Urban Poly Princess

Despite freaking out last night about how my bishop behaved it actually explains some things. I've been praying about this all night and I'm still going to but what I've feared really is true. He is kind but thinks of me as a sweet simpleton. While how intelligent he actually gets that I am doesn't really matter, forming that opinion because I'm pretty or brown is WRONG and even that isn't enough for me to get mad. What does tick me off is how someone acting as God's servant treated me horribly when I actually needed his help and counsel. He didn't do that for me AND I never would've seen him in the first place if my mother hadn't called him. He dismissed my financial problems which were extremely serious and real to me like I was a wayward child who just needed to budget. Involving Jared was sooo inappropriate. Would he have called Jared for some guy going through financial difficulties? I know my father in heaven helped me overcome my challenges that made me cry waaay more than I wanted to cry, stress, research and pray. My father in heaven helped me find the solutions I needed exactly when I needed them. As far as my bishop OR Jared helping me-THEY DIDN'T HELP ME AT ALL. Whoops, o.k. Jared did help me change a tire but the student I was with at the time told me he had a thing for me. That made me wary of anything he did. Maybe he was just being friendly BUT it doesn't matter because there is no way in hell I'm ever letting him think he has a chance with me AT ALL. I wonder if bishop has any idea of how condescending and insulting he was to me. I would just try to let this go like I thought I was doing successfully BUUUT I'm harboring feelings still that I didn't realize were still there until Sarah told me he wants me to attend the basic skills class and all the anger erupted on here. Puanani the volcano.

Sooo he thinks I'm slow, BUT why the snobbery yesterday? That I can't figure out. My Elder's Quorum president Devin did it too. What the hell does that accomplish? Perhaps they're both racist and just not sure how to interact with people who aren't white. Someone should clue them in that IGNORING people who are part of the congregation you are put in charge of probably isn't a good practice.

I usually make honey-walnut-shrimp. I had everything but the walnuts. I decided to use cashews instead AND it was delicious!!! NEVER buying walnuts again. That's all I ever used it for anyway.

David told me he isn't dating Kjyrsta (yes I think that's how I'm supposed to spell Shiersta!) exclusively which is veeery nice to know. He's still my friend despite telling him about my craycray-meaning I'm not going to be social with her or anyone else he might date that I don't know because I don't want to do that. I thought he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me when I told him that but I'm glad he's willing to overlook that.

Bishop's a retired veternarian. I wonder if he has anything to do with Kjyrsta becoming friends with David. He may also be the reason why Katie's in our fhe group. Perhaps he gave up on Katie and moved on to Kjyrsta. That's alright because I'm pretty sure my father in heaven put me in the same group as him and I'd rather have him on my side then bishop.

But even with all of that I want bishop on my side too. I really hope sharing how I'm feeling with him helps me to resolve these feelings. I hope in the future he doesn't make the same assumptions with someone else. I wonder if I surprised him Sunday after sacrament meeting. I was pretty forthright with him then. He told me it was good to know how I feel. Did I offend him and is that why he avoided me yesterday. I may have been abrasive. I've never said anything before so that must have taken him by surprise. That must've been jarring. I hope I can resolve this well.