Urban Poly Princess

Sooo life SUCKS right now. I CAN'T believe this is happening. My mother AND brother said they can't help me and really it's time I stopped asking for their help. I make enough money. It's time to start a savings in case something like this happens AGAIN.

YES I HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES. I didn't need to buy ANYMORE. I didn't NEED anything I bought. I have 270.00 left. I just need to pay my electric bill and the rest would've gone to gas to Provo and food for the next couple of weeks. That AND the 70.00 I spent to tow my car to the mechanic. I walked to Main and I started to look for a bus stop. I still didn't find one when the Mexican angel that helped me NOT blow up my engine the first time-a year ago-gave me a ride home. NOT following church standards since he wasn't with his wife BUT he's been texting me a bunch and I never responded because I don't know what to say and he and his wife don't speak any English. We get to my apartment and I don't have my keys because they are with the mechanic. Sooo he drives me to Big O where I get my keys and he gives me a ride home.

I started crying when he was driving me home. ULA is in Provo BEFORE I get paid again. My company has already paid for me to attend the conference. May 1-3 or Wednesday-Friday in Provo. Wednesday is such a weird day. Who the hell drives Tuesday to Provo or even to Salt Lake City. Pablo offered to fix my car for me AND he said it wouldn't cost anything. I am going to pray about this all night and I think I should fast about it tonight into tomorrow.

I could let him fix it and be alright AND then the tow money didn't do anything. Was he an answer to a prayer? Was Heavenly Father helping me or not? There's an airport shuttle I could take Tuesday night to Salt Lake City and then take TRAX and the bus to Provo for the conference. I could do the same thing to get back to Logan. OR I can try to get my brother to drive me home. Frontrunner will go to Ogden and UTA will go to Brigham City. The problem is going from there to Logan.

Big O was very nice. They agreed to let me leave my car there for as long as I need to do that OR until I have money to fix it. Sooo do I let one of my Mexican angels fix the car for me so I can have a life again OR do I let Big O do it? If Big O fixes it I can return to ask about it if something happens. I don't know what to do and I want to start screaming. I am crying a bunch as I did when they first told me what my bill would be and I realized I couldn't pay it now.

I AM NOT fiscally responsible and EVERY time I feel like I start to get ahead something happens. It is usually with my damn car. If I had a new car perhaps that would eliminate repair bills. I prayed this morning whether I should take my car to Walmart or Big O. I felt I should take it to Walmart. I called them this morning and they don't fix alternators or starters. Why was I told Walmart? What's up with that?

I went to Le Beau's-Noe's friends own it. The place was PACKED!!! Yummy food!!! It was there that I called my mother and then my brother and became an emotional basket-case. He doesn't have extra money now. My family would always get me out of these scrapes. Then they stopped doing that. That's been since I moved to Logan. I MISS when they ALWAYS had extra money to lend me. I wonder if he and my mother decided together NOT to lend me any money. Is this my father-in-heaven's attempt to make me more financially responsible???!!! I feel horrible.