Urban Poly Princess

This was so nice and I'm glad I went. I also visited the LDS Employment Center in Sugarhouse since I went to see Prince Perelson and Sophie who I've been working with was sick and actually won't get my stuff until Monday. She is sure taking long. When I visited the LDS Employment at Welfare Square I wasn't interested in doing anything but being a librarian. I am trying to be more open to other things and that's what I discussed yesterday with an Elder Hampshire.

The guy at the Commercial Real Estate place in Ogden is out until Monday. I need to come up with a plan to market myself to non-libraries. I actually am going to check out public libraries in that county and davis county. Working in Bountiful would be ideal and not require me to move.

My mother told me she had revelation I should look outside Salt Lake City this morning - what good is her revelation if I was already doing that anyway? I love my mother very much but she drives me crazy most hours of the day. Probably because I do love her.

While I missed annoying for a long time when I lived in Logan I didn't feel like I haven't seen him in the length of time it's been when I finally did see AND talk to him again. Probably because I saw him so many times when he was avoiding me and that made me feel so stupid and disrespected. Still although it was obvious to me he was doing that he took great pains to conceal it so I shouldn't really hold a grudge just because his efforts at deceit were failures.

Just because he didn't want me to see that he was deliberately avoiding me doesn't mean it didn't hurt however because it did. A lot. Part of me died inside every time he did that. Every time. I care about him way more than I should. I miss talking to him. He gets what I'm saying well and that is rare. I do a lot of introspective stuff even when I'm talking to other people. I never realize how much but I always remember that when I talk to him. This is the easiest place for me to meet someone new however. I know that and he knows that too.

Despite that I am going to try to get to know him better now. I like the connection we have and I like that I already know about what really matters. I don't want to have to figure that out again with someone else. Why am I going to do that when he already has what I want. I don't feel the divine pushes there like I did before. That was probably because I didn't know him at all then. How could I when I didn't know him for even a week when that stuff started.

I don't want to be in his ward again because I can't handle it when he flirts with other women. I need more conversations with him and more interaction but his living in Layton prohibits that more than I want. If he isn't going to date me, I need to know that right away because I am not going to put myself in that crappy position again. I have never believed he's not interested in me or in dating me but he has never been willing to deepen our relationship and I need that to happen or I need to look somewhere else.

I know all of that is tough for him but that is life and I'm not going to waste mine. I already feel like I've wasted time on him I could've been using on someone else who can help me progress.  It's surely too soon to talk about that with him but I don't feel like I have much of a choice. The distance is fine if we have the chance to spend time together regularly. Of course I could never see him again and the choice will be made. I'm going to give this until the end of June. If I don't figure this out by then I am going to move on and find someone else. He is worth the time but no one is worth an indefinite amount of time. Either they want more AND are willing to do what that takes or they aren't willing to spend the time or effort on it.