Urban Poly Princess

There is a point when I should be able to pursue something else. I know and I know he knows too. He is choosing not to do this, NOT ME!!! HE MADE HIS CHOICE so why the hell doesn't my direction CHANGE!!! Not everyone follows the spirit. That shouldn't affect me as long as I do what I should. I have tried really hard AND it hasn't been easy. So I should be able to move on with options that make me feel like a princess NOT like a dog.

I trust my father in heaven BUUUT Justin is sweet and good. If he's not for me I shouldn't be selfish because that just means someone else is a better choice for him. I can't even ask because I already know and it's like when I was going to ask if the church is true, I couldn't because I always knew it was.I knew the Book of Mormon was true and Joseph Smith was a prophet of God always too. My testimony of each of these grows but there was never a time when it wasn't there. I'm grateful for the insight I've always had, I just don't like how this is playing out at all. I'm pretty sure there's a limit to this. I'm supposed to have 3 daughters. I just don't see that happening right now. I also had that freaky feeling I'd be married really quickly AND that's not happening either.

I didn't know right away. I nabbed my friend checking me out in the beginning twice but I wasn't impressed. He looked like he was 12 and he had this ugly backpack and jacket. I went out of my way to meet him just to see if he was worth my time BUT usually that's ALL I have to do. Later I passed him and was surprised that he didn't stop me and talk to me. I thought I had to do all the work so I started but I hate that and I don't know what to do. I know how to take care of men I'm NOT interested in. Men I am interested in are supposed to do everything.

There has been so much divine interference with my friend. I never prayed about whether he is who I should be with either but I know now. It is really obvious to me if I spend any time with him.STILL, I should be able to find someone else if he isn't going to do anything. I want to do that now. I like Justin, he is inherently good and he's NORMAL. My ward is filled with misfits. I don't consider myself one of them BUT I AM in this ward filled with people who couldn't get married when they turned 31.

I am SICK of walking in the dark. When does the damn light come on???!!! I still want to know what type of missionary my friend was. I am REALLY going to have a problem if I'm supposed to marry someone who was and or is a crappy missionary. I don't know how that would work AT ALL!!!