Urban Poly Princess

I woke up late so I went to get my fasting blood test late. They can never find my veins. I haaate blood tests. I was poked 3x on one arm and 2x on each hand. Plus a urine test!!! Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!

I went to Smith's and spent $6 on BBQ pork and veggies. They like to rip people off. NEVER again. That was so stupid. I also bought a greek yogurt and  "health" candy bars with low carb values. They had less carbs than the granola bars I bought. I bought some deli bacon too. I still need veggies, fruit and bread. 

I registered for my real estate test and Draper is full meaning I could only get a test in Ogden. It is better for me not to go to Salt Lake City for Christmas. I need to call my mom and tell her. I was crying. I don't like being alone for Christmas but this is the wise decision for me. I need to be willing to sacrifice for something better. I know that's what is right for me to do and will be better for me financially eventually. It just really sucks right now. I feel fantastic about real estate. I just hate that it costs so much just to start. I have to make this work part time without letting my library job suffer at all. 

I missed my work Christmas party today. Afu's daughter's wedding is tonight around 6pm and then there's a mid-singles Bunko party too. I feel like screaming right now. I am feeling overwhelmed and ticked off at nothing in particular. I just sat crying and I just finished my period so I can't even blame this on hormones.

It is work for me to be social. It is fun too BUT with my new calling I want to meet as many people as possible and be as friendly and approachable as possible too. I have a lot to do today. I know I'm stalling. I just feel like crap emotionally. I'm trying to keep it together but I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I hate having just enough money every check with nothing extra. That is the main reason why I'm doing this real estate thing. I know it is the best decision I've made. I'm not afraid of working hard. 

I haaate that taking my test isn't enough. I still need to squeeze out $300 just to get my license. That is all before I can even begin making ANY money. With all of that I still need to pay my regular bills. I have to eat strangely to now. Everything feels like it's working against me. I know that's not true. It just feels that way now. 

2 Nephi 5

10 And we did observe to keep the judgments, and the statutes, and the commandments of the Lord in all things, according to the law of Moses.

 11 And the Lord was with us; and we did prosper exceedingly; for we did sow seed, and we did reap again in abundance. And we began to raise flocks, and herds, and animals of every kind.

I know how blessed I am and how lucky I am BUT I still have days like this that feel like they're from hell. It started late last night when I realized I am really in love with someone I haven't heard from or seen in over half a year. I don't know how that happens and it sounds extremely stupid even as I write this. It should be impossible and I haaate feeling like this over something I get nothing out of. I just want to meet someone new and have a nice NORMAL relationship with someone I can be happy with and about. I'm not praying about this either because I already know what I'll be told. I need to have faith but it is drained and while I know heavenly father will bless me whatever comes of this if I act in 

accordance with my knowledge it still sucks. I haaate it. 

17 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did cause my people to be industrious, and to labor with their hands.

Work is good and hard work is great.

27 And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.

General Conference: Strengthening Faith and Testimony

We study out in our minds what we need and desire from Heavenly Father, and we pray to understand and apply that which we are taught.

In conferences we can receive the word of the Lord meant just for us. 

What is said is not as important as what we hear and what we feel.⁸ That is why we make an effort to experience conference in a setting where the still, small voice of the Spirit can be clearly heard, felt, and understood.

The greatest blessings of general conference come to us after the conference is over. Remember the pattern recorded frequently in scripture: we gather to hear the words of the Lord, and we return to our homes to live them.

In addition to inviting us to hold personal and family scripture study, Heavenly Father wants us to regularly study and apply what we have learned in conference. I testify that those who put their trust in the Lord and heed this counsel in faith will gain great strength to bless themselves and their families for generations to come.

I still haven't left. I finally am now. I need my father in heaven right now. It's too hard. I want to do nothing.