Urban Poly Princess

1 Nephi 3
15 But behold I said unto them that: ^aAs the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have ^baccomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us.
31 And after the angel had departed, Laman and Lemuel again began to ^amurmur, saying: How is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands? Behold, he is a mighty man, and he can command fifty, yea, even he can slay fifty; then why not us?

I feel like Laman and Lemuel. I feel like what I know is stupid. I have evidence but it is so minuscule and I feel like I'm grasping at straws. I murmur to myself. I just feel like the stupidest idiot for what I can't deny. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. All I can do is strive to improve myself like I should ALWAYS anyway and trust in my father in heaven to guide me where I need to be. Why tell me anything at all? Am I ever going to get why? I'm tired of this. More like I'm sick of this. As time passes WITH NOTHING, I become more jaded and  faithless. If I'm supposed to learn something what is it? 

The Lord's Way - Stanley G. Ellis

1. 3. 
   We are taught that if we do things the Lord’s way, He is bound to bless us and we have claim to His promises; and if not His way, we have no promise (see D&C 82:10).
2. With all that is happening in the Church today, and as the Lord is hastening His work on every side, it is even more critically important that we do all we do in His way!

   Especially in the work of salvation, we learn that “in the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way” (Ether 12:11). The doctrine of Christ “is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God” (2 Nephi 31:21).

   I'm trying to do that. STILL I don't know specifically what my Father in Heaven would have me do. Something I never forget from that talk by Elder Groberg I read about what is your mission is that you don't stand still. You actively do things to progress. The Lord will let us know if it is wrong. I know he lets me know. BUT we should continue to progress and learn and grow. 

   If nothing else meeting Rich helped me see how wrong Justin is for me. He just looks good BUT then Rich reminded me of how important it is for me to find someone I'm really attracted to AND someone who is really intelligent that I can relate to on multiple levels. I don't have anything in common with Justin except he looks great and he is spiritually on point... AT LEAST as much as he can be now. I don't think I could be happy with him for very long or even for a short time. It took Rich to remind me of how great it is to interact with someone with enough of a common base that you can enjoy just communicating with each other. 

   If Rich didn't have all his baggage I could be very happy with him. BUT his baggage is the stuff that is the most important to me. I'm grateful for this Real Estate thing. I want to make enough money to pay off my bankruptcy and my school loans AND buy a newer SUV outright. While I want a silver Mercedes, the Nissan Rogue is looking VERY good. One of my neighbors has a beautiful black one that is parked right in front of my bedroom all the time. It is around $30,000 less. I would be alright to get that car before I  move from Cache Valley.