Urban Poly Princess

I decided to look closer at exactly what Nephi did when he followed the spirit and killed Laban. 4:6 "And I was led by the spirit NOT KNOWING BEFOREHAND the things that I should do."
I like this because I have NO CLUE about how or what to do.
4:7 "Nevertheless I WENT FORTH."-Just because I don't know exactly what to do doesn't mean I should be paralyzed-there are many things I CAN and SHOULD DO to move in the right direction.
In verse 10 he's constrained by the spirit to slay Laban BUT he backs away and wishes the spirit would say something different.-I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE TO THIS.
Spirit reasons with Nephi-The Lord has designed it to be so, Repeats 2X the Lord has delivered Laban into his hands, he is reminded of his blessings, OF HOW IMPORTANT HIS DECISION IS, AND OF HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL BE AFFECTED-OVERALL THE EXTREME IMPORTANCE of his FOLLOWING THE SPIRIT.
2 Nephi 32:3 "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ. For behold, the words of Christ will tell you ALL THINGS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO."
Nephi had to be convinced to follow the spirit. He didn't want to do that initially-he proceeded without a clear plan of action. He was reminded of the far-reaching effects and importance of his compliance AND/OR following the spirit. I know that too-I've had sooo many experiences that have convinced me of this. It should be more difficult for me to consider NOT following the spirit. I NEVER thought I'd EVER have this problem. When I get home I'm going to read my patriarchal blessing. In my head I get this but Nephi received strength to kill Laban when he was reminded of how much hinged on his choice. I don't need to kill Laban but I want to shrink too rather than follow the spirit. There are so many blessings I have in store for me. I knew that when I was 14. I still know that. Why isn't this easy then?