Urban Poly Princess

Of course that's WITH my big dose of Metformin I took last night. I couldn't get out of bed although I got ready to workout by that time I needed to get ready for work sooo I didn't work out yesterday AND today AND I sure as hell could use some endorphins. I was drying clothes and I broke the handle on my dryer this morning. I need to call the office to fix it AND my house is messy. I just had the morning from Hell.

Then I thought about CVLA and how I worked so hard to start this organization BUT then I just ran for member-at-large since it's a year-long-commitment and I want to get the hell out of Logan asap and someone from USU beat me. Of course she did. Our members are primarily from USU and the Logan City Library. That is fabulous and I am happy the organization is doing so well BUUUT one of the reasons why I wanted to start CVLA and I was willing to work so damn hard was because I was hoping that Stevens-Henager College Library could lose some of the crappy rep we have. I know without a doubt if anyone else had started it Stevens-Henager College Library would NOT have been invited AT ALL. We are a Career College BUT if I compete against ANYONE from USU I'm going to lose simply because they don't know who the hell I am. I am considered an academic librarian and school librarians are restricted to high schools, junior high schools and elementary schools. Bridgerland doesn't even have a library sooo I will always have to compete with the 60+ librarians at USU. I should be happy that someone else can get involved BUUUT it still sucks. Not that I have time anyway now. I just wanted to take this position.

That's alright. I am just feeling sorry for myself. I'm eating like a damn bird BUUUT my blood sugar seems to have stagnated at 170-something. It's been over a month. HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE ANYWAY!!! I must be starting my period. I was crying this morning as I hurried to get ready for work and I am now too BUT trying NOOOT to be conspicuous. ALL I need is a student to walk in here and ask me what's wrong. A zit is starting on my chin. REALLY AM I GOING TO BE AN 80-YEAR-OLD WOMAN SOME DAY STILL DEALING WITH ZITS!!!

I need to get my nails done. I just feel crappy, crappy, crappy. My social life is non-existent. Yesterday I was thinking I really want to talk to my friend. I probably won't ever see him again and that annoys the hell out of me because it means I need to fall in love with someone else because that's the only way I've ever been able to move on and I'm not even open to that possibility because anyone I know has major things wrong with them So I can detect him online BUT I was thinking that really means nothing. He is a freaking computer science engineer. It's probably REALLY easy for him to make it appear that way while he doesn't do a damn thing. Why does he even do that though?

One thing I learned with Colton is that you shouldn't get close to someone you don't want to marry because you can develop feelings for anyone you spend a lot of time with which is why it doesn't make any sense to me that I feel anything for my friend because we didn't spend the time together to warrant that. I still like enough of his qualities however to feel he is worthy of how I feel. There are characteristics to his personality I dislike, I also have some diva and princess tendencies however that I could lose, sooo UNTIL I overcome and master that I can't hold these things against him BUUUT NOTHING about his ability to make money and support a family, his commitment to the church AND these qualities along with his school will make my family like him. I plan to stay home with my children whether I have a husband who can support me well or not.

My family can be pretty harsh BUUUT the PhD would go over REALLY WELL. I looove how smart he is. That has NOTHING to do with a degree. The degree represents that you value education and that you got as much education as possible like we've all been counseled to do repeatedly. My family has drilled the education thing into my head much more than necessary ALTHOUGH there are blessings associated with my degrees that I enjoy. I'd like to think intelligent and spiritual are enough for me BUUUT if they were I could've been with Ryan or Robert. I'm glad he's attractive or I wouldn't want anything to do with him, BUT he didn't need to be so damn pretty. I'm prettier than him BUT he is prettier than most of the girls in my ward. Considering my ward I guess that's not saying very much.