Urban Poly Princess

I rarely dream but I did last night. The people in it kept changing. I think I watch too many Korean dramas because some of the Korean drama archetypes came through. Nothing in it made sense. I just saw Sarah my old RS president in the Logan temple. She is great she came over and gave me flowers one day which made me try to make the effort to attend more of our activities. Dale the computer Science dean who works with me on the 2nd floor and is the only other staff member there who has his office on the second floor. Sara, Dale and I went to home teach annoying at his home. He wore a grey sweater and jeans, of course I remember that. I don't remember what anyone else was wearing, even myself. Dale was the one teaching the lesson and at this point Sarah disappeared. Don't ask me why I'd be home teaching with Dale who has 8 kids and lives in Preston but nothing made sense at all. For some reason Dale all of a sudden worked at some company where annoying was the CEO and then I was working there too?

Whatever... this is where it gets into Korea drama land. Annoying got plastered at some bar where Sarah and I also went? Yes we all go and drink at bars, especially after the RS home teaches the priesthood with other priesthood members. We took him to his house but put him on his front lawn to sleep how drunk he was off. It was morning all of a sudden and he woke up and saw me and Sara there. Instead of saying anything to Sara he asked me why I was there then he told me to leave his house but instead of me saying or doing anything with this request he left to go to work. Sooo weird. I felt like he really hated me at this moment.

Instead of dwelling on that I was suddenly with my high school friends I haven't seen in years and we were ordering all this food. We were outside at picnic tables. Why don't  I at least dream about a nice restaurant?

What this left me with is the feeling annoying hates me. I feel like he hates me because I want to meet and date someone else. OF COURSE I want to do that. It is what the hell I'm supposed to do!!! He doesn't do a damn thing and I'm supposed to be a Mormon nun because of the slim-to-none chance he actually does something? NOT HAPPENING. It took me over a week to get over it when I felt hatred for him. After I threw that Debate-watching fondue party I vowed to myself that I'd throw the video thing at his house since he asked, BUT that I would NEVER attend another FHE he was in charge of again and I was sooo happy when he got a different calling. I had to read and reread Pres. Holland's forgiveness talk before those feelings went away and then even when I thought that was done I just walked past him and felt it again and had to keep working on that until it really went away. It would not have gone away if I hadn't actively worked on it.

You can't hate someone unless you love them very much. That has never been the issue. How he feels has never been the problem. What he is willing to do about that is the problem. I think his parents support him financially now. He ALSO works. I suspect that ends when he gets married but it should end when that happens.

I don't want to hurt annoying but I don't want to hurt myself either.