Urban Poly Princess

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. I'm going to start Yoli in February. The lifestyle really focuses on bringing down your blood sugar which I am happy to begin. I seem to have plateaued on my blood sugar. I still will continue to practice good eating habits and exercise BUUUT I REALLY want to get off Metformin AND lower my blood sugar so I can lose weight. I haven't really had that hard of a time losing weight before. Usually when I eat right and exercise it just melts off. I have no choice now. I want to get married and I still want children. Even if I was in the perfect relationship now I can't have children without eliminating these symptoms and losing weight first. I have to take extra care of myself anyway since I'm old, diabetes is another complication I certainly can't afford. I'm not losing my life over pregnancy AS MUCH as I want and look forward to having children. I will adopt if I have to do that and I am more than confident I can have children in the eternities BUUUT I certainly believe it is my responsibility to do EVERYTHING in my power to have healthy pregnancies. How else can I expect my Father in Heaven to bless me?

I'm grateful I was diagnosed before any complications developed. I wish it was easier to change.

Being in this white world in Logan is good for me in some sense. I know I am gorgeous despite my weight mainly because I restricted myself to a Poly world and most Poly boys are over 6 feet tall and built. I ALWAYS feel small around them and they ALWAYS give me a lot of attention.

My friend hasn't contacted me at all AND he is actually avoiding me. I love him and I miss him very much and I wish the best for him, BUT since I came to the realization that I don't just love him I'm IN love with him, I'm happy I haven't seen him because unless we're going to date each other exclusively, I don't want to associate with him AT ALL. It is so weird because I know he loves me too BUUUT that doesn't matter. I have loved people that I wasn't willing to do anything about. What you are willing to do about something or not is all that matters. It doesn't matter why anyone does anything, the only thing that ultimately makes a difference is what they do and not just what they tell you or themselves they'll do. I'm not willing to overlook someone's physical appearance even if their other qualities are stellar. If I'm not attracted to you, it won't work. He probably can't stand how big I am or how confident I am. I do want to change my size BUT not for him or anyone, NOW I HAVE NO CHOICE AND I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO HAVE HEALTHY PREGNANCIES and just to be healthy!!! I can't serve my father in heaven with all my might and strength unless I do this-BUUUT I am glad I am confident and while I constantly need to work on my humility, my confidence is a blessing and anyone I date has to be alright with that.

I let myself fall asleep on the couch again. It's time for me to sleep in my bed now as the rest of the world greets the day. I looove Fridays!!! How will I ever work on a Friday again? Perhaps my real estate career will cure me of that affliction.