Urban Poly Princess

Trish called me to tell me I wouldn't get a second interview. I know there are many people in the County that probably applied to that job. It is so discouraging but I appreciate her call. I am applying for other stuff and crying and wondering why the hell this is happening to me although I know nothing's happening specifically to me it is so difficult to do this. I don't want the job if someone else applies and is better suited to it. Marianne from my ward has gone almost two years without ANY librarian job so I need to be grateful for what I have and stop dwelling on the hell this really feels like.

I started feeling depressed yesterday because I really need just anything right now. I am having such a hard time with this. I don't know what to do anymore really. I am just numb. My experiences prepare me to do this and it is unfortunate I am not going to be able to do it. If someone is more experienced however I don't want to get the job they don't. I hope one of the other county positions comes through even the West Valley City 20-hour position.

I tried to apply for a real estate position now but they wanted someone with a year experience in real estate. Of course brokers are willing IF you front the 5000 it is going to take to even begin. The industry makes it tough for just anyone to even begin.

At the end of August it will be one year without a librarian job. This totally sucks. I don't know what I need to do or even what needs to happen. I am going to continue to apply for librarian jobs BUT I also need to develop my skills whether that be through another job or not. I have to do the real estate thing but I need a job to save the money to even begin that. Not having a job sucks almost as much as having to live in Logan does.

This is ridiculous. I am going to do the church's accelerated job search and continue to apply for more things. I am grateful Trish called to let me know so soon. I would've loved to work for her and with her. Eventually however I would leave because my strength is leadership and management. Administration and helping people accomplish something. I would love to be a children's librarian but not forever. I know that. I will work in administration.

I am calling Elwood Staffing just to see what is out there. I found one paying $10 an hour for Kroger that begins at 6:30 in the morning and finishes at 2:30pm. It is a call center for Kroger who does the generic products for Smith's. I am trying not to focus on how much that wage sucks and instead focus on the fact that I have bills to pay.

I saw a receptionist position that pays $11 but then it disappeared from my screen. This is very exasperating. Why the hell is this so hard? I began working when I was 14. Except for that brief stint at Sutter Health I've spent almost a year unemployed now.

I feel like a complete failure in EVERY part of my life.

How the hell do I keep doing this? I am sooo done and right now I just want to curl up in a little ball on my bed and do not a damn thing.