Urban Poly Princess

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said: “All the easy things that the Church has had to do have been done. From now on, it’s high adventure, and followership is going to be tested in some interesting ways.”⁶

This made me think of Jon and Justin and my desire NOT to have them as ward mission leader and ward missionary. I want Justin to spend time with and get to know people in the ward in addition to me. He's pretty independent but I still don't see him developing friendships in the ward the way I wish he would. I kept thinking he's almost made a year and he'll interact with people naturally in gospel doctrine at least. 

I know he travels a lot for work but still!!!

Jon is just not the leader I want. I know the Lord will help him and as I read this General Women's meeting talk today the Maxwell quote was significant. It has NEVER been my role to choose who is called to certain positions. It never will be my role. When you are a RS president you select people you think would be best in the different positions but the bishop gives the final stamp of approval and actually extends the call or one of his counselors does this. Next one of them sets the person selected apart. I need to support Jon as a ward missionary. All the wishing in the world isn't going to change what occurred or what I need to do and it is definitely my followership being tested. I don't know about the high adventure. 

There are countless stories of people leaving the church over who their bishop or stake president is and I know this is the very same thing on a much smaller scale. I know many of the BYU-Hawaii administrators had to humble themselves as they had people much younger in the community serve as their bishop or stake president. I know how difficult it must've been for religion professors to attend gospel doctrine with a teacher who maybe never graduated from high school. We all need to learn how to sustain our leaders, to give them the support they need. Their spirit and humility could touch people in ways someone with a deep understanding of doctrine can't. 

Ignorance is not a good thing. Intelligence is something I value very much but it must be accompanied by humility. It is exactly like those charity scriptures. 1 Corinthians 13 ... it will be as tinkling brass or utterly useless and of no value whatsoever. We can be blessed with great faith and great knowledge but if we fail to apply that it is useless, it is tinkling brass.

The icing is the bigger stuff we only feel. The divine is only felt and enjoyed by the heart. Lasting anything only comes from when the heart is touched. Something else I was reminded of is the need for me to watch what I spend my money on more carefully. I do that for the most part BUUUT I shouldn't STILL be struggling EVER. I need a reserve for unexpected things that arise. I can't keep making my account negative even if they give me that. 

We are supposed to have 3 months of living expenses in a savings account. My savings account only has $5 over the minimum required to keep it open. I keep wondering why I was supposed to live here and maybe that's why. I can afford this even if it would be nice to have extra money. I am supposed to develop my own extra money reserves and stop going in to panic mode whenever something I don't plan comes up. Something I don't plan ALWAYS comes up. That is actually the constant I need to expect and accommodate. I am going to make this work no matter what.

I tested my blood sugar. It is 177. I am alright with that now. I know it needs to be under 100 but without Metformin it's alright and I know that toxin is out of my system now. Since I have all that spam I decided to buy my dream pasta and make my saimin A LOT and put lots of spinach in it along with fried egg and spam. I can eat healthily cheaply and I'm going to do that. I am just going to look at this as a challenge. 

I am so stoked I found that probiotic chocolate. Who needs Yoli's pure when this is the alternative. HAVING to eat chocolate daily? I think I can handle that just fine. The ice-cream if I drive to Richmond is cheap but I'm just going to save that marvelous plan and eat the candy which is 3 for a dollar at Smith's Marketplace right now. 

It is time for me to mix some chicken salad I can eat with some lettuce leaves. Then I need to pay the bills I can. I'm going to buy more eggs but I can use the protein source I already have a lot of which is spam. It's weird not eating it with rice BUUUT eggs and spinach are fine in or out of a bowl of saimin. I have lots of cake mixes that just need eggs to make. 

I love writing. I am grateful for such a direct and clear avenue to help me overcome my weaknesses and realize so quickly how flawed I am and how I need to change those things that keep me from living to my potential. God is good and I am blessed way beyond what I deserve. I always have been. Heavenly Father loves me so much. He has so much faith and trust in me despite my constant detour into sin, despite my pride and lack of humility, despite the attitude I constantly try to control to be an undeniable representative of my Savior Jesus Christ. How did I get so lucky?