Urban Poly Princess

I am overanalyzing something that doesn't matter. Actually it matters very much to me but I only have control over myself so that's why it doesn't matter. Last night between sleep I had some insight into this whole thing. Steve is doing what he thinks is right and I can't fault him for that just because I want something else.

Right now I am very skeptical of anything the spirit gives me insight in concerning my social life. I really thought I was supposed to be with annoying so I did everything I could to bring that about even in the face of opposition. That was my last experience with ANYONE and it was sooo refreshing to meet someone faithful AND intelligent, attractive and that I could see spending my life with. I do look for that B4 I even consider getting to know them better or really what is the point.

Trying to move on in Logan was difficult. There were righteous men who didn't have much else going for them. NOOO I'm not going to date someone who works at the cheese factory even if they have a solid testimony. He wasn't attractive either. Then someone solid spiritually, attractive AND works part time as a custodian and is fine with that. Finally someone brilliant, spiritual BUT not attractive and in a dead-end job at some call center. NO, NO, NO!!! I finally met Curtis who blew the scale on the fine factor, was intelligent and had a good job. I just met him before I left however. I was never sure of his testimony until after I read his blog and then saw pictures of him attending the temple. Curtis would be amazing BUUUT I moved away AND the Cache Valley thing is something I won't do.

I am grateful I met Steve. It wasn't until I figured out his other qualities that I tried to get to know him better. I kept him at a distance at first. I knew he was attractive and spiritually solid. Once I figured the other stuff out I let myself get to know him better and he is fun too. I never got to really spend time with him however which is probably a good thing since he doesn't want more. I'm not interested in just being his friend. I want more and if he was still in the ward I'd try to get that. I am happy that I won't have to watch him with any other women since he's gone. I hope that he feels he has to avoid me completely by changing wards doesn't kill his social life.

He has friends in the Bountiful ward and he could also attend the Parley ward since he actually lives in the boundaries there. I don't think it was right to ask him to keep attending MP19 anyway. It probably costs a lot for him to travel to and from the church. His calling in FHE just made it worse. He should be able to go home and eat instead of having to take his lunch with him to church.

I really think now after my epiphany last night that he is doing what he thinks is best. I don't think that's easy for him either. I miss him very much but it would just be worse if I got to know him better. I hope he gets everything he wants in life. I am grateful to him for being honest with me although I would've liked that in-person instead of on Facebook.