Urban Poly Princess

I arrived from slc just in the nick of time. I barely had a moment to take my computer inside before it was 12:53 and I had to rush to church.

I talked to David as soon as I had a chance. I tried to apologize in person for what happened. I am just NOT going to talk to him EVERY week or so about how I offended him YET AGAIN. At first I thought we had cultural differences BUT I NEVER have this problem with anyone else. When I first talked to him he told me about how I frequently I offend him through messages. I thought we had cultural problems and while we definitely have that-it's a lot more than that. If the last 2 incidents are any indication of my offensive behavior, he is the one with the problem.

I really do believe what I told him is at the root of this BUT he was EXTREMELY offended when I told him that. I told him that's what I got. I'm not going to deny something I figured out only AFTER praying all night, sleeping then waking up at 3am with that illumination. He told me we can't be friends and I agreed. I'm not going to try anymore. I tired. I have never tried so hard to be someone's friend only to fail sooo completely. It's sooo NOT worth it. I really believe what I figured out AND if he's not going to do anything about that, he can go to hell.

He doesn't like that I told him I loved him That doesn't mean I'm IN LOVE with him. He hasn't taken me out anywhere. How the hell am I supposed to be in love with someone who doesn't date me? I thought about qualifying that at first but I didn't want him to think it makes it any less real and I never had to do that with my friend Colton. I tried to explain but really I'm sick of explaining and I don't care what he thinks right now I'm sooo tired of trying-plus if I was in love with anyone it would be him. I WANT to be in love with him. It just doesn't work that way. I wanted him to know that I care about him and I would never intentionally do anything to hurt him which is why I told him that in the first place. I want him to quit assuming the worst which he's REALLY good at.

I'm NEVER going to be alright with him discussing me with his friends who are women who are interested in him. After having my talk I saw Katie looking for him. I'm sure they had a HUGE discussion about my shortcomings. I told Krista and Mikako what happened. Krista because she was there and Mikako because I had to leave her the first time we talked about our first misunderstanding. Mikako had me over for dinner tonight so I told her about Mr. Drama.

I am sooo happy conference is coming up. I looove it!!! I feel great about everything I've done. I wish David and I were still friends BUT even if he did want to have anything to do with me right now the less I have to deal with him the better.