Urban Poly Princess

I DIDN'T make it to conference early like I planned BUT I didn't really have to get there early anyway there were plenty of seats in the front. I'm not sure if our stake is just lazy and people didn't attend or what. The first stake conference I attended at the tabernacle over a year ago was very crowded and I couldn't find a seat except for in the back. This time was definitely better BUT does that just mean attendance is down significantly?

The theme for conference this time was the temple and increasing our attendance. I just kept thinking of how many bad feelings I've had with trying to work there and how I feel about the secretary. I probably misjudged her and don't deserve the blessings that come with working there. I don't feel good about her even if I am wrong. That is not how working at the temple should ever be. I don't like it. I didn't like it when my friend told me I could slam President Barrington today.

President Barrington and his wife spoke and I waited to talk to them. He had a quiet dignity and calm consistent with what a member of the temple presidency should have. He told me what I was expecting SINCE I NOW KNOW EVERYONE ENDS UP WAITING LIKE THIS-that they had too many people who applied and they were just waiting to fill slots as openings arose. I had to leave because I started to cry. I just don't get why I had to agonize over a decision that ultimately didn't matter anyway. I'm crying as I sit here writing this. It's stupid. I can just go to the temple myself. I feel like I exerted a lot of effort for nothing. What the L was I supposed to learn from this because I didn't learn a damn thing. I just got frustrated dealing with the secretary from hell. I don't know what's my problem.

So next I try to find Erin's house which is waaay East as in clear East of USU in this subdivision off 16th East and 14th North. It takes me MUUUCH longer to get there and we are late for Sarah so I call her and she doesn't pick up but I leave a message then I text her to see if we can do it next week and she says she'll be out of town. I text if we can come over now then and she ignores my text. We did schedule Laura for next Sunday however as we sat there waiting for a response. After 10 minutes I finally tell Sarah we will reschedule with her.

I saw my friend with one of his vultures at conference as I waited to talk to President Barrington BUT I was NOT in the mood to say hi. I'm still following the spirit-that just wasn't where my attention was today. I don't like feeling guilty. President Barrington had the spirit when he spoke and I just felt horrible for bringing up anything in the first place. I didn't think EVERYONE had to wait several months around here. So I assumed the worst and became incensed over nothing? It still doesn't feel right but I can't deny how I felt when President Barrington spoke.

All the other speakers spoke about the temple too and how we need to increase our attendance. Part of me wants to work there so it forces me to spend time there and consider things I can only gain through spending more time there. I can discipline myself and just go there myself AND not have to get up at the loony hour. I need to make my Friday temple commitment stronger. I will do that every Friday from now on BEFORE I do anything else. Why is February my call to repentance month???!!!