Saturday, July 14, 2012

Bullet Dodged

Posted by 2DI4 at 9:26 AM

I really feel like I dodged a bullet by going home and leaving Provo when I did. I went home when I was 18 but I turned 19 later that year. It was when I was home that I was reminded of how much I wanted to go on a mission myself and began attending mission prep. My brother was still on his mission and every time he'd write or send home a tape he would end it by telling me to serve a mission because it would improve my life a hundred percent.


What REALLY did it for me was when my brother returned from his mission in Italy. There was a physical change. For the first time I witnessed what it was to have the image of Christ in your countenance. I wanted a spiritual change so significant that it manifested itself physically. My brother glowed. 

I'm glad I thought about Sonny yesterday and I'm glad I followed up by stalking him online. When I tried to suggest to my friends all those years ago that we shouldn't spend the night at Sonny's house they told me I was being ridiculous. No one saw a problem with that. I did but I didn't change my behavior. Now I recognize it as the spirit that I ignored. Wow!!! I was really lucky even then. Every time I made a bad choice the spirit was right there to let me know it was a bad choice. I didn't actively seek it then. I never REALLY thought about the spirit guiding me all the time. Of course I was raised with stories where the spirit prompted action that resulted in happiness. I didn't think it was always there. YES I know the sacrament prayers say this EVERY TIME. IT NEVER sunk in until I entered the MTC but even then I still didn't get that the spirit cares about ANY decision that you make that can make you spiritually weaker or stronger. I remember my brother telling me that the best thing was when people felt the spirit because you could tell by looking at their face. He said it was WHEN to commit someone to baptism. It's only after many experiences with the spirit that I figured out it really does guide me in seemingly unimportant choices. I knew it would guide me in missionary work. I definitely felt it warned me of impending physical danger. That line upon line thing is sooo true-it just keeps getting reinforced. 

I am so grateful for my patriarchal blessing that helped me make a significant choice that I NEVER recognized as such. I've always felt cheated by how I left the Y. I don't anymore. 

I know what it's telling me now. I commit to living my life more valiantly so I will know how to accomplish this because I have no clue. I am asking for guidance in EVERYTHING and I will live my life so I can be sensitive to the promptings I get. I feel like I've done a lot of murmuring about this and I know that surely needs to stop. 

 

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