Urban Poly Princess

My mother is driving me crazy. I don't like the food we got and I'm trying to take dim sum with me but she doesn't want that. She wants us to pick up more food from somewhere in Provo. NOOO!!! She already had her chance and I don't like what she did so far.

OR rather no to me. I wish I knew what I keep doing wrong and why I NEVER seem to get hired. Cue crying for free. I just want to do nothing and just kill me now. I have no desire to keep trying. I am sick of this. I don't want to keep trying and looking and applying. I wish I had the chance to do that. I was getting excited about FINALLY getting to work. What the hell is the deal?

Maybe I'm just stupid. I can't feel down and bad for long. It's alright. I don't know when or where but overall it's alright and I feel alright. So where the hell am I supposed to work? Where am I going to get a job and what do I do part time so I can do real estate since none of these other jobs are contacting me?

This went well and I REALLY hope I get it because it would be perfect for me to work in Real Estate. They confirmed for me it would be between 16 and 20 hours a week and just 2 days a week. A benefit also is free UTA passes ALL the time. I would looove that.

Mom and I are taking Chinese food to see Nata off early tomorrow. I'm so excited for her. We need to finalize a menu today/tonight.

We played a card game - The Big Dalmuti. It is amazing how many board/card games exist. While it was fun I still haven't played a card game with anyone white who starts cheating. That is part of the fun of the games I've played in the past. Also I was such a card game player with my brother. The British version of gin rummy is played a lot in Tonga and thus we also played it a whole lot only it was called 500 and the object of the game was whoever reached 500 first.

I also remember playing monopoly with the neighbors who came over and played with us and the game sometimes went on the entire night. We played Risk like that with Ian and Eric in Tonga. I don't know why white fun is different but it is. Much more mellow. Lulu wants to plan a trip together. I told her we can do that but that we need to get married more. Her last relationship was with someone in the Parley's ward who has aged out and attends his family ward. She went to Hawaii partly to get over that relationship she said ended badly. She took him macadamia nut chocolates.

Lulu told me she knows the men in the Midsingles scene and they don't want Poly girls like us. It makes me sad she is so jaded because she has been my example of what I should be doing and how I should be living my life socially. I kept attending the Tongan Singles wards which were fine but I think I should have attended the white wards a long time ago. I wouldn't even consider dating someone white then. Developing the relationships I did in Logan helped me realize I usually have more in common with white members even if there are things that grate on me. They don't love or respect their families the way I want them to do that. Curtis is the rare exception rather than the rule.

There are more intelligent and educated white men. The intelligent Poly boys tend to also be spiritually weak. I saw Steve last night at FHE. He knows how to dress well. I do like that. I love that he actively strives to live his life well and in harmony with the spirit. He is attractive too. I just wish he was taller although I'm sure he's shorter than me. Lulu knows several people in my ward and she even has a roommate from BYU-Hawaii there.

I took Lulu to FHE with me. She went to Parley's ward for a long time... over 10 years AND although she loved it she was telling me some things. She was saying how mousy men - the bulk of the LDS men in the Midsingles wards or rather ANY Singles wards, YSA wards included, want petite blond women. There's nothing wrong with that I suppose. I want someone hot who dresses well and is secure mentally, emotionally, spiritually AND is also kind and brilliant. I know there is a lot of truth to what she said because when I don't wear make up and wear my glasses OR look like and feel like a dog, the white men come out of the woodwork to flirt with me BUUUT that's not who I am at all. Why is that such a huge deal. I'm not going to change who I am to find my husband. Can't I just find someone who likes the way I look, that wants me to wear makeup and dress up if I want to do that. Why is that such a turnoff or on. I have to admit I love a man that knows how to dress.

It's a little like when Steve told me at FHE at Mike's house that he really liked Pacific Islanders. He also always wants to know what I liked more, living in Tonga or Hawaii or here. I know I'm Polynesian, I'm not from Mars. When people are too into my ethnicity I don't really like that because it seems like they are interested in a character, a caricature, NOT the real me. I u someone who wants me and is interested in me NOOOT just some exotic unusual thing. I'm not a novelty

EMZ started with taking the huge layer of snow off my car. I was worried about the parking lot at the chapel but it wasn't a problem. I have my UTA interview tomorrow. I hope it goes well and that I get this job. It pays well and it's part time which is perfect for what I want to do in real estate.I wish I knew what the part time hours were exactly.

Lulu texted me she saw her X last night and now they're going out soon. She told me she's vale mo'oni. I told her she never knows and to have fun. I'm so sick of job-hunting and being Ms. Perky Positive when I feel anything but that.

I read Curtis' blog when only his job kept him from feeling like a total failure. I feel the total failure thing so acutely. I feel fine spiritually. I am doing what I should and I am trying to be open to guys in general in my ward. I know I have the best chance of meeting someone I can build a life with there so I concentrate my efforts there.

I know what I want and it is difficult for me not to try to get a school librarian job when I keep seeing them.

What the hell is wrong with thiscomputer!!!

It was so nice to see her in the temple. It took forever to get to the Timpanogos temple following google's driving directions. George took us to Olive Garden when we were done. I am glad Alisa was her escort. I think it'll help Alisa attend the temple more. I know if Alisa were stronger in the church my brother would be a leader. They have a great marriage and are super parents. George was a veil worker for 2 years. I love Alisa. I think George could've done more to help her testimony. She is a convert so she has to rely on him and I don't think he's done enough. Despite that he's always been an amazing husband and father. I can already see blessings from Nata's decision to serve a mission. I am so grateful she worked as hard as she did to bring it to pass.

10 But the words which are sealed he shall not deliver, neither shall he deliver the book. For the book shall be sealed by the power of God, and the revelation which was sealed shall be kept in the book until the own due time of the Lord, that they may come forth; for behold, they reveal all things from the foundation of the world unto the end thereof. 33 Therefore, thus saith the Lord, who redeemed Abraham, concerning the house of Jacob: Jacob shall not now be ashamed, neither shall his face now wax pale. 34 But when he seeth his children, the work of my hands, in the midst of him, they shall sanctify my name, and sanctify the Holy One of Jacob, and shall fear the God of Israel. 35 They also that erred in spirit shall come to understanding, and they that murmured shall learn doctrine. I love this language - face now wax pale, and the entire last verse is money. I love the literary devices used all over the place in the scriptures. It is why I am grateful to have been an English major. It is why I did my senior seminar as the Book of Mormon as Literature. Why should we study ANY book or poem? We studied the authors too to try to determine what they meant. The scriptures bring the spirit, improve me any time I even consider them. Life gurus often read from good books each day although they are missing the spiritual element. I am so fortunate to take care of that first. Everything else is then put in perspective. Today I'm meeting Lulu for dim sum. Later I am doing the 8pm session with my beautiful niece who enters for the first time. I love her so much. I am so excited for her because it is like her receiving a supercharged spiritual education. I need to marry someone who can be a mission president. That is my dream.

The drive from Provo was horrible. I had to drive less than 50 miles an hour the entire way back because of snowsweepers. My mother is really tough to drive with. On the way down I had to turn up the radio to try to drown her out. I'm so happy Alisa cooked Poly food for Christmas. She had lupulu, mussels, manioke, ufi, sapasui, kalua pork, potato salad AND New Zealand sausage. I took some home and cut up and cooked a couple for breakfast. I can't believe Nata's going to be gone on the 31st. I'm going to miss her but not like her family who are going to be crybabies - especially her dad my brother. I feel so spoiled when I think about how she worked 2 jobs and paid over 5000 in her own dental work. My dad took care of everything for me before my mission. Noe was teasing him and saying he was going to cry yesterday but Noe ended up being the biggest crybaby. At her farewell she shared she felt prompted that she should go on a mission. I love that and I can't think of anything else that would inspire her to serve one. I am so happy for her. There is nothing I can think of that solidified my testimony more than my mission. Marriage is the only other thing that will affect me more in EVERY way. That's not difficult to get. I don't need faith about that, it makes perfect sense AND that is why even if I continue to get older, I will continue to search for someone who is spiritually solid FIRST above everything else ALTHOUGH I want everything else too. I love my nieces and nephews so much. I'm grateful I get to be at the temple when she takes out her endowments. Alisa was thinking I should go with her but I assured her she'd be fine and that she'd have someone with her every step of the way. 2 Nephi 26 11 For the Spirit of the Lord will not always strive with man. And when the Spirit ceaseth to strive with man then cometh speedy destruction, and this grieveth my soul. 33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.

This better be working now!!! It's Christmas Eve and I ate a couple cookies since my mother baked cookies for all the neighbors. I ate the rest of my mashed potatoes too. It is Christmas Eve so I'm eating carbs today and tomorrow then I'll return to eating as healthily as I should. Zumba was great. I bought a red Run EMZ hoodie. My cousin Lulu is visiting from Hawaii and she wanted to do dim sum for lunch Saturday. That sounds fabulous to me right now. I bought my mother some shoes for Christmas. I wrapped them and put them under the tree. On Black Thursday she bought these black tennis shoes for $9. They were too big for her. She is a size 5. I got her high brown boots AND black tennis shoes that are her size and have good grip on them. I just got them at Payless BUT the tennis shoes were $32 and have good grip at the bottom. I just like the long brown boots. I wrapped them and put them under the tree. I hope she likes them and uses them. I hate that she looks at these Walmart shoes and I have over 40 pairs of shoes in my clear shoe boxes. Exactly 1 pair is from Payless, none are from Walmart, most are from TJ Max or Ross. I know I'm a clothes horse. I just can't let my mother go without shoes or with cheap shoes she told me she still slips in because they are cheap from China. I hope these work for her better. The tennis shoes are black leather and can go with everything she always wears. One thing I like about Curtis' last post is he discusses his personal gospel study program AND goal-setting. I can't stand people who are content to remain stagnant. That is NOOOT negotiable. I am hoping all these temple-worthy men read their scriptures as normal parts of their lives but really unless I ask there's no way to really tell. Steve has the spirit which is why he impresses me all the time. I just wish he wasn't so short and I wish I felt something in the temple when we did sealings because I didn't feel anything and that annoyed me because I wanted to feel something because I love how active he is in church and how he is kind to people all the time. I looove how brilliant Mike is and that he invests so wisely and seems to love many of the things I do. He reminds me of Shem however - fun and interesting BUUUT spiritually I doubt either of them have much substance.

Since my computer is working right now I'll try to write something a little more substantial. My niece enters the Timpanogos temple on Saturday at the 8pm session. The Provo temple is already closed for cleaning. Now my mother doesn't want to go to Provo for Christmas since it is supposed to snow on Christmas. We're not supposed to have snow the following day so although we might get snow it may not stick. I sure hope it doesn't. I was exhausted so after Zumba this morning I crashed and just work up a little while ago. Last night I went Christmas Caroling with my ward. Hardly anyone showed up. I really like that Steve attends these things. Besides he and the FHE leader, alright there was 1 other guy Brad who attended. Of course a lot of people left for Christmas so I really shouldn't judge anyone ALTHOUGH I still like that he attended. He impresses me and he has the

22 And the wild beasts of the islands shall cry in their desolate houses, and dragons in their pleasant palaces; and her time is near to come, and her day shall not be prolonged. For I will destroy her speedily; yea, for I will be merciful unto my people, but the wicked shall perish.

This morning I was dragging in Zumba although I was pretty surprised when it was done so soon. Wednesday is pajamma day. I only have my silky Victoria's Secret pajammas I might get some from Walmart buuut we'll see.

I'll put my hair in 2 ponytails that day. I feel like I need a lollipop too but I'm not eating sugar now so that won't work. My computer has been behaving now that I don't keep it charged 24-7. I wonder if that's what caused it to go wonky in the first place. I hope so because I can't afford a new computer. The state changed the close date to this assistant director position. I think she's running out of people and she doesn't want to hire me. I hope she has no choice. I'd love that. I think the same thing happened with the West Jordan manager job because the requirements changed.

I am so grateful I have my MBA. That is going to make a difference. Despite all of that and whatever happens I'm going to take that UTA job if I get it. It pays 22 an hour which is a little over 40,000 a year if it was full time. It is part time but I don't know what that means in terms of hours. I hope it's at the huge center where I applied. I will do that AND secure my real estate thing, continue to apply for any public librarian jobs I want either with the state, county or city AND volunteer with the city since they are the closest to me and I will use the least amount of gas to do that.

I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. People are constantly threatened by me and I don't really care about that. As long as I do my part I will be just fine. I have the gospel in my life and we all have the gift of our Savior. I will go out with Jeff if he asks me out. He's not super attractive to me but it's not like he's ugly and his job is very attractive to me. He was born in California but I think his mother lives in Wisconsin now? I looked at his Facebook page and I'm going to look at it again.

He hangs out with Brett Wilson who looks like he's 12 but is a software engineer like Mike. He is in a lot of Jeff's mountain climbing pictures. I do like nature, I don't like the dirt or having to pee in the bushes somewhere. I can sooo live without that but I can appreciate how pretty it is. I loved walking the Riverwalk in Logan. It was beautiful and I just had to walk on a well-maintained path. Forget the walking over and around rocks and other things. The bugs and the animals. I sooo don't like that either.

2 Nephi 22

Very short chapter. I like this number thing because I don't have to remember where exactly I was reading and I'm glad I went here because it is a lot of Isaiah's speaking Messianically which is so appropriate for the Christmas season.

George and his family are going to Vegas so we're not visiting him until Saturday which is when Nata is going to try to schedule her temple trip.

The bishopric spoke in sacrament meeting today. There was nothing special that happened. I did go to the Chinese ward to try to speak to the bishop and that Laotian girl who works with their youth told me they have 2 chapels in the building and to go to the south chapel. She also told me Belinda's uncle is the bishop. I have tried unsuccessfully to get ahold of Bishop Hong. I am sure she is busy. There were a couple of young men in the bishop's office where I waited for awhile and I tried to talk to them but they were too into their electronic game to be helpful.

I hope when I have children they NEVER do that to anyone. They don't know anything about me. What if they offended me and I left the church because they weren't very helpful? Maybe I'm expecting too much from our youth but I DON'T THINK SO!!! I think since I sat with Steve and took a picture with Mike that my RS presidency doesn't exactly like me. I already feel I alienated Annete because of her thing for Steve. REALLY???!!! If they are interested in either of them they should actually do something about it.

Jeff squeezed my shoulder at our ward temple session. Just to say hi which was sweet. I like what I know about him but then again I don't really know enough to even have an opinion about him. I talked to Jason briefly which I like. He is really good-looking but he has no idea how to dress or make the most of what he has. He does something in finance but I don't really know for sure.

What I really like about Jason is how thoughtful he is. I sat with him at a dinner group and then at our Thanksgiving dinner. He goes out of his way to bring people out of their shell and try to make them feel comfortable. He is tall too which I love. Jeff is an attorney which I like very much. What I don't like is he's also into mountain-climbing and the good ole outdoors. That is sooo not just a Logan affliction like I first supposed. It is a Utah-mormon-male affliction. Even Curtis was very into the outdoors. He looked so good and knew how to dress however. That made the outdoor thing less important. I don't think he climbed mountains however.

2 Nephi 21
2 And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the spirit ofwisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord;

Yea - My computer is actually working. It goes in phases. I went to the ward Christmas party last night. The food was so much better than it was at Thanksgiving. Either the committee is improving or it's a new committee. I saw Spencer who Lusi told me is who I should see to discover why I don't have home teachers yet. He thanked me for the heads up. I laid it on a little heavy.

I'm glad Lusi who I visit attended. She came with her cousin and they both looked like they had a lot of fun. It wasn't as crowded as the Thanksgiving dinner but I think that's because a lot of people left for Christmas early. I am visiting the Chinese ward tomorrow. I'm going to get Krista and Anthony there.

2 Nephi 20
33 Behold, the Lord, the Lord of Hosts shall lop the bough with terror; and the high ones of stature shall be hewn down; and the haughty shall be humbled.

I read Curtis's post again because I can see similarities in more than a few things. I'm not ending a relationship, in fact, I wish I would meet someone who I could even be interested in. This morning was our EMZ party. I had fun. I looove Zumba and I am grateful to have it in my life. It seems silly to express that but it is true. I am grateful for all the instructors who selflessly give their time to us for FREE. It has changed how I eat, the attention I give my diet and it is sooo something I plan to get certified to do. I enjoy it so much and I am so grateful it exists. Maybe that's my mercy. I did too much crying and feeling sorry for myself today. I am so blessed. He is truly the gift. I know I need to have faith that I will be led by the spirit to what my Father in Heaven knows will develop and prepare me best. Sanctification is my goal and that is not something that is bought cheaply. I wonder how well a Midsingles Zumba class would be. I would like to look into developing that. I'd also like to teach at the county rec center near the U. I have so many things I want to do. I just wish I could do all of them although I know that's silly. I can pray more about receiving help to find a job that will help me fulfill what I should AND that will maintain my interest. I know that a lot of people would pray to find the job God wants them to do and while I also think that is important, I don't feel that is important for me. I know Heavenly Father helped me finish library school ALSO that he helped me get my real estate license. Right now since I'm not interested in anyone I'm going to work on eating clean and physical fitness. I can do that however AND manage a library OR work as the Assistant Development Manager for the state library. I can't believe I didn't get the job at LDS Business College. I nailed the interview. I can't think of ANY other job that one of the panel members tells me I'm adorable. I am so impressed by them. People are very lucky to work somewhere you have to actively try to qualify for and have the spirit with you. I need to continue to do all I can to have the spirit with me me. So many things demand my attention. It's difficult to choose just one.

So today I received an email from the church saying I didn't get the priesthood multi-media editor position. I ALSO received a letter from LDS Business College telling me I didn't get the adjunct instructor position either. I know this doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things but HELL I THOUGHT SINCE I'M MORE QUALIFIED THAN I'VE EEEVER BEEN THAT I'D AT LEAST HAVE A DAMN JOB BY NOW. I'm sitting here crying about something I can't control. I started a damn professional librarian organization in Logan. I got ANOTHER damn Master's degree and it just doesn't seem to matter. I don't even feel like applying anymore. I can't wait until my unemployment is finished then I don't have to apply for 4 stupid jobs a week anymore.

6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called, Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. How appropriate that I read this today. It is so easy for me to feel sorry for myself sometimes. I haaate that I STILL don't have a job!!! Last night Curtis posted his review of the last year and how he faced challenges he didn't quite expect in his life. He turned to his Heavenly Father and remembered that Christ is the gift. I love that this is the church campaign this season. He shared how tough it was for him to have to leave his YSA ward, end a relationship he tried very hard to make work and live in his parents basement again after feeling he should sell his house. He wrote how he felt like EVERYTHING in his life was horrible and he felt like a failure. His one saving grace was his job he loves. When I read that I thought YEAH I don't have a damn job yet. My interview yesterday had NOTHING to do with fashion or cosmetics. Instead they are looking for people to promote products at Costco and Sam's club. They only had that ad up to draw people there. Sooo NOOOT what I want to do and sooo a damn waste of my time!!!

I am always struck by how beautifully Isaiah writes. How amazing it must be in the original language. This is the third time I'm typing this because my damn computer keeps acting up on me. It is very annoying. I have an interview today in Woods Cross although I think the bulk of the work will be done here in Salt Lake City. It is a fashion/cosmetic marketing job which I'd love IF it pays enough.I'm grateful I have an MBA so I am qualified to do a variety of things although my experience there is not as impressive as my library work.

e 3 Then said the Lord unto Isaiah: Go forth now to meet Ahaz, thou and Shearjashub thy son, at the end of the conduit of the upper pool in the highway of the fuller’s field; My damn computer is acting up so whenever I write something it gets erased. I am sick of this. I need to buy a new one. Laptops are so freaking cheap now. wow, it lasted long enough for me to write a sentence.

I'm being super-strict about what I eat. I attended a free Zumba class at Lifetime Fitness in South Jordan. VEEERY nice gym. It is huuuge. Lindsey Taylor who works for Zumba - the corporate entity - led most of the class with her friend Lori who visited our class once. She's in one of the Zumba ads. They made me sweat A LOT. Their cardio is a lot faster-paced. It makes me want to check out more classes.

If I'm not mistaken Lindsey does the Certification in Utah. She is going to qualify me in January which is why I'm going to Zumba twice a day. Keep eating strictly and weights and I'll be ready on the 25th. I should've started preparing earlier.

I got another interview for a cosmetics and fashion consultant or basically sales. It is some headhunter that's sending me there. I asked her what brands were represented and she couldn't tell me. She told me it pays 30,000 a year. That was supposed to impress me? I made more than that in Logan.

I love the Utah Zumba culture. Lindsey and Lori AND my sister-in-law look fabulous. I think ALL of them are skinnier than they should be however but better thinner than fat and I know they are all fit so maybe it's alright. Alisa eats everything so her body is just responding to fitness. None of them have a butt at all. I want my butt smaller but I want it there.

Helaman 16
12 And there was but little alteration in the affairs of the people, save it were the people began to be   hardened in iniquity, and do more and more of that which was contrary to the commandments of God, in the eighty and ninth year of the reign of the judges

I'm just eating protein and veggies for the next 2 weeks. I really want to get my Zumba license on January 25th and I am going to eat cleanly and strictly until and then after then too. My damn computer is acting up and I need to get a new one now.

Nata's farewell was beautiful. I kept wondering why they did it so early and it was the last Sunday her ward met for the year. She doesn't enter until the 21st. In addition to her talk the ward choir was amazing. They sang so beautifully. She felt prompted that she should serve a mission and she said she felt honored and inadequate. She talked about how when they lived in Texas her Young Women leader would give them candy each time she completed a value and she said she did it for the candy.

We went over to George's house later where Noelani cooked for what seems like forever BUUUT it was finally done and it was delicious. Mafi has a beautiful voice. I told her she needs to audition for Moana. All these girls are auditioning and I hope the really talented ones do too. The more Polynesian girls who audition the better the chance for Moana to be selected from our talented Poly girls.

 5 And I would that ye should behold that the more part of them are in the path of their duty, and they do walk circumspectly before God, and they do observe to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments according to the law of Moses.
 9 And ye know also that they have buried their weapons of war, and they fear to take them up lest by any means they should sin; yea, ye can see that they fear to sin—for behold they will suffer themselves that they be trodden down and slain by their enemies, and will not lift their swords against them, and this because of their faith in Christ.

More on Samuel the Lamanites Christmas prophecies about the star and the birth of Christ.

Samuel the Lamanite preaches on the wall in this famous chapter while arrows are shot at him and none hits hi.  I want to be so righteous that is my fate too. Despite ALL the naysayers and opposition I face,  especially now as I try to job-hunt and find something I can do for a long time. AND here in Salt Lake City so I can be around my mother, I will claim victory because I know who I am. There is some sort of annoying as hell virus on my computer that keeps trying to take over control over what the hell I type. Get the hell OFF MY DAMN COMPUTER!!!

Last night I was looking at what it takes to get your Zumba license and it isn't very much. You need to pay the fee and then you attend the ALL-DAY as in 8-hour-long session. The fee is 225 if you pay by January 3rd. I am committed to do that. The training is in Sandy on January 24th so I am going to prepare now. I've wanted to do this for a long time and I've never just done it but I am sooo ready for that now. This is going to motivate me like nothing else to eat well and work out with my weights like I should.

Last night I applied for the West Jordan manager job. I'm not sure what happened to Susan Spicer and why that opening even exists. If I was to get the job I would take Traxx and save my gas money. Steve from my ward is the Assistant City manager for West Jordan.

Last night I drove to the chapel the Chinese ward used to meet in. They changed their location but I spoke to some white guy. I had to go to Walmart and buy tampons too and I really didn't want to go anywhere but I did anyway because I'm still trying to do my daily service thing and although I drove my mother to DI when she asked me to do that and I told her I wasn't going to do that EVERY day. So I'm there in my Zumba pants, a hoodie and my hair is up in a ponytail sooo TOTAL Zumba look. No make up either. This white guy is totally flirty with me. That is something I noticed awhile ago. When I look like a dog the white men come out of the woodwork to flirt BUUUT that isn't me. I like to dress up, I love makeup, clothes, getting my nails done.

Younger white men tend to like my "natural" look or rather when I feel good about how I look. Strange that when I'm dressed up, have some sweet heels on and my makeup and clothes are on point it is when I feel most natural. Whoever I end up with has to be completely comfortable with that. I'm not going to suddenly lose the makeup, nails or heels. That is why I have a weakness for men who care about what they look like and dress well. That is my friend Curtis to a T. That is one of the reasons why I like his look so much. He is fine AND he knows how to dress and he knows how to look good ALL the time. I like that he does this WITHOUT being a brand whore.

7 O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.

So some motel in Sandy called me to interview for a front desk position I don't remember applying for. I set up the interview and rushed over there. It paid $10 an hour. I don't think so but I told myself part time you can do it UNTIL she mentioned sometimes people stuffed up their toilets and at night I'd be the only person there. She wanted to know if I was comfortable plunging toilets and cleaning up dog poop if I had to do that. I said NOOO!!! I apologized for wasting her time. I keep trying to talk myself into working for less pay but the truth is I'm not willing to do that.

I never have been. I think my first job as a Polynesian dancer ruined me. While I don't mind being on the phone and I am good at calming people down, the job I had early in the morning doing customer service for Easton Sports was draining and I couldn't do it anymore. It annoyed me that although I could calm the customer and assure them something different would happen I had no control over that and I didn't like assuring people when I really couldn't assure them of anything.

Flipping homes might require me to wear rubber gloves sometimes but I could do that with a $20-50,000 profit.

4 O Lord, do not suffer that this people shall be destroyed by the sword; but O Lord, rather let there be a famine in the land, to stir them up in remembrance of the Lord their God, and perhaps they will repent and turn unto thee.
10 O Lord, behold this people repenteth; and they have swept away the band of Gadianton from amongst them insomuch that they have become extinct, and they have concealed their secret plans in the earth.
37 And it came to pass in the eighty and fifth year they did wax stronger and stronger in their pride, and in their wickedness; and thus they were ripening again for destruction.

Someone called me about a front desk position I applied for. REALLY???!!! Why the hell ONLY NOW???!!! It seems like FINALLY EVERYONE calls me.

My sweet friend Krista and I hit up the Bountiful temple for the 7pm session. It was good to see her and to spend time with her. She is a clingon but it never bothered me. Weird. These girls always want to be my friend VERY BADLY. It is a surefire way for me to avoid them at all costs. I enjoy Krista's company and I want to help her understand things she might miss. People annoy me when they treat her like she's stupid.

She got her MBA in a foreign country. She is cute but she is very smart too. That doesn't make her an idiot. I'm going to check out the Chinese ward and give her as much information as I can.

This sounds like a good job and it starts at 22/hr which is very nice for something part time. It's not fun however like the LDS Business College would undoubtedly be. A part time librarian job like the opening at the City Library would be much better AND is in my field AND opens the way for something better and to demonstrate I should be tappped to manage Marmalade Library.

It is nice however to be receiving responses period.

Zumba was a blast as always. I'm glad I've completely made it a habit.

5 And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.

I am already blessed forever. I wonder what life would be like if I was blessed even more.

I googled LDS Business College. They just really impressed me. They have something called the learning pattern that at its core is the spirit. I looove that. I also read some reviews. There were a couple of negative reviews from non-members about taking religion classes and the honor code. HELLO!!! Church school people have to sign the damn honor code, it's not like they don't know what they are in for. I guess people who aren't LDS don't really know until they realize YES this is serious. 

The downtown location is perfect. I was wondering where they'd hold devotionals but that's only because I didn't consider their location. They hold these at the little theater in the conference center or at the Assembly Hall EVERY Tuesday. BYU-Hawaii and the Y have weekly devotionals too. Such a treat. When I told George how they emphasize the spirit and even quote that scripture that states if you don't teach by the spirit than it is by some other way. 

They have quite a few English adjunct instructors right now. I hope I get used in January and don't have to wait for later. The email she sent me said she needs someone for January during the day on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I dig the adjunct thing because it still allows you to work another job. It is "extra" income or at least it should be. 

I would looove to work for LDS Business College. I never wanted to teach but I would enjoy teaching here. Everyone I met was so friendly. The lady told me I'm adorable before I left. I don't think she's supposed to tell her prospective adjunct teachers something like that. I hope they need me in January. I love how they use the spirit or strive to use it in EVERYTHING. BYU has a lot to learn from them. Although there were Religion classes, prayers and devotionals BYU AND BYU-Hawaii felt like the U, UH, Emporia AND Stevens-Henager College.

I wonder if they realize how lucky they are. I only like teaching the gospel BUUUT teaching English there allows me to relate it to the gospel, IN FACT that is what they want. This was so unexpected. If I already had my library job I never would've considered this. I didn't feel nervous at all. I know Heavenly Father helped me with this. I was reading stats about the school and there are more men than women there. How's that for stats? Unusual.

They have students there from over 60 countries. 80 percent of the men are RMs and 14 percent of the women R too.

41 And there were others who said: Behold, he is a god, for except he was a god he could not know of all things. For behold, he has told us the thoughts of our hearts, and also has told us things; and even he has brought unto our knowledge the true murderer of our chief judge.

I applied AGAIN to another application LDS Business College sent me. I love that they emphasize teaching with the spirit REGARDLESS of what subject you are teaching. I attended the Y and BYU Hawaii and neither had the focus on the gospel is EVERYTHING that LDS Business College seems to have. I love the freedom church schools give me. I did my senior seminar on the Book of Mormon as Literature at BYU-Hawaii. Where else could I have done that?

NOWHERE!!! They have an Interior Design program I like. People mock me for all the school I've done but I am fine with it. Why wouldn't ANYONE get a graduate degree if it was free? Why wouldn't I do the interior design program if I could do it free of charge? If I do work there and it is an option I will definitely take it. I looove interior design and it goes hand-in-hand with my real estate thing I'll definitely do if it is an option. 

I went and wrapped gifts last night for FHE and also to give service because I need to focus on doing a daily act of service ALL the time along with my scripture reading I should always ask myself each day, How will I serve someone? Living with my mother makes this easy. I drove her to DI and picked her up. That is an act of service. She always appreciates it so much but she is my mother and I'll take her anywhere she wants me to take her. It seems silly to count that as service, it should be something I automatically do whenever she might need my assistance.

This morning as I turned at the intersection I had to stop suddenly for a little boy who raced in front of me on his bike. He freaked me out so much. I said an immediate prayer thanking my Father in Heaven that I was able to slow down in time and I was so grateful I didn't hit him. He reminded me of my nieces and nephews and I pray they never do anything so stupid. While he was wrong it wouldn't matter if I hit him. He could've been severely injured or even worse. I sooo don't want to go through that. I usually don't see anyone that early. That shook me up.

I have an appointment with Workforce services this morning at 9am. I'm going to go by the Church employment center and print my resume first since they want me to take them a copy.

Helaman 8
10 And it came to pass that those people who sought to destroyNephi were compelled because of their fear, that they did not laytheir hands on him; therefore he began again to speak unto them,seeing that he had gained favor in the eyes of some, insomuch thatthe remainder of them did fear.

Now to get ready to get out of here. Tonight is gift-wrapping by both the Menace Society AND my ward. I gave the Menace Society my wrapping paper early so I can go and support my ward. There are so many activities. I could spend EVERY night doing something whether it be an institute class or dance class.

29 Behold now, I do not say that these things shall be, of myself, because it is not of myself that I know these things; but behold, Iknow that these things are true because the Lord God has made them known unto me, therefore I testify that they shall be.

Last night as I was getting my bag together for the RS spotlight today I came across my ss card. Sooo weird. I had tried to find it when I went to take my real estate licensing test and I looked EVERYWHERE. I found it last night in the badge for one of my ULA conferences. I am NEVER misplacing it again. It makes me think I'll need it because I'm getting hired soon. 

I still can't believe I was never even given an interview in Park City. I'm still not sure why the church finally contacted me at all. It's like someone had them reconsider my application when it had already been overlooked. 

BUUUT whatever happened I'll take it. I need a job and yesterday. This is so hard to keep being positive when nothing seems to be happening. Tomorrow I need to meet with my unemployment. It is my second meeting to evaluate why I'm not getting a job. 

I have so many blessings. Why can't I be constantly grateful BUUUT still advance in my career and in my life which seems to be standing still right now.

I did my tithing settlement which is good. The counselor Bro.Johns who I had my session with told me I'd have to contact Logan because they don't have all my tithing donations. I did my Domoina spotlight which was good and I was able to throw things together I hope the lady who is going to do my spotlight likes what I put in the bag. I stuck a bag of chocolate truffles in there along with earrings, a necklace, a hair clip, carmex and a small jar of lotion. I also put a card game I bought for some pixie gift last year at work and then the person I was supposed to give it to wasn't on the paper it was supposed to be on so I ended up with all these gifts I ended up giving to my nieces and nephews but I still had my new skipbo and uno card sets. Anything I gave her was in plastic so I hope she enjoys everything. I stuck it in my lunatic fringe bag which is where I cut my hair.

I didn't stay for choir rehearsal since Nata's farewell testimony will be given next week. I am still so excited for her. This is going to be so much fun. I can't think of anything that would make me happier.

Julie called me out of the blue to see how I was doing. I like her I think she's sweet, I always feel like she has some sort of ulterior motives when she talks to me however. I know she's a good person I don't know why I always get that. It's like she wants information about me but not because she's interested in knowing about my life, more like she wants information from me which is stupid. I just remember when she and Jonni came over to visit me and brought me flowers in Logan. Very sweet but so strange and NOOO I don't trust her for a second. I am supposed to take her shopping since she bought what I volunteered for our ward auction but I'm not bringing it up unless she does. She told me she wants to start attending her family ward. Strange, it's like she wanted me to tell her I was going to do the same O hell no!!! She told me she is going to stop dating some guy she's been seeing because she doesn't feel it's right. I encouraged her to attend our ward BUT I also told her to do whatever she feels comfortable doing.

I hope this is all in my head but I don't think so. I get the same feeling from Renee which is weird. I love seeing these girls from my old ward in Logan. I just remember when I told Renee I'd be in the ward and it seemed like she was trying to get me to attend another one. The same thing seems to be happening with Julie. REALLY ladies???!!! I don't need friends who really have ulterior shady motives. They are both nice women so I'm not sure why I'm feeling that but I am. Julie is genuinely nice and a good person. Alright, they both are. I wish I didn't have this feeling about both of them but I don't trust either.

They had a huge catered Mid Singles dinner and watching of the Christmas devotional tonight in Draper. I just didn't feel like getting ready to attend or drive there. I am going to use this month to work harder on my goals try to attend my ward activities, GET A JOB and let everything else fall in place where it does.

3 Nevertheless, the people of the church did have great joybecause of the conversion of the Lamanites, yea, because of thechurch of God, which had been established among them. And theydid fellowship one with another, and did rejoice one with another,and did have great joy.

I love scriptures that talk about joy. Helping to bring people to Christ is truly joy. I know that. Missionary work is my absolute favorite thing in this world. The 3 Nephites and then even John the Revelator wanted to remain on the earth to do this even with the constraints I'm sure they have.

I dropped my mother off at DI since she wanted to go there. I also got $20 cash from Smith's for my fast offering and then I bought some stuff to cook us our turkey breast dinner. I discovered I forgot potatoes and bacon from Harmon's downtown for my mashed potatoes. I'm going to also add some bacon to my stuffing. I need some salad dressing too or maybe I'll just use the stuff I have in the fridge. 

I bought tyme for my turkey and some nutmeg because I saw it there on sale. I have Rosemary and Sage. I also bought an apple and an orange I'm going to use for my stuffing too along with sunflower seeds. Shem had sunflower seeds in his stuffing for the Menace Thanksgiving dinner and it was excellent. I hope my mother gets what she needs from DI.

26 Now behold, those secret oaths and covenants did not comeforth unto Gadianton from the records which were delivered untoHelaman; but behold, they were put into the heart of Gadiantonby that same being who did entice our first parents to partake ofthe forbidden fruit—

Lei's twin daughters return home from their missions to Korea this month. I am so happy for Lei and she is ecstatic. She is such a good example to me of a good wife, mother and overall member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.