Urban Poly Princess

I arrived from slc just in the nick of time. I barely had a moment to take my computer inside before it was 12:53 and I had to rush to church.

I talked to David as soon as I had a chance. I tried to apologize in person for what happened. I am just NOT going to talk to him EVERY week or so about how I offended him YET AGAIN. At first I thought we had cultural differences BUT I NEVER have this problem with anyone else. When I first talked to him he told me about how I frequently I offend him through messages. I thought we had cultural problems and while we definitely have that-it's a lot more than that. If the last 2 incidents are any indication of my offensive behavior, he is the one with the problem.

I really do believe what I told him is at the root of this BUT he was EXTREMELY offended when I told him that. I told him that's what I got. I'm not going to deny something I figured out only AFTER praying all night, sleeping then waking up at 3am with that illumination. He told me we can't be friends and I agreed. I'm not going to try anymore. I tired. I have never tried so hard to be someone's friend only to fail sooo completely. It's sooo NOT worth it. I really believe what I figured out AND if he's not going to do anything about that, he can go to hell.

He doesn't like that I told him I loved him That doesn't mean I'm IN LOVE with him. He hasn't taken me out anywhere. How the hell am I supposed to be in love with someone who doesn't date me? I thought about qualifying that at first but I didn't want him to think it makes it any less real and I never had to do that with my friend Colton. I tried to explain but really I'm sick of explaining and I don't care what he thinks right now I'm sooo tired of trying-plus if I was in love with anyone it would be him. I WANT to be in love with him. It just doesn't work that way. I wanted him to know that I care about him and I would never intentionally do anything to hurt him which is why I told him that in the first place. I want him to quit assuming the worst which he's REALLY good at.

I'm NEVER going to be alright with him discussing me with his friends who are women who are interested in him. After having my talk I saw Katie looking for him. I'm sure they had a HUGE discussion about my shortcomings. I told Krista and Mikako what happened. Krista because she was there and Mikako because I had to leave her the first time we talked about our first misunderstanding. Mikako had me over for dinner tonight so I told her about Mr. Drama.

I am sooo happy conference is coming up. I looove it!!! I feel great about everything I've done. I wish David and I were still friends BUT even if he did want to have anything to do with me right now the less I have to deal with him the better.

Mosa's sealing was beautiful. The Oquirrah Mountain Temple is gorgeous and Neeley's grandfather??? I think anyway did the sealing., He gave a little speech before.which was awesome I wish I could have written some of the stuff he said down because he referred to some things I've never really considered and I'd like to revisit. This is why I'm excited about working in the temple. I want to think about that stuff and expand my understanding of the temple stuff.

The RS Broadcast is tonight too. I just found out. I guess this is why we have the internet.For me anyway.
Time for me to leave.

Tomorrow I'm not working. Instead I have to go to court in Ogden. That's going to be followed by me going to see my mom in Salt Lake City for a couple of days and then Mosa's wedding. I'm so excited for him. At least I'll get lots of rest after the ugly long drive. I'll return Sunday so I can go right back to work early Monday morning. I'm beginning to feel NOT sleeping last night. My thoughts are muddled and I'm stuffed from lunch. I think I need some wakeup caffeine.

I'm going to go home in half an hour and just sleep. I need to be at the courthouse in Ogden at 11am so it'll be nice not having to rise early. I'm going to try to clean if I wake up in the middle of the night and then in the morning a little. I haaate coming home to a dirty house-especially after a long weekend away.

Mosa's invites are so cute. Our family's doing the luncheon at 2pm while her family is throwing the reception with a dessert bar at 6pm. Everything happens Saturday. Their sealing is at 10am.

I fell asleep after TRYING very hard to figure out what the hell happened. When I spoke to David on the phone he acted like although I said I wasn't upset I really was and he was just reacting to me being unreasonable. Complicated but true. I went over all of our texts from last night and remembered he referred to me using caps which expresses anger. I did use caps but I wasn't upset and I thought that was clear. I asked him when his birthday was because he got a birthday ice-cream cookie thing he shared. I knew it was in October because Heidi had exhausted the September birthdays.  He said October. I thought he was just being a smartass and trying not to tell me the actual date. I texted OCTOBER???!!! and he answered with a question mark. He really didn't know what I was talking about and I thought he was still being an evasive smartass. So I tried to play it off by telling him I'd assign him a random date then. He responded all hostile. I was just confused. I still tried to play it off but he was still being hostile so I called him and tried to resolve it BUT I still didn't get it and he didn't get it either-the call ended with me very confused and he very ticked.

I was surprised I fell asleep when I did but then I was wide awake at 3am when I emailed David what I think about why we seem to have such a persistent and prevalent communication problem. I don't think he does this on purpose but I always feel like he thinks the worst of me and jumps immediately to the least flattering conclusion with any interaction I have with him. It wasn't until this morning when I sort of figured out why he was upset at nothing. I don't think I would've written what I did to him if it wasn't 3am and I hadn't just had my epiphany but I'm glad I did because he should know what I concluded after a lot of reflection and prayer.

Becca Fridal found this incredible sectional for me. I looove it and it will look fantastic in my apartment. I just need a flatscreen and a couple lamps now. Also I want a queen-size bed. There is the perfect lamp I saw at Ross. I need to buy it. I saw these painted China hutches displaying shoes on Pintrest. I looove that idea. I have my shoes in sterilite shoe boxes. Some of them are gorgeous however and should be displayed. I'd love to start collecting China hutches and then outfitting them for my shoes.

I want David to change his mind and take me Saturday.

I looked through my email to the one I sent after I got on David's nerves the first time. We resolved it almost instantly. It was only 9 days ago. Our relationship is extremely volatile. I'd like to talk to him in person tomorrow. It's important for me to find a solution BUUUT is there a bigger problem? Are another 9 days going to result in the same thing? Why is this happening?

I love him so much. I wish I knew how to make everything better. I don't and I keep falling asleep.

And I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep. I can hardly stay awake.

Pizza Pie Cafe was tonight at 6:30 and I wondered why it was that late. I was going to go to institute instead but I wanted to talk to David and have a normal conversation AND I felt bad because I thought maybe I was the only birthday being celebrated or that David might've told them to hold it later for me. Yeah that didn't happen-there were just too many people there and he was sitting too far away. He did say hello but there were too many people around me I just couldn't respond the way I wanted.

I texted him to ask when his birthday was to try to remedy this but he got all upset when I was just trying to tease him. I called him to try to smooth it over but he was still upset and couldn't get off the phone fast enough. How am I so crappy at this? I keep trying to fix this and it just blows up in my face. I wish I knew what I keep doing wrong,

I first thought if I just text him or email him more this would get better but it keeps getting worse. I'm scared to have any written communication with him now. I think I'll limit my interactions to in-person stuff or on the phone because YES context is lost which is what he said. He said since I texted something in all caps it implies I'm upset. I was far from it but he was taking everything seriously and then manufacturing more negative stuff.  

I looove Tuesdays because I know I'm going to learn something new, consider something I already know in a new way or realize something so obvious I've never noticed before. This is the first time I've taken a religion class where I learn something EVERY time I go there. It is so nice. He's going to have to kick me out before I leave.

I wish David would drive me to Salt Lake City Saturday. If he drove me I know he wouldn't turn into a clingon AND he wouldn't expect anything from me. He's interesting AND fun. If he gets too chatty I could just turn up the music or pretend to fall asleep. I love my family and it'll be good to spend time with them I JUST wish I didn't have to drive there. It's not worth it to enlist the help of someone else. I can deal with the aftermath of David attending my nephew's wedding. I'm not willing to deal with anyone else-male OR female.

My female friends for some reason always want to do EVERYTHING with me ALL the time. I like that Krista often has homework she has to complete. Her clingon capacity is limited. This is exactly what I need and want. David is the only guy I would take ANYWHERE right now. I don't have a roommate because I don't want one. I get OCD about how clean I want my house AND then if I want my laundry mountain to grow without making a dent in it-I want that option too.

Pizza Pie Cafe is tonight at 6:30 which I wish I could go to but it's going to cut into my institute time and I'm not going to eat in 15 minutes only to turn around and hit up institute. I also wanted to talk to David NORMALLY because I was pretty irritated at fhe and I'm still annoyed when I think about it BUT I really don't know exactly how that discussion went down. David is a little clueless sometimes. Yesterday Nolan was talking to Mindie outside so I stayed inside AND would have talked to David but yeah he was having a private conversation while I sat there trying to figure out if I should interrupt him or go outside and interrupt Nolan and Mindie. I did interrupt Nolan and Mindie finally but I would've felt stupid at that point whatever I did.

Mindie and David kept having their side conversations that were annoying BUT I don't know exactly what went down AND I've spent waaay too much time just learning to be comfortable with David again to have that all messed up by something he's doesn't consider worth discussing. I know he's a good person and while I'm mad at something I THINK happened, I don't want to assume things either. He made a huge leap with my email that ticked him off.

I'm NOT going to do the same thing.

I REALLY don't like feeling like David was discussing his problem i. e. ME with Mindie. We have been through sooo much and he still can't talk to me about something about me that's bothering him. I really don't like getting angry over everything BUT it makes me feel stupid and like I'm this problem for David. I hate jumping to conclusions BUT I don't think I'm wrong about this. I have tried so hard to be his friend. I'm beginning to think it's just impossible for us to be anything but acquaintances. Always the drama with David. Enough. It's been enough a looong time ago.

Me and Nolan were there along with David and Mindi-annoying... when I walked in they said it was me AND Nolan because apparently they were just expecting me because I'm the only one who wants to attend fhe. I'm their most faithful attendee AND I've missed. Ping Pong was fun-they all sort of play at my level. It was nice not to get killed so easily and to play with people who don't take their ping pong so seriously.

David gave a lesson about learning to love your enemies. Enemies are sooo high school. What reason is good enough to harbor animosity. I don't care about anyone well enough to engage in negativity. Who has time for something like that. I know I don't.This other girl-probably one of Mindi's roomates said how she was going through something she could relate to in her own life. I'm glad I didn't share my opinion.

David wanted to know if I was going to Pizza Pie Cafe. The conversation turned to something else. I emailed him and told him Sarah used to invite me to those but that he could fill that role if he wanted. If not that's up to him.

I want him to drive for me Saturday. I haaate driving there and back. I'm not missing Mosa's day whatever he decides.

Today is the first day of the new module which means it's a busy day since students are turning in textbooks and checking out new books. I need to do laundry. I also need some eggs and milk. I need to start my grocery list. I tried to get my coupons in order. I saved a lot of money when I was diligent about my couponing. I need to return to that. I read an article that says the time spent couponing is equivalent to working $50 an hour. I'm not sure how they figured it out but I did save a lot the 3 months I tried. I just need to incorporate these as I get them instead of collecting them and putting them aside. I went through most of them this weekend but I still have more to sort through.

I need to hold on to good habits I develop instead of forgetting them. I decided since I'm not doing any presenting that I'm not going to go to ULA Fall conference. I think it's $25 plus money for gas to Springville. I'd rather just go to Mosa's wedding. I need to find out exactly what's going on. I still didn't get my invitation yet. He messaged me on Facebook that his sealing's at 10am. I'm so happy for him and I can't wait to see him getting sealed to this girl he loves.

It'll be nice to see and spend time with my mom. I feel like I haven't been to SLC in forever. There are always things going on there. That isn't the problem, what is the problem is I haaate driving back and forth. I also hate all the money I end up spending when I'm there. Thursday I have to go to Ogden to finalize my bankruptcy stuff. I'm just going to drive to SLC from there. I'll have 2 days to play then it's Mosa's sealing Saturday morning. I don't know when or even what time the reception's at.

This morning I went visiting teaching. Our first appointment was at 10am. I got a call from my mother and figured it was my birthday call. When I got home I listened to my message and couldn't believe she said NOTHING about my birthday. Facebook notifies ALL your friends it's your birthday so I got lots of wishes from my friends, some of whom I can't figure out why I know them. There's this lady who keeps telling me to say hi to my mother for her. I don't know who she is!!! There are people I may have grown up with that I can't figure out either. When someone sends me a friend request I accept it until they are inappropriate when they are deleted and blocked.

My mother called me again and wished me happy birthday right away. I told her I couldn't believe she didn't say anything on my voicemail and she said she didn't want to give birthday wishes to voicemail. So I let it go.

I went 20 minutes early to the Brigham City temple dedication. That didn't matter. I still was one of the last people there. I don't recall them doing this for the Draper temple. Jonni was saying something similar happened for the Oquirrh Mountain Temple but I don't remember and they certainly didn't cancel church. Jonni said they did and that I was here then. I had to tell her NOOO I remember going to the Oquirrh Open House with my Tongan singles ward and I remember the dedication but it was so close the the Draper one and the Tongan temple dedication broadcast that I didn't feel compelled to attend AND services were NOT cancelled.

I bought my handkerchief early BUUUT if you leave it at home that doesn't help you at all. I ended up taking kleenex the stake provided at the door. I can't believe I left it here. President Packer was all emotional since he and his wife grew up in Brigham City. It's also where he began his family. He was so touched to have the temple and his son who is now a general authority led the hosana shout. I felt his spirit. I don't think Elder Packer has long to live. He is older Than I ever remember him being.

I stopped David as he was leaving to ask him what we were doing for fhe. We are playing ping pong at Mindi's house. I REALLY like the tie he wore today. It's one of my favorite greens. If pewter had a fall green tint, that's the color it would be. I had a dress that color on my mission. I have a lightweight jacket that color too.

Wow, just got up asleep with this thing open.

I haaad to attend at least 1. The music was awful like Helene told me it would be. The snacks were good. If I wasn't still stuffed from my Indian lunch and then leftovers for dinner I would've eaten some of the sandwiches or dessert. Not that many girls attend. I think there were more guys than girls there. Something positive!!! I recognized 1 Rhianna song and 1 Shakira song. A bunch of our ward guys were there and they always asked all the girls to dance the slow songs. When I first got there Robert was trying to dance this country song with me. NOT a line dance. I told him I'd fall down so I DIDN'T continue.

Sam's a fancy dancer. Unlike the other guys I danced with he led me all over the floor and then spun me around a couple times. I told him that and he told me when he was younger he went dancing every week. I used to go dancing 3x a week every week but we were definitely dancing differently. I think he went country dancing a lot. I was still stuck in my Tongan church dance mode because everyone wore jeans and then I was there in my skirt. NOOO hip hop or r & b the entire night. David wasn't there but I didn't expect to see him. He was either on a date OR hanging out with at least 5 girls who think he's wonderful.

Maybe he went to Rumbi with Jonni. She asked if I wanted to go. I told her I went out to lunch and I invited her to go to the dance but she declined. I'm NEVER hanging out with Jonni, David and a bunch of girls whether he's on a date or not. Been there and done that although certainly NOT by choice,

I've been wanting to try this place since I moved here. I just keep forgetting about it. FINALLY!!! I convinced my IFC to meet there at 1!!! Nice!!!

I read my mostly-about-David post from last night. I do care about him a lot but there's this element about that I'm NEVER going to really discuss on here. I want him to be happy all the time-he deserves it and he has lived his life well enough to qualify for the insight and direction he needs. I have too. I'm confident in whatever he decides in his life EVEN and ESPECIALLY when and if it involves me or not. This doesn't make me sad because as long as I do what I'm supposed to do EVERYTHING will be well ALL the time.

Life is amazing and I am very blessed every day. Whatever happens or doesn't AFTER we do our part is for the best always. We are allowed to enjoy our blessings always. Following the spirit is always the best choice. We need to let go of our preconceived notions of how things should be. If we live to be worthy of daily insight, we must have faith it will lead us where we need to be and help us make the choices we need to make all the time.

Sooo our primary concern should always be if we are spending our time on the most important things now. I'm feeling good, actually I'm feeling great!!! How are you all feeling???!!! Choose to feel amazing!!!

Paydays R always great days. I bought a plate at the Rice Garden at Smiths. I only did this because I paid my gas bill and century link bill at their payment center. It was awful AND expensive. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I keep expecting a different result when I do the same thing. I think someone defines that as lunacy... YES it is.

I took Krista to Sarah and Aaron's reception. It was so cute how they had it set up. I met their parents, Aaron's brother Josh who helped me with my car, and Sarah's sisters. They were all so sweet. I love that two great people found each other and are getting married. Krista and I are going to the 31-45 dance tomorrow. She's funny she wants to go with me everywhere. It's alright with me and I'm not annoyed by her.

She wanted me to tell her who I was interested in. I told her no. She said she'd tell me who she liked if I told her. I still said no. Val asked me at Sarah's reception if I'd go on a date with Craig. I told him no. He wanted to know why and I told him my interests lie elsewhere and I do my own work.

Finally Krista asked me if I liked David. I told her I did like him but that he was my FRIEND and that A LOT of girls like him AND that David was dating the entire ward. She told me she used to like him until she realized that he talks too much. Bwahahaha... he is definitely a chatty one-when we went to the temple I first noticed what a chatterbox he was. It's o.k. to be silent sometimes. You don't need to fill EVERY moment with noise. He told me he broke up with someone once because they didn't talk. I didn't really believe that story. I wanted to tell him I broke up with someone who wouldn't shut up BUT that wasn't true and it really wasn't worth it for me to go there and be hostile with someone I didn't know. He was certain to let me know about all these girls he wanted to date and then he made sure Mindi came with us too. That's the ONLY time I've ever seen Mindi at ward temple night. HELLO!!! I wanted to get to know him better, I had nooo idea if I wanted to date him or not.

Now that I have had the chance to get to know David better, I love him!!! He is everything I want. He is brilliant, spiritual, confident but still humble. If he was Polynesian we'd have our wedding date set. BUUUT he's not AND he hasn't even tried to date me. He has asked out a lot of people however which gets on my nerves like heo!!!-This is supposed to be normal behavior. I don't know how to be o.k. with that.

BUUUT I've never doubted how he feels about me and I think he likes me a lot-loves me even. I'm not sure why I'm so certain about this when he doesn't given me any reason to think that. While I looove David, I'm not stupid enough to let myself fall IN LOVE with him. He needs to date me for ANYTHING to happen.

Asking him to drive me to the temple was a complete test to see if he had a current temple recommend. I had no idea he was a temple worker. After looking at his music selection I thought no, no, nooo.

What a difference time can make. I want David to do EVERYTHING he wants to do, date the world even BUT then I want him to choose me, just me forever.  

I'm so happy my ward friends are getting married Saturday. They are both great people. I'll never forget when Sarah brought me flowers for NOTHING!!! OR when Aaron AND Sarah along with several ward members helped me with my car that was stuck over a pole. His prayer for the situation on the spot was extremely impressive. There weren't a lot of people out there when he did that. Sarah hadn't even come out yet. I love that the first thing he thought to do was to pray for assistance. I know that's why everything went smoothly. I'm so grateful for good friends with faith to do what needs to be done.

Sarah is from St. George and she will be getting married in the temple there. She is having a reception here in Logan tonight from 6-8pm at a park in Providence. My friend Elenoa took me to her company steak fry there a couple weeks ago. It's a cute park nestled in this out-of-the-way spot. I usually stay at work late the last day of the module for orientation but I'm going to miss it for her reception tonight. I want to get her a picture of the St. George temple from the distribution center. It's my go-to wedding gift I usually give at Tongan showers because those are way more elaborate than any other showers. The frame is beautiful and it costs around 40.00 which is perfect for what I want to spend on something like this. I gave Sarah a Crabtree and Evelyn bath gift set at her shower. It's a veeery nice brand. I don't think Sarah knows brands but that's actually a good thing. I found the gift set at TJ Maxx. It was on sale.

I hope everything goes well this weekend for both Sarah and Aaron.

Yesterday I went to bed as soon as I got home around 6:30. I slept until 11 when I woke up, went downstairs and ate some cut up peaches in milk. I've had my peaches like that several times this summer. This morning I was out of peaches so I did it with strawberries only I sprinkled some sugar over it. I started Steven King's The Stand. He is an incredible writer and people keep telling me it is an amazing book. I bought it for the library and I'm reading it first before I even consider barcoding it. It is huuuge.

This is my thesis/birthday/temple dedication weekend. I'm going to try to email David more only I'm going to try to make my email kinder, positive and happy. I consider writing my strength. He kept saying my messages are not appropriate or reflective of how I am in person. He told me he hasn't thought it was worth it to say anything. His last assumption was so out of left field to me but he still went there. He's not unreasonable. I don't like that and I'm going to try to counter that. I ended up telling him about my financial experiences I wanted him to know since the last time I talked to him my finances were so crappy I couldn't even afford to eat out. I want ANY way I communicate to be attractive.

I was able to have my meaningful prayers last night after I woke up at 11pm and then again this morning.

It feels good!!! I am grateful I started attending this institute class. It has reaffirmed things I need to do.

I went to the church website and it says that meeting houses throughout Utah and Idaho "within the temple district" are canceling services so  members can attend the dedication. Three seperate times 9, 12, and 3 are set up and my ward is scheduled at our stakehouse at 3pm so the last service. I'm not sure how that works-3 different times seems strange to me but I'm sure the brethren know what they're doing.

I am sooo tired. I went home and slept an hour. Waking up to the alarm sucks ANY time it's set. I had a meeting scheduled with this guy from PrimeAmerica. It's a financial multi-level-marketing company that actually has a lot of good training for people to offer financial services. I just hate the whole sales spiel. I did some research on the company online. They offer good programs for people who usually don't change their financial situation themselves. It has good products BUT there are better products that can be found if people just look. Most people don't look so for most of the population it's a good thing, BUT the claims are exaggerated. It's not what I want to spend my time doing now. I want to finish my MBA, get fit and focus on my Zumba business in my spare time NOT something else. I want to invest in myself right now not another company that I can possibly earn money from. I don't mind working hard, in fact I looove working hard BUT it has to be worth it. Zumba is the best investment because it will keep me fit, I can go wherever and do it, and I can set the hours I want and my earning potential is directly connected to how hard I hustle. I finally left a message for this guy telling him thank you but that I'm really not interested.

I want to finish most of my thesis this weekend. I need to incorporate original research I'll do with Cache Valley Library Association information professionals. ULA's Fall meeting will let me get more done. Unless I add original research he won't give my thesis the weight it needs. Everything should be turned in after Mosa's reception on the 29th. At the beginning of October I will be calling my advisor DAILY until my MBA is conferred. There are advantages to working for Stevens-Henager College. I can get his extension AND his email address and just bug the L out of him because a common complaint is his failure to respond to students as quickly as he should. I'm writing him a perfect paper. He's not going to be able to find a jot or tittle out of place. I need to get into my decorating mode again. My library needs to reflect me well when people visit.

My Director wants me to display my degrees for her. I'm going to have my MBA done before I buy some certificate frames at the Dollar store for my BA in English, MLS, and MBA-I'm also certified in Medical Consumer Health and should get that certificate from the Medical Library Association. It makes the school look better and it helps students to know we are qualified to serve them. 

Following my amazing institute lesson that discussed the importance of spiritual preparation and gave the best case I heard for beginning my day with meaningful prayer, I stayed up until 3am-I was so wired, I couldn't fall asleep. I started cleaning and I did a load of laundry. I forced myself to get up this morning and drove to work a half an hour early.

I did not have my amazing spiritual preparation with the meaningful prayer I want. Tali from home gave his facebook friends a Book of Mormon challenge that'll end with it done at Christmas. It schedules the reading. I'm doing that too. I didn't get what was happening exactly next Sunday with the temple dedication and regular church meetings. I attended the Draper temple dedication and the Tongan temple dedication recently. The Tongan temple had some remodeling and then was rededicated. It's far from being a new temple.

My Tongan Salt Lake City South Stake showed it at our stake center on satallite. We ALL had to get tickets even if we had current temple recommends. Each time regular church services were held. Supposedly ALL church meetings are cancelled. Weird. I distinctly remember the Draper dedication because it was held at our stake center. I wasn't able to purchase a handkerchief so my mother cut a pice of white material out of something. My phone kept ringing and it was a new phone I didn't know how to put on vibrate. I ended up taking out the battery. I later found out I missed my nephew's farewell AND party. I was so angry with my family. They left voicemail but I never picked any of it up until it was too late. I asked them why they didn't just text me.

The Draper dedication was televised via satellite to our stake center in Kearns. Mosa's farewell was in West Jordan. It's weird to me how they're cancelling all church services that day in my stake. Maybe because my ward normally meets in the stake center. Jonni and I are going visiting teaching Sunday. I confirmed Sarah for 10:30-I just need to do the same with Laura. I'll try for 10:10. My ward dedication time isn't until 3pm. Is EVERY stake in the area NOT having services??? I wonder how many and which ones. Boyd K. Packer is supposed to be performing the dedication. There will be 3 sessions from what I understand. Bro. Salmond was making it sound like the dedication would include ALL members in Utah. Why didn't that happen with Draper or the Oquirrh Mountain temples? Even the conference center dedication didn't do that. I'm going to go to the church website and try to figure this out.

It's my birthday Sunday and I'd like to be spending the day with my mother in Salt Lake City. I could also get my brother to take me to a sushi buffet that weekend. Instead I'll be in Logan. I was going to invite Mikako to come over for dinner since she invited me to her ice-cream birthday celebration but she is visiting a friend in Salt Lake Sunday.

I'm excited about working at the temple. Getting up early is something I hate but I can do it if I have to-I did it on my mission. In fact I'd freak out constantly that I might oversleep so I would wake up before my alarm went off.

I know exactly what my priorities are, I just don't know exactly how that translates into what I should do each day. I am supposed to work on my eternal relationship. I'm trying. I know who that's with and I'm not fighting that. I accept our differences. ANYONE will have differences. I'm trying so hard to temper my princess attitude but it is tough sometimes. It is still difficult for me to believe some of my email messages offended him BUT even with that we resolved it almost instantly which was nice. Whenever I have a misunderstanding or am supposed to do something associated with him I get this gnawing annoying restlessness that doesn't go away until I do something about it. I don't sleep well when that happens. I didn't want to have to wait the entire night and next day to work it out. My attention is divided and my focus is shot.

With some things the way I'm supposed to behave is so obvious. This is not. This better be amazing because I hate having to constantly ask what I should do ALL the time. This is REQUIRING me to have daily personal revelation.

I've never really stopped to consider the creation story and all of its implications BUT I know how important it is or we wouldn't have it in the temple. Bro. Salmond talked about how we have four accounts-1 in Genesis, 1 in Moses, 1 in Abraham and then our account in the temple that is so sacred we don't discuss it outside the temple. This is one of the main reasons why I want to work there. Bro. Salmond said there are distinct differences that we can learn and consider. The Pearl of Great price is crammed with parenthetical statements that are significant. The scripture app doesn't include these. Instead everything runs together. They need to include the parentheses because the meaning completely changes. I'm going to buy a cheap large Pear of Great Price just for this class. In January he teaches the second part.

The main focus of our discussion tonight was on the principle repeated over and over again-so YES important!!!-All things are created spiritually before they are created physically. Spiritual creation just considered at a basic level is preparation. Adequate preparation is important. The spirit is ALWAYS central and MOST important BUT if you aren't prepared with something I don't think the spirit is going to support you or give you insight. If you are just this blank person who doesn't spend the time to learn the gospel, your ability to serve is limited. Of course our abilities are different and more may be demanded from me than someone else for the same result. Where much is given much is expected.

Talking about our creation spiritually and our identity made me think of intelligences-are these spirits? I don't think so-we existed eternally as intelligences SO what exactly is our spiritual creation? Did the Father and or the Son take our already existing intelligence and give it form and to what degree was that done? I waited until AFTER class to ask Bro. Salmond his thoughts. He said we would discuss a little of what I was talking about next week. I also wanted the reference for man's glory-his work is to keep the commandments and his glory is to bring one soul unto him. Bro. Salmond said many of the brethren have shared opinions but that there is no official statement on our intelligence or that part of us that exists eternally as far as the questions I posed. What I like about Bro. Salmond is he would know if there was one. Again he loved my questions.

He quoted liberally from Elder Bednar's October 2008 conference talk Pray Always.

Birds are chirping, hahaha... NOOO not really. I'm REALLY glad I had that conversation with David yesterday. He took a huge leap in how he interpreted what I wrote BUUUT I think it was easy for him to go there because he never said anything about previous messages he thought were inappropriate.

I still don't get the Shiersta thing completely. I wanted him to know how I felt about her attendance at fhe so I told him. I'm not trying to be mean. I know he's her friend which is why I told him. I wouldn't say that to anyone else. I thought me refusing to acknowledge her existence was worse. I'm REALLY glad he's o.k. with that BECAUSE I tried but I can't do it and I don't want to do it. He asked me how I'd feel if he said that about Helene and I WOULD be angry if he did that. I'll just substitute Helene in my head before I respond to anything.

I'm glad it's institute tonight. I looove that class. The instructor is great. My mother was laughing very hard when I told her most of my class is older than her. When I told her I was going to check out the 31 and older dance that I heard was scary she got worried and told me not to go there. I had an older guy thing when I was in Junior high school and high school. Working at the Polynesian Cultural Center with all the BYU coeds had me interested in older men ONLY that meant in college NOT someone who can take me out and take advantage of senior citizen discounts. 

This is the first time I'm associating with people who are age appropriate. When I was younger I always hung out with older people and before moving to Logan my interactions were with people a lot younger. This is the most genuine age group. I think people now are the closest to what they really are. While we should always be changing for the better, people at this point have identified what is important to them and how they spend their time reveals a lot. Parents have less influence. It is easier to identify character. Choices individuals make now have greater impact. People change a lot between high school and during college. I think it is safe to assume in my age range people won't deviate significantly from how they are living their lives.

Talking to David went well. He was seeing things out of context and I don't know exactly how that happened but it did. I need to be VERY careful when I email him. He told me it's not nice when I said I hope Shiersta doesn't come and I told him that's how I feel but he said he doesn't need to hear that from me because she is his friend. Reasonable and DRAMA for NOTHING. Apparently I frequently offend him in my messages and he just lets it go.

I would still love to use him with my family just because as much as I love them they get on my nerves and they completely deserve that BUT although part of me REALLY likes that idea the sane part knows that's wrong which is why I haven't brought it up again. I did have fun planning that out in my mind however.

Family Feud was fun. Mikako invited me to ice-cream for her birthday earlier today, Sunday is my birthday AND the Brigham City temple dedication. I wish I could disappear to SLC but I need to leave the next weekend to the ULA Fall meeting in Springville and then Mosa's sealing.

I wish I resolved this stuff with David last night because I need the spirit to share my lesson. I'm going to try to see him before I give it. It is a distraction to me right now.

Focus-Distractions
Serving in the Tongan wards on my mission. Focus required on Sundays-headaches-ANYTHING was a distraction-ACTIVE listening was required

President Hobbs had speakers at stake conference listen to the spirit to decide what to speak on -2 people spoke on distractions-Carol and Bishop Kinner???!!! former bishop, current high councilman.

Both emphasized how distractions-often other good things-can prevent us from doing what is most important right now.

ONE WAY TO ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS AND IDENTIFY PRIORITIES IS THROUGH TEMPLE ATTENDANCE


Boyd K. Packer

At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can 'see' things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known

ANOTHER WAY WE LEARN WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING NOW IS THROUGH DAILY PERSONAL REVELATION
(General Relief Society President Julie Beck-Liahona, May 2010, 10-11)
But with personal revelation, she (or he!!!) can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently. The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life

TO HAVE DAILY PERSONAL REVELATION IS TO LIVE WITH THE CONSTANT COMPANIONSHIP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

Parley P. Pratt
The gift of the Holy Spirit adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, invigorates and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being.

I do care about David. I'm glad we're friends. I wish I could see how my email was offensive enough to bother him as much as it did. I still can't see it. I asked my dean about it-because it really bothers me that my email bothered him so much-so I can't blame him for talking to people about it. My dean didn't think anything was wrong with it but then of course he's my friend so he's going to try to find things right with me. I wonder if David's friends supported him just because they're his friend or friends when he told whoever what happened.

He told me his friend Shiersta only attends fhe when she's not on call for work. I told him I hope she's on call a lot. He was offended by this too. I told him I'd say anything I emailed him directly to him in person. He said I should never say-whatever I didn't catch this. I need to know exactly what I said that was offensive to him. I'm sorry whatever I said offended him BUT I'm not sorry for what I said.

If I am going to have to spend time with a bunch of women who attend our fhe to spend time with David, I'd like to know because it is MY choice whether I feel like attending or not.

I tried to talk to David but he'd rather talk tomorrow. In person is better. I just don't get why the drama all the time. He had to talk to someone else-this annoys me beyond belief. It makes me think he reported to whoever he talked to about what happened then received instruction about what he should do next. Couldn't he just have prayed about what to do? I don't have drama with anyone else. He seems to want me to lie to him all the time. That's not going to happen.

Why does just being David's friend require so much work. I emailed him like 5 times today and he's just ignoring me. He doesn't seem to care about resolving this. Why do I???!!!

I talked to David and apparently the last email I sent him bothered him so much he had to talk to someone about it. Wow, there is something seriously wrong with our communication. I read it again and I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm not getting something important. I appreciate that he told me how he felt. I just wish I could see what he does. He said the email about Shiersta was offensive too. I'm not getting something significant. I reread everything. He was trying to explain to me what rubbed him the wrong way and I kept saying sorry because I never want to make him feel bad but I still don't get what I did.

It's like when he disrespected me REPEATEDLY. I know he had no idea he did anything wrong. I am doing the same thing to him. I want to fix this I'm just not sure exactly how to do that. I'm going to pray about it and actively try to figure this out.

Melanie told me the weekday shifts do 2 days but to talk to the president and he would probably make an arrangement with me. I talked to some receptionist although I asked to speak to a member of the presidency. It was 2:40 so I didn't want to wait since I was IN the temple I was going to do a session. Come on!!! I told the receptionist what I wanted to do and she had me fill out a form she'll send to Bishop Johnson. If I was interested in doing something else she could accommodate me BUUUT I'M NOT!!!

I asked her twice AND she said right now just Friday mornings aren't an option. The ONLY thing left is Saturday. My brother worked Saturday mornings in the Provo temple and my dad worked over 10 years Saturday mornings. My mother worked over 20 years answering the phone there. They offered her a job there and to pay her for what she did but she said no. My dad and brother were ordinance workers there. I'm NOT interested in doing anything else there.

Saturday is my ONLY option. I hope David's alright with that because I'm working it whether he is or not. Even now the commitment seems like more than I want BUUUT I've been thinking about this praying AND pondering since ward temple night Wednesday and whatever my reluctance, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to email David AND talk to him in person about this. While I enjoy his company, this is MY SERVICE DECISION that has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. My institute class planted this seed and ward temple night just made me realize I need to do it.

IFC meeting now!!!

I looove my Fridays BUT that doesn't mean I can't still love them if I get up at an insane hour to work at the temple. I think if I'm committed to do that it'll work for me better. I just have to force myself to leave work at 6pm on Thursdays except for the last day of the module when orientation makes me leave a little before 7pm. I have another temple dress in SLC and two more temple "suits" from when I got a little carried away at Dressed in White. Now I think the church makes the best temple outfits AT the best prices ALTHOUGH I have seen this dress I want that kind of looks like a patchwork of different textures but everything's white. Of course that's waaay more than I need so I'm just going to go ahead and commit myself to NOT buying anymore temple clothes for the entire 2 years I have to commit to work in the temple. I only bought that stuff during a goal I had. My friend went to the temple every day it was open for 40 straight days when she needed assistance with something. I did the same thing. I HAAAD to change it up. I lived 2 blocks from temple square then and a block from the distribution center downtown AND a block from Dressed in White at the then Crossroads Mall. I decided to start in October at the temple and use September to finish my thesis AND MBA-then my 2-year countdown can begin and coincide with my Stevens-Henager 2-year commitment. I don't really want to stay here that long. After a year I'll re-evaluate. I do want to start my Zumba thing here. By the end of the year I want to be Zumba certified. That just takes a couple hundred dollars and a workshop 1 weekend. Of course B4 I teach I need to both be AND look fit. That's more than enough time.

I started to eat better 2 days ago. I just need to be consistent with working out AND I still haven't done ANY weight-training.

Doing a load of dishes. Time to get ready to have lunch with Jen and Marci. Jen's treating!!! Somehow meals always taste better when someone else is treating. I had an ice-cream sandwich and an ice-cream drumstick for breakfast. Don't want to ruin my lunch. Hahaha!!! We're going to Golden Harvest Bread store. I used to be addicted to that place. There was a time when I didn't eat any other kind of bread. Now I buy Rye bread from the Wonder bread thrift store. I need to stop being so damn cheap. Crumb brothers is in town so I should only buy bread there. Old Grist Mill is alright but not as good as Golden Harvest. Crumb Brothers is definitely the best. Why am I eating crap when I could have Crumb Brothers? Stupid. I'm going to stop that too.

That's what I'm feeling like right now. I got some bacon from the meat department at Fresh Market. I've had enough BLTs for awhile. I still have tomatoes. Now I have to figure out what to do with them. The internet has been down at work for almost the entire week. It's driving me CRAAAZY!!!

I love that I can sleep in tonight. Tomorrow I'm meeting Marci and Jen for Marci's birthday. At 7 I'm meeting with Joseph-a librarian at Logan City Public library and Shawn the Cache Mobile Librarian to finalize our Intellectual Freedom Committee presentation portion for the 28th.

This is another busy week. I didn't hear back from my advisor about my proposal so I'm just going to proceed this weekend. I went to the store to get Marci something for her birthday. I saw bishop's car parked at the church so I thought I'd take him my tithing on the way back. I did and Melanie was there. She works at the temple in the evening on Saturdays. I got all the information I needed. I've seen her there twice on Saturday evenings.

It's time for me to do this.

I found my brother's stereo system online with the help of my DJ friend. I really love how easy it is to set up. I want my own system. It is perfect for Zumba. It's 649.99 online-DEFINITELY DOABLE!!! Finish MBA then work on a Zumba business-A Zumba business thing is perfect because it'll force me to keep in shape and I won't have to keep trying to find time to work out. The better I look the better my business will do which is ALSO wonderful justification for all sorts of things I enjoy spending my money on!!!

I don't like the thought of committing to work in the temple EVERY Friday which is probably why I never have all these years. I feel like if I do it however I'll be blessed in my Zumba venture. I feel the best about this idea. I've always wanted to do something extra myself.

First I wanted to keep throwing hip hop dances but after the initial FAILURE when I didn't have ANY time to devote to it at the last minute-I don't want to do something that'll I'll have to work so hard to do-then I also thought of buying formal dresses and eventually bridal dresses from DIs all over and then dry-cleaning, altering and reselling these. That still sounds fun to me. I'd like to provide affordable, modest AND gorgeous stuff for girls AND women without the money to spend on that stuff. I'd like to put on fashion shows too and market to local high schools. Utah is such a bridal state. If I can start doing bridal shows JUST with dresses I find cheaply at DI or thrift-stores, I should be able to pull in some paper-part time!!! If I work at the temple early Fridays it should give me time to attend those bridal shows that are usually on Saturdays. What I loooved about throwing hip hop dances before was it makes a bunch of money with minimal work. BUT-the downside-having to have security there, fights and the drama consistent with the type of people who go dancing who unfortunately don't have the best behavior AND aren't really living to cultivate the spirit.

My last business idea is the current one. I like the Zumba thing because there is no overhead. Initially I'd like to offer a free class then work for a couple of gyms AND finally culminating in my own classes at some studio somewhere-space I pay for myself then I can make the extra cash I REALLY want to make. My friend Uly is a bodybuilder. If I can get him to train people from the same studio I rent it'll be sweet!!!

I'm getting all excited about a variety of things which are good BUT can be distractions. My priority IS following the plan my father-in-heaven has for me. Another thing we looked at in Institute is our work and glory-it is like God's work and glory but it is different. In Moses 1:39 the famous scripture EVERYONE knows reads: For behold, this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. Using two different scriptures in the Bible and I think either the Book of Mormon or D & C-I need to get this reference from Bro. Salmond, it states our work is to keep the commandments. Our glory is to bring one soul to him. Interesting that it just says one. At first glance it seems to be saying missionary work. Which is certainly the BEST in the world BUT the one thing makes me think it could actually be implying celestial marriage because the person you marry has the biggest influence on whether or not you receive eternal life and is supposed to be the source of your greatest joy-plus sorrow, trial, challenge-all of that. JUST another reminder, because I don't have enough, of how I need to GET ON THAT NOW. Also UNLESS we do get married to the right person, in the right place, at the right time we won't enjoy the highest degree and subsequent blessings found only in the highest portion of the celestial kingdom.

Brigham City temple dedication is on the 23rd. I wish the Brigham City temple could trade places with the Logan temple. For the most part it is beautiful. I just hated the baptismal font. It just felt economy-class in a place that should feel 5-star EVERYWHERE. Unless my house is clean the spirit is hampered. It does make a difference. Something needs to change there. Probably my attitude BUT it's just something I felt when I was there AND we are supposed to listen to our feelings more than anything else. We have to develop this part of ourselves. How we sense the spirit is inextricably connected to how fully we can take advantage of and enjoy countless blessings God longs to shower us with.

I'm going to look for my handkerchief this weekend. When the Draper dedication happened I couldn't buy one ANYWHERE. I don't want that to happen this time. I'm calling Deseret Book first to see if they have any for me to purchase now.

Ward temple night ALWAYS comes when I need it to be there. There were 2 guys-Aaron as in Sarah's  fiance and this English guy in our ward. I should've got his name. Sarah made it as did Diantha, Jonni, Stacey, and this one girl I know but I can't remember her name. Sis. Johnson AND bishop told me to go over for goodies after. She had REALLY good nacho cheese with pretzels, carrots and tortilla chips. My Tongan singles ward REALLY spoiled me. The snacks were perfect. Temple nights or mornings in the Tongan singles ward ended at Home Town Buffet, Crazy Buffet, or Chuck 'O Rama. If something was at the bishop's house or whoever they served us entire meals. My one bishop had a thing for roasting us pigs.

It's like I attract bad luck or something. Or maybe I've been blessed. This started Friday. I couldn't just shift from park to reverse. I jiggled the gear then it was alright. I called Big O on 1400 North first since my friend Travis who restores cars and fiddles with cars told me they were good. They patched my tire in less than 15 minutes WHILE they were full too. Big O told me my problem would best be served by the dealer so I tried to see the dealer but they couldn't see me until Monday. So since it started within 5 minutes of me fiddling with it I kept driving my car and went to Brigham City with Krista. Saturday I had my car drama but it didn't manifest itself. Sunday it worked fine the entire day. It was alright last night but it was giving me problems trying to leave FHE. Karen told me to try the transmission oil. So I went to Autozone and was about to buy some transmission oil.

Instead of selling it to me the salesman said he would check to see if I needed it. Happy to oblige him I agreed. He said my transmission oil was fine and that I needed to get it checked out. It didn't start right away but it did within 5 minutes. This morning it started right away. It also started quickly when I went to get lunch. Leaving home however it would not start. This was at around 3pm. After trying in vain for 20 minutes, I turned it off and looked for the dealer's phone number. I spoke to a woman who told me to put it in neutral, turn it on BUT not to crank it. It should allow me to shift she said. It did!!! I drove to the dealer. The lady wanted me to stick the car in neutral and use the parking brake. I wanted to scream. I got the lady who relieves me for lunch at 2pm to stay at my library until my night-time worker Judy gets there.

It was my brake light. Since the bulb blew out the car locks the gear to bring attention to it so people don't continue to drive with a burnt out  brake light. $120 LATER I left a little after 6pm. I came home then went to institute after surfing. I needed a reprieve. I should be grateful it didn't bother me when my car was stuck on a pole or when I went all over Brigham City.

Bro. Salmond spoke about how the Holy Ghost wasn't needed when the Savior was on the earth. I had a problem with that statement. I feel I'm right up to a point but that he is too. I've always concluded that the unforgiveable sin is denying the Holy Ghost because it is how we know the Savior is the Redeemer of the world. We can be forgiven from denying the Savior but not from denying the Holy Ghost. I ALWAYS and STILL feel the Holy Ghost was present with the Savior. Bro. Salmond found a quote that Joseph Smith stated that the Holy Ghost wasn't FULLY operational with the Savior on the earth. This makes much more sense. We had a nice discussion and he kept saying how much he loved my question. YES there are people who wonder these things!!!

Jonni, Julie, Stacy and Nikki didn't come. I was pretty sure they wouldn't make an appearance. Neither did Krjrsta. Diantha, Carline, Evan, Robert, Some girl who always comes, Katrina and her friend were there. I 'm grateful for this class. It is sooo not a social class to attend but it is a class I learn something from anytime I am there.

Something I've often pondered about is intelligence-we existed eternally as intelligences before we were actually given or organized into spirits and bodies. I don't understand it completely and I probably never will. BUT I feel like I've been given an advantage intelligence-wise-is it something I developed a long time ago. I REALLY like this about David. I have met other intelligent men before but none of them were also spiritual-BUT our spirit AND the spirit are intertwined with intelligence.

Bro. Salmond shared this amazing quote by Parley P. Pratt I just found online:

It is sooo hard for me to get to sleep at night. There are always more things I want to do and not enough time to do it all. I have to force myself to sleep at midnight. Last night I tried but I still got to bed at 12:30.

I read what I wrote last night. I JUST started to prioritize although if I keep telling myself I am it will become reality. I can't believe how close I came to NOT associating with David at all. I had decided I'd attend another FHE at the time. I was sooo ticked. No one has ever disrespected me that much REPEATEDLY. He's not Polynesian and I know it's not fair to judge him by standards he wasn't raised with. I know his testimony is awesome, I know he has amazing qualities. I know he doesn't get that he did anything wrong. It should make it better but it makes it worse. That is all in the past however and I am TRYING to be a sane person who doesn't expect the world to treat her like a princess as much as I'd like that. I'm grateful to my dad for ALWAYS treating me like a princess and for MAKING my brother treat me like one too even when he didn't want to do that. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My blog is even called Urban Poly Princess although now I should dub it Hick Poly Princess since I live on a damn farm. Even that's really not that bad-so the restaurants suck, the stores suck AND there's nothing to do in Logan after midnight-BUT-the church is still true here, people are friendly even if they are oblivious to a lot of things-they are often racist, condescending and rude WITHOUT any idea. It isn't my responsibility to educate the world and I'm not about to do that. Sometimes though it can be tiring.

I am so grateful to the many ward members who helped me the way they did when my car was stuck at Jonni's house. I REALLY needed their assistance and they were there when I needed it in the worst way. Yes people are multifaceted AND even with my frustration about living here, great people served me when I needed it. If I hadn't moved to Logan I wouldn't have even considered getting an MBA. It will help me very much wherever I work as a librarian. It is going to give me the leadership positions I want with the responsibility but more importantly the salary.

I am happy with my life. I'm not going to live here or work here forever BUT it's fine for right now!!!

Institute tonight!!! 

We played Bocce Ball. I've never played it before. There were a variety of people there men AND women. All of David's fans were NOT assembled together under the guise of FHE. So NORMAL-nothing too exciting however and/or nothing bad either. Nolan talked about hunting a little. David said he could see me shooting goats. I do want to shoot guns BUT at inanimate TARGETS, NOT at anything living. If I had to kill my own meat I'd become vegetarian. I'd like to think my meat comes from the store in styrofoam and under plastic AND without bones. When we went shooting the first time I was sooo annoyed with David that I deliberately didn't attend FHE JUST to avoid associating with him. I might have shot him then... hahaha NOOO! I could never do that. People are multifaceted. I'm glad I know him better now and that I bothered to even do that. He must have done something great in the preexistence for me to become his friend after everything that went down between us. I was sooo over him then and irritated beyond belief because the spirit NEVER stopped supporting him and wanted me to lose the attitude DESPITE everything. I didn't care at that point and I deliberately worked against something I knew I should be doing. I'm glad I humbled myself and I'm glad I am doing my part AND making it a priority.

I am making the most important things now a priority. After a few weeks go by I will be able to have my righteous indignation if things aren't how I think they should be. I looove the spirit AND whatever happens I just do what I need to do and all is good!!! I looove life.

David was telling us about how people who feel good about themselves draw people to them. He also made the comment that people are drawn to individuals who are confident yet humble and realize they are imperfect. This is reassuring to others who know the person will be patient with their imperfections and weaknesses too. I like his assessment. I hope I convey humility. I am confident but I don't want to be cocky and I know I can veer that way if I don't check myself. My friend Colton once told me I give off this condescending thing. I don't want that to be a defining characteristic. I saw an ad for a waitress at the new Sushi place at the Logan Kabuki Steakhouse. I told my mother I'd go apply there. She told me not to do that and I'd either quit or get fired. She got me so angry when she told me that. She said if someone was rude to me I'd probably tell them off and leave the job. Either that or throw a drink at them.

Whatever. Even if I fall short, if I am trying as hard as I can, I will still be blessed. When I fall short NOT if-WHEN I do again and again and again. BUT the plan considers that too!

I get to give the FHE lesson for our next fhe which is combined. Mindy was going to have me talk about the joy of forgiveness  BUT I'm NOT feeling that. I asked her if it was alright if I just spoke about something I learned at stake conference.

Considering  my notes helps me streamline how to best improve now.

Jenn-But, If Not-Life is filled with challenges and blessings abound BUT sometimes our prayers are answered differently than we think they should. Hence the BUT, If Not-we still need to recognize how much we have to be thankful for, we need to work around and/or with our problems sometimes. These will fortify us.

Carol-The first of the distraction talks. Do we devote our time to the things that matter most? R Essentials at the center of our lives? She talked about pioneer Frances Webster. My mom's maiden name is Webster. Her father was NOT religious although his sisters and mother were devout Catholics.

Joseph Litton-Our stake Patriarch. He was AWESOME!!! I loooved his talk!!! He referenced the first passage in A Tale of Two Cities-the EXACT passage I began my homecoming talk with. Then he quoted another author I looove Henry David Thoreau ALTHOUGH I like when he talks about sucking the marrow of life out and living life deliberately. Exactly the behavior I aspire to have ALWAYS!!!
We need to create inspiring, noble goals, cultivate gifts, read 1 Corinthians 12&13

Bishop Kinner (former bishop current high councilman)
He gave the same talk as Carol only using different images to make the same point. Don't ignore spirit and what may be a paralyzing injury. Don't forget the most important things at the expense of what are good things. Remove distractions to sense and be led by the spirit. The temple is especially effective at this. Identify and grind distractions to dust!!!

Pres. Peck
It's better to sustain than to be right. Stop kicking against the pricks. Don't go through life being offended. Love all-get over it. Let it go.

Pres. Pfieffer
His talk echoed the testimony I just gave. Incremental, line upon line-that is as the Lord intended it to grow in children raised with the gospel.

Pres. Hobbs
VT and home teaching are essential. His father's incredible example even when his health was an issue. PROMISE-as we magnify this we will be blessed with our heart's desire. We must raise ourselves to the level we need to be at.

Conference was great!!! I told my new member friend Evan that last conference I felt like a bee just buzzing with the spirit. I think that's because I had just gone to the temple before. I still loved it although this year during the evening conference I felt so humbled and grateful at the service I had just received from many of our ward members and while I enjoyed the talks, it was difficult for my mind to focus on anything else. Even Sunday I tried to finish my thank you cards early and figure out where my angels were to give them cards and candy. The best part of my service was when we were trying to figure out what to do to move my car and Aaron said we needed to say a prayer. His prayer was so powerful and beautiful. I appreciated it so much. I loved to see his faith in action that way. It was sooo nice!!! I hope that one day I can make someone feel as great as I did that day when everything that could go wrong did. I could have spent much of the day crying instead. Heavenly father keeps blessing me even when I don't deserve it. I am blessed.