Urban Poly Princess

Pray to your Heavenly Father. This is His sacred work. He will guide you in what to do. He will open doors, remove roadblocks, and help you overcome obstacles. The Lord declared, “The voice of warning shall be unto all people, by the mouths of my disciples, … and none shall stay them.”³²

I had to hang up on my mother today. She is forever trying to make decisions for me. If she doesn't agree with something she will IMMEDIATELY have a vision supporting whatever the hell she thinks. I PRAYED ABOUT MOVING!!! She is sooo annoying and frustrating sometimes. George told me he lied to mom about wanting to move to Roosevelt... her friend IMMEDIATELY had a vision for him that he wasn't supposed to go. I love my mother very much. I wish she wasn't so messed up spiritually. I can't trust ANYTHING she comes up with. It's like whatever the hell she wants to do if anyone disagrees with her she'll have revelation to the contrary and ONLY SHE is right ALL the damn time. 

How the hell did she get this way???!!! She has a friend who ALSO gets IMMEDIATE multiple visions EVERY few hours EVERY day and calls my mother for hours at a time to get "COUNSEL" about what she's seeing and what she should do. 

Missionary work is so awesome. I am so grateful for it. How am I supposed to help my mother if at all. She doesn't think she needs help but it's not like she's reading her scriptures every day either. She reads conference talks and listens to BYU devotionals several times a day. Still something is wrong. What if anything am I supposed to do? I feel like part of my moving to Logan was to get away from her. I don't like that she's alone. 

I have faith in my Father in Heaven BUT I NEVER want to spend a second with ANYONE who doesn't want to be with me. That contradicts an eternal principle. Yesterday as I attended the bishop's fireside however guys that I can't stand kept trying to chat with me. I have to force myself to attend our ward activities. I just don't think it should be that way. I should enjoy people in my ward and look forward to spending time with them. I don't think I'd feel better in a family ward BUT maybe I would. 

I feel like my bishop doesn't want me in his ward. I've been in the ward for 3 years now and I've NEVER spoken in sacrament meeting. My callings have NOT reflected my capacity to do a damn thing. I'm used to being EXTREMELY ACTIVE.

I am sooo feeling sorry for myself. I know that. I just don't feel like doing anything to change that. Helene visited me at work today. She wanted to know if I planned to move when I finished my time here. HELL YES!!!