Urban Poly Princess

I had a VEEERY family weekend starting with seeing my mom. We ate some sort of gluten-free pizza for dinner after which she got sick and couldn't attend Ochi's baptism the next morning. I got there thinking I was late but I was actually right on time. It was hosted by the Provo Utah Wasatch Tongan Stake. George's ward is Samoan but they are in the Tongan Stake. Five kids were baptized in the stake. Ochi and Abi Atuaia were baptized. Mark Atuaia is from Laie and I knew his brother Davey well and his sister Mili. He was a year younger so I never really associated with him.

Mark's wife is Elizabeth Wolfgramm the lead singer in the 80s Tongan group the Jets. I was such a fan. She is a sweet lady who is in George's ward too. Her baby sister Tiare is dating 'Ila Vaenuku who I mentored when he was 9 years old.  It was great to see him there. He calls me Sensei. Typical since he is a total Naruto nerd and is attending Comicon with his girlfriend in Salt Lake again this year. They attended last year dressed as some Anime characters.

I remember having to take him and Douglas, the now student body president of USU and father to an adorable baby girl!!! to Tombraider with Angela Jolie. It was weird to me that they wanted to watch that movie but it made more sense when they told me it was based on some video game. After being addicted to Ms. Pacman when I was in High School I determined NEVER to get into another game again. George keeps trying whenever I'm at his house but I'm not doing it.

It was great to see Saia, his wife and his cute children. The baptism was well done. The Tongan stake is awesome. They go all out for EVERYTHING. Liz and her sisters sang a beautiful Tongan song at the baptism program. Liz was so sweet. She kissed me and said how happy she was that Ochi and Abi could enjoy their baptisms at the same time. She and Alisa are visiting teaching partners.

I was going to check out a Midsingles ward in Salt Lake City Sunday but then I thought I really don't want to check it out. I will if I don't get married while I'm here. I'm not ever checking out another Midsingles ward, ONLY if I have to do that. This 28-year-old guy and then some other girl were asking Diana if they could attend a couple of our Midsingles activities. IRONY. I force myself to go to those.

Andrew has to help with a wedding Saturday so he texted me that can't go to conference!!! That is awesome!!! I'm going to email Saia to see if he wants my tickets. I am sooo glad I don't have to spend time with Andrew OR drive there again this next weekend!!! I was nooot looking forward to what I might have to explain to the world. If I mail the tickets to Saia today he'll get them in time for conference.

It was fun to meet with all my cousins last night at Noe's house. Sammy really like's Kolo's son Solomon who is about the same age. George said Maria is mean to him. That's probably why he had so much fun last night. Liane and Noe have been attending the Toutai reunion meetings for us at Tevita Toutai's house in Midvale. Their parents I think are moving here. They placed the Mateaki's in charge of the fireside they're having Sunday. They are also having a BBQ on Saturday and our assignment is to take the chicken.

What Poly function doesn't have BBQ chicken? THANK U Hawaii and actually ASIA for letting that be TERIYAKI BBQ chicken.

Uncle Kingi helped us learn some things. Some King had an affair with some lady and had an illegitimate child who is Kau'ulufonua or the king is Kau'ulufonua. They had to flee the wrath of the then-queen and settled Ha'akame. My great-grandfather I guess went to school in New Zealand. When LDS missionaries visited they first met with him since he spoke English. He didn't join the church immediately but let the missionaries meet with investigators on his land and then later gave land to the church to build the chapel. That is a nice part of history they need to remember/record. My grandfather also went to school in New Zealand. He is the oldest child of my great-grandfather Salesi. Uncle Kingi remembers them having meetings at land near his home in Ha'akame when he grew up.

Since I called Cache Valley outer darkness once, my family ALL refer to it as such. They were talking about deer in Sardine Canyon and I told them I've never seen deer there at all. Kolo works for a construction company. I wish he would go to graduate school. His other brothers and sisters have, just not him. Vai just got into law school. I'm so happy for him. It'll be a challenge for him with his wife and 2 kids but other people have done it and I'm sure he'll be fine. Lupe has her JD and works as a counselor at BYU-Hawaii, Tilila has a bachelor degree but her husband is a CPA. Noke works in Japan but he has a Master degree in something although he is also going to get his PhD and works as a football coach.

I don't know what Lesina or her husband is doing.

Be Meek and Lowly of Heart - Ulisses Soares
Therefore, it can most easily be attained if we “live in the Spirit.”⁵ And to live in the Spirit, our lifestyle must reflect righteousness before the Lord.
Being meek does not mean weakness, but it does mean behaving with goodness and kindness, showing strength, serenity, healthy self-worth, and self-control.
By controlling our reactions, being calm and temperate, and avoiding contention, we will begin to qualify for the gift of meekness. President Henry B. Eyring once said, “When we with faith control our tempers and subdue our pride, the Holy Ghost gives His approval, and sacred promises and covenants become sure.”

I have a lot of teal clothes too. I could do major overkill by wearing teal all over the place right now. Today I need to email my attorney my pay stubs from December to now ALSO my state taxes. I'm going to have to go to work to get the pay stubs.

This morning I was thinking I'm being unrealistic about money. George raised 9 children in very nice homes when he was making just over 100,000 a year. These were nice neighborhoods in Provo and Texas however BUUUT it still applies.

I think the most a library director will ever make is closer to 150,000. Of course the director at the Law library at the University of Utah pulls in over 250,000. Managers in Salt Lake County start making over 65,000 but after several years are closer to 80,000. Senior librarians who have worked for the county start making that type of money too with some Senior librarians making more than their managers. I'd be fine doing that AND doing real estate on the side. Not just to make money but ideally I want to own several income-producing properties in and around Salt Lake City. I'd like to hire managers for each who can maintain them and Just collect money each month with minimum effort expended.

This would allow me to just be a librarian part-time. I could still have benefits AND spend time with my children. I am grateful my mother stayed home with me. It is what prophets have counseled and I have to attribute it to many things I enjoy. I've never had a self-esteem issue. Actually it's too healthy. I've always known the truthfulness of the gospel. I haven't had to search for that ever. All mothers and families who stayed home with their children probably didn't experience this although I remember my dad would want my mother to work and she'd quote President Kimball to him all the time. Later it became president Benson but he gave up by then. My brother has never wanted his wife to work ever. She teaches Zumba because she loves it but probably contributes little if anything to the family household.

I don't want to spend my time hanging out with other women even if they are spiritually strong women. Any free time I have is going to be spent developing myself professionally, spiritually or in situations where I can meet men who I could possibly want to date and get to know better. I need to be careful about wasting time with men who are physically attractive to me and nothing else. I haven't done that lately but just thinking about what I did when I first moved here makes me wonder why I was so stupid. I thought I could just spend time with someone WITHOUT developing feelings for them. When you spend time with someone you get to know and understand why they have made certain stupid choices. Once you empathize and care about them you can easily want to be part of their life when if you didn't know them you wouldn't want anything to do with them.

It is why I don't want to go to conference alone with Andrew. He's not attractive up close although he looked good enough for me to go out of my way to meet him. I did the same thing with Rich. I would not have done that with my friend. He is the best-looking but I never would've found that out if I hadn't caught him checking me out in the first place. I wasn't certain of that until he followed me out to the parking lot one day. That's when I determined I was going to see what he looked like up close. I remember his ugly maroon puffy jacket and a black backpack. I am sooo glad he lost both although he still wore a tie occasionally I wish I could've incinerated with a glance. He had pretty ties too so I still don't know what his attachment to that ugly striped monstrosity ever was. It wasn't just striped either. That would've been fine. It had this ugly grey/yellow pattern on it. It just needs to die.

I don't know why that is so important to me. I wasn't raised in super nicely decorated homes. Now I redecorate and redress rooms in my head all the time. I included that fact in my I'm a Mormon profile. I was trying to think of quirky things to include. I put that I was English, Irish, Tongan, Hawaiian and Chinese raised in Hawaii, Utah and Tonga. Unique enough? I hope so!

Someone at FHE asked what my racial background was. I told them. Earlier we were discussing physical discipline and I shared how my uncle who was a stake president, bishop and mission president in the past but he always hit his children. That is Sosaia's dad. Stacey asked if it was a cultural thing and I told her it was. My favorite Jen asked when I shared my racial background if I was Buddhist. NOOO, I told her I was LDS, then she said oh but you were talking about culture earlier. Tongan is ALSO a culture AND a race.

I also included my testimony. They edit it. One of the sentences they NEED to edit is a sentence fragment and annoys me whenever I read it. I wrote that I read daily from the Book of Mormon. I also put that I read a talk from the latest conference daily. They left the daily out so it just states I read a talk from the latest conference. Left alone it isn't enough. I read a few other profiles and whoever edits those needs to let other people edit it too.

2 Nephi 7
9 For the Lord God will help me. And all they who shallcondemn me, behold, all they shall wax old as a garment, and the moth shall eat them up.

Eat them up moth, eat them up!!!

Bro. and Sis. Keisker are incredible. Sis. Keisker can play the piano and sing well, Bro. Keisker conducted us very well. He and his wife not only are our coordinators, they are talented musically. Bro. Keisker kept giving us all these hints and suggestions and Sis. Keisker can play anything. I think she also speaks Spanish and French well.

I want to serve in the church like that with my husband when I am their age. I had the hardest time finding the chapel. I almost got out at a presbyterian meeting house. It is an old building that doesn't look like a meeting house inside. There is a beautiful art piece inside. It reminded me of the gorgeous stained glass window in the Liberty ward you only really notice from the pulpit. One thing neat about Utah is it is filled with church history.

When I work in the temple each Saturday and then at a choir practice like this it reminds me of when I was a church service missionary at the conference center. Everyone I work with is so much older than me and mostly elderly couples doing church service because they have all this time now. I think we are very fortunate to have the Keiskers right now. Bro. Keisker I think teaches photography at USU.

I can see them serving a mission somewhere and doing a lot of good. They can both lead and direct choirs and Sis. Keisker at least can play the piano for any of the meetings they need someone to help out at. I REALLY want that too someday. What I would love is to have a husband serve as a mission president. I would love the chance to inspire sister missionaries and really all missionaries. I can't think of anything more fun. I want to raise at least some of my children in a mission home.

My mission president was too old to have any children at home but the mission presidents who served in Tonga always came with their families. My classmate also went to Japan with her family for her dad to serve as the mission president of some Japanese mission. My other friend's dad went to Hong Kong with his family to serve as a mission president. The Japanese president was a professor at BYU-Hawaii. The Hong Kong president was a Vice president at BYU. President Shumway was an English professor and then later the mission president in Tonga. I grew up with several of his children. When I attended BYU-Hawaii he was the school president.

I never served a mission then so I wasn't aware of what a blessing missionary work is and how amazing it is to share your testimony with other people. I thought it was neat to move with your family to a foreign country since your dad was going to be the mission president there but really. I had no clue. Serving in the gospel is happiness. I'm not stupid. I believe it when I'm told my greatest joy can be found as I marry my spouse for time and all eternity and then have my children and rear them the way I should. At a basic level it is easy to conceive that we are God's children and no way can we develop characteristics like our father in heaven than through having children and in families. I am so grateful for my family. I love them so much. I feel so fortunate that I was able to get to know my cousin's children as well as I did. I used to tell my cousin Mele I was practicing on her children so I could be a better mother someday. That's true. I love them like they were my own children.

I love my brother's children too but I spent more time with Mele's kids then his. I'm so grateful for my extended family. George is funny. He'd always get jealous when I had pictures of the Rimals because he wanted me to have pictures of his children.

I really don't know why I've been so fortunate BUUUT I am grateful. I don't deserve many of my blessings. AGAIN, I am grateful.

I am attending my first temple choir practice tonight. It's being held at some chapel near Logan High School. The meeting was good. It brought a lot of school librarians together who I haven't seen in any other setting. The turnout was amazing. Joseph is so perfect for this. I am so glad he's our CVLA president.

Mosa took me back to his wedding over a year ago. He is one of my nephews and I love him very much. I am grateful I could be there when he grew up. I love how well he turned out. I love that both his older brother and then he served missions AFTER losing their mother.

The next boy in line Inoke is the one I think is gay. Maybe I'm stereotyping but the last few times I saw him he brought a guy to our family function, a friend but yeah whatever. He loves fashion and sushi. He didn't go on his mission either. The older boys played football. He quit football and danced Tahitian. He was even good enough to travel to Tahiti to compete.

Just one thing after another. It's time for me to go to my choir practice.

I used my lunch hour to get my nails done. I had them done this bright teal. I'm not working in the temple for 2 weeks so it is time for something fun. There was sooo much snow when I was done. I went to Old Grist Mill where I saw the broker I REALLY wanted to work with who has the amazing office in Providence about a block from my apartment complex. He's really sweet and I know it would be fantastic to work with him BUUUT Andrea is also good so it'll be fun to work with her too. He was friendly and it was good to see him.

Dakota was in my new agent class. He works with Andrea and will share a broker with me. He has been in the industry for a little over a year. Jaylee taught part of the new agent course. I wanted to work for her too. I think she explained things even better than Andrea although Andrea enjoys training and is actually the director of the Cache/Rich Realtor's Association. He told me the meetings really helped him with his work. It is why I asked Andrea if I can start attending them now. Of course she wants me to be successful so she can make more money off of me simply because she's my Broker. When I told Jaylee she told me it was a good choice because @homerealty trains their agents. Another thing I was thinking. I really wanted to work with Richard Brown but since he is male and married it is probably better that I work with Andrea who has her husband working in the same office as well as her father in law who offers financing. I saw Adam's realtor signs in the yards of a couple of homes on the same road as the church near 100 West and 400 South. I'm sure he's doing well with all of his experience.

I bought and ate a raspberry roll and 3 small cookies. I'm not sure why I'm buying OR eating this crap. Other than that I'm all about the spinach with some sort of protein and whatever I figure out. There's a CVLA meeting in Providence I need to go to at 4:30 I'm not going to get Judy to come early because it is really dead here right now. I want Joseph to know I support him.

I just received a call from my nephew Mosa. He lives in Orem now where he's been living over a year. He told me Matt lives down the street and Sione his little brother lives with him in Orem. He works at the company that Mosa works at. Mosa's Nepalese name is Shishir. George likes calling him that. George wanted his number and I wasn't sure if I had it or not so I called him to see if his number was still good. I love my nephews. Their mom was my first cousin. She passed away when they were still young. I miss my cousin a bunch. She was key in pulling our extended family together all the time. I spent the holidays with her family when I was the only one in my immediate family living in Utah. Mosa is one of my nephews I could call to do things for me. When I broke my leg he and his brother traded off driving me to work and then home. They also took me to the store and did my laundry for me. That's B4 I had a washer or dryer in my apartment. Mosa actually went to my apartment laundry area for me and did a load of laundry. He slept in the living-room. This is when I worked at Overstock and was finishing library school.

He is married now. He was the happiest I've ever seen ANYONE at his wedding and he seems to be doing really well. His wedding was the one I really wanted my friend to go with me to in South Jordan. I was so annoyed with him because he kept tripping over nothing. I prayed about this until 3am AFTER having to talk to him about something I did that offended him AGAIN. I felt he was really into me and I told him that because actually I was a little annoyed because he wouldn't do anything about it and I was definitely NOT going to have little heart-to-hearts with him EVERY few days because something I did offended him. He started tripping over something else and I tried to text him to make it better BUT it just got worse. I told him I loved him and I'd never do anything to try to make him feel bad. He just got MORE offended telling me it was inappropriate to tell him that. I WASN'T telling him I was in love with him and I told him that. I tried to find normalcy with him but anything I did wouldn't work.

Yeah, FUN TIMES!!!

I told Mosa to come to Ochi's baptism too. I hope George doesn't freak out because we have a bunch of people there. I don't mean to keep inviting people to Ochi's baptism but that's what seems to be happening.

Time to go to this meeting.

Ugly, ugly snow. I love my covered parking BUT I wish parking at work was covered. The Salt Lake City Library downtown has covered parking but that's the only one I can think of. None of the County libraries have that.

I know I'm going to live in SLC eventually so it might be better for me to move away after my Logan time is done so I have that experience BUUUT I REALLY hope my husband can be a mission president that'll let me live somewhere else before I end up in Salt Lake. I like Salt Lake and there is nothing wrong with moving there permanently, I just know I'll end up there for the most part and this is my chance to move somewhere else for now. I appreciate it sooo much more now that I live on a farm. Of course my mother is there and my family is all over the valley and then George is in Utah Valley. I want to be extremely successful in Real Estate there which is why I have to make a concerted effort now. I need to treat it like school. Starting here will give me valuable training and experience I can take with me to Salt Lake.

I need that mindset to get through the time I have left to fulfill my commitment here. I am in school to prepare me to really work in Salt Lake City. I don't know ANY Poly real estate agents in Salt Lake City. Wait I do know Tilema Latu. She actually offered me a job to work in her office for 28,000 a year. Yeah NO thanks!!! That was NOT something I wanted to do. I only had my bachelor degree in English then BUT I was a collections trainer for First Security Bank and I knew I wanted to return to graduate school eventually. STILL I made more money than she was offering me. I don't think so!!! I don't know if she's still doing that.

I'd like to move to a City Creek condo downtown. That'll be close to my mother and actually if I can convince her to move there she can stay late at the family history library and just walk home to sleep when she's done. They are building a new city library a couple blocks from her house and with the new Traxx stop it can't be hard for her to get around now. My mother's location now is actually ideal. I should just remodel her house. I'm not sure what she'll let me do. I still want a City Creek Condo although a Gateway Condo or any Condo downtown would be fine for me. I want a 3 bedroom with 2 full bathrooms AND a powder room off the living room/dining room.

One thing I like about my mother's house is that because it's a house there are no HOA fees. I loved living in the Belvedere on Main. What I didn't like was paying for a parking space. Because my mother has a house just out of downtown she doesn't have HOA fees OR parking fees to deal with. The Avenues and Federal Heights are nice but I think priced ridiculously. My mother's house is in Rose Park and I haaate that BUUUT she's never been bothered because of that and she is in walking distance to downtown so it really is a good deal. Actually it would be great to buy the lot next to it and demolish both homes before putting something nice there. I don't like the neighborhood however. There is no way I would raise my family there.There is a huge Poly community there and I do like them BUUUT the white population is not one I'd want to have anything to do with there. I attended my mother's ward with her a couple times and I didn't like it. I also met her visiting teacher and her family. AGAIN, I don't want to associate with them or raise my children in that environment.

Nothing's really bad. I think near any downtown however are the bad neighborhoods and the expensive neighborhoods. Anywhere in the valley is nice and not priced badly. I like Draper, South Jordan and even West Jordan is nice. They are all good neighborhoods to me to raise families in. Glendale is probably the worst near-downtown area. I've been to the grocery store in Glendale. It feels awful just walking in to the store. Welfare Square is in Glendale. That is weird. There is the LDS Employment center, a DI, the church bakery, the bishop's storehouse and a place where you can buy food storage items. The distribution center is in Glendale too on the other side close to West Valley. There's a metal fence surrounding both areas. Of course there is!!! One thing I am happy about is that although I feel awful in those areas I think people are reluctant to mess with me because they can see right away that I'm not white. A stereotype but one I'm happy to exploit in those situations.

I like the Avenues, Federal Heights and Sugarhouse. I also like Cottonwood Heights but it is far from downtown and I like being close to everything including the airport. When I am a real estate master I should be able to find something that has the space I want without being ridiculous in the Avenues or even Federal Heights. Hopefully I'll make the money that'll let me afford a house in Federal Heights. Working in libraries, even if I'm a director I'll never make over $200,000 a year. I'd like to own several income-properties that will give me the time I want to spend raising my children well and allow me to travel and serve in any capacity in the church.

I need real estate to supplement my income.

I attended the Tongan single adult ward in South Jordan when I lived there. I did attend the Tongan singles ward in Glendale briefly but I hated meeting in the ghetto and the people there were ghetto too. I like the Planned Community Daybreak right near the Oquirrh Mountain temple in South Jordan. The community looks like Seussville. I got to see several homes there when George was considering moving there. I don't know what their weird obsession with Utah Valley is. I would love to raise my family in Daybreak or anywhere in South Jordan. It is more conducive to children. Even if I can't have my own physically, I will adopt children.

I am missing my caffeinated nonsugar drink from Yoli. It is yummy AND alright to drink. I need to get a filtered for filtered water. Uh huh, eventually.MISSING my passion drink mix right now. I need an alternative.

I DIDN'T pay my insurance bill BUUUT I'm still covered until April 2 sooo I actually need to pay it BUUUT I can't pay it now BECAUSE I need to eat AND put gas in my car sooo it will lapse for 2 days since I can't pay it until the 4th UNLESS a bunch of girls start buying makeup RIGHT NOW!!! That is what families are for. They don't know it BUUUT Puanani is going to be a hard-core makeup seller when I see them all this weekend!!! That's why I thought that, I DIDN'T pay it BUT that doesn't mean I don't have insurance right now.

I talked to my broker. Between all my other stupid bills I'm not going to be able to pay all these fees until May 20th. I could possibly pay them at the beginning of May but I'm not going to shoot for something unless I am for sure going to be able to do that.I asked her if I can begin attending meetings because I don't want to let my momentum drop and I want to at least FEEL like I'm doing something in Real Estate. I think this is also the time for me to let my entire family know I'm not only selling Younique, I'm ALSO selling real estate!!! Time for me to market more!!!

I kept thinking why would heavenly father tell me not to go when I don't have insurance BUUUT I decided to really look it up and I'm fine until April 2nd!!! PERFECT!!!

So enough feeling sad because it's a family weekend!!!

Love, love, love this!!!

Why did I think that in the first place???!!!

I haven't paid for my insurance yet. I was just thinking about that. I am sooo NOT going to Provo unless that is done and it's not happening if I go to SLC and Provo this weekend. I can't eat just anything any more. I have to eat a lot of fresh stuff. I try to eat spinach 6x a day and while I have a lot of macaroni and cheese, chocolate cake mixes, spam and mayo it's not going to work. Driving a couple blocks without insurance for a few days is not going to hurt me the way SLC and Provo will.

I had to pay $500 the last time I got a ticket for driving without insurance plus another $800 to get it out of the impound lot. I did my real estate continuing education and I STILL haven't earned a dime from that venture. I REALLY want to go to my nephew's baptism but if I do I'll have to ask my mother AND/OR brother for money AND I am trying NOT to do that. I know I'm spoiled and I have to be wiser. I have to sacrifice this weekend AGAIN. Plus I have no choice BUT to go to conference next weekend and I REALLY don't want to drive twice this month. I haaate driving. I still think anything over an hour should be in a plane. One day I'm going to have a plane so I can jet somewhere whenever I want to and not have to drive this stupid hour and a half just to get to civilization. Of course I plan to be in and out of there Saturday next week.

I'm hungry and I didn't take the time to heat up and/or cook anything this morning I used my very last Yoli protein shake last night. I am going to order that top-rated shake next. I am totally on board with the having 2 shakes a day lifestyle. I'm getting Alkalete sent to me again at the beginning of May. I should just stop it completely. It's around $60 and I don't want to pay that EVERY month. Yoli taught me good habits BUUUT I think I can find cheaper natural alternatives. I do really like their Passion. Caffeine w/out sugar or a sugar substitute. I should give up all caffeine however.

As much as I like Yoli and believe it promotes optimal health, I shouldn't HAVE to have ANY supplement ALL the time AND I need to get out of this auto-ship crap. I like the idea of trying to be alkaline but I'm going to try to accomplish that through food. I like the convenience of the shakes BUT the top-rated shake is cheaper and with my bullet I can mix it twice a day.

I can eat organic chocolate and salted/roasted almonds all the time as well as probiotic ice-cream sweetened with Stevia AND once a week I'm going to eat whatever the hell I like. I'm still going to eat spinach EVERY time I put something in my mouth. I'm considering buying a bag of cheetos but I really don't want it and I want something good to eat. Today I'm going to go home and fry some spam, eggs and spinach as well as heat up some chicken nuggets. I'm glad I had them although they aren't optimal protein sources they are convenient and I've eaten them since my Alkalete and pure pills were finished. I made a pork roast in my crock pot which is fine with some fiesta cheese, onions, cilantro, spinach and sour cream.

I found a bag of peanuts in the vending machine. 8 carbs and 13 grams of protein. Peanuts are alright BUUUT they're NOOOT almonds. I think I'm addicted to almonds now. I can eat 1/2 a pound in one sitting. It's funny how they're discovering all these coconut health benefits now. That is the biggest Tongan industry. So that bag of peanuts I just ate will have to tide me over until I take my lunch at 12:30. I suggested my lunchtime change so I can be here when the students get out of class.

I need to return to a regular eating schedule BUUUT I just haven't felt like preparing stuff the night before although really it wouldn't take much. I need to use my lunch hour today to eat lunch and prepare meals/snacks for myself for the rest of the day but I have to prepare so I can get my nails done tomorrow. I prayed about whether I should go and I felt like I should BUUUT unless I suddenly get a huge bunch of cash I can't do that.

2 Nephi 6

I'm not going to have an amazing life, I HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE I LOOOVE!!! I don't exactly like it here BUUUT I am sooo blessed. I love my job, my apartment, that I got to get my MBA, that I have a job that allows me to get a real estate license AND the accompanying training. My Director is the best. My dean is awesome. I can sell real estate now, it is up to me. I'm right at the edge of this thing. I just need to jump in. I'm a little frustrated because I can't afford ALL my Yoli products now. I love Younique products and I love cosmetics but I'm sooo ticked off at them for letting the ball drop not once or even twice BUUUT three times!!!

I love my calling. I am grateful that my Father in Heaven is giving me what I need rather than what I wanted. I REALLY didn't want Jon to be my mission leader BUT that is not my job to choose. This was my fear. My need to perform is stronger because of his calling. He was called with his inadequecies. I was afraid of this because besides Porter, there was no other ward missionary.

10 And we did observe to keep the judgments, and the ^astatutes, and the commandments of the Lord in all things, according to the^blaw of Moses.

 22 And thus saith the Lord God: I will cause that they shall be^aloathsome unto thy people, save they shall repent of their iniquities.

27 And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of^ahappiness.

I should of read this B4 I texted Andrew. I need to remember he's less active. Because he's Poly he's going to expect there to be this instant connection AND there is BUUUT he needs to also realize his limitations. I'm not 18 and don't treat me like I am!!! He knows I'm in the Midsingles ward so he should have some idea of how he should treat ALL women over 31. Get a clue.

I really hope I can help him realize how he needs to fully embrace the gospel in his life and the joy that is contained therein. It doesn't matter how sucky my life might feel at times, with the gospel ALL that matters is that I am striving to become the person I am capable of becoming all the time. That's not going to change when I get married. I know A LOT of things will change BUUUT for the stupid people who think once they get married they'll start being clean or more valiant in the gospel they are stupid. Today is just as much a part of eternity as the day I'm sealed to my eternal companion. 

This moment right now is a part of eternity. Why would I want a life that is anything less than exemplary? 

I can't wait to have my family BUUUT I also love and appreciate my family right now. I am grateful to have an amazing weekend coming up. I just warned George that I invited Saia and his family to come to Ochi's baptism Saturday. I'm excited to see them. Friday my old classmates are having dinner with my classmate Vagi who will be in town. I'm excited to see her. It'll be in Utah Valley. I'd complain about sucky Utah Valley right now but then I am living in the even suckier Cache Valley. 

Saturday is Ochi's baptism that'll be even cooler since Saia and his family will be there and I've never met my niece and nephew Sala or Saia Jr. - Saia Jr. is a talented singer and dancer. I know Saia's wife is probably not loving life yet, BUUUT she will given some time. It makes me really want to work the real estate thing. I would looove to do business with my brother and cousin flipping homes that'll provide them ALL with the money they need to have amazing lives they can spend with their families. Yeah NOT my responsibility BUT still something I'd enjoy. I would love to move to DC or California following my Dairyland stint BUT I also don't want to be away from my family. 

It might be better for me to find my husband if I'm away from them BUUUT I looove my family too. I want to attend my nieces and nephews events like their baptisms, blessings, graduations and even weddings later on. I want my own wedding more BUUUT I can only do so much. My father in heaven is pleased with me and I am confident about that. Although I often wonder when I see someone like Robert Draper who is solid gospel-wise, why I can't bring myself to have a relationship with someone like him. Spiritually he is on point BUUUT physically and intellectually he is NOOOT there and that is extremely important to me despite the knowledge I have that he will be an incredible father and husband. Why isn't that enough for me? Part of me feels bad about that but then I also don't doubt my father-in-heaven wouldn't want me to force myself to feel something I don't or ignore things I can't get over.

As I continue to live my life in accordance with his plan, I am confident all will be as he intended. No blessing will be denied me and I will have the amazing life I know I deserve.

Today is the 25th, EXACTLY one year since I finished my MBA meaning I have just 1 more year to work at Stevens-Henager College!!! I can't wait to get out of here. I need to move to Salt Lake City and I need to find a job there. I want to move to DC or California BUT not just yet. I don't want to leave my mother here alone although essentially she is now and has been with me living in what feels like outer darkness. Hahaha!!! I know I'm being dramatic.

I texted Andrew to see if he still wanted to attend conference yesterday and didn't receive any response so I texted him and told him if I don't hear from him today I'm going to assume he doesn't want to go. SUCH the stupid POLY player attitude. I AM NOT DATING HIM NOR DO I WANT TO DO THAT. HIS TESTIMONY IS NOT THERE WHICH IS WHY I WANT TO BE A GOOD FELLOWSHIPPER BUUUT HE IS TRULY TESTING MY RESOLVE!!!

He is asking me questions now so he does seem to want to go. He asked if there were restaurants in the area we could eat at. I said yes. I NEVER treat POLY boys so he better not expect me to do that. ANY Poly guy I am EVER with is going to pick up the tab, ALWAYS. That is how it is and that is how it will ALWAYS B. I have my own money and I don't expect ANYTHING with Andrew BUT the boy needs to be schooled BIGTIME because the way he acted last time was NOOOT cool.

I have to treat him like the less-active member he is. It is just sooo hard to turn it off with him because of how annoyed I was when Alan didn't show up for his discussion with the sisters and I spent all that time arranging splits so they could even do it in the first place, figured out what to serve and then cooked the whole day. There was a purpose there and I STILL feel like I was used JUST so Andrew could figure out what the Poly girl in his ward is like. I am used to Poly boys tripping over themselves to treat me well. THAT was NOT IT. Using missionary work for your own personal gain is probably the worst thing you can do to me.

YES I need to calm down. I'm going to text/invite Justin to go if he wants to too. I'm going to be so ticked if I end up spending time alone with Andrew. Love, compassion, happy, happy, joy, joy, happy, happy, joy. Maybe not. Andrew just asked me if we take pictures there if he can throw gang signs like upside down M's for Mormon Mafia. I told him to go ahead if that would make the experience for him. Andrew told me conference is too "churchy" for him but since I was sweet enough to invite him to go he would. YEAH NOT exactly what happened BUT whatever.

I actually don't want my sweet good new member spending that much time with Andrew. Andrew's membership is social. If his parents weren't LDS, I don't think he'd be a member. Most of his friends are LDS and then he likes sharing the gospel too which is so weird. He gave away Books of Mormon too. Despite that I don't think he has any idea of what the gospel truly is or he wouldn't call it churchy. He would know the purpose of the sacrament and not make the stupid statement he did on his Facebook page. He said he felt the spirit more listening to Bob Marley than he did in church. Many of his friends were supporting his statement. I posted that you get out of it what you put into it. I wish I could invite some guy to go with us that has a rock testimony who WOULDN'T be interested in me or get the wrong idea if I did invite him to come along.

If I was still in contact with my friend I'd ask him. That is one of the things I liked about having him in my ward. I was ALWAYS comfortable asking him for anything because I knew he was capable of helping me WITHOUT expecting anything in return. I made him some dessert once BECAUSE he didn't expect anything. That had nothing to do with how I feel about him which is weird. He probably wasn't comfortable with me always asking him for help BUT I knew I could do it with him WITHOUT suddenly developing an annoying CLINGON. If anything he would avoid me after spending time with me. That is why Rich was the perfect home teacher. I was completely comfortable getting help from him too. He would be perfect although I doubt his fiance would appreciate that. Of course I could've invited her too. I would be fine with that. Spending time with my friend and ANY girl he's dating? OH HELL NO!!!

It'll be o.k. even if I can't figure out who else to invite. I'll have multiple opportunities to share my testimony with him and then he'll hear several testimonies at conference too. The Poly world is so small. One thing I'm NOT going to like is I'm certain I'll see people I know on temple square. I don't want the latest Poly gossip to be about me dating Andrew. He's Hawaiian so he doesn't know the number of people I do. Conference is always a HUGE Poly gathering. I don't want ANYONE thinking I'm dating him. I told Andrew to invite this one white girl in our ward to come since she is his friend. I hope she comes. That'll solve undue speculation. I'm past caring about what people think BUUUT I still don't like being the subject of gossip OR having to explain to my extended family that NOTHING is going on.

They want me to have something going on with someone BUT Andrew's long hair is not going to endear him to ANY of my family and when they find out I was with some guy at conference AND they will, they will also find out he has a daughter which will be another reason why they won't like him. Actually I don't think most people in Salt Lake know him at all so maybe they will find out NOTHING. The long hair though. NOOOT good for my conservative extreme-LDS relatives.

We met with group 1 from the 2nd ward for a potluck/hangout moment. I am glad I get to go to FHE again. I've missed it this past year. Robert Draper is a good guy. He deserves someone great. I could never be that someone even if I do love his attitude and conviction. He always impresses me. HOWEVER he hasn't gone to school and he works at some cheese factory here where he's been now for around 9 years. I like his testimony and his commitment to the church. If only the other things lined up. He asked out Tiffany when he first got a chance and he was in our first USU ward she took me to AFTER I told her I didn't want to attend a ward filled with 18-year-olds. She told me it was an older ward and it actually was.

Robert was in that ward along with my old home teachers Josh and Shawn. Weird, I guess it was an older ward. The younger kids always think I am too which is good and bad at the same time. I'm attracted to younger men but I don't want a younger mindset. I don't want someone still in school. My friend is still in school but he'll be done next year AND he worked for several years before he went back to school so he has "real world experience" although he still lives with roommates. Maybe it's weird I don't want any. The next AND last roommate I ever have will be my husband.

5 But behold, my sons and my daughters, I cannot go down to my grave save I should leave a ^ablessing upon you; for behold, I know that if ye are ^bbrought up in the ^cway ye should go ye will not depart from it.

15 And upon ^athese I ^bwrite the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul ^cdelighteth in the scriptures, and my heart ^dpondereththem, and writeth them for the ^elearning and the profit of my children.

I do write the things of my soul here and while I know it's online and any damn person can read it, it is most convenient for me this way and I actually don't care. If someone is that concerned about what I am thinking at any moment, enough that they will search it out and read it, they can go ahead. 27 And why should I ^ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to ^btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my ^cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am I^dangry because of mine enemy?