Urban Poly Princess

Rich is still perfect on the surface. This is the first time I saw him in casual clothes and he dresses well. Of course he does. He is very taken now. I kept thinking I'd feel something about that but I don't. Maybe because I know he's not for me. I was really freaking out thinking David was married. I do think he's for me and I do think he knows that too but it is up to him to do something about that. A common spiritual and intellectual base is there and Rich reminded me tonight of how important that is. I moved two of my chairs to the living room and I asked them how they liked my couch. Rich immediately said it was a great couch for making out. Rich is spiritually NOT where I want him to be. He's not bad, he just feels and says things that are carnal. Somehow we got to talking about tattoos. He said guys don't look attractive in them and he's never got the obsession. I told him Sonny B. Williams has a very nice tattoo. He asked me if I wanted to run my fingers down his tattoo. I think he was trying to be funny but I didn't like that.

We do however have a freaky common cultural base to the point he feels like family to me. I'm glad he's my home teacher. He doesn't have the spiritual base I want him to have. I think we need to be careful about discussing sacred things. People, actually I think MOST people don't think it's sacred. I'm not having any make-out sessions with anyone BUT my husband AFTER we're married and I really don't care if that makes me a backward prude. Those things ARE sacred to me.

Right before David left I like the small time I did get to spend hanging out with him even if it was just at our FHE activities. It was nice and calm. While that cultural base isn't there the other 2 are there in spades. There's another dimension when I'm around him that I like. He catches on to things quickly and I don't have to explain everything. I don't like my sarcasm. Most people don't catch on to everything and some of it I do subconsciously. He catches things I don't even realize until he points them out.

He needs to want this. I don't want him at all if he doesn't. I have to have someone who appreciates the qualities I hold. There's so much I don't understand. I hope things work out with him but if he's never going to do anything I'd like to move on asap. I'm not interested in just being his friend. I don't have the luxury of time. I want my kids naturally. I want to carry them myself. He needs to be mentally prepared to be a father right away. If he's not I pray my father in heaven will lead me to a good man who is ready for that.