Saturday, March 23, 2013

I rose at 9:45

Posted by 2DI4 at 11:57 AM

When I went skating yesterday there were a bunch of high school boys who skated VERY fast around the rink. I went slowly and while I did walk near the wall on the one side I really didn't need to do that and I didn't the second or third time I went around. I was unsteady a couple times BUT I didn't fall which is good since my phone was in my pocket and my backpack and jacket were stuffed in a locker and I didn't feel like walking back there just to put my phone away.

I saw Jonni last night and she said a group of them wanted to come skating with me. I told her to let me know what time they wanted to do it if they decided to do it. She was talking like it would be tonight but I don't know. I don't mind if they want to come and skate with me. While I always love to see David, if it's with a group of girls that come skating with me I am NOT GOING to like that. It is already annoying to see his fans flock to him EVERYWHERE else, I don't need that outside of church functions.

I didn't see him when I entered until I sat down with my visiting teachers Marci and Jen McGaughey. Jen Baker came and sat with me after I said hello to her. Helene came late but she found me and sat with me too. The annoying man from my fhe group sat at my table too. I didn't talk to him but neither did anyone else. SERIOUSLY???!!!

I am going to have to sit by David now just to get rid of him. ANNOYING!!! I ONLY called him AT David's suggestion and while I am very grateful he jumped my car, that whole thing took LESS THAN 5 MINUTES!!! David didn't act like this when he helped me with my car. Jared DID. What the hell is everyone's problem. I'm glad my home teacher is awesome AND doesn't trip either. Jeff is good too but Josh lives in my complex. ANNOYING MAN sat somewhere else when he got his food. Hallelujah!!! I guess he didn't want to eat in silence since no one at my table said a word to him.

I like all my friends BUT we are in a singles ward to mingle, so women REALLY do you all have to mingle with me so much???!!!. I waited around to chat with Gena who I visit teach AND I wanted to talk to David about his move to Salt Lake City and I was hanging around to do that but he was in his, "As soon as the closing prayer is said I'm going to sprint out of here mode lest any of these women think I want to date them." I shouldn't assume things, maybe he is working at the temple now and had to go home to sleep. I wonder how he's going to handle that when he has his internship in Salt Lake City which I could be totally wrong about because I only learned that through eavesdropping. If he
was a girl he could suggest that I could work for him. I didn't go to the temple yesterday. Why did I forget that!!!

Helaman 2
This book is filled with political corruption and power-hungry individuals willing to kill just to get that. Kishkumen is killed and we see the rise of Gadianton. Secret evil sects much like our modern day Mafia and Yakuza.


13 And behold, in the end of this book ye shall see that thisaGadianton did prove the overthrow, yea, almost the entire destruction of the people of Nephi.
 14 Behold I do not mean the end of the abook of Helaman, but I mean the end of the book of Nephi, from which I have taken all the account which I have written.
Organized evil is pretty powerful and scary.
Because I live, Ye Shall Live Also - Elder Shane M. Bowen
As I felt the guilt, anger, and self-pity trying to consume me, I prayed that my heart could change. Through very personal sacred experiences, the Lord gave me a new heart, and even though it was still lonely and painful, my whole outlook changed. I was given to know that I had not been robbed but rather that there was a great blessing awaiting me if I would prove faithful.

 I love my nieces and nephews so much. I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose one of them. I'm just an aunt. I can't think of anything more devastating to me I can't comprehend how a parent would feel. Jospeh Smith had a similar trial. I have some idea although really no idea of how he felt. As a missionary I wanted to live the mission rules with exact obedience. We were tracting one day in Yuba City, this old man invited us in. I began to make an appointment and excuses about having to go somewhere SO WE COULD COME BACK WITH A CHAPERONE!!! My companion did NOT support this and we entered this man's house. As we left I was sooo angry with her. Nothing happened but we broke a mission rule. I quoted the white handbook to her and she asked me if the white handbook always applied. I told her it did. She said we had to follow the spirit of the law. I told her the spirit was there WHEN we did what we were supposed to do.

 I went home and prayed a lot. That night I heard my companion complaining to our zone leader about me. Now I know how I should've handled this a lot better at the time however I didn't. I asked my companion if she was talking to our zone leader. I asked if I could talk to him. She had no idea what I would say to him. I let it rip about how he shouldn't be counseling sisters OR offering "consoling words" when he didn't know what the hell really happened. I was sooo angry. Why didn't the spirit tell him I was right???!!! This was the 4th month of my mission and my first companion after my trainer. She had a medical condition so she didn't drive. She already got on my nerves because she'd always try to tell me I was going the wrong way. When you don't drive you have NOOO sense of direction. Needless to say this didn't sit well with me. 

 I talked to my mission president on the phone AFTER my zone leader complained to him about me. I quoted the mission handbook to him and repeated how the spirit worked AFTER you obeyed the rules. I'm sure I surprised him. I wanted him to support me but he didn't. I spent a lot more time on my knees. SURELY Heavenly Father would tell the president that I was right. Instead I thought this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my mission. I didn't get why this was happening to me. 

 Instead I was made a trainer the next month and when I met with my president in person he told me if I was an Elder he'd make me an AP then. Wow!!! I was sooo grateful and humbled BUT before that happened it felt like 3 weeks in hell and I spent a lot of time on my knees. I prayed in the bathroom. I'm grateful for that. I couldn't call home and cry to my parents BECAUSE that would be breaking a mission rule. It is the first time in my life I felt like I could only rely on my father in heaven. So I did. Eventually I understood how the fruit from the tree of life is delicious and represents the love of God. It was a tangible feeling and sooo awesome!!! I didn't care about anything. I just felt good inside and continued to work and try my best. 

 I can now draw on that experience. I am so blessed. I'm sure Joseph Smith felt when he lost his children, I am working so hard to do everything I can to build the church. Why would heavenly father let ANYTHING happen to my children. The acute sense that this shouldn't be happening, I'm serving the Lord now and everything is supposed to be taken care of. I can relate to this a little bit although since I'm not a parent, to have something that traumatic happen while you are working so hard to do God's will is gut-wrenching. My experience felt so traumatic to me but when I look back at it now it was such a small thing. Because It was so horrible to me I was able to receive such an amazing blessing through it. I really have had a charmed, blessed life!!! 

 

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