Urban Poly Princess

Our RS lesson was on feeling good about yourself and finding joy and happiness. Being happy BUT not being content with mediocrity. It's the delicate balance we strive to maintain. I really do love myself.  I just don't get everyone's feelings of worthlessness and depression. I really don't feel that way at all. As we constantly improve ourselves we naturally feel better. The danger is pride. We ALL need the atonement and we all can do better BUT we have the gospel, we have the spirit we know what we need to do to gain eternal life. This is the plan of HAPPINESS. As long as we do what we are supposed to do everything will work well and be to our benefit. We don't have to be perfect BUT we do have to put forth our best effort ALL the time. I like this. It works for me!!!

I am so grateful for eternal progression and the chances I'm given repeatedly to improve. I read the LDS fiction book Heidi lent me this morning before church. I DON'T like LDS fiction. It's unbelievable but that's not the problem. The writing is just bad and the characters aren't developed. If I read something I want to care about the character. That connection was never made. This navy seal unit dubbed the "Saints" because everyone is LDS is stationed at some college to run training for law enforcement. The training is to help them deal with active shooters. Someone who survived an attack who is female, LDS AND finishing a Master's Degree in criminal psychology helps the LDS seal team and begins dating one of them. The unbelievable coincidences are NOT the problem I had with the book. I enjoyed Twilight and I like other supernatural books. They don't sleep with each other because they're LDS and they attend church together, have prayers and of course the book ends with the seal returning from an assignment on a helicopter that drops him off as the main character greets him and he proposes. I watch Korean dramas AND Bollywood. These are entertaining but even more far-fetched. AGAIN NOT the problem. Develop the characters so anyone cares to read more. I'm glad this book was easy enough to finish in a few hours before church.

I need to force myself to read an Anita Stansfield and that will be the end of my LDS fiction reading.

I expected the cheese factor. Bad writing however is bad writing. My Taiwanese friend Krista is going to Japan next Thursday for a couple weeks with her MBA program at USU. She is so lucky. When David gave his lesson about the priesthood today it made me miss my dad so much. I miss getting blessings from him when I'm sick. I always thought the sisters in my mission abused asking the elders for blessings. Sooo many stupid sister emotional problems. It's made me overly cautious the other way. I don't mess around with that stuff and I just don't want to be around it if I think someone is doing that. I've never had a blessing here in Logan. The spirit's never prompted me to get one here. My dad is my first choice but with him gone I ask my brother. It sucks that he's not nearby.

I don't trust anyone else.

I've been remembering some things that happened for awhile now that I never realized. This guy in my FHE group has had a thing for me for some time now. The last time we went to the Bountiful temple he sat by me in the temple chapel before the session. I wasn't sitting by anyone else. I was deliberately avoiding Camila who I had to ride with both ways in bishop's car. Stupid Russ!!! I would've ridden with him but this girl I've never seen again called shotgun and there was no way in hell I was sitting in his tiny backseat. Just now I'm thinking of a lot of instances when he did things that could be construed that way. I never thought about it that way before but now I can see it. We have NOTHING in common AND I am soooo NOOOT attracted to him. And he likes me for my personality??? NOT LIKELY...-smart? alright BUT NOOO NOOOT smart enough, spiritual? I think he has a testimony BUT I'm not sure of the extent of it and I don't care to find out, fun? NOOO I think I'd be bored to tears, fine??? NOT EVEN a little bit. NICE??? yes BUT I'm not hooking up with EVERY nice guy. If I remain single until I die BECAUSE I can't force myself to develop feelings for someone I'm not interested in I'd rather have that.

I'm doing my part BUT I can't make myself or anyone else feel something I don't or they don't. Luckily our heavenly father respects this principle very much. A war was fought in heaven over this. He respects agency very much as do I!!!