Urban Poly Princess

It also sounds VERY attractive to me right now BUT ultimately I know what I need to do. Maybe that's why I was given all that insight. My father knew this was how it would be. When do I get to move???!!! RIGHT NOW I feel like the most important thing for me to do is finish school asap. It begins tomorrow-I become a social recluse until the last page is submitted. I want to finish before the Nutcracker because I want to enjoy it. I think enough time has passed for me to enjoy it. I actually hated that music for a minute. It's been 4 years since I've seen it.

I plan to use ALL my spare time finishing this thing now. I am NOT getting it next year. I've waited long enough that's for sure. I was going to attend our stake activity tonight BUT I'm really not in the mood to go and my morning was from hell. I need to go downstairs and cook. I want some spaghetti but I DON'T want any trick-o-treaters coming over. It's only 8pm but it feels later. I need to hurry up and finish my MBA AND get cracking on my Zumba plans.

I had 2 44 oz diet Dr. Peppers from Maverick today. I feel bloated and I know it isn't good for me. I'd rather have the soda than anything else. It feels like Thursday but I have 1 more day of work left. When I run for CVLA president my MBA will set me apart even if I don't have the experience many of the other librarians have. The sooner I get it the better. Zumba's my only other plan to make more money now. I don't want to throw Hip Hop dances anymore and I don't like the dancing crowd in the area anyway.

I don't mind that I always attract younger men. I'm not supporting anyone however. Payday feels so far away. I get paid on Monday.

When I was looking through names in our ward I noticed Sione Fiefia. I saw some Poly boy about a week ago but I was too into getting my recommend. I didn't have time to introduce myself or chat. I wonder if he's related to Ma'ata. He lives in Providence. It will be nice to have a Poly boy in the ward-especially a Tongan one and the timing couldn't be more perfect since the next time I ask David for help will be when hell freezes over. I hope he's here for graduate school AND is intelligent. Those qualities don't always go together.

Since he lives in Providence he'll be in the South Elder's Quorum. I've never heard of him before. I'm going to ask Vai-Ma'ata canceled her account. She always comes back then goes away again.

My thumbs have lots of hair dye but not much else. Exactly 1 person didn't have to be told I was Katy Perry. So during my lunch hour I transformed into a cowgirl with a pink cowboy hat. I have rocker dark almost black maroon nails too. I usually don't wear dark nail polish because it is annoying having to take it off if I go to the temple. I don't think there's any rule against wearing dark nail polish in  the temple, I just don't like it.

I am grateful for all the insight I've received. I respect it and I can't deny it. I'd like to say I wish I knew what I need to do BUT I haven't asked because I'm scared of what my answer might be. I know that's stupid but it's also true. I haven't walked by faith recently because it is nice and comfortable here in the light. I also know I won't progress that way. Time to get uncomfortable. I'm glad fast Sunday is coming up!!!

YES I know!!! STILL I was hoping when I sprayed my hair a nice DARK purple would appear LIKE THE PICTURE BUUUT NOOO!!! So I thought I didn't have enough AND I kept spraying BUT THEN my hair started curling like crazy since it was wet from the spray. Sooo did it turn purple???!!! That WOULD BE NOOO!!! Sooo I rushed to work about 1/2 hour LAAATE!!! BUUUT HEY my hands are purple AND the door separating my vanity area sink/makeup room from the other sink mirror toilet shower has some nice purple on it. I tried taking it off with water. Sooome of it came off!!! My hair was drying in this curly fuzz-ball thing sooo I went home threw my blowdryer in a bag, came back to work AND blow-dryed my hair. Sooo WITHOUT the purple hair people don't know who the heck I'm trying to be.

Sooo much for that idea. Since I do have a purple wig I should've done Katy Perry in California Girls and just modified her outfit. Oh well, I tried!!!

There are so many things I'm grateful for. A loving family who raised me in the church, sent me to school AND sent me on my mission. I love my job. I control what I do each day. I decide exactly how to spend my time. I have been so richly blessed. I don't know why David felt he had to treat me the way he did. I've tried to understand that ALL DAY. I don't know how such a brilliant man can make the choices he does repeatedly.

I feel good about my Katy Perry Costume. I'm excited to dress up and have purple hair tomorrow. I found a full length slip I forgot about.

We began class by looking at a scripture in Alma 62:41

It talks about the 2 ways people responded to the same trial. The war was looong.

Many were hardened by the great length of the war.

Many were ALSO softened because of their afflictions insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.

The exact same trial-a looong war between the Nephites and Lamanites had very different outcomes.

One built faith and humility while the other responded with pride and bitterness.

It is difficult for me to believe some of the choices David has made. I don't think anyone's hurt me so personally before. It made me feel horrible BUT I still love myself and I'm grateful for that. I think I am fabulous even if David doesn't think so.

I trust the spirit will strengthen and help me to be kind even after all this. ESPECIALLY after all this because this is going to be a stepping stone NOT a stumbling block.

I am grateful for the insight I received today. I am going to handle this appropriately even as it kills me.

The Standard of Truth has been Erected. No Unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble and calumny may defame. But the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent Till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country and sounded in every ear. Till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say, "The Work is Done."

I know I messed up part of this. I feel like the adversary wants me to have these bad feelings so that my own spiritual state is hampered and held down because of this. This is so silly and stupid and I AM going to not let this bother me anymore.

I am trying to get better every day. Of course there will be challenges. It doesn't really matter if David deliberately severed our connection on Linked In-why he would go to such great lengths only strengthens what I already know. It just hurts, especially now that I am consciously TRYING NOT to have bad feelings. I am extra-sensitive too right now. I know that.

Sooo whatever the hell it takes. I'll keep reading President Uchtdorf's inspired words. Of course I can overcome this. I refuse to let something like this impede my eternal progression!!!

Jesus said it is easy to love those who love us; even the wicked can do that. But Jesus Christ taught a higher law. His words echo through the centuries and are meant for us today. They are meant for all who desire to His disciples. They are meant for you and me: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them who despitefully use you, and persecute you."

When our hearts are filled with the love of God, we become "kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving (each other), even as God for Christ's sake (forgave us).

The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.

Excerpt from The Merciful Obtain Mercy by President Uchtdorf-April 2012 General Conference

What is it going to take for me to get over this? I can't be shaken up like this EVERY time I learn something new. This really hurts. How do I get the pure love of Christ. I know I can pray BUT that's all I have strength to do. I do have resentment and I do have wrath. I know I need to change that. I hate feeling like this. I don't have time for this. I don't like feeling horrible-hurt, resentment and hate.

When my hometeachers gave me my message I asked BUT what if it isn't my fault. They said that was mentioned in the message. I know the answer anyway. It doesn't matter whose fault it is

President Uchtdorf had questions he posed. Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done? Do you wish to cause harm to someone?

He had more questions but these are the ones that touched me because I want to revel in those feelings that are only going to be bad for me. I am just going to keep trying to be NORMAL.

My librarian friend Jaylene added me on Linked In-I don't go there much but I do when people add me and I want to read their profile. After looking through Jaylene's profile I wanted to read David's because I heard him talking to someone about defending his Master's thesis at fhe at Mindie's house. He is NOT one of my connections ANYMORE!!! Wow!!! I thought maybe he left Linked In like he left Facebook BUT NOOO-I found him soon enough-He SERIOUSLY has a problem with me. I already know that and it shouldn't surprise me anymore as I continue to get to know him better and discover the depths of his aversion. Just when I begin to think he's NOT as bad as I'm reacting-those ugly feelings of hatred become more pronounced when I discover yet another one of his asinine moves. I think I will just keep reading the talk by Pres. Uchtdorf EVERY DAY. TRULY AMAZING!!! What is this supposed to teach me??? There are probably many more things David's done directly in opposition to me. I know he and Mindie discuss me because they kept doing it in front of me at fhe when we played ping pong. He's probably criticized me numerous times with his friends. He told Diane he doesn't like to criticize people BUT he always finds reasons to criticize and judge Ryan Reeder in our ward. I HAVE NEVER HEARD RYAN SAY ONE NEGATIVE THING ABOUT HIM. I can only imagine what he says or has said about me. ASSHOLE!!! Maybe this is why bishop's gone for 2 weeks so I can work on how much I hate him.

I can do without the faculty meeting although I'm NOT doing without institute. I could talk to Bro. Salmond and people like him ALL day. This is why I first wanted to teach seminary and then institute as a career. When you get married however women can't teach. So it was good in some ways that this didn't work. It makes me more marketable, more versatile. My cousin Jeff visited Salt Lake City this past weekend for a Yoli conference. I want to try it. There are various supplements and a 30-day body transformation plan. Jeff looks fantastic although he only lost 21 pounds. It looks like more.

I need to drop weight to do my Zumba instructor thing. I can then tell people I did it together with Yoli AND I can sell that on the side too. The products sound amazing AND will help me get healthier too. Jeff didn't exercise at all. I love Zumba and dancing and I want to do that again. Performing is the best. I am getting fit. I would NEVER want to take Zumba from someone fat. An instructor not only has to be good, the instructor needs to look good. Why would anyone want to work out if their instructor is fat? I wouldn't.

Life feels normal again. I didn't hate David yesterday. I was right. Given time I'll be o.k. and I can quit reading and rereading Pres. Uchtdorf's talk from conference. I read the home teaching message ALSO by him and it is as relevant as I thought it was when my hometeachers visited me. The message is about forgiving your family. David's not my family but the principles I need to use there are the same.

I need to wash and blowdry my hair straight tonight for my Katy Perry look tomorrow. I'll pick up some black nailpolish from Walmart tonight too. I hope my purple hairspray works too. she wears a lot of black. Her make up is a piece of cake. I want her Wide Awake video look

Darryl's microwave and my popcorn didn't like each other. I tested this first on my own microwave and used the popcorn setting. I ended up throwing away 2 bags at David's house because the setting wasn't long enough and lots of kernels remained unpopped. Darryl was nice enough to make a couple batches but the butter needs to be there so the furikake sticks to the popcorn. The taste was there but it was missing the hot butter. I bought the one with the most butter specifically because of this. I cut my finger when I was trying to hurry and cut a lemon. It hurts and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I just kept wrapping band-aids around it. We had an alright turn-out. If it can just keep going like that we should be o.k. David, Ben, Mike, Nolan, Katie, Jonni, Brooke, me-Helene, David's friend Shiersta and Katie's friend were there too. 8/30=4/15=3 3/4-that's a little over 25% which is much better but still needs a lot of work.

I'm glad everyone came although I am sad most left before the movie was finished. I love Phantom of the Opera. When I saw it live the Phantom was sooo good. Everyone else was just alright. Like the movie-the singers are just alright. I am glad I got to see such an awesome performer. He's the one performer who stood out to me with all the musicals I've seen. People impress me BUT NOT the way he did. I used to own Evita on VHS. I need to get the DVD. Madonna was EXCELLENT. The live Eva did NOT do it justice. I own Rent too. It was MUCH better than the live performance I saw. I ALWAYS wanted to see CATS. When I finally did it was NOTHING like I expected. It is based on T. S. Eliot's poetry. I love the extra insight I always enjoy because I was an English Major. Sooo many musicals are based on literature. Even ballets do this. I love Shakespeare and his works are interpreted in so many ways. Classical musical composers do this too. I used to own the VHS Amadeus. It is the life story of Beethoven. I don't know how accurate it is but one thing that struck me is that he was commissioned to produce entire opera productions NOT just the music.  I had a nice video collection. When someone broke into my storage they took that with my TV, VCR and ANYTHING of value. That was alright in a way because my VHS collection would've been obsolete in another year.

David looked REALLY tired tonight. I thought he kept falling asleep but he said he didn't. It is a good thing when we have a NORMAL fhe without ANY drama. Without people being rude and insinuating things. Oh I almost forgot. At the end of the drama-free night Shiersta told me I looked "really nice" BUT the way she said it was anything but nice-I told her I came from work. Well actually I went home first to cut the stupid lemon my finger is paying for now!!! I looove clothes, jewelry, make-up AND I looove dressing up. I love that the other women who work at Stevens-Henager College have stiletto fetishes too. I can always tell when people are being shiesty-ESPECIALLY about the way I look or choose to dress. I'm sure she assumed I'm stupid OR less active. I was too tired to play that game with her AND I was just happy to get through without wanting to do damage to David or anyone else.

The sound in that theater room is amazing. It is the perfect room to do one of my Zumba DVDs. I think I need a theater room in my future. George had this amazing big screen television in the house he built in Provo before he moved to Texas. I kept wanting to watch MTV or BET BUUUT that television had Sponge Bob Square Pants on ALLL the time.

Although I haven't really couponed since I moved to Logan they ALWAYS have coupons for feminine hygeine products so I NEVER pay full price on that stuff. I couldn't find my bag where I collect these OR my scissors plus my coupon seperator things. NOT a good way to begin my morning. I bought 2 2-litre bottles of Diet Dr. Pepper. I wonder if my camera was there too. I know cameras are cheaper now but STILL $100 is $100!!! I'll probably buy a new camera and then find my old one.

My uncle from Smithfield came over last night. He had just attended the Tongan class and had to pick up his son Henele from his job at Walmart. Henele didn't finish until 9pm. Although Henele can go on his mission now, he turns 19 in December which was his original planned date to leave. One of his brothers will be 18 too then so they will both leave at the same time now. I want my niece to go. I wish I saw her more so I could exert ALL my persuasive powers on her.

Instead, I am here in Logan with the damn snow-it's not technically on the ground again yet but STILL!!! Working at the temple here is a 2-year commitment, CVLA president is a 2-year commitment, once they confer my MBA I have to work for Stevens-Henager College for 2 years. Sooo I accept my fate as a Loganite for the next 2 years.

I know it's not as bad as I keep making it sound. BUUUT I have to move next year. My AC is leaking somewhere and requires MAJOR repairs. The AC man told me the last time he was here that he wasn't sure where the leak was and that this would require tearing up the wall. I refuse to endure a summer without AC or living with a torn-up wall while this gets fixed. My lease was up in June. I NEVER renewed and I can move anytime.

The only other place I want to live in Logan that I know about are those condos by the Riverwalk. Rent is $900 from what I looked at. That's an extra $300 I REALLY don't want to spend on rent. They need to hire a permanent English 098 teacher. If Stevens-Henager College agrees to my terms an extra 9000 a year would make that affordable. I suppose I could get a roommate BUUUT I'd rather not have one. Decisions, decisions... I don't need to make any lasting ones yet.

I have the form but now bishop is out-of-town for 2 weeks. Bro. Kitchens said the temple will still be there in 2 weeks. I asked him if he was sure. Who knows how long the stake will take. The more opposition I receive the more excited I am to actually work there. I hope I remember this at 4am or whatever insane hour I will get to rise at.

Our Linger Longer committee needs SOMETHING, although what I don't know. We had otter pops that WEREN'T FROZEN. I am sooo happy Krista gave me some furikake. Our popcorn is going to be perfect!!! It was nice when random people told me the fondue party was good or that they heard it was really good. I asked David if he had a microwave AND told him I'd be there a half an hour early. He said it's a good thing I told him because he wasn't planning on being at home yet.

ALTHOUGH I TOLD MYSELF I was stopping any bad feelings, they are still there BUT I think they'll go away with a little time. I didn't feel like throwing anything at him. Progress!!! It'll be o.k. and I'll be o.k.-he didn't say or do anything to make it worse.

Mike said he'll come tomorrow for the lesson and to try some popcorn but he doesn't want to stay for the movie. Jonni said the same thing. Sarah doesn't want to be involved at all. I saw Mindie as I gave Jen back her crock pot. I waved from my car. I always eat candy at the movies too. Maybe I'll take some. Maybe not.

Sarah couldn't meet with us this morning but we just met with Laura!!! I hope Sarah goes to church today. We can try and give her a lesson there or I can drop by with a treat to her work Monday during my lunch hour.

Krista saw my message asking Mikako about furikake. She has some and is bringing it to church today!!! It really does make a difference with my buttered popcorn. I had to make a batch of the stuff to test. I might buy more popcorn. I'd rather have too much than not enough.

I'm going to buy some ice and I still have an untouched lemon I can cut up, throw in my fountain and just add water. I have cups and napkins for drinks. I am going to tell David I'll be there at 6:30 to pop the popcorn, mix it and set up the water fountain. The Hawaiian popcorn is really filling. It's what I had for dinner last night. I still have a bunch left to test with the furikake. It is REALLY good when the popcorn is hot.

This Sunday has been great so far!!!

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you.

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