Urban Poly Princess

Levi texted me to let me know he had my recommend. I checked my recommend first before letting him know I had a new one and that one should've been canceled by the stake. Somehow I left it in the temple. I was sooo upset when I went to the singles conference temple night and it wasn't in my temple bag where I ALWAYS leave it.

Now I consider it a blessing because when I had my stake temple interview that was DELAYED a day I had just received my last email from David. I was ready to admit how I felt about my aunt was wrong. David pushed me over the edge with his email and I had no choice BUT to confront that YES I hated someone. I've always considered people that hate dumb, weak and petty. When I don't like someone I avoid them but keep my feelings neutral. When President Peck asked me if I had any ill feelings towards any of my family members I told him about my aunt. He told me I needed to actively work on it and let the atonement work to get me to love her and forgive how she treated my mother AND ALWAYS behaves. He still gave me my recommend and I felt worthy to attend the temple provided I work on how I felt.

David offended me more than my aunt. I figured out you have to care about someone first in order to hate them later. Other people have treated me badly but I didn't care about them enough to give a damn. I had been through sooo much with David and for me to realize how he treated me hurt a whole hell of a lot. I knew I had to seperate the man from the actions BUT it was A LOT harder than I thought it would be. 

I read and reread President Uchtdorf's Stop It talk from April conference.  I did that for several days and thought I was over it BUT I really wasn't. My home teachers gave me the same message from President Uchtdorf on forgiving. Intellectually I got how we needed to forgive everyone. Sooo I'm thinking I'm fine BUT It just took seeing him at church to get that those ugly feelings were STILL there. Sooo I kept working on it and FINALLY got over it Monday by listening to the same talk over and over again the entire day AND praying about it too. That DID work and when I saw him later that night at FHE I was REALLY done!!! That was so cool!!!

So there was a reason why I lost my recommend AND a reason WHY my stake interview was delayed. David's not my family but I know that it isn't good to harbor ill feelings for ANYONE.

Today some of our ward is doing sealings to help bishop. The last time I did this I was so exhausted that I didn't gain what I felt I should. It is a blessing to do sealings. The only other time I did sealings I was on my mission and one of the temple workers asked my companion and I to help out. That was in the Oakland temple 3 hours away from Sacramento. There was an old lady in one of my wards in Sacramento who worked at the temple EVERY Saturday morning. I'm going to remember her on those cold mornings when non-morning me rises at the insane hour working there will require. I feel rested today although my sleep schedule was messed up when I fell asleep at 9pm then rose at 1:45 to take out my contacts. I couldn't go to sleep and it didn't help that I drank some Diet Dr. Pepper at that hour either. I want to be AWAKE this time when I do sealings so I can listen to the words and ponder and consider them the way I should.

I know the endowment session so well that I can completely zone out and then get right back to it when I need to do something specific. This is both good and bad. It's like reading the Book of Mormon. The words are so familiar that I have to force myself to actively think about them or consider them. Bro. Salmond's institute class has sparked my interest in learning as much as I can in the temple. There is so much there to consider. Like reviewing the scriptures or conference talks it is jam-packed with the things that can refine my life best. The word of God according to scripture has the biggest influence on our lives. The temple ordinances are included in this and are the most significant.  

I'm going to leave work at 5:45 so I can be ready AND not rushed at 6:30 when I need to be ready to commence!!!