Urban Poly Princess

What the hell???!!! My mother always calls me on Sunday and today I told her about how I've been trying to work at the temple since October last year. I feel like I've been fighting sooo hard for something I don't think I should have to confront ANY obstacles with. I've been a total waterworks basketcase today. I'm sooo glad I took tomorrow off. Talking to President Barrington is the absolute last thing I'm going to do about this. I lost it when I talked to him but I think I kept it hidden until I thanked him and left. Why is this happening? I wanted some sort of timeframe from him but I didn't get that at all. I wanted some sort of resolution but I got nothing. I really liked how calm and serene he was. That's what touched me most about what he said although I don't think I was paying attention to what he said.

It makes me so mad that I can't do anything else. It isn't the ONLY way I can learn more about the temple and its ordinances or the plan. I'm tired of thinking about this but I can't seem to stop rehashing it in my head. So I talked to my mom, my visiting teaching partner Erin who I don't even know well yet. Way to make her feel comfortable-cry about NOT being able to work in the temple. My friend Ele came over tonight and we discussed it AGAIN. It's not like I enjoy crying but when I revisit that place it just comes out. I don't know why it shocks me at all anymore. I felt like someone pulled this rug out that I was standing on and I just toppled over.

I suppose I should be thankful my father in heaven puts me in places to learn what I need to learn. I just wish it didn't have to be so intense all the time. This is so draining. I am NEVER going to ignore the spirit again. I really don't care how annoying it may be or how it might slice my pride. I will ONLY act accordingly. I don't know exactly what to do BUT I don't need that insight. I love that statement Joseph Smith said, "I give them correct principles and let them govern themselves."I know it's going to take a lot more work but that's alright with me. Bring it on.

I didn't think this temple development would affect me the way it has. I know my scripture study can get better and my prayers need to consistently be meaningful. I need to really work on my own individual temple attendance. Since I've been the assistant secretary in RS I find sisters to give the opening and closing prayers each Sunday. It has shocked me how many people will NOT give prayers. I've asked several RMs who have completely refused. Weird, spend EVERY day giving an excess of 10 prayers a day and it SHOULD be a piece of cake. NOOO it isn't, EVEN for RMs I've come to find out.

I am grateful for my testimony. I am grateful for the spirit. I know what I need to do in certain areas of my life AND I commit to doing those things asap.