to me at ward temple night last month, she rides with me to our fhe boating activity, attends our last fhe and NOW I'm with her AGAIN???!!! I can't be mean to her even as she just blabs and blabs and blabs-her stories are full of crap or at least that's what it feels like. She made 4-500 a day babysitting. She talks about how amazing her brother is and how much people loved her and kept giving her more money. Her old ward just loved her and can't stop talking about how incredible she was-She potty-trained children the parents didn't train-how she did this-including cleaning urine-REALLY???!!! I wanted to scream or tell her to shut the hell up. She makes her first David reference by telling bishop David's going to give her telephone number to his temple supervisor so she can work in the Logan temple. She reminds me of Michelle only Michelle isn't as bad. Michelle likes to share her dating experiences or ANY experiences because that makes her an expert qualified to tell us. I know why they do it. I know they don't feel like they are enough so they lie to make themselves feel better. I know this BUT I still want to scream!!!-On the way home it gets worse. Camila apologizes for talking too much. Sis. Johnson says it's alright. Bishop and I say nothing. I hear more than I ever wanted to know about her brother and his marriage from hell, marine career-wife who had a difficult life, signed away her parental rights BUT her brother wants to adopt the boy. Next she talks about her fiance-how she's tried to delete pictures of them together but it won't work. It would be easier to believe her if everything she said didn't just sound like crap. Bishop and his wife are being sweet so I try by telling her if she prays heavenly father will give her the comfort she needs. SO MY REWARD for TRRRYYYing to be nice???!!! She says and I quote, "I like David NEAL," BECAUSE he reminds me of my X-fiance." That was NEAL-just in case I didn't get which one she was talking about! Yes I actually know another one in the ward now. David not only looks like him, she says, he also says things he would say. We all ignore this HUGE comment and change the subject. Not to worry, Camila's not done. She asks why some pregnant women wear their aprons below their bellies. It reminded me of when she asked David if some guy had some disease because of the way he was going bald-oh no, how could I forget, she asks David if some guy in the ward pulls his hair out. How the hell is he supposed to know something that specific and stupid. I tell her she is so random. STUPID ME-she has a story for that. What did I do to deserve this???!!! MayB my patience is being refined. How does someone turn out like that.
I would've rather spent time with David, instead I spend it with one of his psychotic fans

I do feel energized today. It was a nice Zumba morning and thank goodness there's no sleepy feelings like yesterday. Yesterday I ate ramen noodles in the morning-those always zap my energy. They're just tasty-especially in the morning when I don't have time to grab breakfast. This morning I got 2 monster biscuits from Carl's Jr. using my coupon for $3. Monster biscuits just means they pile on the filling. I ordered two bacon/egg biscuits. It's the same biscuits only with extra egg and sausage patties. I am full but not sleepy. I think the excess protein was fine. More starch or carbs would've made me sleepy.

I'm going to download some salad recipes today. I think I'll become a salad master/monster.

I NEED the temple today. I'm NOT driving to Bountiful. Some other lucky person at the church gets to give me a ride. I'm deliberately AVOIDING men who'll have trouble maintaining the friend status. Maybe I'm too harsh with David. Maybe he is that clueless. He isn't an egomaniac AND he probably thinks this is how to be friends with everyone. From what I observed he didn't encourage Camila but she still took extreme measures to spend time with him. He did spend time with BOTH guys and girls at fhe AND he wasn't flirting with the world. His long-haired vet friend kept trying to draw me into conversation with her... NOOO-I'm not stupid and I'm NOT interested in Being friends with any of David's fans. She is pretty aggressive too. I haaate her voice. It is squeaky like a mouse. Jonny is my friend however and she was long before David appeared on the scene. She never says anything about David to me but I've known she was interested in him for awhile now. She is a great person who loves her father in heaven and his church. I'm glad I serve with her in visiting teaching. Katie is in my fhe group so I can't question her presence. I just don't like her because I feel she is to blame for David treating me like a dog right after we went to dinner and we JUST STARTED to get to know each other-of course David has a brain and is ultimately completely responsible for how he treats me anytime.

Yes I think I'm great BUT I know I need to get a grip. Not everyone is going to treat me like a princess all the time BUT I expect it. I think you unconsciously train people how to treat you. My new goal for myself is NOT to complain at our next fhe. I plan to be gracious with EVERYONE who attends EVEN if they are just there to hang out with David. I enjoy his company and jealousy probably clouds my judgment.

Right after work today I fell asleep. I thought I could fall asleep again after taking out my contacts but after tossing and turning for 30 minutes I decided to get online. Tomorrow is ward temple night in Bountiful. I can always use it when it comes around and I like supporting the ward. I also like seeing who actually does come to ward temple night. I wish David was coming but he isn't. I wish he answered me but I guess he doesn't feel comfortable writing me more about his conversion. I want the REAL story NOT the fellowshipping one-although fellowshipping is extremely important, I just want the CONVERSION story. I know he's converted, I just want to know the circumstances behind that. He told me why he is in Logan so I definitely know he courts the spirit and guidance and actively uses it in his life. He wouldn't work in the temple each week if he didn't have the testimony I know he has. FINALLY he has the divine stamp of approval-much more than I think is warranted-BUT I'm certainly not privy to the insight my father in heaven has. I used to wish I had a dramatic conversion story, now I'm grateful for what I experienced. Thinking now about how different our lives were, Heavenly Father did not tempt either of us beyond our capacities. He didn't allow me to go inactive-I could have easily fallen into the party scene without a testimony firmly in place. David didn't because that wasn't the person he was. Neither of us was placed in situations we couldn't handle well.
I don't doubt how he feels about me at all which is why although I was livid at fhe, I'm trying to be Zen. I know he doesn't have a lot of dating experience so I am trying to give him a break.-OK NOOO-It has never ultimately mattered how you feel about someone-what actually matters is what you are willing to do about it-I'll just B real-the spirit is the ONLY thing working here. As long as I've known David I've been brought repeatedly to the point that I don't want to deal with him at all. That is the real reason for all the stupid drama in our friendship. I'm glad not to have it although my diva prima donna attitude makes that VERY easy for me to bring back. This is a weakness I know I have so I suppose it's good I get to constantly have it stretched. We aren't dating and that's actually what the hell I wanted in the first place-to be his friend AND get to know him better-THEN EVENTUALLY actually date him. He needs to think about how he feels when the positions are reversed. Sooo we had Katie, Camila, that long-haired vet girl, and then Jonny who showed up late. I looove Jonny she is my VT partner. I'm not sure what he's doing. He knows what he's supposed to do. Entertaining other options is just stupid to me and a waste of people's time. Trifling with women to stroke your own ego is NOT cool. I'm not sure why his friend Deborah from Maryland didn't show up or Heidi-her friend. Deborah is a friend he had when he was just returning to church. She should value that more. HOWEVER-If he thinks it is appropriate to maintain ANY close female friendships when he finally dates exclusively he needs to wake up or rather just consider how he feels when the positions are reversed.

Lame heading-I know-It's a great new day-I love beginning the day with Zumba. I'm going to add my weight-training this week. I just need to be consistent before I fly off to get my initial Zumba certification. George said Alisa makes about $400 extra each month. This is really my only solution for a part time job that'll work. I want a part time job but I refuse to do anything that pays crappy or requires me to do anything I don't love. This will work nicely. I want to pay myself to be in shape AND I will get clients when my body is how it should be. I also love dancing and will love getting back to some sort of dancing-even if it is Latin dancing. I can incorporate Tahitian stuff later. They have a lot of booty shaking anyway. I'll just put my own Poly spin on it later AND add contemporary music.

I haven't heard from David yet. I hope I do-I've been thinking. I've been trying to figure out why he wasn't partying when he was inactive but I think I finally have some idea. He said he wasn't a party person. I suppose engineers tend to be introverted. My old fhe partner is an engineer. He just got married. He was not introverted at all and neither were his friends who are also engineers. Perhaps they are the exceptions. David is supposed to be an exception too because he is social. He is a  chatterbox. For the most part he is fine, BUT occassionally he will do something OFF-like how he ignored me at the end at Pizza Pie Cafe AND be oblivious to how rude that is!

Actually David is lucky he wasn't a party person when he was inactive. I'm sure he made bad decisions but his lifestyle was such that he was spared certain temptations. If I was less active when I started college, I have no doubt I would've made some very bad choices with eternal consequences. I still made bad choices but my faith kept me grounded. My testimony was not as developed as it is now but I am thankful it was enough for me to want to do right. I liked short skirts and I looked good in them. I liked music too-some of which had questionable lyrics. I loooved ward hoping as well. My friends and I would play games with people when we would hit up clubs in Utah. Clubs in Hawaii made the clubs in Utah look like stake dances. We used to enjoy seeing how much money some guy would spend on us. We had a game with the winner determined by the kind of car the guy they got to buy them something at Dennys or Village Inn after the club drove. It was all very temporary however and I was definitely NOT looking for my eternal companion. I wasn't even looking for a date. I just wanted to have fun. Most of the clubs I went to in Utah didn't serve alcohol.

When I look back at my life I am very grateful I was protected from so many things I could've done wrong. I had a lot of friends who made bad choices. I didn't make the same bad choices.

My blessings are so amazing and incredible. My father in heaven is so patient with me in my weaknesses. I know that should make me more patient with others. It hasn't happened yet. I know it can.

My friends were from Honolulu or Waikiki at BYU. When we were in Hawaii for breaks I went clubbing with them once but I didn't like it and I remember some guy asking me if I could tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue because he could do that. I didn't catch on what that meant until much later. I just thought that was really strange. BYU-Hawaii dances were much more fun even if that's what I did in high school. I didn't realize how sheltered I was until I went to the Y and interacted with my friends there.

I am VERY glad Sam and Echo showed up Bcause ALL of David's fans were there at first along with David and while it must've been great for him, I'm NOT into hanging out with women who are into him. Actually I'd rather go on a real hike than do that. Sooo with that promising start-I walked the path determined to just get through the ordeal AND I did. I wanted very much to can the attitude but witchy Puanani came out to play a few times. I DO NOT attend fhe to watch David entertain the women who are smitten with him. ONE VERY GOOD REASON WHY ignoring the spirit is so attractive to me.

I want to know the depth of David's testimony. I forgot who said this in some conference but I want to be able to warm my hands from the fire of his testimony. He explained a little of what happened that caused him to serve his mission when he was 24. He didn't say anything heart-felt. It was all from his head. I know where I asked him wasn't really conducive to that but STILL. Ironically he told me you couldn't understand the gospel with just your intellect but then he proceeded to tell me his story on a purely intellectual level.

I wrote him a message that was waaay too long on Facebook trying to ask him about his testimony. I hope he feels comfortable enough  to answer and I hope he gets what I'm trying to discover and understand.

I had a great time with my nieces and nephews. I looove them sooo much. I'm so happy George has such a big gorgeous family. Saturday morning Alisa taught a Zumba class then she returned to get ready for their drive to Denver. Alisa's arms are amazing. They are all cut. I made her flex. She looks great. She went to Denver to certify in Zumba zatao-some zumba version that uses a chair with a variety of exercises. As I sit here munching on left-over oreos and New Zealand chocolate, I can't wait to become an instructor too. Zumba is fun and I'm glad I have my sister-in-law as such an awesome example for me to follow.
Nata works at Sonic. I didn't realize their workers skate to the cars with the orders. It is so cute. I remember REALLY wanting to do that after I saw some movie with skating order-takers/pseudo-waitresses. I tried to get pictures of her on her skates but she covered her face and ran away and hid. She ONLY let me take pictures AFTER she curled her hair and made sure her make-up looked alright. It sounds like something I'd do so I didn't torture her too much. We both then went to take pictures of Noelani at work.
I had fun with all the kids as did my mom. She was on cloud 9 to be hanging out with them. We both don't get to see them as much as we'd like to see them. I went to the playground with them where they played for about 3-hours after which we got shave ice and then went back home. I miss the constant hugs and kisses they give me.
My dad's greatest joy were his grandkids and he could play with them all day every day. It's not hard to see why.
Since I had to be back today for work tomorrow I knew I needed to get back to the farm in time for church. I left Provo at 9am and arrived in Logan at 11am. I didn't stop anywhere. Church was alright although I was TIRED. A lady convert was one of the speakers. I think her name is Michelle. I enjoyed her talk a lot.
We had a bishop's fireside tonight. David was practicing the piano when I got there-so I went to talk to him. Of course as I continued to chat with him at the front I realized a LARGE portion of my ward was seated watching me talk to David. I DID NOT ENJOY THIS REALIZATION. After TRYING to get David to play other songs he wouldn't play ANYTHING I suggested so I gave up and went to talk to a girl Jonny and I were just assigned to visit. He did attempt to play Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor AFTER I left. I didn't hear much of it. I wish I could play anything.
Fhe is a "hike" or the Riverwalk. Tiffany took me on that walk. It is gorgeous!!! When my nieces were here to see my cousin Noke who coaches at UH when they demolished USU-I made them read scriptures with me pray and then go on that walk. It doesn't take very long but my wimpy nieces kept wanting to turn back. The scenery there is just incredible. We're supposed to do that then go for ice-cream. I can do that type of hike just fine. It's at 6:30pm which is nice since I won't have to leave work early although I will have to change at lunch-time again.
David went on his mission at 24. Major revelation there. I remember hearing something about him not being valiant for a time but somehow I missed that. Howard W. Hunter didn't serve a mission at all. I'm not sure how David kept the law of chastity as well as he did when he was still figuring stuff out. I want to ask him what kept him from exploring EVERYTHING when he wasn't living the gospel fully. I know my testimony is the only thing that has made me make the choices I have. If I didn't always know the gospel was true and what that meant I would've done EVERYTHING. Drugs, alcohol, sex-I don't know why people without the gospel refrain from anything. Would the light of Christ lead me away from those things?
I've always had a testimony. I've continued to learn but I've never doubted that. At our bishop's fireside we had another self-esteem pep talk. I don't know why self-esteem and confidence have never been a problem for me. I know I'm gorgeous, brilliant, and spiritual. I don't think I'm perfect and like bishop I know I can improve. If anything I need to constantly work to be humble. I know I tend to think I'm right all the time AND I usually am.
Bishop talked about how exact obedience implies IMMEDIATE obedience. That gave me a guilt trip although bishop also spoke about how the adversary gives us guilt. Sooo I made sure I went out of my way to talk to David and continue to talk to him tonight. It was tough though because I kept seeing people I either needed to talk to or who weren't talking to anyone which made me feel like I should talk to them. I talked to this DR guy who walks strange but is very sweet. When we had country dancing I asked him why he wasn't out there dancing and he said because I already had a partner-very smooth-although I didn't want to lead him on so after talking to him for a few minutes I got out of there.
I talked to Karen who is very sweet too. She just always latches on to me at any of our ward functions which I don't like. I don't like friends that are too clingy.
Jared was there and I avoided him and refused to acknowledge his existance sooo all-in-all any crises were averted. There were a couple of new girls David was talking to. I forgot their names already. I'm going to get him to text me their names so I can say hello nicely. ALL of David's fans were there. It's inevitable that he have some BUT it doesn't mean I have to like it. David asked me if people try to set me up all the time. YES when I was a missionary and YES Poly peeps ALL the time BUT he forgot that I'm not white. Most people aren't too thrilled with my education. My Tongan friend once told me not to get a Master's degree because it would act as a repellant to men. Actually several prophets have told women to get as much education as they can. If any guy has a problem with that he's not someone I'd be interested in anyway. White families never view me as spiritual. They assume things without bothering to find out. I'm o.k. with that. When I was a missionary sooo many members tried to set me up with their sons. This is only because they were able to get to know my testimony in church or from attending discussions with me.
I know what my future holds and I've known that since I was 14. I know David knows what he'll ultimately do with his life too. I wonder how long he's known that.
I'm very glad we're friends. He's fun, sweet, brilliant and spiritual. He's certainly not perfect but I really like that he actually strives for perfection.

My sister-in-law went with my brother to Denver this morning for a Zumba certification. She taught a class this morning first then came home and left with my brother on their long road trip. Her arms are amazing. They are all cut. She looks great. It's fun to spend time with my nieces and nephews. I love them so much. I'm picking up one of my nieces from work at Sonic Burger. I am excited to take pictures of her and tag her on Facebook. Later we'll go and visit her sister Noelani at Walmart where she works until midnight.
Alisa's certification is tomorrow. They return Monday. I however will be leaving Sunday back to the farm.
My nephew Matthew Green returns from his mission in the Marshall Islands on August 12th. My nephew Mosa gets married in September and my niece gets baptized in September. More trips to SLC or Provo. I love my family.

My mom just told me we don't need to be in Provo until this evening. Sooo I'll keep the cleaning madness up. I looove zumba. It was just a matter of starting again. We have a lot of fit people in the ward. They seem to be into fitness and endurance. I don't like their bodies. If I was to work out that much and still look that way, forget it. They have to push themselves on each workout to make it count. If their body is used to it nothing will happen which is what I think is happening. I decided to just stick with the zumba training and add weight training next week. If my body doesn't change in 12 weeks I will look into getting a personal trainer. While I care about being healthy I care more about looking good.

Uh huh-it's been a couple days but I'm still there. Avoidance doesn't work unless U R actively trying to get over this and can focus on ANY negative thing. I'm actually not avoiding, I got over this before because he was still being a jerk and hanging out with people I can't stand. While I don't group him with them anymore, as far as Katie is concerned if I never see her again it will still be too soon. She hasn't been outright rude and she should have some redeeming qualities if he is her friend. I just am pretty sure she is responsible for ANY negativity we experienced-I'm just not going to see him until Sunday if I actually make it back to church. I wonder what we're doing for fhe. I hope we don't help anyone move/clean. I still have daymares about helping Jennifer clean. Her kitchen made my skin crawl. I don't know how people can live like that. I'm sure she was often sick from living like a pig. She is a sweet girl. I didn't want to make her feel bad or I would've left. I used to visit teach Renee but I couldn't help her move and then Marci visits me and I still stayed away from helping her move. Becca was fine but that was before I helped Jennifer. I couldn't sign up to clean the church either. Any cleaning service project after Jennifer I've just refused.
I miss my friend BUT I don't have any reason to contact him-Stalking him on Facebook is fine but he doesn't update his own status so I just keep seeing the same thing. I want a hug...

LOOONG DAY-Sure I got paid today-AFTER filling my gas tank at Sam's Club-$35 and paying my phone bill $48-my phone went off on the 2nd ALTHOUGH I thought it should've been the 5th-ANYWAY it's the 5th NOW-Going to Provo-Not going to Provo-Going to Provo-replaced MAC cord $79.00 w/tax $85.00, Paid $100 on my ticket-still owe $180-paid 1/2 rent (every 2 weeks) $300, $168 electricity, $60.23 for SR-22 insurance, $30 reinstate Dr.'s license, Tithing $170.00-haven't paid my gas bill yet $60.00, Internet $36.00 OR food-???!!!-bought bleach, cooking oil, juice, frozen pizza-$36.00.
Glad I had indexing tonight so I could stop by the bishop's office and pay my tithing. I need to pay the rest of my bankruptcy filing fee-$140.
My MAC is back so I can start having no life again just to finish my thesis. I can't wait to STOP paying  
these unexpected expenses. My savings account thinks it would be nice to actually C some money going in there for a change. There's just always something that needs to be paid. I don't want to go to Provo. My mother says she'll give me gas money but I know somehow I'm going to spend money I don't have to spend this weekend. One thing about living on the farm, it is cheap. I hate having to go all the way to Provo just to have to drive back here on Sunday so I'll be here bright and early for work. NO REST this weekend-just depleting my energy driving. I looove Cing my nieces and nephews and mother BUT still DRAINING!!!
After learning so much about crowd sourcing at ULA this year it gave indexing another dimension. Matt Downs taught us what we needed to know along with Joe "Brigham"-I talked to Matt at fhe and he reminded me of our workshop tonight. Matt, Joe, and Christie were the only other people there. Indexing is practically self-explanatory AND extremely user-friendly. Instead of surfing Facebook to kill time there's an app that would allow me to index-ULA's several crowd-sourcing workshops made indexing so much more meaningful. The church is right there with technology developments and I want to actively participate in crowd-sourcing. I know it'll help me consider other ways it can be used. People are using it in so many different ways already. The church was so wise to use this with family history. What a little work up front will eventually allow us to do is mind-boggling.

Wow!!! I thought I was already gone BUT-today it is worse. I just saw him last night but I miss him and I keep thinking about that -L word. I'm not even dating him. That -L word is scary to me. My brain is not working very well. I've been here before but it happened gradually. This is too intense too fast. I want to hug him, kiss him on his forehead and hold his hand. Mild by the standards of the world BUT not mild for me. I didn't even really talk to him last night. How much worse would I be if I did? I guess it is good I was all comfortable, relaxed and in my own head. I can't imagine it being worse but I know it will be a lot worse I know that's how it's supposed to be BUT there is something terrifying about not being able to control my feelings. Actions have always been easy for me to control. My mouth never has been. I ALWAYS say things I regret. Feelings however I can't do anything about unless I eliminate ANY interaction. AVOIDANCE is the only way I can turn this off BUT I can't do that now and I know I'm not supposed to do that. I feel like I got on a roller coaster that doesn't end and I can't get off. Part of me knows it has to be like this BUT there's something also attractive about calm-the problem is it is boring. I know I prefer exciting over boring anyday HOWEVER-I also know while the highs will be much better the lows will also be acute and harrowing. Whatever-I STILL CHOOSE THIS-I'm grateful I listened to the spirit FINALLY. I need to keep remembering that and keep trusting this.

I looove my country. Ironically I developed the biggest sense of being American when I lived in Tonga. Our family moved there when I was 9 and we lived there until I was 12 but almost 13-so about 4 years. I attended the ONLY English-speaking elementary school on the main island and in the country-Tonga Side School. Everything was under the British system which meant I had to relearn the British way of spelling ALSO the British way of pronouncing sooo many different words. Biscuits meant cookies and lollies was hard candy. A big truck was a lorry. Vegemite was just disgusting. NO catsup-ONLY gross tomato sauce with so much sugar in it I ended up spitting it out. New Zealand butter, ice-cream, chocolate & cheese-rich and YUMMY!!! Twisties and Bongos-kind of like cheetos-great when fresh but often STALE. BUT I digress!-People made fun of my "American accent" and I was called a Yankee-TRUST me this wasn't said in a freindly way. I was not prepared well for this. For the first time in my life I realized that not everyone loved America. BUT I did-years of reciting the pledge of allegience must have stuck with me because the taunting only strengthened my patriotism-although REALLY at 9 I never thought I had to have these feelings.
The United States is far from perfect just like me. I'm grateful for all the blessings I've enjoyed just because I was born in the 50th state.
I was at the Y when our Hawaiian club president got mad at the bookstore for including Hawaii in the International week display. People spoke SLOWLY to me so that I'd understand at BYU. It doesn't matter how many degrees I earn, papers, or articles I write and/or publish. White America will always think I'm not as capable. I will ALWAYS have to prove and reprove myself. When I was a church-service missionary at the conference center one of the guides I worked with told me (trying to compliment me) that with my incredible language skills I was a great asset to the church-I DON'T HAVE ANY LANGUAGE SKILLS-I can understand Tongan and speak vocabulary words BUT NOOO I CAN'T CARRY ON A CONVERSATION IN TONGAN. This missionary never heard me speak Tongan BUT SHE ASSUMED THAT I COULD BECAUSE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE. When I first moved to Logan my friend Tiffany from work took me to a singles ward. While we got to know the leadership there and told them we worked at Stevens-Henager College-my white friend was asked several times if she taught there. I was asked several times if I was a secretary there. Anyone who thinks racism doesn't exist is deluding themselves. I don't think anyone was intentionally offensive in these examples-BUT good intentions do not excuse arrogance, condescension, or stupidity.
Sooo I'm comfortable and accepted well by my Poly peeps? NOOO again-my Polynesian friends never think I'm Polynesian at first glance. If they don't know me, they assume I'm Mexican.
Despite this I get to live in Logan now which is as white as snow with the accompanying hick-town ignorance. I've worked here 2 years which is enough for me professionally to leave Cache Valley and get a job at one of our other schools BUT my Father-in-Heaven has certain plans for me that have nothing to do with this place BUT EVERTHING to do with someone who lives here. SOOO I constantly struggle to lose the attitude which is good for me. I've had fun doing things I NEVER thought I'd do with people I NEVER thought I'd associate with this much. While I wish people were more open-minded, I need to do the same thing myself. I'm grateful when people have patience with me and I know I need to do likewise. These experiences help me become a better person. I have sooo many blessings-the biggest of which is the gospel of Jesus Christ. It puts EVERYTHING in my crazy life into perspective.
Happy Birthday America!!! I love you and am grateful to be an American!!! 

I didn't really know what to expect when I drove over to the chapel. It was CROWDED with not just our ward people. I immediately saw Helene, Brandon, and Michelle. Helene was hungry so they talked about going to Panda Express. I just treated Brandon like he was Poly and asked him if he was going to take care of me since I had $4 period. He was a sweetie and agreed. What I like about Brandon is he isn't going to think I have a thing for him just because I asked him to buy me dinner. I didn't bring any blankets with me either. Once again he helped out there. After dinner I laid down and was enjoying lying there when Michelle decided it was a good idea to throw grass all over me. I was not amused. She apologized but I was sooo ticked at her for doing that I shook out the blanket and moved to the other side of Brandon near Helene.
I couldn't stay mad at her though.
I was happy to see David there. It was nice to lay down and I could've fallen asleep. It wasn't too hot which was great.
When the fireworks FINALLY happened it was with NO MUSIC from any sound system set up. There was no entertainment before, after, or during the show.-STRANGE. BUT it was free and I guess I got what I didn't pay for.
David and Michelle started discussing all the different chemicals that were used to create the different colors. They were ruining it although David said he used to work with explosives so it was probably natural for him to think about that. I stopped them and asked them if they knew who Wordsworth was and what Murder to dissect referred to-their discussion killed simply enjoying the fireworks for me. David asked if it was a library reference. I Facebooked him the poem I just cut and pasted along with an explanation. THIS is not ruining our friendship.

Debating with myself if I want to go see the fireworks from the chapel where my ward has an unofficial party. I haaate traffic and I'd be leaving my AC-DECISIONS, DECISIONS-I get paid Thursday-the day AFTER the 4th and I have 4 dollars and a bunch of change. NOT really what I want to hang out with my ward who is getting dinner at some pizza place. I'm scared to pray about it because I'll probably get told to go and be social. It's actually something VERY cheap for me to do 2nite. We'll see how I feel later.

 I'm glad David and I are friends again. He told me I've been cool lately. I told him I feel the same way about him and I do. I don't really know what the hell happened in the first place. I'm actually not going to worry about that and just be his friend. I didn't see either of his fans there tonight which made me veeery happy. I probably shouldn't be happy for my ward members to NOT attend an activity BUT I am. I printed him Toccata and Fugue in D minor because I looove that Bach piece. It's a little morbid and very Halloweenish but I love it. When I used to give tours at the conference center I had MANY opportunities to play the organ there or the grand piano on the second floor. Since I couldn't play anything it just SUCKED. I always wanted to play Bach on that organ. It would've been incredible. I started listening to classical music before my mission because besides church music, that's all my mission allowed. My friend worked at the front desk at the Aloha Center. The center houses the snack bar, post office, game room, Student leader offices, bookstore, and a 7-11 type store. Dances are held there too. I made him play my classical music when I was preparing for my mission. It developed my love for various classical artists and it was fun to freak the students out with blaring classical tunes. I hope David enjoys it. He did thank me for the music but his initial reaction lacked enthusiasm. There was a time on my mission when I would get up half an hour earlier than I had to just to workout to Beethoven. Yes the birds R still chirping BUT I want my fitness OCD to be on track again!!!

A girl from Haiti shared her conversion story and what she experienced with the earthquake that killed 240,000 people in less than a minute. Our ward was kind and sincere but still had some questions I found offensive. HOWEVER-the intentions were pure if a little arrogant and condescending. I think Heavenly Father wants me to develop patience and long-suffering or I wouldn't be here on the Logan Farm associating with individuals who seem like they've been living in a Cache Valley cave the last decade.
It is so nice to get along with David. He said I've been cool lately and I think the same of him. I have been working on my attitude BUT I think he's changed too. Whatever, I'm just glad there's no more drama. Its tiring. I'm not sure what the hell happened in the first place but I don't care and I don't want to look back.
I'll just be moving forward. Time for me to take out my contacts, sleep and try the zumba thing again!!!

I went to bed at 10:15pm-very nice. I got up at 6am  BUT my body wanted MORE sleep AND my zumba intentions remained intentions.
My "healthy" breakfast was actually oreos and milk.
Sooo bad start to my OCD lifestyle change.
Yesterday I read Ammon again in Sunday school. I've read his story a million times but this time I was struck by how immediate his ability to recognize an opportunity was. I guess he was focused on spreading the gospel so much that he saw everything in those terms. The men who are tending the sheep begin to weep when outsiders scatter the sheep. They weep and are terrified because they know they will be put to death for losing the sheep. I was a little annoyed by this description. Seriously? The servants just sit there crying about how they will eventually lose their lives. Ammon gets them to help gather the sheep and actually try to figure out a way to keep the sheep together. If my life depended on something I wouldn't just sit there crying. What does Ammon do? He is happy and excited because it  means he can manifest the power of God. He is excited because the servants will see this and want to learn more. Wow!!! That wouldn't be my immediate thought although I'm glad it was Ammon's. Ammon is probably the greatest missionary EVER. I read this so much on my mission. I only read it again because no one wanted to yesterday.

Sleep by 10:15 EVERY night.
Zumba EVERY morning, weight training MWF
Fitness OCD!!! It's that time!!!

Yes the birds are still chirping-I am in that -L state BUT I don't need to do anything about it right now!!! I love that David plays the piano. I wish I had stuck with it. Bach is in the public domain so I SHOULD be able to find some music online that he can legally play for me.
David's fans kept nicely away from him today OR he kept nicely away from them. Whatever, whoever it was veeery nice for a change!!!
I FINALLY feel like there's absolutely no drama there which is sooo great!!!
I bore my testimony. I try to do that every other month. I could do it EVERY month several times a day but it's good to hear from more than just me. I hope this great mood continues because I love it!!!