Urban Poly Princess

I'm not sure what's wrong. I couldn't bring myself to do Zumba this morning and I feel bloated thanks to my period. I planned to wear one of my dresses and it just didn't fit me right as in it was too tight. I should fit ALL my dresses well right now. I am eating like a damn bird and I work out most mornings. I've only lost 4 lbs BUT STILL that should make it so I fit ALL of my dresses well. This is a freaking aberration. I'm feeling fat and ticked. I left my straightener in SLC the last time I was there and my hair is driving me crazy. My bangs are doing this spiky whispy crap I don't like.

Hormonal moodiness can only be attributed to right before your period NOT during it. So natural bitchiness then???!!! Usually during I just feel weak or lethargic NOT witchy. I feel like verbally ripping someone right now. My idiot friend who shared my album yesterday will have her head ripped off if I happen to see her at FHE tonight. She has reached the limit of my patience. She is like my friend Jen. I just can't associate with her anymore. REALLY am I still angry and annoyed with her???!!! Is that what is on my nerves???!!! I probably shouldn't have thought about that right before I went to bed last night. Why are these OLD ugly hags making me feel like I'm in high school again. I need to read my scriptures. It is what is ticking me off. Why do I give a damn???!!! I need to laugh about it instead of thinking about how I'm going to rip her apart the next time I see her and she gives me any lip.

Jacob 3
7 Behold, their ^ahusbands ^blove their ^cwives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children; and their ^dunbelief and their hatred towards you is because of the iniquity of their fathers; wherefore, how much better are you than they, in the sight of your great Creator?
11 O my brethren, hearken unto my words; ^aarouse the faculties of your souls; shake yourselves that ye may ^bawake from the slumber of death; and loose yourselves from the pains of ^chell that ye may not become ^dangels to the devil, to be cast into that lake of fire and brimstone which is the second ^edeath.

My thoughts are more akin to angels to the devil, primed to be cast into a lake of fire and brimstone. I need to change that. How can a respond with love when I feel myself reverting to my super-sassy obnoxious teenager self. She needs love the most. That doesn't mean heavenly father expects me to provide it BUT I can just avoid her like I do Jen. I know she brings out this emotion in me and I need to squelch those ugly feelings. I don't need to actively seek her out with the sole purpose of making her feel stupid and awful. That is what I want to do now. It is what I let lose with Rebecca Rawlins now Rebecca Powell when she asked me if I wore a new suit Sunday and I told her no then she said she had never seen it before. I was sooo annoyed I told her I could go an entire year without wearing the same thing twice to church. Why do they give a damn? Anyone who is too concerned about me annoys me when I don't care about them. 

Now I'm just getting worked up again. I love shopping AND clothes AND dressing up why ANYONE should care about that is truly beyond me. Why does anyone care what I buy and how I spend my money. It's like when I held my BBQ for my nonmember friends when NONE of them showed up. I invited ward members JUST to provide them with the opportunity to meet them DID I DO THAT TO SOCIALIZE WITH MY MEMBERS???!!! OH HELL NO!!! STILL Nikki questioned me about that and then in the next month held breakfast for the ENTIRE ward with Jonni before stake conference. SERIOUSLY, why do I have to explain my motives to anyone???!!! 

Y, Y, Y???!!! I hope I hurry up and figure out someone worthy to marry so I can get the hell out of my singles ward. Maybe I should anyway BUT then how can I expect the Lord to bless me when I don't do my part by attending the local mid-singles ward!!!??? Petty, annoying, conniving, malicious assholes. Aren't those qualities supposed to disappear when you hit 30!!!??? Somehow that hasn't happened. What is wrong with me today? I read my scriptures. Now for a conference talk. I'll try not to identify with the wicked examples this time. I am so bad now, imagine if I didn't read my scriptures or even try to be a better person. What if I didn't work at the temple???!!! I know I get strength and blessings from doing these things consistently. Without these things I would be the biggest B.

No Other Gods - Dallin H. Oaks
We know that the marriage of a man and a woman is necessary for the accomplishment of God’s plan. Only this marriage will provide the approved setting for mortal birth and to prepare family members for eternal life. We look on marriage and the bearing and nurturing of children as part of God’s plan and a sacred duty of those given the opportunity to do so. We believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity.
Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with dignity have courage as well.”¹¹
I pray that we will not let the temporary challenges of mortality cause us to forget the great commandments and priorities we have been given by our Creator and our Savior. We must not set our hearts so much on the things of the world and aspire to the honors of men (see D&C 121:35) that we stop trying to achieve our eternal destiny. We who know God’s plan for His children—we who have made covenants to participate in it—have a clear responsibility. We must never deviate from our paramount desire, which is to achieve eternal life.¹² We must never dilute our first priority—to have no other gods and to serve no other priorities ahead of God the Father and His Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ.
May God help us to understand this priority and to be understood by others as we seek to pursue it in a wise and loving way, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Pursue eternal life in a wise and loving way. For some reason that is really hard today for me to do.