Urban Poly Princess

I rarely dream but I did last night. The people in it kept changing. I think I watch too many Korean dramas because some of the Korean drama archetypes came through. Nothing in it made sense. I just saw Sarah my old RS president in the Logan temple. She is great she came over and gave me flowers one day which made me try to make the effort to attend more of our activities. Dale the computer Science dean who works with me on the 2nd floor and is the only other staff member there who has his office on the second floor. Sara, Dale and I went to home teach annoying at his home. He wore a grey sweater and jeans, of course I remember that. I don't remember what anyone else was wearing, even myself. Dale was the one teaching the lesson and at this point Sarah disappeared. Don't ask me why I'd be home teaching with Dale who has 8 kids and lives in Preston but nothing made sense at all. For some reason Dale all of a sudden worked at some company where annoying was the CEO and then I was working there too?

Whatever... this is where it gets into Korea drama land. Annoying got plastered at some bar where Sarah and I also went? Yes we all go and drink at bars, especially after the RS home teaches the priesthood with other priesthood members. We took him to his house but put him on his front lawn to sleep how drunk he was off. It was morning all of a sudden and he woke up and saw me and Sara there. Instead of saying anything to Sara he asked me why I was there then he told me to leave his house but instead of me saying or doing anything with this request he left to go to work. Sooo weird. I felt like he really hated me at this moment.

Instead of dwelling on that I was suddenly with my high school friends I haven't seen in years and we were ordering all this food. We were outside at picnic tables. Why don't  I at least dream about a nice restaurant?

What this left me with is the feeling annoying hates me. I feel like he hates me because I want to meet and date someone else. OF COURSE I want to do that. It is what the hell I'm supposed to do!!! He doesn't do a damn thing and I'm supposed to be a Mormon nun because of the slim-to-none chance he actually does something? NOT HAPPENING. It took me over a week to get over it when I felt hatred for him. After I threw that Debate-watching fondue party I vowed to myself that I'd throw the video thing at his house since he asked, BUT that I would NEVER attend another FHE he was in charge of again and I was sooo happy when he got a different calling. I had to read and reread Pres. Holland's forgiveness talk before those feelings went away and then even when I thought that was done I just walked past him and felt it again and had to keep working on that until it really went away. It would not have gone away if I hadn't actively worked on it.

You can't hate someone unless you love them very much. That has never been the issue. How he feels has never been the problem. What he is willing to do about that is the problem. I think his parents support him financially now. He ALSO works. I suspect that ends when he gets married but it should end when that happens.

I don't want to hurt annoying but I don't want to hurt myself either.

I'm tired and I want to sleep BUT I'm going to clean my damn house because I haaate coming home to a dirty house. I'm going to drive straight to Sandy tommorow. I need to remember to keep my receipt from lunch tomorrow. I always forget that. I shouldn't have stuck my mattress pad in the dryer parts of it melted together, of course it did.

I was so mad at my financial manager because he left a bill at my door for the rent. I asked him if he did that to EVERYONE and he said yes. I told him the bill should be the same EVERY month. My lease ends on July 4th. I asked if my rent was increasing and told the manager I'd leave if it increased at all. Actually they are running a special with a $100 concession if you resign the lease for another 12 months.

I have enough to pay for my invisalign. I need to put 30% down which is $1080. I have $1060 so I just need to kick in $20.

I will make sure I take the entire benefit next year or $2500. I can use that all in January so again I'll have to kick in $20 to make the full $3600. This is going to work perfectly although I am still ticked off bigtime this happened at all. I wanted to do invisalign in the first place. It'll be alright. My teeth do look better although they aren't where I want them to be. By the time they're done my body will be what I want it to be. Actually I want that done in the next 3 months.

My visiting teachers came over and I hadn't taken out the trash yet. They brought me a cupcake which I ate. I figure tomorrow is the 30th so I can and will start fresh on May 1st. I ate 4 hard-boiled eggs today along with celery and almond butter, spinach, strawberries and cottage cheese. My deli meat and cottage cheese taste good. I'm sick of the eggs.

Young men, you have probably heard before that you are a “chosen generation,” meaning that God chose and prepared you to come to earth at this time for a great purpose. I know this to be true. But this evening I would like to address you as the “choice generation” because never before in history have individuals been blessed with so many choices. More choices mean more opportunities; more opportunities mean more potential to do good and, unfortunately, evil. I believe that God sent you here at this time because He trusts you to successfully discern among the mind-boggling choices available.

That’s the key—what does your heart desire? What do you gravitate toward? Where will your desires lead?
Elder Bruce R. McConkie said: “In a real though figurative sense, the book of life is the record of the acts of men as such record is written in their own bodies. … That is, every thought, word, and deed has an [effect] on the human body; all these leave their marks, marks which can be read by Him who is Eternal as easily as the words in a book can be read” (Mormon Doctrine, 2nd ed. [1966], 97).

3 ^aAngels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, ^bfeast upon the ^cwords of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will ^dtell you all things what ye should do.

I didn't have any specific revelation against this Curtis guy. I never asked but there's nothing to ask and I never asked about Rich. I hope he is strong in the church. He passed the sacrament on Sunday which is a good thing. Mark does that all the time. Annoying usually had some girl he was sitting by so leaving her for a few minutes to pass the sacrament never occurs to him although he did sometimes probably when he didn't have a girl there.

Perhaps this is what I'm supposed to do, find someone who hasn't been to college, lives with his parents still that actually is a cowboy and doesn't want to leave Cache Valley. That is I'm sure my family's worst nightmare. I really do hate it here. I don't think Heavenly Father would make me do something like that. While he is fine enough for me to look forward to finding out more, he reminds me a lot of Krista's fiance Anthony who was raised in a small town in Cache Valley. I don't think he had the dramatic incarceration story Anthony does but there are lots of parallels from what I can see so far. Justin is a lot like Curtis and I did get that I could date him if I wanted. I've never wanted to do that however. I don't want someone who hasn't served a mission or is such a new convert even if he is strong and committed. While Justin does make the effort to look good, Curtis actually knows how to do that and isn't gay. It is a fine line that is rare for men to pull off. They have to be confident. It must be the design thing. A lot of his pictures look like modeling shots. He isn't tall however. Tall too thin modelly types have been my type although I never specifically look for that or anything.

The nice built Poly boys are usually not strong in the church. Tali one of my Facebook friends looks like a bodybuilder. He is divorced, from Hawaii, completely gorgeous HOWEVER he also has 3 sons and never served a mission. He is 1/2 Tongan and has his undergraduate degree in something. I think he manages part of a hotel in Park City. His dad is an art professor at BYU-Hawaii. His mother is white from I forgot where. She is a nurse at the local hospital. He is in Italy right now and keeps posting pictures. He also posted how he wants to go to law school once. I am sooo on board with that idea. His ex-wife seems strong in the church and is remarried to some Hawaiian? guy. They are living in Provo. If I could just get over the mission thing, the kids thing, and the X-wife thing. Hafekasi men will always be the most attractive to me. He also posts about wanting some girl who loves country music and the great outdoors. How the hell did that happen???!!! He posted something about how much he loves girls who are into camping and don't care about makeup. SOOO NOOOT ME!!!

My friend Colton dresses well. He was wrong, wrong, wrong ALTHOUGH I did grow to love him very much. I was never in love with him although that's a good start. That is how it's supposed to work. We never dated each other although we spent a lot of time together and we did go out to eat a lot and went to Sean Kingston together. I also took him to a play and out to eat on his birthday in Salt Lake. I didn't fall in love with him.

How the hell did this happen???!!! I don't get how someone can hurt me when I haven't talked to them in about a year. Whatever-it is my psychotic problem and I've sooo had enough. Maybe Heavenly Father wants me to get over him and is making me think all these things. Maybe annoying thinks this is a nice thing to do. It is NOOOT. I do know right now I'm leaning towards hate and that no matter what I am getting over him as soon as possible. He knows exactly how I feel about the avoidance thing BUT he still did it again. Maybe that was his goal, to deliberately hurt me and make me feel stupid. He certainly accomplished that.

Curtis is just what I need to get over this. I hope I get along with him. He was sooo checking me out Sunday too. Why didn't I have this marvelous power before. I would've had so much fun with it in high school. I would've been a monster however. I should have stayed for Linger Longer to check him out but it was better that I didn't because he and Carrie came out to the parking lot. I am pretty sure he wanted her to see who I was because he wants the low-down. They went right back in after. SERIOUSLY, people and guys are so obvious. Do they think women are blind. Trying to be subtle is fine but I'm not an idiot.

I don't like his livelihood although we could work together as I want to rock the real estate thing. That is a definite plus. I knew the South Valley boys I'd meet would be in the mode to remain here. The next time I move however will be when I get out of this valley of hell forever. My cousin Norman has his PhD in architecture. He travels to China all the time to work. He married my friend from forever Tupou. He does very well financially and Pou doesn't work outside the home. I don't want someone who hasn't finished school and I don't want to have to wait until they do either. I think he believes his stint at Bridgerland is all he needs. I don't think so and no it isn't.

HOWEVER Curtis is absolutely the finest guy I've seen in Cache Valley. Amazing because he's not even 6 feet tall. Even more amazing is that he's in my ward. I know I'll get along with him but I don't know if I'll be able to feel anything about him but I sure as hell am going to try because right now I feel like I'm in some sort of twisted movie. I couldn't bring myself to go to FHE last night. Our group met with Katie's group. I don't know her on purpose because she REALLY likes annoying. One of his MANY fans. He could've gone there and would've avoided me or maybe he would've been nowhere near there and my psychotic mind would play with me and I'd see something that didn't exist. I am sooo happy to be traveling to Salt Lake tonight.

I know that was not right. I know I need to attend FHE and that heavenly father will bless me even if it is hard. I just wasn't up to dealing with people and if she was too friendly like most of his fans are with me I would've snapped at her for nothing or anyone. If I encountered Jen or Carline last night it could've been very, very bad.

I have seen that as a counselor to two living prophets of God. They areindividuals with unique personalities. Yet they seem to share a consistentoptimism. When someone raises an alarm about something in the Church,their most frequent response is “Oh, things will work out.” They generallyknow more about the problem than the people sounding the alarm.
After all we can do in faith, the Lord will justify our hopes for greaterblessings for our families than we can imagine. He wants the best forthem and for us, as His children.

I like the consistent optimism of living prophets especially when I've felt so negative. I am feeling psychotic and I really hate that. I looked in my directory to find out who the sole fine boy in my ward is and I finally found him. His name is Curtis and he shares the characteristics of many guys from my past. He is way too skinny. I'm not sure why that is something I always end up with. He isn't tall though. Skinny usually accompanies the tall thing. I like how he dresses. His picture in our directory is pretty dark. I found him on Facebook and he is gorgeous. He could be a model. The skinny thing makes it so he could pass for gay. I don't know what my trip with that is but that is also a characteristic from my past. He loves country music so his music taste sucks to me. He is from Wellsville and lives there meaning he probably lives at home still.

He attended Bridgerland after high school at Mountaincrest in Hyrum and he works as a drafter/designer for some local architect firm. I think he just turned 31 and was engaged as recently as last year but something happened. He is pretty active in the ward at least but I couldn't really gage his spiritual state. I can tell we are going to get along really well in a number of things but they're usually the things that attract me to people who are rarely strong in the church. 

I just realized I didn't pay my auto insurance that was due Sunday. I could've paid it Friday. That is what I planned. Now I need to run to the bank, take out some cash and pay the thing.

I have had my period for the last 3 days so I am blaming this all on hormones. I feel like my flow keeps getting heavier and heavier and I am sick of that. I had to get up in the middle of the night Saturday or rather Sunday morning to change my sheets and hand-wash the damn stains before throwing them in the freaking washing machine. I even had to wash my mattress pad and it usually doesn't get that bad if it ever happens. Usually I just sleep on top of my comforter and wear layers of clothes that are easy to wash blood stains out of when I sleep and have my period, easier than having to wash the damn mattress pad. I only have 1 those so now that it's clean and dry so I need to remake my bed. I was too lazy to do that last night.

Tomorrow I drive to Salt Lake City for ULA which is Wednesday through Friday. I sooo need this break. I feel paranoid and ridiculous and really I don't care or want to know if anyone is avoiding me and because I suspect that now I suspect everything and anything and I don't like living like that. Logan is so very small and it is hard to avoid people. I am just ignoring it now because I don't want to worry about it anymore.

My tithing is still on my ribbon-board at home. I forgot to take it Sunday. We have such a tiny ward now. I hope that guy I noticed Sunday is as good as he looks inside. I wish he were taller and I wish I knew what his name was.

2 Nephi

20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a ^asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of ^bhope, and a ^clove of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and ^dendure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have ^eeternal life.

Krista's shower was very nice yesterday. It was fun and she looks so happy. Her future in-laws love her very much too. She came to church today but she went out of her way to avoid me which was very strange because usually she goes out of her way to be around me. I guess whenever I have a friend I should just count on them eventually avoiding me.

I hate the idea that we have to wait half an hour for linger longer. I wasn't going to linger any longer. There's this new guy in my ward that looks good AND dresses well. I don't know anything about him. He isn't very tall but he still looks good. He's on the linger longer committee. I will find out who he is later. Today was NOT later. Being avoided sucks and I feel bad because that is so unlike Krista. I'm just going to give her space. She is such a sweet person. I hope I didn't do anything to upset her. If I did I have absolutely no clue what it might be.

Yesterday was particularly annoying. Someone got up and waited to see if I was working before 5:30am JUST to avoid me. Maybe if they didn't make it so damn obvious by leaving when I started walking into the temple I'd stop tripping. Maybe I'm tripping anyway and that car yesterday had nothing to do with me at all. Maybe it was a patron who forgot their recommend. I am feeling stupid and psychotic right now. It needs to go away. I'm seeing things where there's nothing and I need to get a grip.

I thought I was the normal 5 minutes late because I left at 5:30 and had a little less than 10 minutes to get ready. I like to leave at 5:15. When I sat down at prayer meeting and reviewed the schedule I was supposed to be there an hour earlier. They told me I'd have to be early twice a year. NOOO that's obviously not true so now I need to get my substitute for even an hour earlier next week.

I REALLY hope I'm imagining things but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I think I saw avoidance this morning. I don't park there all the time. I like parallel parking in the front but sometimes like today they are all taken. He likes early hours BUT he knows I work at the temple on Saturdays and he should have an idea of how late the shifts go although veil workers do their own thing. If he has a problem like he obviously does he should just go there in the late afternoon or in the evening on Saturday OR any other day. It is very annoying to have to see that and then get in the right frame of mind to be at the temple.

I WON'T BE THERE NEXT WEEK SO IT IS FREE AND CLEAR FOR HIM TO ATTEND WITHOUT ANY CHANCE WHATSOEVER OF RUNNING INTO ME.

I saw Jonni, Nikki, Monica and Heather there. He has no qualms about spending time with a group of women by himself. He thinks that is appropriate. Maybe he cancelled attending with them because he didn't want to run into me OR maybe he did anyway. We change where we are every hour so he could run into me just as easily as he could not. I've seen him in the temple twice now anyway. I AM HELPING WITH THIS AVOIDANCE THING NOW SO EVEN IF HE APPEARS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE I'M NOT ACKNOWLEDGING HIS EXISTENCE.

I'm not pretending not to see him anymore when I do. When he acts like this it just makes me feel horrible. If that's what he wants he has succeeded. I've noticed enough times to irk me but I can only imagine the many time he's done this when I haven't noticed a thing. I feel stupid and annoyed and while he is leaving me alone why do I have to see any of that at all. He had his time to attend the temple and work in the temple Saturday mornings. He can go to Brigham city if he really wants to go to the temple in the morning. That drive is a nice opportunity for him to talk to girls he wants to spend time with. IT WOULD BE NICE IF HE'D JUST NOT BE THERE. I get the church activities and church. I'm sure he wants to socialize with other Mid-singles. If he wants to attend something he should. When he waits to see if I'm there then leaves it makes me want to scream at him but he hasn't done anything either so what the hell do I complain about???!!!

It was pouring when I left the temple. I need to buy something for Krista then check out Stevens-Henager College's Open House before I drive to Millville for Krista's shower. I haven't even glanced at the gospel principles lesson I need to teach yet.

Indian Oven is just how I remember it. Alright but nothing spectacular. I have a new visiting teaching partner Lisa Hancock. We visit 2 less active girls Jessica Olsen who works at USU in Student services with Lisa just in a different department and Kim Bodrero who wanted me to remove her from the RS email list when I did the weekly emails.  

It was fun talking to both of these ladies. Jon called me Thursday when I was at work to see if I'd teach the lesson Sunday. I think it's on repentance. We are going to try to visit Kim at 11ish since choir is at noon at the chapel Sunday. Tomorrow is Krista's shower in Millville. Tuesday night I drive to Salt Lake for ULA which begins Wednesday.

I went to see another orthodontist since I'm not satisfied with my idiot orthodontist's work. It ticks me off because this orthodontist knows what he's talking about and when I told him I didn't like something he didn't try to convince me there was nothing wrong or that there was no space there when I have eyes and I can plainly see that there is BUUUT I am sooo done with him. This orthodontist has done about 25 cases of invisalign so not very much but AT LEAST he's done more than 20.

He quoted me 3600 for the entire treatment. I can't believe I have to spend more money on this and take more time wearing trays but at least I am used to them so this should be a piece of cake. He wanted to shave one of my side teeth telling me they'd align better but before I treated my teeth at all they were fine so I don't want him to touch it.

I am also going to begin oil pulling so I'm hoping that makes my gums stronger and my teeth whiter so I don't need to spend even more on a whitening treatment. It's going to be a busy weekend. I'm going to get a substitute for next weekend so I don't have to rush back here on Friday. I will come back on Sunday however and attend church fast Sunday.

I know my desire and/or love of Merrie Monarch has no bearing on whether I am Hawaiian or not BUUUT my feed is filled with Merrie Monarch love. I loooved dancing at the Polynesian Cultural Center BUUUT I don't looove listening to traditional Poly music Hawaiian OR Tongan. When I hear it I feel like I should be performing which I looove too but I don't just sit there enjoying it. People living here are watching it through the live streaming from some channel in Hawaii. I just remember it being on ALL the time and wishing it wasn't.

My Facebook feed is filled with Merrie Monarch viewers in Hawaii and even here and California.

This is how it is during football season too. I sooo don't care and everyone else cares sooo much. Then there's reggae music, HAAATE IT!!! There's even Poly reggae music. It's the only thing I hated about BYU-Hawaii dances - Hip Hop and R & B I looove, Reggae was played along with this EVERY OTHER SONG!!!

I know I don't have to love these things to be Hawaiian or Tongan or Polynesian in general, I just wonder why there's no love there. When PCC performs in Utah I could care less about watching their show. STILL I loved performing. I'd rather see a musical or the ballet. I never took ballet since we lived in Tonga when I could've done that and I want to learn how to sing better.

I feel like I have some sort of problem. I know it's fine and I'm fine. I know I shouldn't feel ANYTHING from Facebook. I'm just wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

I bought this fresh almond butter from the new health food store. It is sooo good. I wonder if I got my own food processor if I could do this myself. I don't think it would be cost-effective to make it myself. I think it was around $6 but there is so much of it and the almond butter that isn't freshly made is expensive. This tastes better and is cheaper.

Organic chocolate tastes so much better. This chocolate pretzel bar is sooo good too. I'm glad I found it. I have so many eggs at home now. I ate the last of my brown rice with eggs, spinach, spam, onions and Aloha shoyu. I need sesame oil but I'm trying to wait until I can hit up the Asian markets next week in Salt Lake City. I have to finish cleaning my kitchen. Most of my clothes are clean but I still need to fold and put them away. I want coconut flour to use to make pizza crust. I never did try all those cauliflower recipes. I need to do that.

Yesterday I bought one of those cups of breaded fried tiny shrimp when I was at Walmart. I wish shrimp wasn't so expensive. I think I'll just go get some. It is one of my favorite protein options. Nooo I need to watch how I spend my money especially since I need to go to Salt Lake next week.

2 Nephi 27

35 They also that ^aerred in spirit shall come to understanding, and they that murmured shall ^blearn doctrine.

The Priesthood Man - Henry B. Eyring
When we choose heroes, we begin to copy, consciously or unconsciously, what we admire most in them.
One is a pattern of prayer, the second is a habit of service, and the third is a rock-hard decision to be honest.
Pray to Him. Thank Him for all that is good in your life. Ask Him to know what individuals He has placed in your way for you to serve. Plead that He will help you give that service. Pray so that you can forgive and so that you can be forgiven. Then serve them, love them, and forgive them.

Collections Trainer at First Security Bank I used to tell new collectors we wanted to be so great at resolving delinquency that we didn't need the high-risk adjustors. "Our goal was to provide them with no work." Someone reported to my manager that I was trying to eliminate their department.

When I worked as a teleprompter for Channel 4 at the morning show Angie Larsen the traffic reporter for the morning show would say Westbounders for people driving West and Eastbounders for those driving East. Someone was offended by her use of the term Westbounders and emailed the station. She called and apologized to this stupid woman letting her know it was simply to indicate direction NOT anything else.

THE POINT : People will be offended all the time no matter what you say or do. Learn to expect that. It is easy to misunderstand, to not get the correct message. Remember the telephone game we've all played. The message is changed so much it rarely resembles what it started as.

The first amendment does not mean you can say anything at any time. Courts continuously define the nuances of the law especially the U. S. Supreme Court.

Over the years the courts have determined national security, justice or personal safety are more important than freedom of speech. There are no simple rules although there are general tests:

Clear and Present Danger - Does it create a dangerous situation? Freedom of Speech does not protect statements made to provoke violence or incite illegal action.

Justice Holmes said for the unanimous Supreme Court, "The question in every case is whether the words used are used in such circumstances and are of such a nature as to create a clear and present danger that they will bring about the substantive evils that Congress has a right to prevent."

Fighting Words - Was something said Face-to-face that would incite immediate violence?

The court determined in Chaplinsky v. New Hampshire that the statute in question , 'did no more than prohibit the face-to-face words plainly likely to cause a breach of the peace by the addressee, words whose speaking constitute a breach of the peace by the speaker -- including classical fighting words, words in current use less classical but equally likely to cause violence, and other disorderly words, including profanity, obscenity and threats.

Tongan Trash... Kill Them All seems to meet both tests. Over 100 people called the University of Utah to ask for Todd Shrum's dismissal.

I received 3 Facebook requests urging me with the telephone number to call and ask for him to be fired.

The University of Utah released the following after his resignation:

"The University is also committed to freedom of speech and expression among its employees, However, hate speech and violent comments are unacceptable when this language enters the work place and affects the safety and trust of patients and hospital employees."

Hate speech definition, speech that attacks a person or group on the basis of race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

Shrum's remarks seem to definitely fall in like with this definition,

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/initiatives_awards/students_in_action/debate_hate.html


In this country there is no right to speak fighting words—those words without social value, directed to a specific individual, that would provoke a reasonable member of the group about whom the words are spoken. For example, a person cannot utter a racial or ethnic epithet to another if those words are likely to cause the listener to react violently. However, under the First Amendment, individuals do have a right to speech that the listener disagrees with and to speech that is offensive and hateful.
Think about it. It’s always easier to defend someone’s right to say something with which you agree. But in a free society, you also have a duty to defend speech to which you may strongly object.

One way to deal effectively with hate speech is to create laws and policies that discourage bad behavior but do not punish bad beliefs. Another way of saying this is to create laws and policies that do not attempt to define hate speech as hate crimes, or “acts.” In two recent hate crime cases, the U.S. Supreme Court concluded that acts, but not speech, may be regulated by law.
R.A.V. v. City of St. Paul, 505 U.S. 377 (1992), involved the juvenile court proceeding of a white 14-year-old who burned a cross on the front lawn of the only black family in a St. Paul, Minn., neighborhood. Burning a cross is a very hateful thing to do: it is one of the symbols of the Ku Klux Klan, an organization that has spread hatred and harm throughout this country. The burning cross clearly demonstrated to this family that at least this youth did not welcome them in the neighborhood. The family brought charges, and the boy was prosecuted under a Minnesota criminal law that made it illegal to place, on public or private property, a burning cross, swastika, or other symbol likely to arouse “anger, alarm, or resentment in others on the basis of race, color, creed, religion, or gender.” The case went all the way to the Supreme Court, which ruled that the Minnesota law was unconstitutional because it violated the youth’s First Amendment free speech rights.
Note that the Court did not rule that the act itself—burning a cross on the family’s front lawn—was legal. In fact, the youth could have been held criminally responsible for damaging property or for threatening or intimidating the family. Instead, the law was defective because it improperly focused on the motivation for—the thinking that results in—criminal behavior rather than on criminal behavior itself. It attempted to punish the youth for the content of his message, not for his actions.
Libertarians believe that individuals have the right to free speech and that government should be able to limit it only for the most compelling reasons. Most libertarians recognize fighting words as an example of a sufficiently compelling reason to limit free speech. Notwithstanding the libertarian viewpoint, the courts have been careful to interpret this exception narrowly.
Communitarians take a different approach. They believe that the community’s well-being is society’s most important goal and that an individual’s right to free speech may be limited in the interests of community harmony. They believe that treating people with fairness and dignity justifies at least some free-speech restrictions-that eliminating or reducing hate speech is a sufficiently compelling goal to justify government regulation. Communitarians would expand the fighting words doctrine to allow for increased government regulation.

Todd Shrum provided me with a lovely example of censorship in an alternative form. He posted this comment from his Facebook page. Social media censorship is something I can discuss as part of my presentation. Intellectual Freedom calls for allowing a person to say what they want, even assemble if they want for anything. The right to express this however does not limit an organization's choice to fire or retain an individual. The University of Utah and thus their hospital receives money from the state. Like policemen, fire men and even public librarians, tax money, the people's money supports University of Utah hospital. How much if any say should the public have?

I like that this issue is very timely and also that it directly relates to my presentation.

You don't get to choose, you just fall in love and you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know you love them so much except sometimes they drive you completely insane no one can explain it. And the reason it's so confusing is because it's love. And if love didn't have challenges what would be the point.

I saw this Pintrest quote without an author and although I feel a lot of this stuff I don't necessarily believe it. I think you choose who to get to know better and who to spend time with. I don't think you fall in love without that. ALTHOUGH this is the first time I don't feel like I chose this. I was blindsided and I don't like that.

I chose to get to know someone better, that is true although I never thought it was possible to feel something that deep for someone unless I was dating them first and unless they were actively working for my attention. I do love him very much. That's fine, I love many people very much. I don't like that it changed and I don't know exactly when that happened either. I figured it out AFTER I emailed him assuring him that although I loved him very much, I wasn't in love with him. That is how I felt when I sent that.

I am definitely in love with him now which is so messed up. That never goes away for me until I meet and start dating someone else. It's only AFTER dating them that I have even the remotest possibility of falling in love with them. We never spent that much time together something else that defies my beliefs.

Whatever, being in love is supposed to be filled with dates and getting spoiled NOT stress and feeling and acting psychotic.

My conclusion? I have no clue so I am just going to deal with it as best as I can and I have no idea how to do that either.

I don't care what anyone says this always works for me and it happened again!!! I decided to choose to be alright. After contemplating how I was feeling and what I was feeling and why I was feeling what I felt I am fine now. I didn't get my period so it wasn't hormonal. I hate getting that moody. It is not productive. I love myself and I love life. Why did I freak out and stay in that darkness so long? I stayed clear of my coworker and I'm just going to finish what I already planned. I wanted to stop executing my plans for the party. I consulted with everyone I could before I did anything. The memory book was not my idea but I really like it.

I went to Nature's Choice last night and it is alright. They had an extensive variety of the organic chocolate I like to buy. They were completely out of coconut flour. I did purchase some almond butter and refined sea salt since I'm out of salt anyway and this is better. I've completely conquered the soda thing. I can't drink it at all. I ate a cheeseburger and fries from A & W last night. I also bought that crocodile pastry thing with lots of whipped cream from Macey's. I also got some candied macadamia nuts. They had almonds but I wanted roasted/salted and they had raw, tamari-flavored and cinnamon. Their Asian food prices are ridiculous. Nori for 4.89. Sauces were just as expensive. NOOO! NOT buying that there. I need to hit up the Asian Markets when I go to Salt Lake next week.

I know people hate it when I consider race BUT I don't have the luxury of not considering it. With the latest idiot University of Utah nurse who posted death to all Tongans on his Facebook page, it made me think of my friend Anapesi who ALWAYS has so much to say. I never agree with everything she says but this was so sad to me. She helped to start a charter school in Salt Lake specifically for Polynesian and minority children. The high school dropout rate for Pacific Islanders is awful. She wanted to do this to help that. They teach Tongan, Samoan and Spanish languages at Mana Academy. KSL did a story about this.

Since the airing of the KSL story about #ManaAcademy we have received so much wonderful feedback and support. Unfortunately, we have received hate mail also, but that's expected anytime something great is being developed. The hate is never ending and not surprising ... such as the "go back to where you came from", "pacific islanders are violent freaks who don't deserve an education", "why can't you all just play football and shut up" and my favorite "Utah was founded by Pioneers, so why do you hate pioneers?" ... Ummm WTH? LOL!

In other words, the same tired racists responses. If you are going to hate, at least be creative (and use spell check)! Ha! Only in Utah can palangis be 88% of the state population and feel threatened by the brilliance of Pacific Islanders, who make up 0.7% of our state population! #ThatsRight #WeWin 

I love what she posted. That's why I did too so someone can see it is alive and well. It's easy to ignore something if you don't deal with it. 

I didn't want to eat badly again today so I swung by Walmart before work today and bought boiled eggs, celery, coconut oil, mixed nuts and cottage cheese. This will tide me over until lunch when I will get some spinach, romaine lettuce and I think I'm going to buy some ground beef too. I need additional protein sources. I also need to go to Smith's and buy my D'lite Probiotic chocolate AND some real roasted salted almonds. When I eat well I can't eat much junk food or I feel sick. It's amazing how quickly our body adopts to crap too. I haven't been eating well in over a week but I don't feel sick anymore when I do. I'm putting myself on my own 30-day plan starting today. That yucky meal I had last night also drained my energy and I slept soundly until 6:30. No Zumba BUT I am eating well today no matter what.

This is open now but I didn't have time during my lunch hour to check it out. I am buying more eggs through Macey's sale and I want a case sale somewhere to buy cans of tuna or chicken. I figure one can a day, up to 4 eggs a day plus Almonds, probiotic chocolate and ice-cream bars as well as lettuce, cheese, cottage cheese and sour cream. I'm going to need to purchase protein powder soon too. 1 shake at 7am, 1 at 10pm plus 4 high protein low-carb meals at 10, 1, 4 and 7. All I need to buy with that is spinach and protein powder later. I want to eat very economically BUUUT healthy. I am walking to work tomorrow AND walking the Riverwalk. I'll pay my insurance Friday when I'm off and I'm going to look at my other bills too. ULA is next Wednesday at 8am. I'm presenting for maybe 5 minutes on the different types of media subject to censoring as part of our intellectual freedom committee presentation.

I'm driving to Salt Lake City after work next Tuesday. Krista's shower is Saturday. I need to swing by TJMaxx and see what I can find.Our open house is Saturday along with her shower and I'm working in the temple too. Since I'm going to be in Salt Lake City on the weekend I will get a substitute for the temple and possibly miss church. There's a Mateaki BBQ on the 24th and it is also Memorial Day the following Monday. I'll miss church again then too. I'm going to miss as much as possible and give my friend a chance to attend without me there if he wants to do that and/or any of our activities too. I've decided to try to be nice. Whenever I go to Salt Lake City I'm just going to miss church here.I know what I'm going to do. I'll just attend our individual FHE stuff and avoid the combined things. He reads this so he can go to the combined ones because I'm going to miss those now and I feel good about doing that since I am being unselfish. Maybe that's not wise. How does that affect me if I don't attend? Actually that's a stupid plan. I need to attend as much as possible, church too. I'm sure he has a ward and attends all his meetings. I need to do the same and deal with whatever.

I establish patterns now for the rest of my life. No one is going to damage my own eternal salvation. That is what is really important and that is what I need to do. It doesn't matter what else is going on. I'm not going to go inactive just to help someone else feel something is easier. I have to deal with all situations. That makes me more effective.

I think part of my overall moodiness is not working out, not walking and eating junk lately.That needs to stop.