Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Yesterday was a looong day

Posted by 2DI4 at 9:57 AM

My post last night was so depressing BUT it is how I felt. I was so annoyed when I went on Facebook yesterday and kept reading about Miss America who is Indian-American meaning she was born and raised here BUT isn't some caucasian race. People actually said right after 9-11 it was a slap in the face. RIGHT. She's Indian NOT Islamic or Iranian or whatever terrorists tend to be. And so what if she was Arabian-American???!!! It is these moments that remind me AGAIN and AGAIN that a large segment of the population is racist. I hate finding it in the church but it is there too. It reminded me of my bishop.

I love my culture AND my multi-racial background. There is a richness there that can't be found anywhere else. It is a blessing that shouldn't make me so angry when people act like idiots. I should be alright that not everyone knows better. They are still father-in-heaven's children. Julie and Tamma from my ward are intelligent AND spiritual women. Despite that they are so patronizing they don't even get that they are that way. I like their qualities BUT they are still filled with stupid assumptions they don't hide very well. Any of the white boys who are too into me only think I'm pretty and reasonably spiritual. They don't get the depth of my testimony or bother to get to know me as a person.

I can't help but think the reason why my friend finds it so easy to ignore the spirit with me is because I'm not white. It is the only thing that makes sense. The last few times I saw him it was so obvious to me that we should be together. I really tried even AFTER he treated me like crap.  He's only half white but you can't tell. It doesn't matter how pretty I am or how intelligent or even how spiritual I might be. I am always going to be considered stupid with a weak testimony by anyone white because their skin color makes them think they are superior. I remember in the MTC when my district leader tried to tell my class how our skin color was a manifestation of our righteousness in the pre-existence. Elder Ruff is sooo lucky I was a stupid timid little greenie. If I knew then what I knew now he would've lost his teaching position there.

Is it any wonder I am such a jaded B?

1 Nephi 6

4 For the fulness of mine intent is that I may apersuade men tobcome unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved.
 5 Wherefore, the things which are apleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world.
 6 Wherefore, I shall give commandment unto my seed, that they shall not occupy these plates with things which are not of worth unto the children of men.
I don't have the heart I need to have right now. Tamma and Julie may be patronizing BUT they don't think they are being that way. What about the spirit and the light of Christ? Doesn't it testify of truth? Can't they discern their thoughts are wrong? They can't just be acting with the capacity they have now. Something inside should tell them. I need to learn to respond with love, patience and kindness. I'm far from perfect and I need to quit expecting it from everyone else. 
I am not treated like the early Hawaiian saints who couldn't get a hotel room in Salt Lake City. I am frustrated with the inability of so many people to see straight. Letting my annoyance get to me serves no one and actually just drags me down. I know getting angry isn't the answer. Love, kindness, trying to understand and have patience with people who I hope have patience with me and my many imperfections. I hope and pray I will deal with this better and improve as my Father would have me be.
The Gospel to All the World - John B. Dickson
During the early days of the Church, in the meridian of time, the gospel was taken to the house of Israel only; 
Using Cornelius, who was a Gentile, a centurion, and a good man, the Lord impressed upon Peter that the gospel would go to the Gentiles, a concept new and foreign to the Saints of that day. 
In 1978, following the established pattern of revelation through the senior Apostle, President Spencer W. Kimball, came a revelation, this time on extending priesthood blessings to all worthy males across the world. 
Times were such that the racist members and racist leaders in the church, in my non-doctrine opinion, made it so the priesthood was denied to black men ALTHOUGH my Fijian Poly brothers and sisters are as dark as any black man or woman but were NOT denied. Conjecture yes but I think I'm spot on. 


 

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