Urban Poly Princess

This entire week has been BUUUSY!!! Today when I went to skate it was filled with people. They were having some sort of fundraiser. I DID NOT want to fall today although I have a sneaking suspicion if I just skated instead of crawled I'd be fine. That's what I do when I'm near the wall. I should've just continued on the side with the chairs and ledge instead of sitting on a chair and walking/skating in back of the chairs before continuing. This is the first time my feet hurt and I wanted to quit BUT I forced myself to go three rounds.

Jen asked me to go visiting teaching with her. I agreed to go provided it was after 7:15. I need to be willing to fall to progress right now. It's easier without a bunch of people but that's alright. This too shall pass. I'm making progress but I need to do more than I've been doing. I still feel good although today was not a huge progress day.

We went to see Amy Thomas. She is nice and in the North Relief Society so I've never really talked to her so it was good. Amy owns her own home. Heidi owns her own home too. I want to own real estate but NOT here in Logan.

I got here to my apartment and began scrubbing my bathrooms. My toilet downstairs gets these hard water stains I need to find a better way to get rid of. Now only a pumice stone works. It would be fine if these happened every 3 months BUT it seems like every 2 weeks I get them. I haven't googled a solution to that yet. I have this liquid comet stuff I used. It has bleach in it. Some of it got on my brown jacket. GRRR!!! That is the last time I'll get to wear that jacket. I wear it with a lot of things. Now I'll have to find a suitable replacement.

Since I read that conference talk about praying for opportunities to serve someone daily I've been more sensitive to recognizing the chances I get to serve others. Tuesday I got to write an elder a letter at our service project. Wednesday or last night I was able to have a nice visit with Heidi Kupiec with Melissa. Tonight I joined Jen in her visiting teaching. I REALLY don't get how they do the North/South boundaries. Jen lives on 600 North and 255 East. Amy lives about a block from her 2 blocks South from Mount Logan Middle School. They are both in the North but my VT partner Erin Maus lives right above the U at 1250 North and near 800 East. I'd think she'd be in the North boundaries. Tomorrow I'm meeting with Erin again for the RS presidency. I already get to bond with her since she's my VT partner. Tomorrow I get to meet with her because that's the time that works for her and no one else can do it.

I love that today is Thursday and that I get to sleep in tomorrow.

There is an AMAZING skate store in SLC. I plan to go there and buy my first pair of recreational/fitness skates so I don't have to wait with Amazon. I have an Intellectual Freedom committee meeting on March 9th so I'm going to go to SLC next weekend. The weather better be good then!!!

Next week will be more money shelled out to the Fun Park until I go to SLC. I'll probably leave on Thursday or Friday. There's a skating rink at Hollywood Connection in West Valley and Classic Skating in Sandy. Since my meeting is in Sandy I can go to Classic Skating on Saturday and Hollywood Connection on Friday. I hope to buy my skates Friday morning or on Thursday if I travel to SLC early enough. The skate store is around Holladay and Sugarhouse.

I like my new skating hobby. Yes I have a hobby I suck at. Skating is the ONLY sort of athletic thing I've enjoyed besides dancing. I enjoyed double dutch jump rope too. I feel compelled to develop skating again for myself. I could become a certified skating instructor if I wanted eventually. That sounds like fun although I don't think I'd ever want to teach anyone but my children someday. It's like the Zumba certification. It happens around the country and you choose a place and time to attend the workshop AND pay your fee.

I'm getting new shelves for my library!!! Can't wait!!! Mindie's dad is building them again. I wanted them to go to the ceiling but he said that would incur a higher cost because the wood isn't that long. Sooo it'll be alright anyway. I'm going to look through some sites online to show him what I REALLY like and see if he could do that and then how much that would cost. His method is going to be just standard-looking shelves. The whole point of getting someone to custom-build them is to have them the way you want.

I need to find samples of what I like and want and then have him tell me what he thinks.

I didn't pump iron last night. After midnight I was EXTREMELY tired and it took all my energy just to take my contacts out and wash my face before I went to sleep. I was wide awake however at 5:30am. So whatever however my skating plus Zumba thing is something my body likes very much. I'm eating a lot better. Weight training is the only missing componenet now. I keep trying to think what else is affected because I haven't had my balance ALL this time. I'm glad I know it's off so I can work on it. When I first did weight training I was completely stiff all over the place. I keep wondering why I'm not stiff from skating. I thought I'd be stiff at least in my legs but I'm not. Maybe because I keep moving them. Between Zumba and skating I am doing more than enough cardio.

Heidi noticed the shoes I was wearing last night and asked me why I had such a hard time balancing when I wear the shoes I do all the time. I told her I was wondering the same thing BUT that I was working that out at the Fun Park. She was really helpful to me that night which is why when we talked about visiting her among some other sisters in the ward who've missed a few Sundays, I said I'd go to see her with Melissa.

Can Ye Feel so Now? Gene R. Cook

Immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment. The word of God inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger, or disillusionment.

<sup>The family is the foundation for love and for maintaining spirituality. The family promotes an atmosphere where religious observance can flourish. There is indeed “beauty all around when there’s love at home.”

Mosiah 7 is a record of men traveling to find out what had happened to their bretheren who had left Zarahemla a long time ago. These men had fallen away from their previous righteousness.

Mosiah 7

33 But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.

This scripture is filled with hope. I am glad to read this. I frequently make mistakes and let pride prevent me from doing what I know I should.</sup>

Looong day at work followed by skating at the Fun Park. It is easier now which is encouraging since EVERY day should get better. I did just 3 rounds of the rink BUT that's one more than yesterday AND it was easier although I still wasn't racing OR doing any tricks. I saw Nikki who was celebrating one of her nephew's birthdays there. I did fall my second round BUT yeah big deal. The North side without the wall is still a little troubling for me BUUUT it gets better EACH day even if it's only been 2 days so I don't really care.

My friend Katie's roommate is on a roller derby league out of Ogden. People are encouraging which is nice. It is EXPENSIVE however but it's worth it to me right now. I found some inline skates I want on Amazon.com-Big 5 Sports and the Sports Authority have skates but when I look these up their reviews suck. My extreme skater friend showed me a website where he buys some VERY nice skates. The top of the line skates are over $400. I know the skates at Fun Park are crappy quality which he also warned me about AND I don't want to get used to that. I'm going to wait for Amazon which may take longer BUUUT will ultimately save me money. I can't wait for the summer so I can find some concrete somewhere to skate. The skates I want are about a hundred dollars. I will upgrade later to some for about $200 BUT I don't think I'll ever spend $400 on skates. I didn't skate much but the improvement is huge. It makes me think I need to incorporate other daily activities and just chip away at my ignorance in OTHER areas too.

Following skating I went to visit Heidi Kupiec. Melissa met me there. She is very nice and I enjoyed visiting with her.

I'm hungry now AND I need to pump some iron too!!!

I did Zumba this morning but I still feel a little sleepy. Although I didn't actually do much skating last night it was enough that I felt exhausted. Going there directly after work made a difference. Now I'll know who and what to pay and get on the rink that much faster. The old school skates R NOT an option. I'm excited to feel comfortable enough with them so I can buy my own rollerblades online and skate the Riverwalk or just around Willow Park which is near to where I live. I'm glad I don't know anyone there so I can practice in peace.

Mosiah 6 is so short-It describes ALL people old enough entering and making covenants. This results in 3 years without contention. THE IDEAL STATE!!! Gadianton robbers had covenants for evil. Book of Mormon prophets were specifically asked NOT to record these. This tells me how powerful covenants are and how entering covenants gives strength we all need. It's so good to remind ourself of these things.

The Lord Has Not Forgotten You by Linda S. Reeves first counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency. This was a talk given at the last general relief society presidency meeting. What sticks out to me most is the simple scripture she quotes or Jesus Wept. He wept because he has compassion. It makes me feel better about crying. I hate being emotional over nothing but when I'm frustrated with myself and my failure to do what I need to do when I need to do it I can become an emotional idiot.

Tonight Erin, Melissa and I are visiting Heidi Kupiec at 7:30. I'm skating directly after work then going straight to Heidi's house after day 2 of my Balance project. The presidency visits sisters that haven't come out for awhile every other week. I'm glad because I don't know Heidi very well. She was so nice to me on the ice and she's always been nice. I know she's an RM too.

They are also visiting Carline and Erin Maus my visiting teaching partner. I told them I know Carline really well and I'm just getting to know Erin BUT she is my visiting teaching partner so I don't need additional time bonding with her.

My goal for tonight-WEIGHT TRAINING!!! My dumbells are sitting in my closet. WAAAY past time to dust them off.

So I bought my skating band and rented my skates at Logan's Fun Park. There were some elementary school kids and high school boys. Also a few girls. No one really stayed very long. I asked the high school kid working there if they had a monthly rate and they don't but he said they have a meeting tomorrow where he will ask.

YES it made me feel stupid. They had some old school skates too. I decided to try the rollerblades first. Yes my balance was crap and it's amazing I made it to the rink from the lockers without toppling over. I skated around the edge slowly and where I could grab the edge-my training wall-sort of like training wheels! One side of the rink has chairs near the edge NOOOT a nice wall I can stick near. I sat down on the chairs and watched the skaters for a minute before inching my way through the area with the chairs to the other side of the rink. Two other women were in the old school skates. One of the women was having a hard time. I didn't fall down although I did feel extremely unsteady and several times I thought I would fall but I was always able to regain my balance as I continued to inch my way around.

There was some guy there that seemed to think he's good because he kept trying to do stuff but really he wasn't. NO ONE did anything impressive although I probably made them all think they were just phenomenal. People should NEVER assume things. No one would EVER guess what I was thinking. I was there by myself. I am so glad I care more about improving myself than I do about what other people are thinking of me. I decided to try on the old school skates but they were NOT good. At least now I know. They limit your movement. I tried on the skates I started with and did another slow round. Although I have a lot of work to do, I feel great about actually working on this. I will continue to go there EVERY DAY until I can skate as well as I used to and I have a huge advantage because I already sort of know what it's supposed to be like.

I went 1/2 hour late to the relief society activity. I wrote one card to an Elder. This is fantastic. I will skate every day and just go to other stuff late. I am loving my trying and improving. I don't care what anyone thinks about this unless it's my Father in Heaven and I'm pretty sure he's alright with it.

This is one of the best decisions I've ever made. My friend Marilyn who is an adjunct English teacher at Stevens-Henager College said she'll buy me a piano book. She told me to learn the notes first. She hasn't taught piano she said in a looong time. She told me to learn the notes first instead of thinking about beats per measure. Jen needs a simpler way to teach. I bet Marilyn was an amazing teacher. She said she'll pick up a book for me specifically for adults learning to play the piano.

I may have A LOT of work to do on the piano, singing, skating/regaining my balance, losing weight AND just cooking more-BUT I like that I'm developing my skills now and doing something about systematically overcoming all of these. I still want to become a certified Zumba instructor and teach classes regularly in Logan. Substituting an early morning Zumba class I teach for the DVD I do will be an excellent start. Tomorrow I need to circle the rink at least 3x, maybe 4. It is easier to skate when you have some speed. Instead I was moving VEEERY SLOWLY with my security wall right there. I need to increase my speed, I think it'll actually be easier. I'm just going to continue going there EVERY DAY but Sunday. I feel like this is something I never worked out that should've been taken care of almost immediately following my injury and subsequent recovery. There just aren't opportunities to do this AND I never thought this was an issue at all.

If feels fantastic to work on improving myself. I haven't prayed for specific opportunities to serve others. We're visiting Heidi Kupiec tomorrow. She was so sweet to help me last night. Based on my performance NO ONE would ever guess I could actually skate pretty well. The last time I did ANY skating was when I was a mentor and we took the kids to Classic skating. I didn't fall or anything. It was after my accident and I did feel unsteady. I remember wanting to practice. BUT that's when I was in school. It is sooo great to be DONE with school. When I was in school I always felt like I could've been making better use of my time.

I'm not an idiot. I thanked my chair for all her help and for pointing out a reference that I didn't include in the reference list although I did have the in-text citation.

I did include the page number in the APA manual and what it says about omitting interviews since there is no way for anyone to retrieve the data presented. She was kind and said to let her know as soon as I send the copies to her. It won't be here until Monday or Tuesday when I'll send these in. I'm excited to be done with this and I love the opportunities it opens for me. I love improving myself. I do need to pray for, notice and act on opportunities to serve.

I haven't done it yet, but I am getting psyched. If I could do this when I was 5 I can certainly get even a little  balance back. This'll be great for my fitness goals too. I need to skate at least an hour a day to make it worth driving over there just to skate. That coupled with Zumba in the morning and weight-training should be fantastic.

I'm sure the Fun Park can make an arrangement with me. Actually I'm going to call them and see what I can line up.

Mosiah 5
15 Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who created all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all. Amen.


I like the steadfast and immovable!!!

The talk I read today also refers to steadfast and immovable. It is Trial of Your Faith by Elder Neil L. Anderson.
How do you remain “steadfast and immovable” during a trial of faith? You immerse yourself in the very things that helped build your core of faith: you exercise faith in Christ, you pray, you ponder the scriptures, you repent, you keep the commandments, and you serve others.


Pretty clear.

My big lunch is making me sleepy. I fried up some pork and ate it with noodles because I didn't think my rice would cook in time. Actually as I fried my noodles with egg, spinach and shredded carrot the rice cooker went off. I ate some strawberries with that. Now I'm thinking toothpicks to keep my eyes open would be good.

We're writing letters to servicemen and missionaries today. I'm not interested in doing that. I should do it since I'm their assistant secretary BUUUT I'm ALSO skating today and working on my balance. I'm starting today but I'm dragging my butt there EVERY day until it is a habit.

I know how lucky I am. It was just pretty jarring last night to realize my balance isn't where it needs to be. I should've been a vegetable, I know that. It's a miracle and all that crap BUT IT STILL REALLY TICKS ME OFF THAT I'VE GONE THIS LONG WITHOUT ADDRESSING OR FIGURING THIS OUT!!! It's frustrating but I can overcome it pretty quickly too. I remember when I first had to learn to walk a straight line-one foot in front of the other with a glass of water. I couldn't do it in the beginning without spilling some water. I didn't forget how to drive at all although I did have to drive with an instructor who told me I was fine and would require NOOO driving restriction. I'm glad that's not something that was ever affected. Why did everything else get messed up? I should not have recovered as well as I did. It's like all the mental pathways remained but my body wouldn't do what I told it to do. I couldn't screw the cap back on a tube of toothpaste or even pick up a coin because it required fine motor skills that vanished with my brain injury. I had a difficult time using utensils just to eat. In my head I could do all these things so I just did them until they were like they were before. BUT when I could do everything it

I had to attend speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy. The therapists were nice, the whole thing however was awful. My dad flew in the night I ended up at the hopital. He told me I was in ICU at first. I was a huge faith-building experience for my dad. It didn't do that for me although intellectually I get how awesome it is-when it happens to you, you don't get how amazing anything turned out. My parents prayed for me and their prayers were answered. My mother came later the same week. It was nice to spend time with them even if it was for horrible circumstances. I loved having them with me. It's weird what you miss. My mother cooked for me and it is when I really started to gain weight. My Poly professor friend at the U asked me soon after my accident if it had affected my digestion NOOO-thank you Edwin for acknowledging my weight gain!!!-having my mother wait on me AND cook for me was a nice treat after NOT having that for almost 10 years AND YES I took advantage of that.

They have brain injury survivor groups that meet regularly. I don't attend. I don't have anything in common with my survivor friends. Heavenly Father helped me recover as well as I did. There's this guy who was also in a car accident on the same road from my community in Hawaii. His accident was a couple years earlier than mine. He couldn't communicate well or even walk normally EVER after the accident. That is typical for brain injuries. I always felt guilty whenever I encountered his family. They are Samoan. I am sure they were thinking why did Tony have to go through what he did when Puanani seems untouched. Tony has since passed away. Maybe 3 years after my accident so he lived about 5 years after his accident, couldn't work after that and never returned to the musical genius he used to be. He could play the piano like nobody's business and he sang well. We all nicknamed him Luther. His wife died in the same accident. Maybe it's good he could be reunited with her.

They really do ask you in the hospital EVERY day what you name is, how old you are AND what the day, month and year are. The battery of mental and psychological tests they put me through was the WORST. They once built a structure with various blocks and gave me the same shapes and colors of blocks for me to recreate. I know it's for my own good that they did that. If there was something wrong it SHOULD be examined and diagnosed.

I spent HOURS answering stupid obvious questions. I felt like writing equally annoying answers BUT the thought of it resulting in MORE tests dissuaded me. I've been told I was rude to people in the hospital. I don't remember it. My family tells me they told the nurses not to get offended and that it was how they could tell I was feeling better.

I was in a coma for two weeks and then spent 2 weeks conscious but I still don't remember anything about that time EXCEPT when my Dean from the U came to visit me. I remember him talking to my parents and telling them to sign some paper to drop all my classes. I remember telling them NOOO. There was a nurse there with red hair. I remember her telling my parents I would never go to school again and that my injury was too severe. I remember that because I was EXTREMELY mad at what she said and I couldn't wait to prove her wrong. When I was out of the hospital the FIRST thing I did was enroll for summer classes. 

I was DETERMINED to wear heels asap so I made sure I wore them a lot so I could feel comfortable in them. Once I could handle that I figured my balance was fine. Uh NOOO!!!

Instead of waiting for Summer to go skating I'm going to go skating at the Fun Park. I looked them up online or rather ANY roller rink online-It is 3.50 to skate and 2.50 for skate rental. I can do an hour a day every day but Sunday. We have a RS activity tonight BUT I'm going to get on my balance now. I don't know how long it's going to take me to take care of this but I am committed to do this asap. I'll do the fun park now and then buy rollerblades for the summer. It'll just be another component to my physical fitness plan. Tonight is $2 Tuesdays meaning I can skate and get rentals for just $4-it's also Taco Tuesdays at Cafe Rio which is in that direction anyway-I think it's $1 tacos. I can skate tonight for an hour THEN go to my RS activity. I need to figure this out!!! I have to email my RS sisters.

Wow, just WOW!!! I used to looove skating. There was a time when you couldn't get me off my roller skates. My mother used to get sooo angry with me for wearing them in the house all the time. There was a time before moving to Tonga when I wanted to be a professional skater. I REALLY didn't know what that meant BUT that's how much I loved it. I feel like I did when I was first recovering from my brain injury. In my head I could type 60wpm but when I tried it was like a child trying to type for the first time.

Sooo frustrating and ANNOYING as L. I was looking forward to this. Racing, spins, jumps yeah NONE of that. I could barely stand on the stupid things. I can run in my stilettos again!!! I've danced Poly solo performances even AFTER the brain injury BUT that was crap tonight. If Heidi hadn't skated around with me I would've gone nowhere AND I fell, nothing major. Something I loved became something I SUCK at. I didn't go ice-skating a lot but when I did it was similar enough to roller skating that I could do just about anything on the ice that I could with roller blades. When I was at the Y it was fun to go skating at Provo lake and then at the Triad in Salt Lake City. The Gallivan Center is the skating place downtown now. I never went there. That is for sure changing NOW. It's supposed to be like riding a bike.

I AM BUYING ROLLER BLADES ASAP AND USING THEM EVERY DAY THIS SUMMER. THEY ARE GOOD EXERCISE TOO. I wonder how good the Riverwalk trail is for skates. Anything else I did before my brain injury was awkward initially but came back pretty quick. In my head I can still do all those things but when I actually got out there it was a disaster. People kept telling me how brave I was to do that YEAH NOT so much. Even when I lived in Tonga we would skate all over the church high school campus where we lived in faculty housing. At one point we tried to skate AND play double dutch rope. THAT was never successful BUT it was fun. I never liked most sports BUT I loved skating, dancing and dodgeball. Tongan hopscotch was a lot of fun too. Marbles. I used to be good at that I NEVER loooved it however. I did love to skate. Double dutch jump rope is a lot of fun too.

I am thinking I can do everything I could before my accident. Yeah it just took this to realize I'M NOWHERE NEAR WHERE I SHOULD BE. I cannot believe how that went. I have never felt so frustrated before. Now that school's all done I can perfect myself in ALL of these areas. I need to study my music and piano, singing, Zumba AND NOW ROLLERBLADING. One of the students-the DJ actually used to be sponsored by Monster for extreme skating. He does all these wild tricks at the skate park. Yeah I never did those kind of tricks before. Maybe he can teach me some mild stuff. First I want my balance back. How the L am I rocking my shoes when I can't balance well???!!!

I should be grateful I went to FHE. If I didn't learn how crappy I was right now I wouldn't want to do anything. Talk about humbling.

I will NEVER feel like that AGAIN. Sucking at bowling I don't care BUT to suck at skating is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! Time to look at Amazon and price skates. Time to do some research.

I checked with Hastings to see how much a hard-bound copy of my thesis would cost and it's $30 ...uh, no thanks, I'll keep looking-nice! Staples was about $34 for 3 hard-bound copies printed on premium paper. The premium paper was only a dollar difference. I didn't want to wait. I'm going to email my chair about personal communication and how there is ONLY an in-text reference that IS NOT repeated in the References section at the end.

It'll take about a week. Staples sends it to California. When it FINALLY returns I get to send 2 copies to Stevens-Henager College in SLC. I will get a grade AT THE END of the MODULE. FUNNY how she waited until the beginning of the new module to return it to me. My graduation date will be recorded as March, 2013.

I'm in the mood to eat something sweet and bad for me.

My director told me she lost over 100 pounds by giving up flour and sugar. Amazing!!! The Biggest Loser challenge here at school is fantastic. I did not work out the last 2 weeks. I'm still down 7 pounds which is fantastic!!! I'm glad my director lost weight like she did BUUUT I intend to eat well AND lose weight. Body-4-Life's free day concept I learned is actually a common practice for bodybuilders and is something I can do long-term.

My sister-in-law hasn't modified the way whe eats but her twice-daily Zumba sessions have more than compensated.

I TEACH APA format and my annoying reviewer tells me to include a reference that is someone I have PERSONAL COMMUNICATION with as in an interview in the references at the end NOOO!!! I will have to email her. I'm just looking at her changes now. YES I will make your wording changes but uh NOOO!!! I'm not going to make it WRONG!!!

I'm going to have to quote this to her and cite it from the OFFICIAL APA manual.

Mosiah 4 this morning and it's EXTREMELY familiar. This isn't new BUT it's good to be reminded what brings us joy.

11 And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing gsteadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.


12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.

YES I want to ALWAYS rejoice, be filled with the love of God and ALWAYS retain a remission of my sins.

The First Great Commandment-Pres. Jeffrey R. Holland

I looove president Holland's talks. This was no exception. President Peck gave a talk on the 10 commandments. While it is good to know them, if we just focus on this commandment and on loving our neighbor everything else should fall into place.

What was so impressive to me when I first heard this as I watched conference was the power and authority he spoke with. There was absolutely NO DOUBT he is an apostle JUST from this talk he gave.

My favorite lines from this talk:

The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.

(To RMs) That commission was suppoosed to have changed your convert forever. It was surely to have changed you.

After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before.

FHE is ice-skating-The last time I went ice-skating was over 10 years ago. The skates just need to be on TIGHT. It's been awhile. I was supposed to provide refreshments tonight at FHE BUT that was before anything was even decided. This extra attention one of the guys in my FHE group is showing me is NOOOT the business. He hasn't done anything yet, I can just tell. If he doesn't quit soon I'm going to have to ignore him pointedly like I do Jared. I'm going to try NOT doing that.

My Chair has given me the go ahead to make her recommended minor changes, then to SUBMIT the FINAL HARDCOPIES!!!

HAPPY DANCE!!! NOW FOR THEM TO FINISH GRADING IT-YES I HAVE TO SUBMIT IT FIRST THEN FOR THEM TO GIVE ME MYMBA!!!

I told my mother I decided to march with my coworkers. My brother said it's just another master's degree. He's right although it is super for my career it's not like my first master's degree when I told my nieces I needed them to make me candy leis to come up to my eyes AND that they didn't have a choice with that. They do have a choice here. It'll be fun just to take pictures with all my co-workers BUT they're going to have all of their family there to celebrate with them. It would be nice BUT Logan is too far for them to travel. If it was my first master degree or a PhD it would be different AND I would give them no choice.

Graduation's on May 17th!!!

This morning I went visiting teaching with my partner Erin. We visited Laura and had a nice time with her. She received an offer from a small college in Virginia. She said she feels it's where she's supposed to be. I'm happy for her.

After visiting teaching there wasn't much time before church which I attended. I saw my friend but I never got the chance to talk to him. There just wasn't an opportunity. My other friend I suspect is interested in me that I'm NOT interested in at all came and sat with me and Krista at Linger Longer. I DO have a finely tuned sixth sense about this. Luckily some other guy came and sat down between he and me. I'm NOT interested in him either but he is nice and stalwart. He doesn't look bad. Nice and tall-just NOT my type AT ALL. I was happy to leave to my stake RS meeting. Two sisters refused to say either the opening or closing prayer in RS. SERIOUSLY???!!! I'd say only about 1/2 will agree to say a prayer in my ward RS. Seriously SAAAD. I wonder if the Elder's Quorum is like that at all.

David gave the BEST prayer at the end of choir practice I've EVER heard him say. He had the spirit in spades. Leaving choir practice I ran into Marilyn who teaches at Stevens-Henager College. Her husband has a position in the stake with the singles. She asked me to join their instant choir. There were only 4 people there so I agreed. I left in the middle so I could grab something to eat before joining the choir.

Ryan, Jared, Myrick and Chris were there. Myrick and Chris are cuties. All the pretty BUT older singles who don't attend our ward anymore had them surrounded. I left so I can watch my Korean Drama which is what I'm doing now!!!

There's another Singles game night at the chapel and I'm going to try again.

brim·stone  (brmstn) n. 1. Sulfur. 2. a. Damnation to hell. b. Fiery or passionate rhetoric: "the great American evangelist of Yankee bargain-hunting, converting us . . . with the brimstone of his secular preaching" (Rushworth M. Kidder). 27 And their atorment is as a blake of fire and brimstone, whose flames are unquenchable, and whose smoke ascendeth up cforeverand ever. Thus hath the Lord commanded me. Amen.

Mosiah 3 and I read it twice trying to get SOMETHING different to stick out to me. More of King Mosiah's talk and the scriptures are extremely familiar. The natural man scripture reminds me of my friend Ele who is ALWAYS talking about how the natural man is a constant battle. I don't consciously think about that all the time like she does. I want to improve myself ALL the time. Eternal Progression is my favorite part of the gospel. I love that we can constantly become better EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have an idea of what brimstone is but not really. I've only encountered it in the scriptures or in movies along with fire with evangelicals. I decided to finally look it up and it is pretty much what I expected. NOOO I didn't know it was another name for sulfur BUT the damnation to hell or fiery or passionate rhetoric is consistent with what I expected.

I'm trying to write something about what I read in the scriptures every day for something different. The challenge in reading the scriptures is keeping it fresh. I used to read it in Tongan. I need to start that again. It killed 2 birds! It improved my Tongan AND it gave me that intangible that comes through reading the scriptures. It was also one of the most effective repellants. I used to read my Book of Mormon on the bus or Trax when I lived in Salt Lake City. Strange people take public transportation AND the scariest men. I know how to deal with it usually-remain calm AND be pleasant no matter who it is. I know being Polynesian helps me too because some people are just scared to talk to me because I am-at least in my head anyway. BUT there are ALWAYS brave, talkative souls that try to engage you in conversation whether you want that or not. I just wanted to be left alone.

What Shall a Man Give in Exchange For His Soul

I loved this talk when I first heard it by Seventy Robert C. Gay

When he had just turned 12 he still bought the 11-year-old movie ticket price. Excited he told his father who was extremely disappointed with him and asked him if he would sell his soul for a nickel. It reminds me of what I'd do with my friends over rated-R movies-we would weigh it on one hand we can watch a rated R movie OR receive the celestial kingdom. When I was at the Y my friends and I went dancing at this one club. There was no cashier OR bouncer at the entrance. We just walked in and enjoyed dancing. That moment has ALWAYS stuck out to me. I NEVER want that feeling again. I didn't repent for my health. Being honest is hard sometimes because of other people. When I worked at Overstock.com I was overpaid around $600. I told my supervisor who told me to keep it. I told my manager who said the same thing. I was FINALLY able to convince them to fix it with my next check when I told them I really liked my temple recommend.

Another time I bought a couch from DI. We couldn't find the price tag so they gave it to me for $20. I didn't have a car then and I called the world or my ward peeps to help me carry it to my apartment. AFTER it was moved I found the price on one of the armrest covers. It was $25. Sooo the next day I took Trax and then went to explain to the cashier and gave her $5. We were planning for fhe when Mindie said she could get a student ticket by getting one of her roommates who were students to buy it for her. David called her on it and she kept trying to get me to look at her so I'd agree with her. UHHH NOOO. He shared he once had a date that he paid for a student ticket for himself and a non-student ticket for her. Nice!!! NOT a little thing at ALL.

I tend to think the moments that no one will ever learn about, that won't have you end up in jail or arrested are the ones that count the most.

Zumba BUT I didn't shop until later so I ate saimin, cheetos, ice-cream-broccoli and cheese. I just ate what was in the house.

M. Russell Ballard October 2012 General Conference Afternoon session.

This was not what I was expecting but may be what I needed. I remember the bee story but I don't really remember how we are supposed  to look for daily opportunities to serve others.

I'm trying to use my free time to improve myself and earn additional money rather than to serve others. I need to remember this.

These paragraphs directly from his talk encapsulate the POINT of his entire talk:

What do we need to do to become like the dedicated honeybees and have that dedication become part of our nature? Many of us are dutiful in attending our Church meetings. We work hard in our callings and especially on Sundays. That is surely to be commended. But are our minds and our hearts just as anxiously engaged in good things during the rest of the week? Do we just go through the motions, or are we truly converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ? How do we take the seed of faith that has been nurtured in our minds and plant it deep in the fertile soil of our souls? How do we make the mighty change of heart that Alma says is essential for our eternal happiness and peace? (see Alma 5:12–21).


That simple practice is: In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children. Then go throughout the day with your heart full of faith and love, looking for someone to help. Stay focused, just like the honeybees focus on the flowers from which to gather nectar and pollen. If you do this, your spiritual sensitivities will be enlarged and you will discover opportunities to serve that you never before realized were possible.

I know that if you do this—at home, at school, at work, and at church—the Spirit will guide you, and you will be able to discern those in need of a particular service that only you may be able to give. You will be prompted by the Spirit and magnificently motivated to help pollinate the world with the pure love of Christ and His gospel.

Knowing that my weekend is here is amazing!!! I found this nice music site that explains a lot of what Jen was talking about last night. I actually learned what a measure is!!! I'm excited about this. Maybe I won't feel like such an idiotThere is this whole area that I have absolutely no idea about and I can learn. I don't get why I never did this before. I looove music. Sad that I waited this long to do this but whatever. If Jen hadn't been so persistent I would've let it go.

I read in Mosiah 1 today and this is the verse that stood out to me:

5 I say unto you, my sons, were it not for these things, which have been kept and preserved by the hand of God, that we might read and understand of his mysteries, and have his commandments always before our eyes, that even our fathers would have dwindled in unbelief, and we should have been like unto our brethren, the Lamanites, who know nothing concerning these things, or even do not believe them when they are taught them, because of the traditions of their fathers, which are not correct.


I like how it talks about having his commandments ALWAYS BEFORE OUR EYES. Pretty obvious that if you quit reading your scriptures AND doing anything to reflect on those things that bring us happiness that we will not act accordingly and can "dwindle in unbelief"-so obvious but it helps to remind ourselves that we need to actively nourish our spirits through reading the scriptures. Our faith is built as we do this-again obvious if you consider it although I don't consciously think of how I'm building my faith as I read my scriptures.

I like reading and/or listening to conference talks too. I took Teachings of the Living Prophets my first semester at BYU and learned how important what the current prophet and leaders say is to us as members. More important than the scriptures. One quote I remember from class was that every 6 months your walk and talk should be about the latest General Conference. Heavenly Father really loves me. I loooved BYU. I went to a different ward every Sunday with my friends and I went dancing with my friends EVERY Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Wednesday was in Provo while Friday and Saturday were usually spent in Salt Lake City. Spiritually I thought I was fine ALTHOUGH I was not reading my scriptures everyday or praying regularly. I never had visiting teachers or home teachers and the bishop of my BYU ward signed my ecclesiastical review without asking me where I had been.

I knew and wanted to get married in the temple some day far in the future. That FAAAR into the future to me was when I was old or 23. IRONY!!! Who knew I'd MORE than get what I wanted. I didn't see how it was important to attend the same ward regularly. Holding a calling wasn't important to me although I would NEVER refuse one. It's amazing that no one EVER challenged me on my ward inactivity. 

I'm so grateful for my mission that allowed me to mature spiritually. Life is so amazing now. There is no end to what I can learn online. We have so many ways we can spend our time. There are so many great things, uplifting things. We don't have time to spend with anything that isn't virtuous, lovely or of good report!!!

Jen knows a lot. I ask her a lot of questions to clarify. She kept using words I didn't know so I'd ask her until I figured out what she meant. There is so much to learn BUT at least music doesn't change in that the notes will always be the same. This is the next thing I'm going to develop. I should've done this when I first finished library school. I felt like I had all this time without school. I taught myself to knit and knit two scarves. It was fun but that was enough. I don't really have the desire to learn more than what I did there. I have no desire to learn to knit especially when I can just go to TJ Maxx or Ross and find sweaters, scarves and gloves extremely reasonably priced.

I can use whatever I learn in music for the rest of my life. I don't know sooo much. My brother can't read music but he can sing. The two don't necessarily go together. I FINALLY did some shopping although I need to do more. I need some fresh meat-shrimp, chicken and some ground beef. I am going to explore music stuff online.

Jen is lending me her keyboard until I buy my own. That is beyond the call of a teacher. Jen is a little awkward but she has always treated me well. I think I'll do every other week lessons with her supplemented by my own studying and practice.

Love Jonni-I need to read this book first however and tonight I meet Jen for my first piano lesson with her. I told her playing the piano was on my bucket list. I'm glad she kept following up with me. It's the one thing I regret not sticking with. When I was a missionary there were MANY times I wished I could play for meetings that needed someone to do that.

I want a baby grand piano one day. They are beautiful. I think I'll get a baby grand player piano so it can sound beautiful with or without me. One day however I hope to be able to play the classical stuff I like. I guess I should just be happy if I can learn to play primary songs and the hymns.

The hanging out thing is definitely needed sometimes BUT even though I'm not in school, I don't want to just relax my time away. I'd like to use the time I don't use in school developing my variety of interests.

I don't know how I always do this to myself. My oil light went on when I started my car but then it would turn off. This has been happening for about a week. Since I've blown 2 engines and I didn't check my oil for awhile I decided to just drive to Autozone at lunchtime where the salesman probably thought I was a sucker AND I am. He sold me the package deal they have going on now with a super big bottle of oil, bucket, funnel, towels, filter and some handcleaning stuff. My brother taught me how to check the oil so I did with some kleenex since I usually have a box in the car. My car had NOOO oil in it and I suppose I was ripe for blowing engine #3.

Instead I used the ENTIRE ENORMOUS BOTTLE of oil with my new funnel. I am VERY blessed. There is no way I can afford a new car now. I'd have to beg my brother to get me one AND use the bus system in town. He did buy me a car after I blew my first engine. He wouldn't have done it but the spirit told him to do that. Looove the spirit!!! I just might not survive suddenly having no car. Actually that is really not good. I need to have a nice healthy savings account. If I was suddenly left without a car it would take me a couple months to save for one. I should have at least $5000 in the bank so if I was desperate I could buy myself a crappy used car. Actually $4000 would probably do it. You are supposed to have enough money in the bank to live for 3 months if anything happened and you suddenly lose your job.

The computer dean wanted to meet with me about possibly getting us a new lrs-learning resource system. I made an unhealthy McDonalds run but that was all I had time for before the meeting AND I need to shop so although I had leftover fried rice for breakfast, I got hungry again. Now that I'm done with the thesis monster I have time and I should look into open source options so I can work WITH Dale and not just accept something he finds. Hopefully my chair emails me quickly so I can get my MBA conferred. I'm giving her a week before I email her again. I need to make sure I have copies of all my degrees so I can post them in my library and make my director happy.

I'm pretty sure I have my Master of Library Science degree in SLC but I think I need to order another BYU-Hawaii Degree for my BA in English. 

I can do that after I finish this blog entry. They have frames at the dollar store but I think I like the frames at family dollar better. I put MLS on my LinkedIn Profile. This librarian I know Britton Lund and my corporate boss have email signatures with their degrees. My corporate boss Jan La Bard, MBA and then Britton Lund, MLS, MPA-I'm going to do the equally obnoxious Puanani Mateaki, MLS, MBA when I FINALLY get it.What I love about my thesis is it allowed me to discover what an advantage my degree combination is. I don't have many years of experience BUT my education will compensate for a lot of that and let me demand a higher wage. That was THE POINT.

What I do like about my degree also is that there are libraries EVERYWHERE!!! It can be used anywhere.

I woke up with a smile on my face. After my laundry dried I shut off Hawaii Five-0 I was watching with Burnt Almond Fudge ice-cream. That is NOOOT something in my Zumba/fitness plan BUUUT I didn't care Because this thing is FINALLY coming to an end. I submitted my second set of revisions and now I'm just waiting for my primary reviewer/capstone chair-Dr. Deborah Wheeler to email me telling me if I have to change anything else before printing 2 hard copies!!!

This took sooo freaking looong. It's just sooo nice to think I won't have to look at that thing anymore for  awhile or NEVER if I want. Now it's time for me to send thank you cards to all of my study participants. If I hadn't formed the Cache Valley Library Association I NEVER would've had a pool of librarians to write a  thesis so quickly. I wrote the entire thing AND conducted my study during the 2-week break I took off of work in December!!!

I'm making 3 hard copies in case I ever want to read it. Today is payday too!!! I'm not sure what I should do to celebrate for myself. Maybe I'll buy a pair of earrings!!! I'm sooo happy!!! I am REALLY loving life today!!!

I started around 8:30, went to my RS presidency meeting at 9:30-11:30, came home finished and just emailed these!!!

Hallelujah!!!

I reread what I wrote about the insight I had into David's character when I tried to work with he and Mindie for FHE. What a colossal nightmare that was BUUUT when he was in Hawaii I thought most about how much I missed my friend-NOT what I dislike. It's not like I spend any time with him but I couldn't wait for him to return. I feel like he knows me better than he should. I had determined in my head before he came back that I would work to repair our friendship BUT then memories of what happened came back and I didn't want to work on it at all or I'd "try" but something ALWAYS held part of me back. I emailed him exactly how I felt so it's not like I want to hold on to that. I am going to be over this with this entry. He means a lot to me and I know I need to make things good between us.

His good qualities far outweigh the bad and there should be NOTHING I can't get over provided his testimony and other consistent correct choices are there. I get that I need to let this go.

Last night someone who helped me when my battery was dead was being extra friendly. I am so NOOOT interested. It's what Jared made me feel. I think men, especially in my ward should want to help BUT should NOT expect anything in return. When David helped me with my tire I know he didn't expect anything. He didn't make me feel like I owed him anything. That is how it should be. My home teachers are good that way too. Devin and Glade don't make me feel weird. Just Jared and this latest one. It's my sixth sense that has kept me single thus far. I waited this long to get married. I'm not about to hook up with just anyone.

I fell asleep downstairs on my loveseat then woke up at 2am. I set the alarm on my phone but then I kept sleeping more. FINALLY when I had NO CHOICE BUT to get out of bed I got ready quickly then came to work. I ate an avocado, orange, greek yogurt and drank a strawberry shake. I DID NOT work out today yet and I feel like I have absolutely NOOO energy.

I'm going to buy some chips or something because I have strawberries and a couple protein shakes in the fridge here at work BUT I NEED something else. Alright I just ate some Gardettos from the vending machine. I'm eating strawberries and drinking another shake. I hope that tides me over until I need to go to home at 2pm and whip up some spam fried rice. Something FAST and healthy and filling. I have spinach I can chop and grated carrots I bought last week. I also have some brocolli I can steam and throw in too. That should work.

I have presidency meeting tonight at 9:30/9:45-I'll leave my house at 9:30 this time. Jodie is hilarious. I'm glad she's in the presidency. I didn't do my thesis revisions this weekend. I did finish my Korean drama Faith. Period dramas are slooow-moving. That is the last one I watch. I only watched this one because the reviews were extremely good. After work today I will finish those revisions BEFORE working out or weight-training. Only then will I go to presidency meeting. I haven't been attending institute. I don't want to right now. I don't know why. I love Bro. Salmond's lessons. He is sooo good. I'm just in this strange place right now. He is who made me want to work at the temple. I will go to a session Friday and then see how I feel next week about institute.

Games at Sam's house was extremely well-attended. I think there were 12 people. I've seen our FHE dad at church before but I've never spoken with him. His name is Brooks and he teaches high school history online. He is extremely quiet and shy. I couldn't understand a lot of what he'd say because he was mumbling so much. Brooks is a nice unusual name. He wasn't friendly with the other guys either. He really is the the most quiet and NOT outgoing person I've ever met.

Monica knows someone that has an ice-skating rink in their back yard and over 80 ice-skates. This is going to be our next activity. That sounds great!!! Ice-skating is just like roller skating only you have to have your ice skates on extremely tight. Monica is hilarious. I'm glad she came tonight.

Yesterday was my free day. I ate all the Valentine's junk I had accumulated. I left it in my microwave overnight to defrost. My sugar cookies were delicious. We order them from Macy's for work and Susie is the manager at Old Grist Mill. Her sugar cookies were VERY good. I'm glad I froze 2. The raspberry roll was very good too. My cupcake was perfect!!! Lot's of junk that lasted me all day yesterday. I had a frozen pizza. I ate the whole thing. I also had some ice-cream. I have 3 cartons in my freezer still peppermint, burnt almond fudge and apple caramel.

Enough with my food chronicle from yesterday's junk food fest. This morning I ate an orange, half an avocado, some sliced turkey and I think I'll have some of the BBQ chicken I picked up from Walmart when they closed out the deli food. FHE tonight is at Sam's house. I remember how hard it was to find the first time. If it wasn't for the other cars I never would've found it. Pictionary day and me wanting to kick David. Surprise, surprise AND he Bing unbelievably RUDE. Is it any wonder I DON'T want to do a damn thing now? Snide little comments about me with his friends IN FRONT OF ME!!! I REALLY tried that night. I called him later and heard ANOTHER little remark before he actually said he DIDN'T want to DATE me. I JUST MET HIM. YEAH WHO WANTS TO DATE SOMEONE THEY JUST MET???!!! I did want to get to know him better though and what I did know before this was someone I did like very much.

Despite this that made me wish bodily harm to him-somehow we managed to come out of that as friends. AND NOOO it wasn't easy BUT I did get to know him better thanks to being in his fhe group.
After our friendship had been restored we were chatting on Facebook ALL DAY about me acting a certain way. I am honest BUT INSTEAD OF LEAVING IT ALONE, FROM THE MORNING AT WORK TO NIGHT WHEN I AM HOME, (I WORK 10-HOUR DAYS) WE ARE STIIILLL DISCUSSING MY STATE OF STUPIDITY. I FINALLY TELL HIM TO STOP AND LEAVE THE ISSUE ALONE. I avoid him at every opportunity and I am sooo done.

This is good because I am unscathed. Although I know him better it's not enough to really make a difference. This is the first time I deliberately ignore the spirit and I DON'T do what I should because I just don't want to deal with him. YES I am deliberately leaving some stuff out.

Somehow we get past this Drama too and when I have a flat tire he helps me and I am sooo grateful. Our friendship is awesome now thanks to this and I think everything's fine UNTIL he starts tripping. I do care about him now A LOT. I love him. NOOO I'm NOOOT in love with him. That comes with spending time together, A LOT of time together. STILL I do love him AND that is a big deal to me. When he starts tripping I am ticked but after all the crap I've been through with him I'm NOT going to let this eliminate our friendship. I TRY to help he and Mindie with FHE and it is THE ABSOLUTE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. Mindie's still in my fhe group. We had fhe at her house a couple times. I refuse to go to her house EVER again. I am glad we have new leaders.

NOW-David revealed aspects of his character to me I learned through working with him for fhe that are NOT what I am willing to accept EVER. I still love him very much BUT that's never been enough. I have this nice carefully constructed wall I know how to use. Uh huh the spirit tells me to break the wall down... UH NOOO!!! I know it's a pride thing and definitely a self-righteous thing BUT then I'm just called to repentance at church and a bishop's fireside so I'm knocking the damn wall down now and I may not survive this BUT I'm doing it anyway.

I feel better now!!!-Nice therapeutic session for myself!!!

Weird, intellectually I should feel like crap BECAUSE here I just got through convincing myself of acting on what the spirit tells me-everything I observed supported that UNTIL TODAY when I get a damn curve ball. I just feel like everything's alright and not to worry about it BUT I DO WORRY ABOUT IT. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME. BUT even with all that I still feel good about this direction. And this IS what I expected ALTHOUGH I observed a bunch first.

I have to trust this. It doesn't matter if I end up getting hurt and feeling stupid-AS LONG AS I DO MY PART I WILL BE BLESSED REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS. It doesn't matter BUT it DOES. I'M NOT A DAMN MASOCHIST. I keep praying about this and the answer never changes. I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT LIVING IN MY OWN FANTASY WORLD BUT even if I am this is what I choose.

None of this has to do with the temple BUUUT REALLY wasn't it enough to just let me have a wrenching stake conference today? It is horrible when you sit there thinking all the talks were meant for you. I have NEVER been so grateful for president's day-Read scriptures, listen to Ensign talks AND pray for my sanity!!! I'm glad I know what to do to gain the sweet assurance from the spirit that everything I am doing is how the Lord would have me live. I pray to always be worthy of that insight and precious blessing.

What the hell???!!! My mother always calls me on Sunday and today I told her about how I've been trying to work at the temple since October last year. I feel like I've been fighting sooo hard for something I don't think I should have to confront ANY obstacles with. I've been a total waterworks basketcase today. I'm sooo glad I took tomorrow off. Talking to President Barrington is the absolute last thing I'm going to do about this. I lost it when I talked to him but I think I kept it hidden until I thanked him and left. Why is this happening? I wanted some sort of timeframe from him but I didn't get that at all. I wanted some sort of resolution but I got nothing. I really liked how calm and serene he was. That's what touched me most about what he said although I don't think I was paying attention to what he said.

It makes me so mad that I can't do anything else. It isn't the ONLY way I can learn more about the temple and its ordinances or the plan. I'm tired of thinking about this but I can't seem to stop rehashing it in my head. So I talked to my mom, my visiting teaching partner Erin who I don't even know well yet. Way to make her feel comfortable-cry about NOT being able to work in the temple. My friend Ele came over tonight and we discussed it AGAIN. It's not like I enjoy crying but when I revisit that place it just comes out. I don't know why it shocks me at all anymore. I felt like someone pulled this rug out that I was standing on and I just toppled over.

I suppose I should be thankful my father in heaven puts me in places to learn what I need to learn. I just wish it didn't have to be so intense all the time. This is so draining. I am NEVER going to ignore the spirit again. I really don't care how annoying it may be or how it might slice my pride. I will ONLY act accordingly. I don't know exactly what to do BUT I don't need that insight. I love that statement Joseph Smith said, "I give them correct principles and let them govern themselves."I know it's going to take a lot more work but that's alright with me. Bring it on.

I didn't think this temple development would affect me the way it has. I know my scripture study can get better and my prayers need to consistently be meaningful. I need to really work on my own individual temple attendance. Since I've been the assistant secretary in RS I find sisters to give the opening and closing prayers each Sunday. It has shocked me how many people will NOT give prayers. I've asked several RMs who have completely refused. Weird, spend EVERY day giving an excess of 10 prayers a day and it SHOULD be a piece of cake. NOOO it isn't, EVEN for RMs I've come to find out.

I am grateful for my testimony. I am grateful for the spirit. I know what I need to do in certain areas of my life AND I commit to doing those things asap.

I DIDN'T make it to conference early like I planned BUT I didn't really have to get there early anyway there were plenty of seats in the front. I'm not sure if our stake is just lazy and people didn't attend or what. The first stake conference I attended at the tabernacle over a year ago was very crowded and I couldn't find a seat except for in the back. This time was definitely better BUT does that just mean attendance is down significantly?

The theme for conference this time was the temple and increasing our attendance. I just kept thinking of how many bad feelings I've had with trying to work there and how I feel about the secretary. I probably misjudged her and don't deserve the blessings that come with working there. I don't feel good about her even if I am wrong. That is not how working at the temple should ever be. I don't like it. I didn't like it when my friend told me I could slam President Barrington today.

President Barrington and his wife spoke and I waited to talk to them. He had a quiet dignity and calm consistent with what a member of the temple presidency should have. He told me what I was expecting SINCE I NOW KNOW EVERYONE ENDS UP WAITING LIKE THIS-that they had too many people who applied and they were just waiting to fill slots as openings arose. I had to leave because I started to cry. I just don't get why I had to agonize over a decision that ultimately didn't matter anyway. I'm crying as I sit here writing this. It's stupid. I can just go to the temple myself. I feel like I exerted a lot of effort for nothing. What the L was I supposed to learn from this because I didn't learn a damn thing. I just got frustrated dealing with the secretary from hell. I don't know what's my problem.

So next I try to find Erin's house which is waaay East as in clear East of USU in this subdivision off 16th East and 14th North. It takes me MUUUCH longer to get there and we are late for Sarah so I call her and she doesn't pick up but I leave a message then I text her to see if we can do it next week and she says she'll be out of town. I text if we can come over now then and she ignores my text. We did schedule Laura for next Sunday however as we sat there waiting for a response. After 10 minutes I finally tell Sarah we will reschedule with her.

I saw my friend with one of his vultures at conference as I waited to talk to President Barrington BUT I was NOT in the mood to say hi. I'm still following the spirit-that just wasn't where my attention was today. I don't like feeling guilty. President Barrington had the spirit when he spoke and I just felt horrible for bringing up anything in the first place. I didn't think EVERYONE had to wait several months around here. So I assumed the worst and became incensed over nothing? It still doesn't feel right but I can't deny how I felt when President Barrington spoke.

All the other speakers spoke about the temple too and how we need to increase our attendance. Part of me wants to work there so it forces me to spend time there and consider things I can only gain through spending more time there. I can discipline myself and just go there myself AND not have to get up at the loony hour. I need to make my Friday temple commitment stronger. I will do that every Friday from now on BEFORE I do anything else. Why is February my call to repentance month???!!!

I like sitting near the front so I don't get distracted. The bulk of my ward sat in the back. I need the front. I made a concerted effort to get there early BUTa lot of my ward were already there. I hate how I always get bad seats at Stake Conference because I get there exactly when it starts.

I'm going to try to go early again tomorrow OR at least my version of early. I haven't figured out what to wear tomorrow yet. I went to Walmart and I just took $15 cash with me. I bought a chocolate cake mix and frosting along with Fritos for lunch with Sarah who we are visiting teaching tomorrow. My bill was $15.20 and I was VERY lucky my little cousin Hene was working at the next checkout line over so I could ask him for 20 cents which he provided immediately. Alright, so I have some family here!!! Actually it is my dad's first cousin Laie and his family who live in Smithfield. Hene wants to save money for his mission. I don't know him very well.

I'm tired right now but I'm going to bake my chocolate cake tonight and have that for breakfast!!! Love my free day and I did not take advantage of that last week. I plan to make up for it tomorrow. There's also all that junk in the freezer. Actually I didn't think about that. I'm NOT going to bake a cake until later tomorrow if I feel like it.

I thought my friend moved to the North because I heard him say he saw some other guy near Lowes and I thought he said he moved by the hospital. Eavesdropping is probably not the best way to gather information so I went to the source. I want him to stay in my ward which means staying in the South. I feel like saying, "The South Will Rise Again!"

I feel a little bad because I found out 6 months is TYPICAL before someone actually begins working in the temple here. I still think she's a B although I shouldn't call anyone that. I think that is ridiculous. Inefficient, incompetent AND employed with tithing funds... GRR!!!-it took me several days, (a looong time in my head at least!!!) to FINALLY decide I would work early Saturdays. I wanted Friday mornings AND I didn't want Saturdays because my dad and my brother did Saturdays. My father was exhausted EVERY Saturday. I know that's the busiest day and the busiest time. There is no way I would work later though. With work I can't do 2 days a week and Secretary Sunshine insisted that was the only way I could do it once a week. She was far from encouraging when I spoke with her. If anything she made me feel like they didn't want or need me there. If it takes that long for everyone and if she treats everyone who sees her like it's an imposition,  it's amazing ANYONE works there at all. My enthusiasm isn't the same now as it was when I first submitted my form. All the opposition I confront to work there just makes me more determined however.

I am following the spirit and I feel good about that. DOWN ugly pride!!! I should've sat by my friend. I didn't want him to sit by himself and I don't want him to think I have a problem sitting by him EVEN if I like sitting at the end of a row. Mark sat by him before the meeting began which made me feel worse because Mark didn't want him sitting by himself either. I don't think he cares if I sit by myself. This is when the pride starts seeping in. I DO care about him sitting by himself and I should do something about that even though I know he wouldn't do anything about it if the situation was reversed. The point is to be Christlike ALL the time and appreciate the good qualities rather than focus on the stuff I hate. AND so it begins.

I was thinking of the last stake conference Saturday night meeting I attended in this stake. Most of my ward was invited to Jonni's house for "breakfast" in the evening before stake conference. I backed up somehow over a pole that would've ruined or at least resulted in a hefty car bill. I was so grateful to my helpers that day. Many of whom got their church clothes dirty to help me. I probably missed the opening song but that was it.

I was so humbled and grateful that day. I know I complain a lot about living in Logan and how I can't really shop or eat out anywhere nice here BUT the gospel is the same wherever you go and that is true of the Dairyland. Despite my frequent annoyance that I don't get the princess treatment I love and expect from my family that includes my huge extended family network, I have home teachers and ward members who help me with my car problems that never cease.

It is such a blessing to be a member of this church. We are all trying to live like our father in heaven wants us to live. I know I need to try harder to be the person my father in heaven expects me to be. I know I disappoint him repeatedly. I'm grateful he continues to love and forgive me despite my weaknesses and imperfections. I am amazed that he lets me try again when I fail. The atonement took care of that for me.

I woke up at around 9am.-Late but considering I went to bed at 2am too early to rise. I went to Carl's Jr because my kitchen is a mess and I didn't want to cook around that and I didn't want to clean first because although I wasn't hungry I'm trying to eat at scattered times throughout the day instead of waiting until I'm hungry and want to eat EVERYTHING in sight.

I've been cleaning my kitchen and watching videos on Youtube-sooo nice!!! Actually I want to buy my sound system then hook it up to my television. That's one thing I noticed about the dance last night-their sound REALLY sucked. The speaker quality was just bad. I was happy they played stuff from the radio BUT ABSOLUTELY NOOO HIP HOP THE ENTIRE NIGHT NOT EVEN THE TOP 40 STUFF FROM THE RADIO. They played a single waaay old school top 40 hip hop song-Billie Jean and that's when I noticed how much the sound sucked. Funny when they played songs I didn't like I didn't notice. When I had my BBQ I JUST played hip hop. My friend Ele kept asking me to change the music and I kept refusing. NOOO I'm NOOOT going to pass up an opportunity to play music I like when I NEVER get to hear it here on the farm. It is hard to make MJ sound like crap but the DJ did it last night.

The mid-singles committee did a good job. It was well attended and the crepes were alright. After eating at the Crepery I'm just not that enamored with crepes. I have no idea what to take to Sarah's for lunch and our VT lesson after conference. Fritos maybe???!!! She made cornbread last time. I was thinking of rolls but she is eating a non-gluten diet. I really liked her non-gluten corn bread last time. What do people eat with chili besides cornbread? In Hawaii they eat it with rice. Of course they eat EVERYTHING there with rice. I think this is a Google question. What the L did I do before Google???!!!