Urban Poly Princess

We all need clarity in our lives and I know that's one of the reasons why we have fast Sunday, to do that. I had a brief dream I remember. I was engaged to some white guy I don't know. He had glasses on and I had a nice big diamond ring I really liked. What I didn't like is this guy was boring to me. We were waiting in the lobby of some school he was attending and he had just come back from a trip. He bought me a sweater which of course I liked although I didn't particularly like the sweater but I distinctly remember when he gave it to me he told me how much he missed me and I thought I didn't miss you and I'm not going to tell you that when I didn't. He wore glasses and he wasn't ugly but he wasn't attractive to me either.

What I got from that and what I think about that now is although it is good to be somewhere where there are lots of LDS midsingles, it doesn't guarantee finding a good match. I think of Steve who I liked a lot but I had to force myself to get there. I had to keep reviewing his good qualities. He had the essential and I've always thought I can work on the other stuff BUT do I really want to have to work that hard on someone I end up spending eternity with? YES I don't think working hard is a bad thing and I intend to do that with whoever I marry but I think although annoying has the distance against him it is worth it anyway. I miss him right now, I am attracted to him physically and I can more completely be myself with him. Even in my dream I was having a lot of internal self-talk with this guy. I don't have as much with annoying because he gets what I say because he is intelligent enough and not racist thinking someone who isn't white is stupid.

He is definitely worth the extra work. I still don't know how that will happen however but I trust my father in heaven will help me with that. I know that's why I was fired from that stupid idiot-job anyone can do. I still don't want to move to Ogden, I still want that County librarian job. I am going to do my best to get both jobs however AND keep looking. I need to do my part however by identifying the points I want Susan to know about me. I'm glad she called me. I want her to know I worked at the Christmas Box House with at-risk children and then also that I was a mentor to children 9-12 at the Asian Association of Utah to Pacific Islander and Asian children. I love my nieces and nephews so much although I don't just like children in general. I taught primary several times too.

If there's anything I'd like to contribute to the Salt Lake County and children it is to even begin a pacific islander collection. We have one of the largest populations in the United States. We should definitely be meeting that need by collecting pacific islander literature. It is important to have examples in literature of pacific islander writers and characters. It is critical to developing self-esteem.  I would love to work on that if I am hired as a children's librarian with the county. I love being a librarian. When I was in college I always felt guilty about not being a social worker. I feel like the Savior would be doing that if he lived today BUUUT he was actually a carpenter AND I know we can study anything and devote our life to anything AND still build the kingdom. The most important way for us to do that anyway is in a family. Librarians do the type of social work I am comfortable with. They provide materials and services freely to everyone. It is why I don't want to be an academic librarian.

One day I want to be Wanda's boss. I love her and I enjoyed working with her BUUUT I can't help feeling like she threw me under the bus as I've tried to get a librarian job again. I removed her from my list of references I use. I am grateful I was able to present twice with the Intellectual Freedom Committee at ULA but more recently she hasn't made me feel a part of it and I decided not to be a part of it anymore if she was going to treat me like that. I look forward to doing outreach. I could never do that as a substitute but it is where I excel. I have so many first cousins who live in West Jordan too. It would be great to be close to them. I don't think my desire to be Wanda's boss is Christ-like at all. Another thing I want to do as a children's librarian is write a couple of scholarly articles and then present at ULA and then even ALA. It will help me get a job anywhere in the country. While I feel I'll end up here in Salt Lake City, I would love to live in another state I don't know anything about and also another country when my husband is Mission president. Russia? Not my first pick but I'd go, someone has to it might as well be me.

Annoying could do that better than anyone else and I know he feels like he is going to lead the church in the last days in a huge way and I've always felt my husband could do that. Steve could definitely do that. It is something else I always fell back to and helped me convince myself to go there in the first place. His Spanish skills are also very needed in church leadership. I don't doubt he will be there eventually. Annoying is not as obvious although his faith is consistent with that. He tries very hard for those things that are important. I don't know what Steve's flaws are although I am too aware of annoying's shortcomings. Despite that he is still the best match for me.

I am fasting about how to develop that if I can. I don't feel anything about the commercial real estate job in Ogden. The ONLY thing that would maybe let me do is actually spend time with annoying. Money is nice too but my librarian job will give me enough money to pay my real estate fees fairly quickly and begin that in Salt Lake Valley. As a substitute librarian I learned where ALL the neighborhoods in the county are and many of the advantages and disadvantages of each. I've always known I'm going to end up in Salt Lake City. My husband will work full time for the church in leadership in his later years.

I love working in the temple. I would also love to be a temple matron. Before I just wanted to be the wife of a mission president and while that is still my greatest desire a temple matron would be amazing too. And with all that I still plan to be a Zumba instructor for as long as possible.

I need to call Nick and see if he wants to attend church and dinner with me tonight.