Urban Poly Princess

Bishop drove through Centerville last night because he hoped Target there was still open so he could return something. We didn't get back until almost midnight. I wake up with my phone on the bed and I must've turned off the alarm although I can't remember it. I got ready in 10 minutes with a plan in my head to go to Carl's Jr. for breakfast. That plan is derailed because I'm on autopilot when I drive here. WHATEVER-my mood is NOT GOOD RIGHT NOW. I wish I could snap at someone, anyone. No Zumba this morning, my nerves are frazzled and I ate the rest of the carton of cookies and cream I left here in the freezer because it's something. I have potato chips at home and I feel like kicking myself because I'm probably going to go to the damn vending machine and spend .75 on some sort of mini-chips-because I don't go to lunch until after 2pm BECAUSE the library is NEVER open!!! I am sooo glad I DON'T work tomorrow. I signed up to work at the cannery in Ogden from 3-8pm. I can't do service-cleaning anymore AND I don't work on Fridays so I HAD to sign up. I don't know how long my cleaning up after other people aversion is going to last. Melanie is also working there and called me to see if I wanted to ride with her. I like Melanie BUT Camila ALSO signed up to work there-she's not riding with us because she's going home to Ogden sometime today-Hallelujah!!!-If I can just sic her on Melanie or the other girl who's riding with us when we get to the cannery and begin working-life will be veeery good.

PREDICTION: she will drag David's name several times into conversation with me and despite wanting to stuff whatever we're canning in her mouth I'm going to get to smile while I want to kill myself. Kill me, kill me now!!!

From what everyone tells me I think David has to consciously work at being social. The first engineer I really knew was Matt who was my fhe partner. He is extremely social, hilarious, and spiritual too. I was so happy when he was made a high councilman. Only recently do I keep getting told how anti-social engineers are. My brother isn't an engineer but he is a complete techno-nerd AND his social skills are AMAZING. Everyone loves him. He is nice to everyone. I'm usually nice just to who I want to be unless I'm forced into it. I have actually been forced into this mentality A LOT. When I was RS president at BYU-Hawaii I felt it was my responsibility to get to know EVERYONE. It's not hard for me to do-I just wouldn't do it if I have a choice. Polynesian Club president at the U made me do this too. I was also the Young Single Adult rep. then for my regular Tongan family ward before they had Tongan singles wards-BUT-then I got burned out-I like making decisions, I like leadership, I like being responsible-BUT sometimes I enjoy just attending an event, not being in charge of it. I haven't had to do that in a long time and it's been nice. It is tiring to feel like you have to be up ALL the time, to ALWAYS look at the good side of everything. I haven't done that with fhe. I've been a whiny complainer. Actually I should get to know people just because it is what I think my father in heaven would have me do-I'm so blessed. I don't have difficulty talking to people. It's not THAT annoying. OK-Camila is VERY annoying BUT I'm not going to be rude to her or tell anyone how irritating she is-I'll just vent about it here. She probably has a lot of people avoiding her and/or talking about her and/or making snide comments. I know people like her need our love the most. I'm NOT going to be her best friend. There is a reason why I don't have a roommate. My next and last roommate is going to be my husband. Sister Johnson kind of got on my nerves last night because she was being negative about Russ. I told her he would be fine and that he'd find some nice girl in Georgia. She said no there's a lot of nice girls here and he hasn't found someone here so he'll go to Georgia and just pick from the very few there. I told her no Russ just got out of a serious relationship with someone who wasn't a member and that he'll be just fine-she left it alone after that.

It's probably a good thing that girl called shotgun last night. Russ is NOT meant for me and I know that-I just like the way he looks and I enjoy his company AND he's leaving-ALL very attractive qualities to me-have fun with him with NOOO strings attatched!!! Actually now I am wanting strings attatched and I want to work on an eternal relationship. SOOO it's time for me to STOP wasting time. I'm not really sure how to do that BUT I'm not even doing what I do know how to do.

Wow! How did my thinking end up here? Heavenly Father has let me know a number of things. He needs to help me figure out what to do about that. At the very least I need to do what I can.